Paradigm Shift NYC Presents “No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power” with Gloria Feldt, Feminist Icon

TWM is proud to be a Co-Sponsor of this Women's History Month event and honored that our founder, Kristina Leonardi will be one of the panelists.  Hope to see you on March 19th! 

Click here for more information and place to register.

Carte Blanche

  

The following was originally posted on December 5, 2014 on Kristina's blog.

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a coach and speaker in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.  

You can follow her @clearlykristina and like her Personal Growth Gab (PGG) page on Facebook to get more thought-provoking, inspirational and motivational tidbits like this!

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When traveling by myself in Cape Town, South Africa in 2001, just seven years after the end of apartheid, I had a major aha moment while having tea in the lobby of the historic, old-world luxury Mount Nelson Hotel.

Feeling somewhat awkward in my solo budget travel state, I was in the midst of sipping Earl Grey when something clicked within me on the most profound of levels. It occurred to me that due to the mere fact my skin was white - with the bonus of having blonde hair at the time - I was essentially given free rein to go wherever I desired and do whatever I wanted, and no one would ever question me, look at me strangely, or think I didn't belong. 

 

Yes, I was in one of the most segregated countries on the planet, but it really struck me that this applied in a broader context - no matter where I go, simply because of the color of my skin, along with being tall and dressing reasonably well, in addition to being educated and American, I enjoy a certain level of trust, respect (well, this was just before 9/11) and service, and almost always inadvertently avoid outright discrimination and bodily harm, even as a woman (which itself is topic for another discussion, since that is only a very recent phenomena and may apply to less places, but I digress...).

 

Suddenly the phrase "carte blanche," which literally translates as "white card," came into my head and I immediately made the connection to the District Six Museum's display of various ID cards for citizens under that classified system:  White, Coloured, Black, and Indian.  In the United States, and in a global sense, it is an invisible card I carry that gives me entree, ease and yes, a certain unearned privilege, to live a life free of so many stresses, layers of misperceptions, institutionalized prejudice, fear, bias and/or hatred the majority of those of darker shades must endure, and are too often endangered by.

 

I realize in telling you this story I may sound naive, but you have to know this came at a time to someone who from childhood in theory, and more than ten years prior to that moment in practice, was not only quite aware of, but particularly passionate about, the issue of racial inequality and had many interpersonal experiences, observations and relationships informing a significant understanding of the complexities all that entails - earlier that year I had even started a non-profit organization to dispel stereotypes and bigotry in order to bring women together to "Recognize Our Unity" and "Celebrate Our Diversity". 

But being in a place where racism had so recently been explicitly acknowledged and addressed in such a direct manner brought this concept home to me in a way that up until that point in my life, because I am White, had only been subtly perceptible, and even then, only because I was sensitive to the issue.


A couple of years later while waiting in the cold for an MTA bus on First Avenue in the East Village I got to experience this overtness in reverse. Two Black women chose to ditch the delayed public transportation, and I watched in disbelief as two, three, five, six open taxis passed by as they tried to hail them; disgusted, I asked if they needed help, and of course the next cab stopped for me but when the driver realized the Black women, not me, were getting in, he drove away.  Finally I asked where they were going; I was so appalled I decided I would just get in and share it with them. Of course the irony was that they were only going to 78th between First and Second, probably one of the whitest blocks in the city...It was perhaps the closest I will come to know what it must feel like to deal with race on a daily basis, simply trying to accomplish the most mundane of tasks.


Fast forward to February 2012. After my talk at the NY Science, Industry and Business Library a young Black man came up to thank me for what I had shared, how it made him think differently about his life, and pointed out to me what he had written down so he could make positive change going forward. He then said he had recently been released from federal prison, would I be willing to work with people like him?  Well, this began a journey in which I learned more specifically about the consequences of race and the criminal justice system, the roots of mass incarceration and the many barriers to re-entry. It has since widened and deepened my understanding of the unhealed wounds, scars and repercussions of our country's history of slavery.


What we are dealing with in the aftermath of injustice after injustice against people of color are symptoms of a very sick system that is made up of people, and people are crying out for transformation and healing. It is not a Black problem; it is not a White problem. It is a human problem. No matter what card-carrying member of our race you proclaim (or are deemed) to be, we're all in this man-made mess together - and we will only solve it one story, one interaction, one aha moment at a time.  

