Dancing Towards Your Dreams

Growing up, I was the super quiet kid in the corner, reading a book or writing a story. The only time I made a sound was when I sang. F​​rom elementary school through high school, I was in musicals, chorus, and even ended up with a solo my senior year of high school. That solo was the absolute thrill and highlight of my singing life​​ (and, sadly, there's no documentation of it whatsoever).

It was also the second to last time I sang in public for 10 years.

What happened? Well, fear and panic and “I’m not going to be a singer so I can’t major in that” and “I’m probably not even that good of a singer so why bother?” The longer I stayed on my self-imposed singing hiatus, the bigger the fear grew, and the harder it was to get back to it. I missed it SO MUCH. I felt incomplete without it. But I couldn’t get over my fear. Looking back, I’m actually incredibly sad – like, crying-as-I-remember-and-write-this sad.

A couple of years ago, fate and my intuition took over and I quieted my fears long enough to sign up for The Singing Experience. It was wonderful; I had a blast and I remembered that the joy of singing on a stage far outshined the voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough. After that, I signed up for voice lessons with various wonderful teachers and coaches, and I performed three more times.

This year, I knew I needed to do what I didn't really think possible as a little girl but wanted more than anything: to sing on stage in front of people I love for a whole show. Me, a microphone, an awesome band, and maybe some tears. (The tears weren’t in the little girl’s vision, but wiser me realizes they’re likely.)

I have three days left to raise the $7,380 I need to make this show happen and make that dream come true. I know I’m asking for a miracle here because I have more than $5,000 to go and just three days to get there, but I’m committed to seeing this through.

If you can make any donation at all, big or small, I’d be beyond grateful. And if you could share it with friends, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, co-workers, that person who flirts with you sometimes, whoever, I’d be beyond grateful.

May you keep dancing towards your own dreams – it’s really never too late.

Why I'm Feeling Lighter (And, Apparently, Looking Younger)

It seems to me that one of the hardest things to do is to be fully, confidently, unapologetically authentic in every area of your life. I have grappled with the question of who I am and how I express that to others my entire life. I spent most of that time holding back: not letting myself be too loud, too confident, too emotional, too honest, too whatever. I also didn't spend my time or money or energy in ways that inspired and fueled me; it didn't occur to me until a couple of years ago that how you spend your time and your money is how you spend your life.

Since then - and especially in the last few months - I have started to let that go. And, boy, do I feel lighter!

Instead of constantly wondering what the other person is thinking or how they'll react, I just speak my truth. And since I make a conscious effort to spend my time, money, and energy on what I feel is an expression of my authenticity instead of on what makes me feel "meh" or drained, I'm happier, calmer, and more centered. Whether it's a dance break, a manicure, or prioritizing a doctor's appointment, I fill my life as much as I can with what's true to me.

Just a couple of weeks ago, a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of months asked me what I was doing that had me looking so young and vibrant. I was so surprised, I didn't know what to say. "Um... I'm happier???"

Since experiencing this change in myself and in some of the women I know, I've become passionate with helping others reconnect with their authenticity and show up as all of who they are. I talk to so many women whose lives are compartmentalized, or who get blocked by fear and memories from the past when they try to express themselves.

I teamed up with a few friends who are also passionate about authentic expression to put together an all-day workshop/dance party. It's this Saturday in Brooklyn and I'm so excited, I could burst! It's going to be an inspiring, empowering, magical event. If you know you're ready to rediscover and celebrate your authenticity, join me!

New Year's Resolution & Intentions

To say that 2013 was an eventful year would be a gross understatement. I'm betting on 2014 being wonderful and magical! Instead of coming up with a resolution, or even a series of resolutions as I've done in the past, I made a list of several goals and intentions for the year. A lot of it, I've realized, has to do with putting myself first, being authentic, and loving myself fully.

Even in the first few days of the new year, I've already been challenged. Merely 24 hours into 2014, I was in bed with an ear infection. I whined a little, but I took it as an opportunity to take care of myself. I eased up on work, looked up home remedies, ate well, and spent most of the day at home.

