Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow*

The following was originally posted on July 11, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.

I spent several hours last weekend watching YouTube videos of black women dealing with natural hair. They offered style tutorials, product reviews, and general advice and support for one another other. I studied their advice closely because I've been wanting to try new things with my hair lately. I stumbled upon a New York Times article that sparked a renewed interest for me.

It was a relief to find these videos, because it demonstrated that I'm not alone in my various hair woes, wondering how to manage the texture, the volume, the unruliness of these locks, which I'm convinced could be quite pretty if I could just get a handle on things. It's been a lifelong struggle to get my hair to behave in the way I would like it to, and I haven't really figured it out yet. 

Growing up, no one was able to give me adequate advice, because I was raised in a predominantly white community. I had access to a few African women, but it seemed they always wanted to slap in some braids, and while that was always nice and manageable, I wanted more variety. I dreamed of wearing my hair "down." (The caveat there being that my hair doesn't really stay "down.") I suppose the word I should have been looking toward back then was not "down," but "loose." I wanted to wear my hair loose. Which usually meant, no matter how ideal it looked in the ten minutes after my shower, it would swell as it dried into a virtual 'fro. Granted, some women are very comfortable wearing a cloud of hair bigger than their head. I'm not one of them. I vacillate between thinking it's a matter of comfort and a matter of preference. It bothers me to think I’m so uncomfortable with my hair in its natural state, but when I gear myself up to try it, I realize there are other factors, like not wanting to constantly be pushing it out of my face. So….what’s a girl to do?

Any natural hair ladies out there with brilliant solutions or even just suggestions?

Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow

I spent several hours last weekend watching YouTube videos of black women dealing with natural hair. They offered style tutorials, product reviews, and general advice and support for one another other. I studied their advice closely because I've been wanting to try new things with my hair lately. I stumbled upon a New York Times article that sparked a renewed interest for me.

It was a relief to find these videos, because it demonstrated that I'm not alone in my various hair woes, wondering how to manage the texture, the volume, the unruliness of these locks, which I'm convinced could be quite pretty if I could just get a handle on things. It's been a lifelong struggle to get my hair to behave in the way I would like it to, and I haven't really figured it out yet.

Growing up, no one was able to give me adequate advice, because I was raised in a predominantly white community. I had access to a few African women, but it seemed they always wanted to slap in some braids, and while that was always nice and manageable, I wanted more variety. I dreamed of wearing my hair "down." (The caveat there being that my hair doesn't really stay "down.")

I suppose the word I should have been looking toward back then was not "down," but "loose." I wanted to wear my hair loose. Which usually meant, no matter how ideal it looked in the ten minutes after my shower, it would swell as it dried into a virtual 'fro. Granted, some women are very comfortable wearing a cloud of hair bigger than their head. I'm not one of them. I vacillate between thinking it's a matter of comfort and a matter of preference. It bothers me to think I’m so uncomfortable with my hair in its natural state, but when I gear myself up to try it, I realize there are other factors, like not wanting to constantly be pushing it out of my face. So….what’s a girl to do?

Any natural hair ladies out there with brilliant solutions or even just suggestions?

Taking My Body Back

This past weekend, I attended Endangered Species, an international summit on body image organized by the Women's Therapy Centre Institute. There were panels and presentations on airbrushing in ads & magazines, men and body image, the medicalization of the body, and more. On the whole, it was not only informative, but also empowering. And it came at a really great time for me.

When I started working out and eating better months back, I did it to feel better and be just a bit healthier. I didn't give up the things I enjoy eating (I've had ice cream for dinner more than a couple of times in the last 6 months...), and I never went on a diet or got hung up on calorie-counting. I didn't restrict myself, I merely paid more attention and made better decisions using the "everything in moderation" credo. Between that and hot yoga, running, and ballet, I was feeling great, but I also lost about 15 pounds. That's where the trouble started...

Everyone noticed the changed and told me I looked great. Most people asked me what my secret was and how much more weight I was going to lose. With everyone buzzing around me, putting my body and weight front and center, I started to care much more than I have in years. You see, I had finally gotten comfortable not caring about how thin or fit my body looked but rather how good my body felt. Suddenly, here I was again preoccupied with the extra 5 pounds I gained in the last couple of months and not liking what I saw in the mirror.

Which is why I'm so happy I went to this event. It served as a reminder of why I changed my habits in the first place: to feel better. I do miss going to hot yoga and running to de-stress, but I'm going to start doing it again because it makes me feel great and not because I gained some weight back (which only I noticed). From now on, if somebody starts talking about my body, I will take it as an opportunity to reaffirm that we're all beautiful and should be much more concerned about how we feel about ourselves than how we look.

