New Year's Resolution & Intentions

To say that 2013 was an eventful year would be a gross understatement. I'm betting on 2014 being wonderful and magical! Instead of coming up with a resolution, or even a series of resolutions as I've done in the past, I made a list of several goals and intentions for the year. A lot of it, I've realized, has to do with putting myself first, being authentic, and loving myself fully.

Even in the first few days of the new year, I've already been challenged. Merely 24 hours into 2014, I was in bed with an ear infection. I whined a little, but I took it as an opportunity to take care of myself. I eased up on work, looked up home remedies, ate well, and spent most of the day at home.

Then, when my sister told me about the beauty cleanse she's doing, we started talking about detoxing, immunity shots, healthy drinks, etc. I had already been thinking about ways to be healthier, which seems much more feasible now that I won't be as nomadic. I don't usually concern myself with being healthier but both of my sisters are all about it, plus I'm in California, so it's been very present these last few weeks. I've had - and enjoyed - homemade almond milk, cooked - and mostly enjoyed - a vegetarian Christmas, tried - and enjoyed - raw food bars, and shopped exclusively at Whole Foods. My sisters aren't just into eating well, I also exfoliated with raw honey and turbinado sugar and used a natural clay mask, and let me tell you, it felt lovely. (The exfoliant tasted good, too!)

Okay, so all of this was happening and has been the topic of many conversations, and I decided today that my resolution/intention for the new year boils down to self-love and self-care. Put into language that holds me accountable every day, I will perform at least one act of self-love every day. This might seem like a tiny thing, but it's big for me.

I imagine that some [and then many, and then hopefully most] days will have more than one act of self-love, but I'll start with one.

This was originally posted at F Is for Fun.

Shake Your Groove Thing

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life coach, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth. The following was originally posted on November 28, 2012 on Kristina's blog.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit? ~ Gabrielle Roth
 

In the movie Silver Linings Playbook, the main characters Pat and Tiffany are in training for a big dance competition that turns out to be much more than a fancy booty shaking contest.  A unique romantic dramedy, it's a film that shows there is a fine line between sanity and insanity, acceptable versus unacceptable behavior, and the beauty of living life to the beat of your own drum.

 

In the movie The Sessions, Mark O'Brien is confined to an iron lung 20 hours a day, existing on a gurney unable to move from the neck down, and yet he writes poetry, is a professional journalist and decides to hire a sex surrogate so he can experience the most human of experiences. We go along on his journey (based on a true story!) and find him to be one of the most alive, loving and liberated individuals to have ever lived despite such extreme physical limitations.

 

And as seen in the movie Lincoln, our 16th president is clearly not your Average Joe.  He was always thinking out of the box, used his quirky sense of humor to diffuse or illuminate situations, and took numerous risks throughout the most heart-wrenching circumstances our country has endured.  He stretched the Constitution to its limit, working within an established framework while implementing his own interpretation and/or bending the rules based on his hard-earned wisdom, keen observations and superior judgment as unprecedented needs arose and critical decisions had to be made in order for progress to occur.

 

In the conscious movement class I take, we are told to  'dance it your way' and have breaks of  'free dance'  where we boogie as we see fit; it's not chaotic because there is an organized structure and unity contained within the flow as we come back together intermittently as a group throughout the hour.  It's a super-small class because for many people, when given the opportunity to move and think for themselves, even for just a few moments, is a daunting and uncomfortable feeling; it's an empowering exercise that requires more effort and less inhibition, and many simply don't know what to do if they are not following the instructor. And that, my friends, is indicative of a larger problem with implications reaching much farther than a gym studio.

 

Spielberg's Lincoln asks, "Do you think we choose to be born? Or are we fitted to the times we're born into?"  As citizens of the 21st century, we are certainly living in extraordinary times that will require us to become the fullest and most unique beings we are meant to be.  We each have something that needs to be expressed, something that no other person on this planet, no one who has come before or will come after can express. Right now we need new ways of looking at old problems and to change old ways in order deal with new problems, so it's more important than ever for you to do your own thang, because there is no other way to generate inspiration and birth innovation.