Then, when my sister told me about the beauty cleanse she's doing, we started talking about detoxing, immunity shots, healthy drinks, etc. I had already been thinking about ways to be healthier, which seems much more feasible now that I won't be as nomadic. I don't usually concern myself with being healthier but both of my sisters are all about it, plus I'm in California, so it's been very present these last few weeks. I've had - and enjoyed - homemade almond milk, cooked - and mostly enjoyed - a vegetarian Christmas, tried - and enjoyed - raw food bars, and shopped exclusively at Whole Foods. My sisters aren't just into eating well, I also exfoliated with raw honey and turbinado sugar and used a natural clay mask, and let me tell you, it felt lovely. (The exfoliant tasted good, too!)

Okay, so all of this was happening and has been the topic of many conversations, and I decided today that my resolution/intention for the new year boils down to self-love and self-care. Put into language that holds me accountable every day, I will perform at least one act of self-love every day. This might seem like a tiny thing, but it's big for me.

I imagine that some [and then many, and then hopefully most] days will have more than one act of self-love, but I'll start with one.

This was originally posted at F Is for Fun.

When Everything Goes Wrong

This morning, I woke up and had a plan for the day: write a blog post about starting my business, make a couple of phone calls, have a session with a client, work on a website I'm helping a friend with, and reach out to a few more people about my upcoming program.

Then everything went wrong.

 First, my cell service was cut off, for reasons that belong in a whole other blog post. As I scrambled to reschedule my calls, I noticed a message about a problem with my student loan payment. I spent 30 minutes on the phone (via Skype) before the call was dropped and I had to start the process all over again. The issue was only sort of resolved an additional 20 minutes later.

Sometime during that call, I noticed that my laptop charger had stopped working. Yesterday, a cat nibbled on the cord and bit into it; it worked this morning after jiggling it a bit but hasn't worked since. By this point, there was not much battery left on my laptop, my phone still wasn't working, and I realized my goals for the day were taking a detour. It was only 10:30am.

When I'm stressed out, I clean, so I set off to do just that. I noticed a weird smell and found three piles of rotting fruit covered in maggots and completely freaked out. I hate bananas, anything rotten or moldy, and tiny bugs... this could not have been more of a nightmare situation for me. This is when I almost gave up and went back to bed, because it wasn't even my mess -- I'm staying at somebody else's place.

But I forced myself to do something to feel like I could get a handle on things.

I wrapped a scarf around my face, got out all the plastic bags and cleaning supplies I could find, and rid the place of all the fruit and maggots. Then I took a break from everything and drank hot water with lemon and honey. I cleaned some more, organized my bags, ate, and had a generally productive day despite not being able to do the things I planned to do. I'm now at a friend's place charging my laptop, writing this on my phone, which is finally back on.

This is partially a chance to vent but mostly, I'm proud of myself for getting through the day instead of quitting. It was also important to me to actually cross something off my to do list, woohoo! Blog post done!

Maybe next week I'll write about my business but I do want to let everyone know about my online course, Launch Your Website in 4 Weeks; check it out and sign up if you've been wanting to start or revamp a website! Now I'm off to watch a friend do some improv and laugh the stressful day away.

From Hate to Happiness

This is an edited version of a post that originally appeared on my personal blog:

An observation: It's been so long since I did work I actually enjoy doing that I forgot 1) how wonderful it feels, and 2) that it's possible to work for long periods of time without needing distractions.

Starting Tuesday afternoon, I worked almost non-stop on a new project until Wednesday at midnight. In that time, I took three breaks: a 3-hour nap, a walk in the gorgeous, sunny, 75-degree weather in Paris, and a picnic dinner along the Seine with friends. And while I was tired by the end and welcomed sleep once I got to bed, for most of that time, I was so energized and excited that I kept working because I didn't want to do anything else. I was, dare I say it, HAPPY. Imagine that!

