You Say You Want a Revolution

The following was originally posted on December 11, 2013 on Kristina's blog.

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a coach and speaker in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.  

You can follow her @clearlykristina and like her Personal Growth Gab (PGG) page on Facebook to get more thought-provoking, inspirational and motivational tidbits like this!

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In memory of Grace Lee Boggs June 27, 1915 - October 5, 2015

One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others .~ Nelson Mandela

Revolution is the evolution of humans into a higher humanity . ~ Grace Lee Boggs
                 

Those of you who know me or have been reading PGG for a while are aware that my passion and mission in life has always been to contribute to world peace, mostly through my work best expressed in my mantra that personal transformation is the key to social transformation.

So it should come as no surprise that I profoundly relate to and revere the lives of these two nonagenarians, Nelson Mandela who died last week at age 95, and the 98-year-old activist and author Grace Lee Boggs.  They literally embody this philosophy in every cell of their beings; they have demonstrated it externally with their activism and sacrifice for racial equality and social justice, and internally by the wisdom they have gained and generously share from nearly a century of experience, observation, and, most importantly, reflection.
  

Both started out as 'radicals', and were branded as terrorists with the requisite FBI/CIA files (Mandela was even on the US terrorism watch list until 2008!) because they initially saw the only way to overthrow the entrenched power structure was by employing the more literal and sometimes violent tactics of revolution through organized movements and a spirit of rebellion. But through trial and error, incarceration, and maturity, they eventually evolved; they gave themselves permission to change their minds, learn and grow in light of new information, experimentation and once again, reflection - ultimately coming to the conclusion that in order to change the world, they would have to change themselves.

They came to understand that indeed humanity is made up of humans and that humans were going to have to deal with other humans in order to get anything done. So we'd better be the best we can be as individuals and try to get along and get past our differences and disagreements, because the reality is that we must co-exist harmoniously - whether in a racially divided African country, a rundown bankrupt American city, or in your very own household.

We are living in extraordinary times, and it is no accident that you are who you are at this moment in history.

What does your humanity mean to you?  As our world continues to go through turbulent changes and upheavals, it will be up to us individually and collectively to do our part to 'tear down' where necessary and rebuild a more enlightened society that reflects our evolved humanity.  But we have to start with ourselves and do what we can in our immediate environments to demonstrate our own revolution - which, by the way, does not happen overnight or with a magic pill, silver bullet, or special app.

Only through keen observation, deep reflection, and inner and outer sweating effort and energy over a long period of time directed towards improving ourselves and serving others that true transformation can take place. Then, if we're lucky, by the time we reach our 90's we can look back and see how our journey has positively and productively unfolded in both a personal and political way, and be proud of what we accomplished and the legacy we will leave behind.

Wondering how it will all go down if you take up the cause? Give me a buzz and I will incite a riot in your heart to make the most of what you got, so at the end of the day you know it's gonna be alright!

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I am so grateful to have learned about and met Grace Lee Boggs just two years ago. 
She passed away yesterday at the age of 100. 

 Everyone should experience her wisdom and humanity so be sure 

check out the documentary or watch the many videos 

of her that can be found online. She is a national treasure who will be greatly missed, but whose legacy will live on in all the lives she touched.

Paradigm Shift NYC Presents “No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power” with Gloria Feldt, Feminist Icon

TWM is proud to be a Co-Sponsor of this Women's History Month event and honored that our founder, Kristina Leonardi will be one of the panelists.  Hope to see you on March 19th! 

Click here for more information and place to register.

Doing What We Love*

This piece was originally posted on October 4, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Summer Retrospective, during which we will post a combination of new content and posts from the past. Enjoy!

Why do we stop ourselves from doing the things we love? I’ve been struggling lately (and by “lately,” I mean at least a year) with this question.

I have a friend who wants to be an actor and moved to New York partly to pursue that. When I ask him about it, he’s never much closer to taking his acting seriously than he was the time I asked before that. Another aspiring actor studied theatre in college and hasn’t gone on any auditions or even gotten headshots. I also have a friend who used to dance and was quite talented but had to stop years ago. Even though she now has some time and resources to start dancing again, it’s too emotional for her to even try.

All my life, I’ve loved to sing. When I stopped singing regularly with a chorus (or “for real,” as I like to call it), I lost confidence in my ability and eventually it became harder and harder to think about doing it again. Similarly, for the past few months, I’ve found it harder to sit down and write something substantial – one of the things I love doing most. I write here once a week, but it’s nothing like what I used to write when I used to write “for real.”