  

About The Violence Against Women In India

Since I first learned of the 2012 case of the brutal Delhi gang rape, which gained international attention, I was disturbed to learn of the rise in reports of similar crimes perpetrated towards Indians and foreigners. It was the attack on a Danish tourist near a popular shopping area in India's capital city last month that really made my blood run cold. Through my own research, I learned of other horrific cases of rape in India that are almost too overwhelming to comprehend. Some of them include a case of a Polish woman raped with her young daughter present in a taxi cab by the driver; a couple ambushed by a group of men while bicycling in Central India; and a nightmarish account of a woman who was raped by order her village council as punishment for who she chose to love. I have read and been told by Indian family members and friends that the increase in reports of rape are a result of more people coming forward to the authorities and the media; fear of reprisals from the perpetrators and being ostracized by their communities continue to be serious deterrents to justice.

As the daughter of first generation Americans who came from India, I have had mixed feelings about the country. As a child, all I knew about India from my two visits there were that I had many Indian relatives, the climate was very hot and rainy, vegetation was lush, and I was a mosquito magnet.  It was only during my last two visits to India as an adult that I learned to appreciate its many cultures, languages, customs, climates and landscapes. Like America, India is more diverse and complex than most people can comprehend, including myself.  Now, however, I am wondering if I will return to my parents' birth country any time soon.

It's not just fear that something horrible will happen to me or someone I know; it's the corruption and misogynistic attitudes that make progress in the prevention of these attacks and the aftermaths faced by victims slower than it should be. There are many wonderful, outspoken Indian women and men in the country facing this issue head-on, and now with more people reporting these attacks, the need for true reform in all levels of society is more vital than ever. As an outsider with some insider knowledge, I see how influential the Indian movie and TV industries could be in transforming some of the sexist, backward attitudes that have contributed to the extreme violence towards women in the country. Strategies like public service announcements that reach out to men and women of all ages would be great, as well as more positive stories of rape victims becoming survivors could make enormous positive impacts.

There are so many other things that need to happen, such as dealing with how families raise their sons and daughters; encouraging all people to report cases of abuse to the authorities; and revising academic, governmental, and medical institutions' policies on how to help survivors and their families. Unfortunately, I have heard too many stories of people who are further victimized by their communities after going public, and for me, that is unacceptable.

True, systematic change will not happen overnight, but I hope to see some significant reforms in my lifetime. After all, India transformed from a British colony into a democracy with a flourishing economy in a matter of decades. I know (as do so many others) that changes in India's cultural, social, and legal policies regarding all forms of abuse must happen, so the nation's progress into a brighter future will become a reality.

All Roads: Same Place

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life coach, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.

The following was originally posted on September 25, 2013 on Kristina's blog.

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September is always an exciting time of year for me as world leaders convene on the island of Manhattan for the United Nations General Assembly and the Clinton Global Initiative.

Many of you know my degree is in International Relations. Early on I was a passionate student of languages and cultures, got bit by the travel bug at age 12 after a trip to Spain, Portugal and Morocco with my grandmother; by senior year in high school I was studying Spanish, French and Italian (foregoing chemistry and physics..), Mandarin Chinese freshman year in college, organized international student orientations, studied abroad my third year…you get the picture.

My dream was to one day work for the UN, as my intention and mission in life was to contribute to world peace (I simply didn’t understand why people and countries couldn’t get along just because of race, religion or anything else), so that was a seemingly logical goal. Who grows up wanting to be a career/life coach? Like so many professions today, that didn’t even exist when I was a kid! Ah, but the Universe has a funny way of working things out.

Once I discovered that being employed by the UN did not ultimately fit my skill set or desired environment, I set out to create my own international experiences - teaching middle and high school Spanish, working and traveling with an upscale educational tour operator, teaching Tourism Destinations & Cultures for NYU, and founding my own mini-version of the UN called The Women’s Mosaic, bringing together women from different cultures and backgrounds to learn from and be inspired by one another.

As a result of that creation, I got hooked into the UN, met several times and received praise from Kofi Annan, have attended many of their conferences (I still get verklempt when I am in the auditorium wearing an earpiece…), and before any of this, without consciously trying, ended up living in the very neighborhood where the UN’s headquarters is situated – so for my entire adult life I have been surrounded by diplomats and their missions, sharing my coffee shop, gym and grocery store with them 24/7.

Fast forward to more recently, as my interest and passion for personal growth, empowerment and healing along with my ability to relate to just about anyone, combined with x-ray vision, supersonic hearing, and broad knowledge base of industries, careers and other resources have combined to make me into this very interesting and profoundly effective person I will call a career/life coach for lack of a better title….and I have been helping people professionally in this capacity for over six years.