I used to love working. Even if I didn't love the job or the people or office politics or maybe just wasn't feeling it that day, working made me happy. I was a workaholic because it was a chance to constantly challenge myself, learn something new, and do the things I enjoyed, even if only for a few hours a week. In the last year, I started not only hating work but hating myself. I knew something was wrong long before I got the nerve to fix it but even then, I didn't fully appreciate how much I had changed until now.

my new, balanced schedule - took me two hours to create & it was FUN! I even danced!

I remember now why I've never believed that everyone is miserable at work, because they don't have to be! It is perfectly possible to live your life not hating work! That doesn't mean you love it all the time or maybe even most of the time (ebb and flow and all that jazz) but you certainly shouldn't hate it.

So if you do hate it, hopefully you'll take the risk, get out of there, and get back on track. Or at least find a way to add more of what you love to a situation you hate as a tentative step. Even with how stressful things have been for me these last few months -- and these last two weeks in particular -- I feel so much lighter and calmer and happier than I did all of last year. I feel like a totally different person.

Here's hoping you aren't in a miserable situation (fingers crossed), but that you find the courage to take yourself out if you are.

Reality Check

This is an edited version of a post that originally appeared on my personal blog:


This post is not a reality check for me, instead it's for all the people who have an incredibly warped idea of my life in Paris. I'm starting to get really sick of people commenting on me living the "nice" life or "luxurious" life in Paris, and even the people who say, "must be nice to up and move to Paris."

For starters, my life is in no way "luxurious" and even "nice" is a bit of a stretch. It's comfortable, sure, just as it is in NYC. At least, as comfortable as it can be for a person who spent the first half worried about a place to stay and will spend the second half worried about money. Yes, I indulged in some things I've always wanted to do, like a bread-making class, but I often eat nothing but a demi baguette and pre-packaged pasta from Monoprix all day because it only costs me 3 euros. I'm not dining at fancy restaurants. I avoid museums and attractions I have to pay for. I skip more meals than I'm comfortable admitting to my best friends. Trust me, life is not luxurious.

Now, as to the question of how I got to Paris in the first place. I freelanced a lot last year, which allowed me to save a good chunk of money. Almost half of that money was supposed to go to paying taxes, which I will now have to file an extension for and pay interest on because that money is long gone. I had no choice but to do that because I'm jobless and not eligible for unemployment.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a pity parade. I've chosen this. It was my decision to quit my job, a job that was turning me into somebody I didn't recognize. I decided I would rather be broke in Paris and know that I gave it a try than be miserable in NYC, wondering "what if?" And of course there's the fact that I'm single and childless, so I don't have to consider anybody else when I make decisions like this.

I'm just tired of the looks and comments and general misunderstanding of what my life is like here. Every time somebody says something like, "can I have your life?" I want to answer "of course you can! Save up some money, quit your job, book a ticket." It's as easy as that. I didn't have a place lined up before getting here. My only "friend" was a person I had met exactly three times. I had no plan whatsoever and spent the first two months incapable of thinking past the end of the next week (a habit which will continue, I'm sure). I've made it this far by luck and not caring.

And since I'm being completely open at this point, I'll admit that I have no idea what's next, so there's also that. I've blown through my savings and am totally winging it. I have just enough money to pay rent and credit card bills through the end of my trip and that is it. I now have to think of creative ways to eat and live for the next two months. I also have to figure out how to pay rent and credit card bills once I'm back in New York because I don't have money for that either. Hell, I don't even have money to get back to New York but I'm lucky enough to have a friend who can lend me some until I figure it out. (Now, that's a luxury.)

That's your reality check for the day, folks. Basically save some money and have faith that it'll all work out beyond that. There's your key to living my life. If you choose to follow in my footsteps, let me know and HAVE FUN!

Sweet Life in Paris

I've been in Paris for almost a month now and have yet to bake anything, which has made me feel like it isn't really "home" yet. Today that changed. I thought to myself "what would I make if Kim [Conte] came to visit?" and I knew it had to be something from David Lebovitz's The Sweet Life in Paris.