My Journey to Look & Feel Good

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes Barbara as a guest blogger this week, as part of TWM's World of Wellness:

Barbara Charles lives in New Jersey and works as a full-time Ardyss International distributor. When she’s not working, she devotes her time to her 3 children and two grandchildren.


When I was first introduced to the Body Magic with its claim of “Dropping 2 to 3 sizes in 10 minutes,” I didn’t believe it, but I volunteered as a model and was amazed at the results. Rolls in the front and love handles disappeared… Instant hourglass shape… The Body Magic did not roll up or down, it was comfortable and my size 8 pants were now too big!

I decided right then and there that I would get involved in this business to help people look and feel good. I feel great when I watch the transformation of women who put on a Body Magic – I see their faces beam and their self-esteem get an instant boost. I’ve learned that it’s not just about changing the body; it’s about changing a person’s perspective and making them feel good about themselves. It’s also important to start living a healthier lifestyle, and giving them that boost of confidence is often what they need to start living that way. Everyone wants to change something about their body. Most people get overwhelmed at the thought of spending months dieting and exercising, and sometimes it’s easier to stay motivated if results are visible immediately.

The Body Magic is a product of Ardyss International, a health and wellness company. Our mission is to change people’s lives and help them maintain a healthily lifestyle. Ardyss has created a unique system, the Body Magic 2-Step System, which shapes you inside and out, transforming your outer appearance while improving your health.

Step 1: Wearing the customized Body Magic to tighten your abdomen and get the figure you’ve always wanted, while at the same time improving health. It also corrects the posture, lifts the breast and buttocks into proper position.

Step 2: Supplementing your health with the nutritional line which features Le’Vive (Mangosteen, Noni, Acai Berry, Goji and Pomegranate), in addition to a wide variety of multivitamins, fat reducers, regenerators and antioxidants, energizers, fibers, and digestive products that will revitalize you from the inside-out.

An appointment with Ardyss will change your life! As part of TWM’s World of Wellness, enter promo code 7328211020.

Controversial Cleavage

The clothing company Lane Bryant recently reported that a new ad featuring a plus-size model has been censored from prime time network television because the models were "too sexy" and showing too much skin. Meanwhile, the same networks aired a Victoria's Secret ad in prime time. A case of size discrimination? Here is a link to a Jezebel article that better outlines the controversy, but I thought I'd post the video here, too.

This is the Lane Bryant ad, which ABC and FOX have reportedly refused to run during Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, respectively:

Now, I'm the first to agree that the plus-size model (she's size 16) is sexier than any size 0. (Full round hips vs. protruding hip bones? Generous cleavage vs. exposed ribs? No contest.) We've all known for a while now that, although it's great to be slender in a healthy way, women's bodies are meant to curve and carry a bit of fat in certain places. (Let's face it, there's a reason why we need lingerie in the first place....)

What I actually find fascinating about this is how any television network can argue with a straight face that they believe bigger women to be sexier. These are the same network execs who have spent the last few decades spoonfeeding us images of increasingly thin women, calling them sexy, and turning the regular girls among us upside-down with self-doubt, because it's just not real to be that thin.

The networks have denied the accusations of discrimination, and may ultimately even run the ad. Still, it would be naive to think that the TV studios are coming around to a healthier way of looking at women. No, I believe that they are using "sexy" as an excuse to keep these images out of the public eye as long as possible. Because once these sexy, full-figured ladies make the limelight, the lies the networks spent half a century building will begin to break down. The public might just start to demand "sexy" women in all their TV fare. For networks built on such a... slim... foundation, that would mean starting over from scratch. And they don't want to.

Showing Skin

The other day I ran down to the grocery store on my corner, wearing a tank top and shortish shorts. What should have been an unremarkable journey became remarkable when I was ogled appreciatively by no fewer than ten men on the street (within the space of about seven minutes), and verbally catcalled by four of them. This blew my mind.

I didn't think at all about my attire before leaving home. Granted, I was wearing significantly less clothing than I normally do, but nothing I don't see other women wearing every day. And, in my estimation, I did not look good. At all. This was errand running at its quick and dirtiest. But the dramatic response from passersby quickly made me very self-conscious. I wanted to go home well before my errand was complete. That angered me.

I've wondered for years what men who catcall at women perceive the benefit of doing this to be. I've heard some defend the behavior as "paying a compliment," but is that really what it is? I personally don't feel complimented by hearing "hey, baby," especially when it's uttered in a tone rife with implication. It makes me feel nervous, embarrassed and in extreme cases, even attacked.

I know some women don't mind these mild advances, or may even feel flattered by them. But they just make me uncomfortable. And to be totally honest, it bothered me that this happened when I was utterly unprepared. I hadn't made any effort to look nice; I was simply, inadvertently showing a bit of skin. It reminded me that no matter what women do or how we act, some men will only be able to see us as physical bodies.