 

In any era it's easy to get stuck in past habits and sucked into the zeitgeist of the day.  Resist the urge to follow the herd, fight to honor yourself, think and speak your own thoughts and begin to know and create yourself anew every moment of every day instead of getting swept up by social media, news, commercials, and even your peer groups, work and ethnic cultures or family and friends who are all, consciously or not, forces that can easily grab hold of your mind, body, spirit and/or bank account.  Don't let your physical characteristics, family roots or societal dictates squash all the rhythms inside you that might be quite different from what those outside influences might have you believe, say or do.

 

Not sure exactly what your groove thing is? Give me a buzz and I'll get you started with some basic choreography and point you in the right direction, because ultimately You Should Be Dancing your own steps throughout life, hopefully with a fun disco floor beneath your feet along the way!

Creative Flow

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to welcome back Giovanna as a guest blogger:

Giovanna lives in New York City. Through her work experiences and
most recently through her studies, she has developed a passion for the
dynamic of work, the psychology behind it.


A creative mind is a happy mind. Researchers have found that, among other things, creativity increases job satisfaction, creates more positive emotions, and augments the overall wellbeing of a person. Henceforth, it should come as no surprise that people who are creative are happier than those who aren’t.

To attest to it, think about the times when you’ve been your most crafty: that time you whipped up pancakes from scratch or when you came up with that cool hack to save time in the morning before work. Chances are, you look back at those moments with fondness because creativity often comes from a positive place: love, impulse, curiosity.

Our history is full of artists, philosophers and mad geniuses whose ideas were so groundbreaking that they seem novel even today. However, lately it seems the world has lost that creative edge.

We live in a time where anything mainstream looks and sounds the same: the people next to you as you cross the street are wearing the same style, the song on the radio sounds exactly like the one you just heard, etc. It’s as if there are no new ideas anymore. And the shocking part is, most of us are O.K. with that. Many of us have become complacent with living our lives without creativity.

Researchers have even coined a term for it: creative bias; people want to be creative, yet reject creative ideas when they have them.

Sound familiar? It should, because we have all been guilty of this at one time or another. How many times have you thought about trying a new activity, for instance, yet brushed it off as implausible? How often have you wanted to try a new hairstyle but decided against it because you thought it would look ridiculous? We put so much restraint on our own thoughts, that we disregard any possibility of originality. It's as if we're afraid of the stigma that comes from thinking outside the box.

However, as much as we may try to suppress it, creativity needs to be expressed. Creativity is as much a part of being human as breathing; the challenge is learning to apply creativity to our everyday lives.

Creativity is said to come from the right hemisphere: the same side of the brain associated with images, emotions, color, music, expression, and intuition. That’s why musicians, artists and writers are often described as creative. Even so, you do not have to be the next Frida Kahlo or have a page on Etsy to be considered creative. Creativity is not just about making collages and writing sonnets, it’s about creating ideas! PsychologyToday defines creativity as the ability to generate new ideas, new connections between ideas and new ways to solve problems. In order to do this, you have to open your mind to a new way of thinking.

So next time you have a kooky idea - embrace it! Allow yourself to take a different cognitive approach to a given situation. Take inspiration from your environment, the people around you. Let go of mental hurdles you place on yourself and let the prospect of creativity sharpen your skills and abilities. Let it boost your resilience and satisfaction with life. Quiet the negative thoughts and let your creative mind flow!

TWM's Founder in Inspire Virtual Mag!

Check out TWM's Founder, Kristina Leonardi, who has several articles featured in this month's issue of the new international Inspire Magazine!

Based in South Africa, Inspire Virtual Mag looks at the modern woman, the woman who wants to find the balance between work, play and being. Content ranging from informative business and life style articles through to beauty, fashion, dcor and tech features is what makes Inspire Virtual Mag a unique and true something for everybody publication.
       

Download the magazine and read Kristina's articles on pages 16-17; 24-25; 118-119, 148-149            

www.inspiresa.co.za/                        

Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow*

The following was originally posted on July 11, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.

I spent several hours last weekend watching YouTube videos of black women dealing with natural hair. They offered style tutorials, product reviews, and general advice and support for one another other. I studied their advice closely because I've been wanting to try new things with my hair lately. I stumbled upon a New York Times article that sparked a renewed interest for me.

It was a relief to find these videos, because it demonstrated that I'm not alone in my various hair woes, wondering how to manage the texture, the volume, the unruliness of these locks, which I'm convinced could be quite pretty if I could just get a handle on things. It's been a lifelong struggle to get my hair to behave in the way I would like it to, and I haven't really figured it out yet. 