Last week I had a big ah-ha moment after a Skype session with a new client in Hungary who had attended one of my talks while here on holiday. Although that was only my second international call, I realized just how diverse and, yes, global my clientele is! I have worked with well over a hundred people from all backgrounds – whether foreign nationals here visiting or working temporarily, or folks that were not born here but came as children or adults to live. They hail from Macedonia, Italy, Puerto Rico, Mexico, New Zealand, Dominican Republic, China, Taiwan, Nigeria, Canada, Australia, El Salvador, Russia, Japan, Philippines, and Israel as well as embody the many diverse ethnicities and religions found here; African-American, Haitian, Indian, Persian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Quaker, and so much more; many of my clients have accents, as English is their second or third language! So DUH, here I am using my degree in ‘International Relations’ yet once again, simply in another form. Pretty cool, huh?

I share all of this not just to illustrate how the thread of my interests and passions have run through everything I do, but also for this: My work with individuals only confirms my theories, thoughts and ideals about countries and humanity as a whole. The more I learn and observe intimately the intricacies of all these seemingly different folks’ journeys and backgrounds, the more I see the hard evidence of how we are all wired as humans with the same desires, dreams, hopes and challenges – no matter what corner of the globe you are from we have far more in common than you can imagine.

Think you’re so special? You are. You have a uniqueness that you bring to this planet. But you are also made of the same stuff as that guy or gal is sitting next to you on the subway, or across the ocean. And because of things like technology and climate change, we are more interconnected than ever. So this week take a moment to expand your horizons - who can you learn about, chat with or help in some way that is out of your normal sphere of influence? How can you Imagine your world for the better? What can you do to think globally but act locally?

Not sure what is the micro in your life that will affect the macro? Give me a buzz and we’ll translate the language of your soul to see how it will weave into the tapestry of history and become that much needed piece of the peace puzzle we are all a part of, no matter who you are or where you come from.

FINAL WEEK: Be sure to take advantage of my special Back to School September discount offer!

Shake Your Groove Thing

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life coach, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth. The following was originally posted on November 28, 2012 on Kristina's blog.

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Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit? ~ Gabrielle Roth
 

In the movie Silver Linings Playbook, the main characters Pat and Tiffany are in training for a big dance competition that turns out to be much more than a fancy booty shaking contest.  A unique romantic dramedy, it's a film that shows there is a fine line between sanity and insanity, acceptable versus unacceptable behavior, and the beauty of living life to the beat of your own drum.

 

In the movie The Sessions, Mark O'Brien is confined to an iron lung 20 hours a day, existing on a gurney unable to move from the neck down, and yet he writes poetry, is a professional journalist and decides to hire a sex surrogate so he can experience the most human of experiences. We go along on his journey (based on a true story!) and find him to be one of the most alive, loving and liberated individuals to have ever lived despite such extreme physical limitations.

 

And as seen in the movie Lincoln, our 16th president is clearly not your Average Joe.  He was always thinking out of the box, used his quirky sense of humor to diffuse or illuminate situations, and took numerous risks throughout the most heart-wrenching circumstances our country has endured.  He stretched the Constitution to its limit, working within an established framework while implementing his own interpretation and/or bending the rules based on his hard-earned wisdom, keen observations and superior judgment as unprecedented needs arose and critical decisions had to be made in order for progress to occur.

 

In the conscious movement class I take, we are told to  'dance it your way' and have breaks of  'free dance'  where we boogie as we see fit; it's not chaotic because there is an organized structure and unity contained within the flow as we come back together intermittently as a group throughout the hour.  It's a super-small class because for many people, when given the opportunity to move and think for themselves, even for just a few moments, is a daunting and uncomfortable feeling; it's an empowering exercise that requires more effort and less inhibition, and many simply don't know what to do if they are not following the instructor. And that, my friends, is indicative of a larger problem with implications reaching much farther than a gym studio.

 

Spielberg's Lincoln asks, "Do you think we choose to be born? Or are we fitted to the times we're born into?"  As citizens of the 21st century, we are certainly living in extraordinary times that will require us to become the fullest and most unique beings we are meant to be.  We each have something that needs to be expressed, something that no other person on this planet, no one who has come before or will come after can express. Right now we need new ways of looking at old problems and to change old ways in order deal with new problems, so it's more important than ever for you to do your own thang, because there is no other way to generate inspiration and birth innovation.

 

In any era it's easy to get stuck in past habits and sucked into the zeitgeist of the day.  Resist the urge to follow the herd, fight to honor yourself, think and speak your own thoughts and begin to know and create yourself anew every moment of every day instead of getting swept up by social media, news, commercials, and even your peer groups, work and ethnic cultures or family and friends who are all, consciously or not, forces that can easily grab hold of your mind, body, spirit and/or bank account.  Don't let your physical characteristics, family roots or societal dictates squash all the rhythms inside you that might be quite different from what those outside influences might have you believe, say or do.