So I have to ask why it is that we stop ourselves from doing the things we love. I wonder if we don’t think we’re good enough, but it doesn’t seem that simple. I think maybe we don’t think we’re worthy of doing something we truly enjoy – something that has the potential to make us truly happy. Whatever it is, I’m trying to get us all out of our funk. However big or small our steps are, I’m hoping my friends and I can all get back on track… I imagine we’d all be at least a bit more fulfilled.

Doing What We Love*

The following was originally posted on October 4, 2011. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


Why do we stop ourselves from doing the things we love? I’ve been struggling lately (and by “lately,” I mean at least a year) with this question.

I have a friend who wants to be an actor and moved to New York partly to pursue that. When I ask him about it, he’s never much closer to taking his acting seriously than he was the time I asked before that. Another aspiring actor studied theatre in college and hasn’t gone on any auditions or even gotten headshots. I also have a friend who used to dance and was quite talented but had to stop years ago. Even though she now has some time and resources to start dancing again, it’s too emotional for her to even try.

All my life, I’ve loved to sing. When I stopped singing regularly with a chorus (or “for real,” as I like to call it), I lost confidence in my ability and eventually it became harder and harder to think about doing it again. Similarly, for the past few months, I’ve found it harder to sit down and write something substantial – one of the things I love doing most. I write here once a week, but it’s nothing like what I used to write when I used to write “for real.”

So I have to ask why it is that we stop ourselves from doing the things we love. I wonder if we don’t think we’re good enough, but it doesn’t seem that simple. I think maybe we don’t think we’re worthy of doing something we truly enjoy – something that has the potential to make us truly happy. Whatever it is, I’m trying to get us all out of our funk. However big or small our steps are, I’m hoping my friends and I can all get back on track… I imagine we’d all be at least a bit more fulfilled.

Doing What We Love

Why do we stop ourselves from doing the things we love? I’ve been struggling lately (and by “lately,” I mean at least a year) with this question.

I have a friend who wants to be an actor and moved to New York partly to pursue that. When I ask him about it, he’s never much closer to taking his acting seriously than he was the time I asked before that. Another aspiring actor studied theatre in college and hasn’t gone on any auditions or even gotten headshots. I also have a friend who used to dance and was quite talented but had to stop years ago. Even though she now has some time and resources to start dancing again, it’s too emotional for her to even try.

All my life, I’ve loved to sing. When I stopped singing regularly with a chorus (or “for real,” as I like to call it), I lost confidence in my ability and eventually it became harder and harder to think about doing it again. Similarly, for the past few months, I’ve found it harder to sit down and write something substantial – one of the things I love doing most. I write here once a week, but it’s nothing like what I used to write when I used to write “for real.”

So I have to ask why it is that we stop ourselves from doing the things we love. I wonder if we don’t think we’re good enough, but it doesn’t seem that simple. I think maybe we don’t think we’re worthy of doing something we truly enjoy – something that has the potential to make us truly happy. Whatever it is, I’m trying to get us all out of our funk. However big or small our steps are, I’m hoping my friends and I can all get back on track… I imagine we’d all be at least a bit more fulfilled.

The Performance Gene

I definitely did not inherit the performance gene in my family. I have cousins who sing and dance so well that I find it hard to believe that we are related sometimes. While my childhood was isolated, they had (and continue to have) exposure to many people within their cultural and religious worlds. Part of me is glad not to have the pressures to fit in with a community that can be extremely judgmental, but another part of me knows that the experience of performance and exposure to a variety of people at a young age can be beneficial to social development.

I saw the benefits of having the performance gene recently with one of my cousins as she danced to a packed, inadequately air conditioned theater. She had the usual jitters associated with performing live in front of family and friends, but she held herself with such poise as the theater remained hot. It wasn’t so bad for me, because the ceilings were quite high and I remained seated with everyone else as I fanned myself constantly. My cousin had the stamina and the discipline to perform dance after dance, and make it look effortless.

My cousin is trained in the classic dance from of Bharatanatyam, which originates in Southern India, which she has been part of it since she was five years old. The dance recital, or Arangettam as it is called in my parents’ native language, usually takes place after years of training with a dance guru; it is like a final exam and graduation all in one. I was completely ignorant of this aspect of the classical Indian dance world my cousin has been in until the day of her Arangettam, when I saw her hard work pay off before my eyes. I am not sure I would have had the discipline and passion she has for dance, even if I had the opportunity to take classes as a child.

Do you have the performance gene? If so, do you think it gives you an advantage over those who do not?

Happy Graduation

It's getting to be that time of year. Schools are letting out, another academic year is ending, and for many students in different walks of life it's time for a big life change: Graduation. Whether it's from high school, college, trade school, graduate or professional school, or just kindergarten, graduations are typically times of high emotion, excitement and anxiety.