Growing up, no one was able to give me adequate advice, because I was raised in a predominantly white community. I had access to a few African women, but it seemed they always wanted to slap in some braids, and while that was always nice and manageable, I wanted more variety. I dreamed of wearing my hair "down." (The caveat there being that my hair doesn't really stay "down.") I suppose the word I should have been looking toward back then was not "down," but "loose." I wanted to wear my hair loose. Which usually meant, no matter how ideal it looked in the ten minutes after my shower, it would swell as it dried into a virtual 'fro. Granted, some women are very comfortable wearing a cloud of hair bigger than their head. I'm not one of them. I vacillate between thinking it's a matter of comfort and a matter of preference. It bothers me to think I’m so uncomfortable with my hair in its natural state, but when I gear myself up to try it, I realize there are other factors, like not wanting to constantly be pushing it out of my face. So….what’s a girl to do?

Any natural hair ladies out there with brilliant solutions or even just suggestions?

Friday Forum: Pain & Gain

They say "no pain, no gain," but just how far do people take it?

When it comes to beauty regiments (hair relaxing, leg waxing, etc.) and exercise routines (daily runs, kickboxing, etc.), how hard do you push yourself? Do you sometimes think the expectations are unrealistic?

Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow

I spent several hours last weekend watching YouTube videos of black women dealing with natural hair. They offered style tutorials, product reviews, and general advice and support for one another other. I studied their advice closely because I've been wanting to try new things with my hair lately. I stumbled upon a New York Times article that sparked a renewed interest for me.

It was a relief to find these videos, because it demonstrated that I'm not alone in my various hair woes, wondering how to manage the texture, the volume, the unruliness of these locks, which I'm convinced could be quite pretty if I could just get a handle on things. It's been a lifelong struggle to get my hair to behave in the way I would like it to, and I haven't really figured it out yet.

Growing up, no one was able to give me adequate advice, because I was raised in a predominantly white community. I had access to a few African women, but it seemed they always wanted to slap in some braids, and while that was always nice and manageable, I wanted more variety. I dreamed of wearing my hair "down." (The caveat there being that my hair doesn't really stay "down.")

I suppose the word I should have been looking toward back then was not "down," but "loose." I wanted to wear my hair loose. Which usually meant, no matter how ideal it looked in the ten minutes after my shower, it would swell as it dried into a virtual 'fro. Granted, some women are very comfortable wearing a cloud of hair bigger than their head. I'm not one of them. I vacillate between thinking it's a matter of comfort and a matter of preference. It bothers me to think I’m so uncomfortable with my hair in its natural state, but when I gear myself up to try it, I realize there are other factors, like not wanting to constantly be pushing it out of my face. So….what’s a girl to do?

Any natural hair ladies out there with brilliant solutions or even just suggestions?

Tanning Versus Lightening

Now that summer has unofficially begun and the temperatures have climbed, I see everyone wearing lighter and fewer clothes and reveling in the sunshine. Sometimes I wonder if they have sun block on, and if they know that they have to re-apply it every two hours, no matter what color they are. In Western cultures, the general feeling is that being tan is best, and getting sun without getting sunburn is the best and inexpensive way to go. Of course there are tanning salons with tanning beds and spray tans, but nothing beats going to the beach and laying out in sun’s rays, premature aging and the possibility of skin cancer be damned.

When I was walking outside the other day, I saw a fair skinned woman of Asian descent walking with a bright red umbrella, which she had opened to avoid the darkening effects of the sun. It reminded me of my times in India and Indonesia, where dark skin is generally thought to be something that should be lightened for beauty. I would see commercials for skin lightening creams everywhere, and when I went to with a friend to a local Body Shop in an Indonesian mall to do a makeup test, they used lighter foundation for my neck and face at first; I told them to match my natural color. They looked shocked when I told them that I liked my skin tone and had no desire to be lighter. One time I made the mistake of asking for a bottle of self-tanner in a high-end mall’s beauty supply store; I walked away amused by the store employee’s look of horror at the idea of such a product.

I have no desire to sunbathe and expose my skin without protection in the afternoon sun, because I don’t want to damage it. I prefer self-tanners to “fairness” creams, which can be found at almost any Asian market. Staying healthy and even-toned are goals that are far more important to me than pursuing Western or Eastern standards of skin beauty.

Massage for the Body (& Mind?)