I refuse to admit how long it took me to translate my ingredients to French. 

Sadly, I'm staying in an apartment that has a working oven (YAY!) but no mixing bowls, measuring cups, scales, whisk, or adequate baking dishes (BOO!). So: Challenge.

Kim once said that she loves how I don't fret or panic in situations like these and I felt so touched, I never forgot it. Today, remembering that made me feel like Kim was in the kitchen with me, encouraging me to make it through this ridiculous challenge.

This is when I started talking to my egg whites. In bad French. "Mes oeufs! Vas-y!"

When it took me 30 minutes to decide that the amount of sugar I measured looked close to 1/3 cup and when I thought my arm would fall off trying to beat my eggs into submission with a fork, I thought maybe this was the worst idea ever. But I kept thinking of Kim and I stuck to it.

And the results? Delicious.

The Sweet Life in Paris: chocolate cake and salted butter caramel sauce.

I have no idea what David's (I decided we were on a first name basis somewhere between frothy eggs whites and soft peaks) gâteau Thérèse, chocolate cake, and caramel au beurre salé, salted butter caramel sauce, are supposed to look and taste like, but my dessert was delightfully delectable.

Originally posted at Friends in Knead

Election Day 2012

I don't know about you, but Election Day sort of snuck up on me! But you all know how important it is for me, so I'm sharing my absolute favorite voter resource to help you get the vote out today: 866OurVote.org helps you find your polling location, report problems, look up voter ID laws in your state, and more!

Oh Sandy

As everyone knows, New York has just been through a terrible storm that has brought the city to a stand-still. It didn't affect any of us the same way but it has certainly affected all of us. My Brooklyn neighborhood was practically untouched, as was the upper Manhattan neighborhood I holed up in just hours before the storm, but I know a lot of people who weren't as lucky. Power outages, flooded homes, trees knocked down everywhere; these are the things my friends and family have been reporting back when I check in on them. So even if you're one of the lucky ones, chances are that you're close to somebody who wasn't nearly as lucky.

It's incredible how the city changes during an emergency. There are the people complaining about inconveniences like the MTA shutting down; you have stores closing everywhere for days; and of course people are scrambling to get home or to figure out who they like enough to spend 48+ hours with. Everything is eerily calm and quiet. Once it's all over, you're happy to see your favorite bagel shop is open again, while the wine store across the street promises they'll be up and running by mid-afternoon. But then you find out that churches are calling people's homes to check in on all of them... and they aren't hearing from everyone.

As emergencies and disasters often do, this storm reminds us that we need to stick together in order to get through terrible circumstances. If there's any silver lining at all, it's learning that people will empathize and help whenever and however they can.

Another Year, Another Apartment

I write this sick, exhausted, and having spent the weekend having a terrible moving experience. My new place is lovely but the gas isn't on, the tub doesn't drain or have hot water, the internet isn't set up yet, and I only just now got a real set of keys.

How's your October going so far?
  
CHICKS ROCK! wants your feedback. Click here to take a survey now and let us know what you think!

He's There, The Phantom of the Opera

More than a decade ago, I saw one of my first Broadway shows, The Phantom of the Opera. It was the first show I obsessed over: I bought the highlights soundtrack, tried to learn every voice part in "Masquerade," and imagined myself someday belting out "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" (even though I wasn't a soprano and didn't have an opera voice).

Because I love Broadway, people often ask me what show to watch and I always include Phantom in my list of recommendations. But I realized sometime this year that what was once burned in my brain was now an incredibly distant memory. I still knew the story and listened to the songs, but I could no longer visualize any parts of the show.

So when my cousin got in touch with me about seeing something during Broadway Week, Phantom was the first show that came to mind. We finally went last week and I was blown away at how much I loved it! If it was even remotely possible, I loved it even more now than I ever remembered loving it before. The music, the drama, the emotion, the chandelier... Everything about it is perfect. I didn't cry nearly as much as I thought I would, but I also found myself holding my breath at times, which I certainly did not expect.