I haven't graduated from anything in a while, at least not officially, but as I'm watching others achieve significant milestones in their lives I find myself reflecting on the many unofficial graduations I've celebrated over the past few years. Not the least of which has been moving from regular employment to making a living as an author.

In regular life, there isn't always an obvious moment of "graduation" from one state of being to another. It can be a continual evolution during which you wake up one morning and know that you are different, and that your world is changing to match. No one hands you a diploma, but the sense of accomplishment can be just as strong.

Sometimes it's good to pat yourself on the back and think about all your accomplishments, big and small, those that are life-changing as well as those day-to-day events that seem insignificant but which gradually carry you closer to your goals.

What milestones have you reached lately? How do you plan to celebrate your graduation?

Natural Talents

We all have talents. A few of us out there achieve levels of genius that can and do make significant impressions on many, while others get by with or neglect what their gifts for a variety of reasons. Mostly I have heard people complain that they cannot make a living at what they are best at, so they choose what is safe and steady, which is hard to come by these days. Many become discouraged due to rejection, and then refuse to go on. The problem is that when one’s talents are suppressed, that does not mean that they just go away. Instead they remain within us, festering under the surface.

I just saw my cousin in one of the two lead female roles in her high school production of Guys and Dolls, and it got me thinking about my own natural talents. She is a fantastic singer with great stage presence; her ability to perform has been with her since childhood, when I saw her dance with her friends as part of an Indian classical ensemble. While part of a group of singers in this production, my cousin’s soprano voice stood out among the others, which were all very good in their own right. It was the first time I had ever heard her sing on her own in public, and she did it as if she had been doing it for years. I was so proud of her, and then I thought about my own desire to write. I am definitely not the best writer by any means, but I love doing it. I also notice that my writing improves the more I experiment with it. I use writing in all aspects of my life, including work, but to use it to create stories and write on topics and incidents that interest me are what I want to do more of.

Do you suppress your natural talents, or try to use them as often as possible? Does the fear of mediocrity bother you?

For the Love of Wacky Challenges

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I love a wacky challenge! It seems that ever since my sister and I started talking seriously about our ever-growing desire to compete on the Amazing Race, my competitive spirit is starting to rise to the surface much more than usual.

Most recently, this came up when a foodie friend of mine mentioned the Foodie Photo Scavenger Hunt. A food blogger that she loves was running his second annual scavenger hunt in NYC to win tickets to a major charity event, Toast to the Children. The hunt would take us around NYC doing things like holding a spotted pig outside The Spotted Pig, trying to cut the line at Shake Shack, and snapping a shot with five guys outside Five Guys Burgers. Her excitement about the prize and my excitement about the challenge sealed the deal and, with only 24 hours to map out a plan of action, we were committed.

We had our setbacks – a late start, a few unplanned pit stops, strange weather, major subway problems, etc. – and we spent entirely too much money, but it was one of the best times I’ve had in a while. In the end, we had over 100 photos documenting our adventure (you can check out a bunch here, though I’m not in most of them – I was the photographer). We didn’t end up winning, but we did get second place which still got us tickets to the event.

Of course, it wouldn’t have mattered if we hadn’t gotten second place, because the experience itself was great. But it sure was exciting to find out that the 50 hours we spent running around the city was being rewarded.

Where The Jobs Are

Like many Americans, I am looking for a steady job. There is so much information in the media about the recovering economy and job growth, but like many others, I haven’t seen these improvements yet. I know that I have to be open to moving to another part of the United States, or even another country. It is all about where the jobs are, and that means taking risks.

I am not unfamiliar with this. When I received my ESL teaching certification a few years ago, I decided to teach abroad for at least one year. I was a little scared to leave the U.S. for Indonesia; the only person I knew who lived there was a cousin I met once when I was a little girl. The first few months after I arrived were difficult, because I was constantly getting sick, and the workplace culture at the two schools I worked in was very corrupt. Despite all of this, I made a life for myself there. I made friends, learned to speak a little of the language, and traveled to some beautiful locales. In short, I adapted to my surroundings, even though I was counting the days until my teaching contract would be complete. I proved to myself that since I made it in Indonesia, I can make it almost anywhere I want to go.

I plan to move twice this year; once at the end of this month, and the next before the end of this year. The first move is a transitional one, because I will still be living near New York City, but my plans are to relocate to out of the area completely. I just know that my next opportunity is somewhere else, and I am ready to take it on, whatever it is. I am looking forward to the future, even with all of the uncertainties surrounding me.