To say that life's been stressful over the last few months would be an understatement. Lately, though, it's been even worse. With my schedule more hectic every day and my muscles getting used and abused more than they have in a long time, some pampering and tlc was in order. So when my friend and I saw a deal for an exfoliating massage from one of those daily deals sites, we jumped on it.

This was my first time getting a full body massage and I've never done a body scrub or exfoliating treatment at a spa before, so I didn't know what to expect. The good news: it was, of course, quite glorious. The bad news: I couldn't shut off my mind, no matter how hard I tried. I can usually calm my thoughts during yoga, so you'd think that with such a relaxing experience, it'd be no problem. But it was a huge problem, only worsened by the fact that I kept beating myself up for over-thinking. In the end, my body was feeling great, but my brain was even more jumbled. Is there a massage for the mind? But it still felt so great, I'd do it again.

So the worse news is, the hour was up way too soon. But the better news is, we're getting at least one more round of massages before the year is through. Due to a scheduling issue, we actually ended up having to get two deals (long story), and then it turns out they charged my friend twice, so we may even go a third time! I've got to say, there are worse things to spend money on. If I'm splurging on something, I can only hope to feel that great afterwards.

Have you taken time out lately for some pampering or self-indulgence?

Taking My Body Back

This past weekend, I attended Endangered Species, an international summit on body image organized by the Women's Therapy Centre Institute. There were panels and presentations on airbrushing in ads & magazines, men and body image, the medicalization of the body, and more. On the whole, it was not only informative, but also empowering. And it came at a really great time for me.

When I started working out and eating better months back, I did it to feel better and be just a bit healthier. I didn't give up the things I enjoy eating (I've had ice cream for dinner more than a couple of times in the last 6 months...), and I never went on a diet or got hung up on calorie-counting. I didn't restrict myself, I merely paid more attention and made better decisions using the "everything in moderation" credo. Between that and hot yoga, running, and ballet, I was feeling great, but I also lost about 15 pounds. That's where the trouble started...

Everyone noticed the changed and told me I looked great. Most people asked me what my secret was and how much more weight I was going to lose. With everyone buzzing around me, putting my body and weight front and center, I started to care much more than I have in years. You see, I had finally gotten comfortable not caring about how thin or fit my body looked but rather how good my body felt. Suddenly, here I was again preoccupied with the extra 5 pounds I gained in the last couple of months and not liking what I saw in the mirror.

Which is why I'm so happy I went to this event. It served as a reminder of why I changed my habits in the first place: to feel better. I do miss going to hot yoga and running to de-stress, but I'm going to start doing it again because it makes me feel great and not because I gained some weight back (which only I noticed). From now on, if somebody starts talking about my body, I will take it as an opportunity to reaffirm that we're all beautiful and should be much more concerned about how we feel about ourselves than how we look.

A Hairy Situation

As I mentioned last week, this year hasn't been the absolute best. I've always wondered what exactly motivates people to drastically change their look, and then I got the urge to do it myself. I suppose it's not completely drastic... I didn't, for example, tattoo and/or pierce my entire body or have plastic surgery or anything like that. But I did chop off my hair. Oh, and I got purple streaks put in it.

I haven't had hair this short since the 5th grade and I haven't had any color in it since high school, so it's definitely a change. A lot of my friends are shocked that it's so short (it's at about chin level) because I'm generally known for having my hair at least medium length, if not longer. I've gotten comments from strangers telling me how cool my purple hair looks and asking me how and where I got it done. The fun thing about the color is that depending on the lighting, it can be subtle and only look a shade different from my black hair, or it can look like my head's on fire with bright purple flames. At least it keeps people guessing.

It's interesting how changing something about your appearance helps you take on a new attitude. I feel ready for 2011 and whatever it throws my way. I'm not sure if I'll keep my hair this way once it starts to grow out, but it's been a lot of fun so far. If nothing else, it's been a great conversation piece when meeting people.

Have you ever changed your appearance to change your outlook?

Style Funk or Funky Style?

For the past several weeks, I’ve really wanted a change in my appearance. I’ve been bored and have considered a drastic haircut, a dye job, a new wardrobe, even a second piercing on my ears. All because I’m in a bit of a funk as far as my own style goes.