I am constantly amazed at the power of theater and music to move people the way it does. Some shows are great but others are mind-blowing, and I'm so happy to have had the experience again. Now that I'm taking voice lessons again, maybe in a few months I'll be able to master "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again."

CHICKS ROCK! wants your feedback. Click here to take a survey now and let us know what you think!

What We Remember

I opened Facebook today and at least half of my news feed started with "11 years ago today..." Almost all of those status updates are from people who were in college or school in New York 11 years ago today. There are also a handful of simple "I'll never forget" status updates, mostly from people who weren't here at the time. It may be a fluke limited to my Facebook friends, but it made me wonder what the difference is between our experiences.

I imagine that the "never forget" refrain is a given for those of us who were in New York when it happened and are still here now, because there is no way to forget. We remember it all the time: when we're in the Financial District or anywhere nearby, when we're in any part of the city with a clear view of the Freedom Tower, when we talk about the origin of the Tribeca Film Festival or the River to River Festival or a similar event...

But today, we remember the specifics.

Those "11 years ago today..." statuses talk about what class or period they were in when it happened or, for those who are older, what part of their commute they were on or what meeting they were getting ready for. Our memories are full of disruption, feeling disconnected, and a whole lot of waiting. Schools were on lockdown and you had to be signed out by a parent but it was hard to get in touch with your parents and all you could do was wait. If you made it out of school and weren't within walking distance, you were in for an incredibly long commute home as you noticed the rest of the city was also at a standstill... more waiting.

We remember relief when a classmate got through to his sister and found out she hadn't made it to the office yet. We remember the west wing of the cafeteria being closed off but still being able to see the smoke in the air. We remember our commute the next day and the gaping hole in the skyline. We remember how quiet and empty everything was the next day.

It's not that this day means more to us but the more time that passes, the more I notice that it definitely means something different. At some point today, when we close our eyes, we'll see or hear or smell something in this city so vividly that we'll feel 11 years ago is today. "Never forget" seems a waste of words after that.

Seeking a Soccer Mom*

This piece was originally posted on September 6, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Summer Retrospective, during which we will post a combination of new content and posts from the past. Enjoy!

As a kid, I led a very sheltered life. My sisters and I couldn't do much of anything that wasn't schoolwork or reading and any fun we did have was in the comfort and protection of our own home. That meant no tv on school nights, no visits to friends' homes (though they could come to ours), and no after school activities. This last one seems particularly strange to people I know who grew up with soccer practice, karate, or some other activity that kept them engaged and entertained.

But I guess I'm making up for lost time because I've recently set up a schedule for myself that makes me feel like I need a soccer mom to keep me on top of things.

It started when I got French lessons from one of those daily deal sites. I still have hopes to travel to Paris and live there for a while, so French lessons are necessary and they were a good deal. They were nearing expiration and I finally found a class that didn't conflict with my schedule, so starting in a couple of weeks, I'll be spending every Thursday conjugating verbs and working on my accent.

Soon after getting that deal, I saw one for voice lessons. Having been a singer way back in junior high and high school, I have always wished I could have kept up with it, so I just had to sign up. I had my first lesson a few days ago and am ready for the next few. I'm even thinking I might keep going back once a month or so. The most recent addition to my schedule is a creative writing course through Gotham (another daily deal), and although that doesn't begin for a couple of months, I've got it in mind even now.

The good thing is that these classes don't overlap too much because one set is winding down by the time the next one starts, but it's strange to realize my schedule suddenly resembles that of a very active child. At least I'll be doing things I enjoy rather than something my parents pressured me to do!

Doing What We Love*

This piece was originally posted on October 4, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Summer Retrospective, during which we will post a combination of new content and posts from the past. Enjoy!

Why do we stop ourselves from doing the things we love? I’ve been struggling lately (and by “lately,” I mean at least a year) with this question.