Would you relocate for the right job, even if it means leaving everything and everyone you know behind?

What We're Worth

Lately, I’ve found myself in a lot of conversations about the value and worth of work. A friend of mine recently got a long-overdue raise, meanwhile other friends deserve a raise but have yet to receive one. I also have friends who aren’t currently working and are feeling greater confidence as a result of considering ways to measure success that aren’t related to a paycheck.

This got me thinking about how much of our confidence comes from our jobs. We live in a society where our work is a big part of our identity, so this makes a lot of sense. If we complete an important project or implement a new system at work, our confidence shoots up. If a project isn’t successful, then our confidence dips. This cycle seems part of a natural ebb & flow, but there’s another side to this...

For starters, what happens if your job is a supportive role rather than one that takes the lead? If you aren’t given any major responsibilities, it’s hard to feel that your job is of any importance. I have a lot of acquaintances who feel no ownership of the tasks they work on, and their confidence goes down.

Another issue that comes into play is reward. In some companies, completing a goal leads to some sort of reward. The reward might come in the form of a bonus, a promotion, a potential raise at your yearly review, a staff person for you to manage, office perks, a shout out at the next meeting, and so forth. In other companies, however, none of these are a possibility.

In my experience and that of those around me, I’ve seen all of these scenarios. In companies where every goal is met with some reward (even a small one), it definitely seems to me that morale is boosted when someone succeeds. Sadly, the opposite also seems to be true – if there are no rewards, people start to develop low self-esteem.

Has your confidence ever been affected by your work? What have you done when you felt your work wasn’t being properly compensated?

My Biggest Competition

When I’m with family or friends, we usually play board games to pass the time. I love playing games, but I find that I’m not a particularly competitive person. That is, I’m not competitive with other people, but boy am I competitive with myself!

No matter what I do, it seems I’m always trying to top myself. This has come as a bit of a surprise to me, though I should have seen the signs. In Scrabble, I try to outdo myself with each word; the goal of Solitaire is to win as many times as I can; Beatles Rock Band is all about playing each song better than last time. I don’t worry about how everyone else is doing, just about outdoing myself.

I’m not this way only with games, but in all areas. Usually, it’s a good thing. At work, I find ways to be even more efficient. In hot yoga, I commit to getting through more poses. But I am also in competition with myself in areas where I probably shouldn’t be, like writing. This would be fine, except that, for me, writing is about creativity, catharsis, and tapping into things I hadn’t considered before. These don’t mix with competition.

I made this realization a few weeks ago, when I was thinking about the Legendary Latinas series I wrote last year in honor of Women’s History Month. I remember how much time and energy I put into that and the positive feedback I got. It occurred to me that March is coming up and I convinced myself that I had to do something better this year. Ever since, I’ve been scrambling for ideas and looking for inspiration everywhere I turn. I panicked a couple of days ago when still nothing had come to me, and that’s when I saw how ridiculous I was being. Nobody expects me to top myself, and even if they did, writing is so subjective that it’s impossible for me to “win.”

I still don’t know what I’ll write for March, but my new goal is to keep my competitive spirit in check.

Friday Forum: Challenge Yourself

Thinking of NaNoWriMo and things like the Julie & Julia Project and 50 Jobs in 50 States made us wonder, what's one thing you would challenge yourself to accomplish in a certain period of time?

Whether it's based on a hobby or something you've always been curious about but never tried, what would you want to do and why?

Crossroads and the Foreign Service

My parents are very lucky. They have stable jobs in secure fields, and they worry about my brother, sister, and me because we haven’t followed them into similar situations, at least not yet. I don’t see life as a competitive race with others, especially when it comes to my family members. I always say that I don’t want to be anyone else; I just want to be a better version of myself. It’s just that I want to know what’s next already! One of my plans is to try for the U.S. Foreign Service. I took the exam before, but didn’t make it in for various reasons. Now that it is being offered several times a year and the format has changed, I think I have a better shot at getting in this time around.

Why the U.S. Foreign Service? Well, for a long time, I have known that I want to do meaningful work and interact with people from other countries, cultures, and walks of life. I have had enough of working in offices where I know I won’t see or experience the fruits of my labor; the only thing I have to show for it all is a paycheck, and that doesn’t seem to be enough for me anymore.

And I also want to see more of the world; it’s no secret that I love travelling, and not just for leisure. To experience other cultures around the world while representing the United States sounds really good to me; I am not ignorant to the anti-American sentiment out there, but I think being a woman of Indian descent will help me in many places. I also don’t presume to be superior to anyone else because of my citizenship, and I don’t have an inferiority complex, so I am not easily intimidated. In other words, I think I would make a good diplomat. Still, it is one of several plans I have for my future.