I’ve never been one of those people who focus a lot on appearance. It’s not that I think people who do are shallow or anything like that; I just don’t have the energy to devote to it. Now that I’m more interested in thinking about what my style should be like or what type of makeup looks best on me, I’ve hit another roadblock: money. It seems that haircuts, clothing, shoes, accessories, etc. would all eat through my bank account very quickly if I actually started exploring this new style creativity.

Now I have a new plan. I’m going to start by getting up a bit earlier to play around with makeup more. I’m going to play dress-up at home to mix and match the few clothing items I own to figure out what works best, and applying the makeup I already own to see how it comes together.

I’ve also been having tons of fun with nail polish. Nail polish is cheap, and comes in more colors than one person could ever need (yet, it’s not nearly enough, it seems, as I keep buying them). There’s something I love about nail polish – it’s a pain in the butt to paint them and then wait around for an hour so they dry correctly, but the pop of color when I look down as I type or chop vegetables or whatever other daily activity just brightens up my day.

I probably won’t have the time, money, or energy to try all of the style tweaks I have in mind, but I think I have enough to keep me going for a while.

What’s your beauty and style routine? How do you break out of a funk?

Loving Your Natural Beauty

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes Faith as a guest blogger this week, as part of TWM's World of Wellness:

Faith Zelenko is the co-founder of Bambola Beauty along with her daughter, Kristine Hooper. Faith’s beauty obsession started at the age of 18 when she attended cosmetology school. She never lost her passion for natural skin care products, passing it down to her daughter and working with her to realize her lifelong dream.


I was the child that was the problem for my mom. That is, with my skin anyway. I had light complexion, lots of freckles along with dry and sensitive skin. So you can image the challenge my mom had when my sisters and brother didn’t experience any of that. The one who had to stay out of the sun or wear the hat was always me. But it taught me at an early age to understand the care my skin needed. I didn’t even know of SPF until I was a late teen, so I had to resort to my mom and grandmother’s potions.

First, my mom started out by telling me that as I aged my freckles would fade because of something called pigment. That doesn’t help an 8-year-old. My grandmother’s next trick (or what she called an old wives tale) was to take the spring’s early morning dew on May Day (May 1) and let my face absorb nature’s water for a healthy glowing complexion. My grandmother would continue to whip up all sorts of concoctions for my face while my siblings sat by laughing. I really don’t want to admit how many years I continued to use the morning dew trick, but it was the catalyst that introduced me to what nature had to offer.

I never lost my love or appreciation for the earth’s bounty and that is what inspired me to create Bambola Beauty, an organic luxury skincare line. Now I can pass down to my daughter, who works on the brand with me, the importance of caring for your skin with all-natural ingredients – creating age-defying results with chemicals. Be sure to check out our site and shop with a 15% discount off your entire order, a free deluxe sample and free shipping for TWM's World of Wellness using the code "Wellness" thru June 30.

Controversial Cleavage

The clothing company Lane Bryant recently reported that a new ad featuring a plus-size model has been censored from prime time network television because the models were "too sexy" and showing too much skin. Meanwhile, the same networks aired a Victoria's Secret ad in prime time. A case of size discrimination? Here is a link to a Jezebel article that better outlines the controversy, but I thought I'd post the video here, too.

This is the Lane Bryant ad, which ABC and FOX have reportedly refused to run during Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, respectively:

Now, I'm the first to agree that the plus-size model (she's size 16) is sexier than any size 0. (Full round hips vs. protruding hip bones? Generous cleavage vs. exposed ribs? No contest.) We've all known for a while now that, although it's great to be slender in a healthy way, women's bodies are meant to curve and carry a bit of fat in certain places. (Let's face it, there's a reason why we need lingerie in the first place....)

What I actually find fascinating about this is how any television network can argue with a straight face that they believe bigger women to be sexier. These are the same network execs who have spent the last few decades spoonfeeding us images of increasingly thin women, calling them sexy, and turning the regular girls among us upside-down with self-doubt, because it's just not real to be that thin.

The networks have denied the accusations of discrimination, and may ultimately even run the ad. Still, it would be naive to think that the TV studios are coming around to a healthier way of looking at women. No, I believe that they are using "sexy" as an excuse to keep these images out of the public eye as long as possible. Because once these sexy, full-figured ladies make the limelight, the lies the networks spent half a century building will begin to break down. The public might just start to demand "sexy" women in all their TV fare. For networks built on such a... slim... foundation, that would mean starting over from scratch. And they don't want to.