I have a friend who wants to be an actor and moved to New York partly to pursue that. When I ask him about it, he’s never much closer to taking his acting seriously than he was the time I asked before that. Another aspiring actor studied theatre in college and hasn’t gone on any auditions or even gotten headshots. I also have a friend who used to dance and was quite talented but had to stop years ago. Even though she now has some time and resources to start dancing again, it’s too emotional for her to even try.

All my life, I’ve loved to sing. When I stopped singing regularly with a chorus (or “for real,” as I like to call it), I lost confidence in my ability and eventually it became harder and harder to think about doing it again. Similarly, for the past few months, I’ve found it harder to sit down and write something substantial – one of the things I love doing most. I write here once a week, but it’s nothing like what I used to write when I used to write “for real.”

So I have to ask why it is that we stop ourselves from doing the things we love. I wonder if we don’t think we’re good enough, but it doesn’t seem that simple. I think maybe we don’t think we’re worthy of doing something we truly enjoy – something that has the potential to make us truly happy. Whatever it is, I’m trying to get us all out of our funk. However big or small our steps are, I’m hoping my friends and I can all get back on track… I imagine we’d all be at least a bit more fulfilled.

Challenged

Last night, while making one roommate take photos of my outfit, I explained to my other roommate that I was doing a clothing challenge. For the month of May, I'm wearing only six items of clothing. I can mix and match as desired, accessorize however I'd like and things like shoes, outerwear, and activewear don't count in the six items. 

 After explaining this, my roommate asked "so what do you get in the end?" I stared at her, confused about why people keep asking me this, and said "the knowledge that I was able to do it, of course." That's when she said something I hadn't totally noticed before: "you really like doing these random challenges for fun, don't you?" At first, I didn't know what else she was referring to, but then remembered some of my other recent challenges and realized she was right. In the time she's known me, I had a dating/love life challenge of sorts, then there was the no alcohol in January thing, and more recently trying one new thing a month.

Apparently, challenging myself to do random things people don't normally do is becoming a hobby of mine.

I didn't notice I was doing it, and wasn't really sure why I'm drawn to them, so I started to think it over last night and came to the conclusion that I love competing with myself and proving to myself and others that I can do things I don't initially think I can do. There doesn't need to be any reward at the end and i don't need any glory, just the feeling that I finished something I set out to do.

Do you ever challenge yourself when there isn't necessarily a "prize" at the end?

When's a Decision Decided?

Why is it that just when you think you've decided something, you realize that you actually haven't? Somebody brings up a point you hadn't considered or money you saved for one thing suddenly needs to be used for something else entirely or you wake up one morning wondering why you're not fully satisfied with your decision. This has been happening to me a lot in the last several months and it's starting to make me wonder if I even know how to make decisions anymore.

One example of this is my potential move to Paris. I knew I wanted to go, I'd come up with a plan to make it happen and had more or less decided that grad school in Paris was my plan for 2013. Except that all the money I'd started to save for it had to go to sudden emergency expenses, like my taxes. And then the chances of getting a long stay visa seemed much less impossible than they had been before. And then I started to meet people with connections in Paris so that being a student was no longer the only way to make friends.

So now what? Now I'm back to square two: I have no idea what I'm doing when, but at least I have more options than I did back at square one a year ago. Still, my decision is now undecided, making me feel a bit lost.

When is a decision final for you? How do you know when to stop wondering about other options and sticking with what you decided?

Taxed

Oh, tax day. How I dread you every year. 

 It seems that no matter how hard I try to make the process as stress-free as possible, I fail miserably. One year, I had an accountant prepare them and while I saved money, he was also unresponsive half the time and took forever to complete them. Another year, I ended up discovering a mistake at my job that affected how much I owed for state taxes. This year, I decided I would take advantage of the free time I had while I was jobless and file early. It turned out that I owed entirely too much money to pay when I had no paycheck coming in, so I never filed and said I'd wait until I had steady income. Fast forward a few months and I finally had enough money to pay what I owe, but because I live like a nomad and kept forgetting to grab my forms when I stopped at home for 5 or 10 minutes at a time, I couldn't file until the last minute. Stress, no matter what.