How do you juggle various plans for the future? Do you have any advice to give me?

Overbooked and UnderBOOKed

I’m having the kind of week (month, year) when too much is going on that I’m interested in, and too much is going on that I’m required to do. Let alone the things I just think would be fun!

I’ve experienced stretches of time in the past where everything seems to fall into place. There’s time to work and play, time to attend meetings, time to cook and time to lie around. Well, now I’m sounding like that Byrds song... to everything there's a season... but you get the picture.

At this time, the many responsibilities that are calling my name have nothing to do with work. I’m an author, so my work schedule is up to me. I choose when I work and on what, which paying gigs I accept vs. the time I put toward future book projects that right now run on my own dime. But lately my problem is the opposite of the usual - too much LIFE getting in the way of my WORK. And it's not about self-discipline - I truly enjoy what I do.

I don’t like having to choose between things that often seem to be of equal importance, such as my work, my volunteer commitments, my family, my friends, myself. In a void, it’s easy to order these things, but in reality, nothing's so clear cut. Yes, economic realities have to be faced. So is work always first? No one can responsibly skip work on a regular basis to hang out with friends or take a desired vacation. Sure. But what about that old adage that says “No one on their deathbed ever wished they’d worked more?” There’s great value in building relationships and taking time for oneself, right?

We’ve all posted before about things like time management and prioritization, and finding ways to relax and make time for others. I suppose what I’m talking about involves all of those things. Certainly the stress I’m feeling today is not at all new, or unique.

So... has anyone hit upon the magic formula yet? How do I get myself un-booked and back to my books?

Is the Grass Greener?

People who know me know that I can be indecisive about my future. I have had the feeling for some time now that I am “running in place” in almost all aspects of my life, and when I have so many ideas as to what my next steps will be, it can be overwhelming, to say the least.

Some friends and family members have had great success moving to other countries and/or cities to accomplish their goals. It is a leap of faith when someone leaves everything they know to build a life elsewhere. It is nothing new, especially since a primary aspect of human history is migration. As the child of immigrants, I know from my parents how difficult it was to leave their families and friends to realize the American dream. My relatives who remain in India or live in other parts of the world believe that it far too easy for people to achieve financial success in America. Some of them claim to dislike this country and the people, even though they have never been here or had any interactions with Americans (with the exception of my siblings and cousins, of course.) Still, it is apparent to me that most of these naysayers would have jumped at the chance to come to the U.S.A., if they had the opportunity. Those of my relatives who never had any interest to visit this country at the very least (if there are any) are more than willing to ask for, and accept, American dollars from my parents when they come to visit India. “The grass may be greener,” in their eyes, but many of them don’t understand what my parents and other immigrants went through to become successful.

Relocation to another city (or possibly another country) is on the table for me now, especially since my current project is coming to an end. I am keeping myself in check by making realistic and ambitious career goals, and pray that all will turn out well.

Do any of you have plans to relocate, or have you done so already?

Reckless Ambition (Freelance, Part II)

Here’s the latest evolution in my thoughts about my freelance lifestyle. I’m comfortable with myself and with my work, which is writing books for teens. That’s what I do. It’s part of who I am. Even more so, it’s part of who I want to be. I have goals. I have plans. I work toward those goals. I enact those plans. Yet, at times, it seems to be not enough.

I believe I’m ambitious, because I want things and I work for them. Where I run into trouble is when I’m dealing with others. In this society, ambition is narrowly defined. This isn’t a choose-your-own-adventure kind of life, according to some. I’ve been accused of being unambitious. I’ve been accused of giving up, because I didn’t go to medical school, like I thought I might. I didn’t go to law school, like I thought I might. I’ve quit jobs I hated that could have led me to jobs I loved if I’d only stuck it out, paid my dues. Etc.

I’m ambitious, yes, but not in a way that feels real in the world, because I’m only able to motivate myself to do things I want to do. I easily stay up late at night writing. Working on my website design. Researching random topics for my books. I have to force myself to stop these activities in the wee hours. But I’d have trouble dragging myself to an office daily to plod through assigned tasks at a desk. It’s not that I can’t. I’ve done it. But I don’t want to, so I’ve built a life that lets me not have to. To me, that’s the height of ambition – making the world work for you, not the other way around. But the world looks upon me as someone who couldn’t hack it, so gave up and went away. Why?

What is ambition? Is it the drive to achieve a particular kind of success, or simply the degree of passion with which you pursue and enact your dreams? Does it imply willingness to endure any possible hardship to reach a certain endgame?