Not Your Mother's Uniform

In the past few months, I lost some weight and inches around my body. Because a lot of my clothes were already a bit roomy to begin with, most of them didn’t fit anymore and once I purged my closet, it had next to nothing in it. So I went on mini shopping sprees, buying a few items at a time whenever I saved up the money. Now that I've done this a few times, I realized just how much I worry about looking the right way, and having enough variety so that people don’t think I only own a handful of tops.

I feel like so many of us – especially women – feel pressure to not wear the same thing every day. We assume that at least one person out there is paying attention to what we’re wearing and would ridicule us if we wore the same thing all the time.

Thinking about this reminded me of something I learned about over the summer called The Uniform Project: a woman's wearing the same dress every day for a year to raise money for charity. She had a friend design a dress for her and had 7 identical dresses made, one for each day of the week. Each day for the past year, she’s been making her outfits unique by adding layers and accessories, wearing her dress as a top, a jacket, and, of course, a dress. Her year is almost up, and she’s raised over $75,000 for education in India.

Seeing how she was able to create new outfits every day with the same pieces has made me reconsider how I look at clothes and fashion. Considering the ways I already try to apply sustainability to fashion, I definitely think I’ll get more creative so I can keep cutting down on waste.

What do you think of The Uniform Project? Would you be able to wear the same thing every day?

End the Summer with Style

We are very excited to tell you about the upcoming TWM event, a private shopping and makeover event! TWM members and two of their friends can attend this event for FREE, but we are also opening this up to non-members for a chance to join in on the fun and even become a TWM member in the process. Check out all of the details below and we hope to see you there!

TWM's MEMBERS-ONLY MAKEOVER EVENT
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 6:00 - 9:00 pm

This year's Members-only event falls on Women's Equality Day so why not honor the occasion by becoming an official member of an organization that empowers women and then celebrate with an exclusive private makeover and shopping event so that you can make the most of who you are, inside and out!

Style talk and wardrobe makeovers by Monica Diaz of Style Matters, Inc. Attendees will receive 25% discount on all fully priced merchandise at Esprit that night!

LOCATION: Esprit, 110 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
UPDATE: The location has changed to 600 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
COST:
For TWM Members and up to 2 friends: FREE
For non-members: $20 for event OR $35 to include TWM membership

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here. Or simply send an email.

Growing Pains (Hair, Part I)*

The following was originally posted on Oct. 13, 2008. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


My hair has long been the bane of my existence. There’s a love-hate thing going on between us that originated around the time when my mother decided I was old enough to manage it myself.

At home, I liked my hair. I thought it was pretty. In a few moments of wild self-confidence, I even thought I was pretty because of it. At school, though, I was mercilessly teased over my hairstyles. This was suburban Indiana – no one had a ‘fro. Except me. I didn’t know how to deal with my hair, so I wore it in awkward braids or in a big puffy ponytail. I let it grow because I believed that the longer it got, the heavier it would be and the flatter it would lie…but denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

As a teen, I spent laborious hours “managing” my hair. I slathered on gel. I sprayed and spritzed, tousled and tucked. I didn’t want my look to be so different. But the meager understanding of hair care and products I’d gained up until that point was based on what white women do. My mom is white, with hair that does what it’s told. At the time, the majority of my friends were white. All the black girls I knew had their hair chemically straightened—that was what you were supposed to do—so they weren’t much help to me, either. My mom consistently refused to let me try straightening. (If I’d known the word “sadist” back then, I’d have screamed it at her.)

The funny thing is, I’ve never actually wished for other hair. I don’t want it to be straight, or blond or conducive to highlights, layers or bangs. I like my hair as it is, I just often wish that I could train it to always look its best. But it doesn’t want to be tamed, simplified or made ordinary. It wants to stand out. I’ve always known that if I can draw that quality out of my hair and into myself, I will be a better woman for it.

What are your hair stories?

The "New" Me

CHICKS ROCK! wants you to welcome our latest guest blogger, Heather:

Heather Floyd owns Whole Web Impact, which helps sole-proprietors get more clients and more visibility from their websites and online marketing. She publishes a weekly e-zine, Web Impact and blogs at HeatherFloyd.com.


If you would have asked me a year ago whether I would hire a personal stylist, I would probably have said – sure, when I have a million bucks and nothing to do with my time but shop! But believe it or not, in May of 2008 I did hire a stylist (Monica Diaz of Style Matters, Inc., in case you were wondering).