What makes the process even worse is that, for the life of me, I can't figure out how taxes work. In the years I've been filing, I've never had consistency. I've either switched jobs or moved between counties, and I've never made the same amount. Because of this, I never know how much I should expect to owe. Now add freelance work in there for next year's return, and I don't even know how I'll make it through without a panic attack. For now, I'll just be glad this hump is over and deal with the rest tomorrow.

Retail Therapy

It seems that every few months or so, I remember how much I love stores like Old Navy (well... mostly just Old Navy, though I've been known to buy a few things at a good Urban Outfitters sale). Suddenly all the money I've been saving by not shopping is gone in a couple of trips to ON.

This happened to me recently when I found myself feeling a little stressed and a couple of friends suggested we hit the stores for some retail therapy. I'm not sure that it was the best solution to the problem, but I did end up with a couple of flats, several tops, a skirt, and even some accessories. And then a few days later, I went back for more. Oops! I fell off the wagon, and I fell hard!

I returned some of the things I'd bought that I knew I really didn't need or even liked all that much (don't ask why I bought things I didn't even like -- I was in a shopping haze). But I've started to wonder why this even happens in the first place. Most of my friends encourage "retail therapy" and don't feel that bad about spending so much of their hard-earned money on things they probably wouldn't otherwise. They don't ever seem to return anything, and they don't really hesitate to do it again a week or two later.

For me, it was the first time I blindly walked around a store in hopes of forgetting my stress and focusing only on cute clothes. It didn't work, of course, because the amount of money I'd spent just added to my stress, so I can't see why everyone else does it so eagerly.Do you believe in "retail therapy"? What do you get out of it?

People Problems

I've noticed recently -- well, I just noticed today, actually -- that more and more in these past few weeks, I've either wanted to spend time alone or with a couple of very specific people. Everyone else? Go away. (I say this in the nicest way possible.)

I want to clean the apartment in complete solitude, with only music to accompany me. I want to bake with and for people who appreciate the finished product as much as they do my belting showtunes during the process. I want to watch When Harry Met Sally... over and over and over again without anybody talking over my favorite parts. I want to sort out my finances while spending time with somebody hilarious enough to distract me when I need it.

There are a few problems with this. First of all, it seems that many of the people I'd most like to spend time with at any given moment aren't actually free. Secondly, I have so much going on every day that I hardly have a moment to breathe, let alone do something as silly as watch WHMS. Most of those I have going on, by the way, require me to interact with an awful lot of people. And lastly, I'm celebrating my birthday this week and next, which means I need to be even more social than usual when I have even less energy than usual.

I know that I just took a vacation only a couple of months ago, but I feel like I really need another break from people and commitments. I guess since I can't have that, I'll settle for having WHMS on in the background as I get a few hours of sleep.

Finding Friends... Again

Hey everyone! I've made some new friends!

We've written on the blog before about the challenges of making new friends as an adult. The office is a great place to make some connections, but it's hard to keep it up once you've moved on to another job. And if you're a freelancer or have an unconventional job, you may not even interact with people enough to build anything substantial. I myself have complained about it before, but I've come to realize that even though I hit some plateaus here and there, I'm actually quite lucky in the friend department.

My main source of friendship is still work, and I've gotten really good at relying on first impressions to see who I'll get along with. I find a few things we have in common and, bam!, instant friendship! Even now that I've gotten some freelance gigs, I've discovered the beauty of the work date. If you aren't familiar with this, it's basically just meeting up with one or two other freelancers or folks who work from home (whether you work together or not), heading to a coffee shop or some such place, and doing your work together. You inevitably spend most of the time with your head behind your screen, but you also end up talking about whatever comes up throughout the day when you take breaks to check Facebook or Twitter, when you get a random phone call from your crazy mother, or some other happening. It's a great way to be social while still staying focused on your work. Then when you're done with work, you can walk down the block to a bar, share a glass of wine, and get to know each other a little better.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I've finally gotten the hang of the whole making new friends thing, even with my general shyness and somewhat anti-social ways.

How do you make new friends?