I can't control how I feel in response to these comments, but I'm still working out what to think about them. Are they appropriate? Complimentary? Degrading? Does it depend on the situation, the woman, the man?

Growing Pains (Hair, Part I)*

The following was originally posted on Oct. 13, 2008. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


My hair has long been the bane of my existence. There’s a love-hate thing going on between us that originated around the time when my mother decided I was old enough to manage it myself.

At home, I liked my hair. I thought it was pretty. In a few moments of wild self-confidence, I even thought I was pretty because of it. At school, though, I was mercilessly teased over my hairstyles. This was suburban Indiana – no one had a ‘fro. Except me. I didn’t know how to deal with my hair, so I wore it in awkward braids or in a big puffy ponytail. I let it grow because I believed that the longer it got, the heavier it would be and the flatter it would lie…but denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

As a teen, I spent laborious hours “managing” my hair. I slathered on gel. I sprayed and spritzed, tousled and tucked. I didn’t want my look to be so different. But the meager understanding of hair care and products I’d gained up until that point was based on what white women do. My mom is white, with hair that does what it’s told. At the time, the majority of my friends were white. All the black girls I knew had their hair chemically straightened—that was what you were supposed to do—so they weren’t much help to me, either. My mom consistently refused to let me try straightening. (If I’d known the word “sadist” back then, I’d have screamed it at her.)

The funny thing is, I’ve never actually wished for other hair. I don’t want it to be straight, or blond or conducive to highlights, layers or bangs. I like my hair as it is, I just often wish that I could train it to always look its best. But it doesn’t want to be tamed, simplified or made ordinary. It wants to stand out. I’ve always known that if I can draw that quality out of my hair and into myself, I will be a better woman for it.

What are your hair stories?

To Gym, or Not to Gym

Over the past few years, I’ve definitively proven two things: I have enough discipline to daily schlep my laptop twenty blocks to my favorite library, sit down and write a book, but I lack the discipline to slip on sneakers and walk one block to the gym. Hmmm.

This fall, I bit the bullet and bought a gym membership. I even signed up for some personal training sessions, a first for me. Yippee. I’ve taken the first steps on a road that supposedly leads to better health, more energy and greater happiness. Unfortunately I find that this road too frequently intersects the highway of do-these-pants-make-me-look-fat?

Generally speaking, I’m not a very appearance-focused person. I don’t care whether my clothes are baggy or awkwardly matched, I wear tank tops (despite flabby arm fat), I don’t always shave (even when people are going to see my legs), I can give or take makeup, and things like that. But when I make an effort to focus on exercise, I end up looking in the mirror more often. I poke myself to check for firmness. I consider buying a scale to keep track of progress – a purchase I’ve resisted for years because I don’t like focusing on how much I weigh. All around, I feel less good about myself, in the midst of doing something that’s supposed to be good for me.

I do think it’s important to exercise for health reasons, but I also don’t want to cultivate in myself any new self-consciousness about my appearance. Yet, I can’t seem to separate the two. What can I do? If I don’t exercise, I feel guilty, but happy in my skin. When I do, I feel a sense of accomplishment, but chubby. Is there a middle ground?

Recognizing Beauty, The Zambian Way

In college, I made a presentation about differing cultural perceptions of beauty and body image. I was reminded of it recently in Zambia. With the women, we spoke a lot about our bodies, and how they're viewed in our respective worlds. The women we encountered were as intrigued by our cultural quirks as we were by theirs. They were fascinated by the idea of plastic surgery, Botox, and our perpetual quest for thinness. But, fat is good, they said. Fat means well-fed, and well-fed means rich. Wrinkles are good. Wrinkles show age, so all who see you will know you are an elder. Sagging breasts are natural. Sagging breasts show you have nurtured your children well.

Next, they wanted to know if American men demanded these procedures of us. No, no, we said. All of us agreed that most men are far more open-minded about how women should look than we tend to give them credit for. This further baffled the Zambian women. If not for practicality and not for men, then why are we going through these drastic machinations? Many of us ended at a loss for words about it. How do you explain to someone with limited access to television that images and media can shape the way we look at ourselves? How do you tell a woman who has never had a doubt about her beauty what it is like to feel ugly and imperfect?

Zambian women, of course, have their own set of expectations to live up to. But body image is not their problem, at least as far as I can see. To them, the inherent power of femininity is enough to make every woman beautiful. They are not ashamed of their bodies, of sexuality, of the physical realities of life and love, as we are. They take pride in every bulge of fat and roll of skin because they know there is something of greater importance within us.

If we could learn to see ourselves through their eyes, we might all be better off.

How do you feel about your own body image?