So, what caused such a change of heart? Believe it or not – it was business. Specifically, my own. I was planning out a change to my business model and doing some rebranding. “Why not upgrade my own image as well?” I thought. (Besides, isn’t it always easier to justify spending the money if it’s “a business investment?”)

The process was actually a lot of fun. Though there were some squirming moments while Monica pulled out decades-old clothes from my wardrobe and gave me that look – “Have you had this since high school?” (“Yes…” I mumbled sheepishly.) We also went shopping and she picked out dozens of outfits for me to try – many things I would never pick off the rack for myself before meeting her. She was able to be an objective voice in the fitting room: “No, I don’t like how that bunches,” “You are definitely not that pant size! Go one smaller.”

I ended up with several new professional outfits, along with a new haircut and a quick make-up routine, but more valuable was re-awakening my own interest in fashion. Now when I pass boutiques on the street, I pay attention to what’s in the windows. I have a better idea of what sizes and styles I should be looking for based on my body shape. And I have new confidence when I go out to meet clients or attend networking events.

When you have your own business, as I do, you always have to remember that you ARE frequently the business, and you need to represent that visually. Just like a website conveys your brand, so does your personal presentation.

And if you don’t want to hire a professional, call on one of your style-savvy girlfriends to go shopping and suggest some new looks for you. Even if you don’t end up with a new look, you will have a fun afternoon.

To Gym, or Not to Gym

Over the past few years, I’ve definitively proven two things: I have enough discipline to daily schlep my laptop twenty blocks to my favorite library, sit down and write a book, but I lack the discipline to slip on sneakers and walk one block to the gym. Hmmm.

This fall, I bit the bullet and bought a gym membership. I even signed up for some personal training sessions, a first for me. Yippee. I’ve taken the first steps on a road that supposedly leads to better health, more energy and greater happiness. Unfortunately I find that this road too frequently intersects the highway of do-these-pants-make-me-look-fat?

Generally speaking, I’m not a very appearance-focused person. I don’t care whether my clothes are baggy or awkwardly matched, I wear tank tops (despite flabby arm fat), I don’t always shave (even when people are going to see my legs), I can give or take makeup, and things like that. But when I make an effort to focus on exercise, I end up looking in the mirror more often. I poke myself to check for firmness. I consider buying a scale to keep track of progress – a purchase I’ve resisted for years because I don’t like focusing on how much I weigh. All around, I feel less good about myself, in the midst of doing something that’s supposed to be good for me.

I do think it’s important to exercise for health reasons, but I also don’t want to cultivate in myself any new self-consciousness about my appearance. Yet, I can’t seem to separate the two. What can I do? If I don’t exercise, I feel guilty, but happy in my skin. When I do, I feel a sense of accomplishment, but chubby. Is there a middle ground?

Recognizing Beauty, The Zambian Way

In college, I made a presentation about differing cultural perceptions of beauty and body image. I was reminded of it recently in Zambia. With the women, we spoke a lot about our bodies, and how they're viewed in our respective worlds. The women we encountered were as intrigued by our cultural quirks as we were by theirs. They were fascinated by the idea of plastic surgery, Botox, and our perpetual quest for thinness. But, fat is good, they said. Fat means well-fed, and well-fed means rich. Wrinkles are good. Wrinkles show age, so all who see you will know you are an elder. Sagging breasts are natural. Sagging breasts show you have nurtured your children well.

Next, they wanted to know if American men demanded these procedures of us. No, no, we said. All of us agreed that most men are far more open-minded about how women should look than we tend to give them credit for. This further baffled the Zambian women. If not for practicality and not for men, then why are we going through these drastic machinations? Many of us ended at a loss for words about it. How do you explain to someone with limited access to television that images and media can shape the way we look at ourselves? How do you tell a woman who has never had a doubt about her beauty what it is like to feel ugly and imperfect?

Zambian women, of course, have their own set of expectations to live up to. But body image is not their problem, at least as far as I can see. To them, the inherent power of femininity is enough to make every woman beautiful. They are not ashamed of their bodies, of sexuality, of the physical realities of life and love, as we are. They take pride in every bulge of fat and roll of skin because they know there is something of greater importance within us.

If we could learn to see ourselves through their eyes, we might all be better off.

How do you feel about your own body image?