 

Not sure exactly what your groove thing is? Give me a buzz and I'll get you started with some basic choreography and point you in the right direction, because ultimately You Should Be Dancing your own steps throughout life, hopefully with a fun disco floor beneath your feet along the way!

Remember Your Roots

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to welcome back Giovanna as a guest blogger:

Giovanna lives in New York City. Through her work experiences and
most recently through her studies, she has developed a passion for the
dynamic of work; the psychology behind it.


At a book reading for one of my favorite new novels, an audience member confessed that she had a tough time reading the book. She criticized the author’s constant use of “Spanglish” and cultural anecdotes, indicating that they made her reading experience unpleasant as she constantly had to look things up in order to understand the story. To which I felt a sudden urge to scream: “So what! I have been doing that my entire life!!”. As an avid reader from a young age, you could often find me with a book in one hand and a dictionary in the other. English is not my first language; thus I was not always familiar with the prose used by some of my favorite authors, from the old English of “The Scarlet Letter” to the colloquial speech of Holden in “Catcher in the Rye”. This particular author however, a Dominican immigrant like myself, allowed me to finally see my own voice on paper. While reading his works, I often find myself nodding in agreement, "yes… I get this." That is because his story, his characters’ stories, although individual, are my story as well.

So I wondered: does the author know that he is doing this? Does anyone with a public voice, for that matter, realize what they are doing? Do they know that they speak for a culture? A people? A generation? Are they O.K. with that? Then more intently, would I be O.K. with that? As a young professional attempting to make a voice for herself, to be successful, would I be able to carry the trials and tribulations of MY own people, a group so misunderstood, everywhere I go? A culture of people so proud yet often self-deprecating? And I am ashamed to admit that I also wondered, would it be too much of a cross to bear?

You see we all have an agenda, an individual mission if you will. Yet there is often a struggle between perfecting that personal brand and not leaving certain aspects of yourself behind. Aspects that you may not love, but are an integral part of who you are. Whether it be the influence of your family, a thick accent that is heard before even your words are, or uncertainty between adopting the collective focus many of our cultures are based on, versus the individualistic approach that we have come to favor - how do you find a happy medium?

As I pondered this, I remembered that I was still at the book reading. I listened to the author talk and thought about all the other public figures I admire, all whom share that same innate awareness of self, a communal “This is who I am, take it or leave it” kind of attitude, and I realized that all you need to do is believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in your art. Do it with character. Do it the way that feels right to you. Put every inch of you in it: your culture, your identity, where you come from, because that is who you are and you cannot hide who you are. I, for one, have no desire to.

Memories Of A Muslim Country

The violence which first erupted last week in response to a contentious anti-Muslim film brings up memories of Indonesia for me. I never saw chaos on the streets of Jakarta or elsewhere in the country, nor did I experience any anti-Western sentiment from those I worked with and lived near to, but I do remember how deeply devout some of my Muslim Indonesian friends and acquaintances were and still are, and how they never made me feel out of place because I was not a Muslim. At shopping malls and all other public places, there are rooms for washing before and after prayers, usually near the restrooms, and rooms for prayer. The daily call for prayer never made me feel uncomfortable; instead I always felt peaceful. I lived in a Muslim country and was not treated like an infidel; I made friends with Muslims and Christians alike, and both groups easily mixed with each other.

When I first heard about the riot outside of the U.S. Embassy in Jakarta, Indonesia, I must admit that it made my blood run cold for a moment; when I heard there was no violence or bloodshed (to date, I have not heard of any) I felt better. I visited this location several times, and always found it a calm place each time I was there, even when I was stressed out about my visa or some other matter. I knew of some anti-Western sentiment, but it never touched me directly. Of course, being of Indian descent may have helped me considerably, because in countries like Indonesia, being white equals being Western most of the time. It is only when I open my mouth to speak that my American accent reveals who I really am, which sometimes confused the Indonesian people I met and even my family members from India. Unlike the latter, the former never tried to make me feel uneasy about my unusual accent and Western identity.

I hate stereotypes of all kinds, and I am just happy to have the experiences of living outside of them, in this country and abroad. I would like to hear more moderate and measured voices between the extremist ones from the West and the East. Is that too much to ask for? Perhaps for now, it is.

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Leap Day Past and Present

Today is Leap Day, which only comes once every four years as everyone knows. I always saw it as a day I was glad not to be born in, since Leapers have to choose either February 28th or March 1st as their birthdays on non-Leap Years. I do not personally know anyone who was born on a Leap Day, so I am not sure if the common feeling shared by them is one of annoyance, pride, or both. It is probably amusing at times to claim to be younger than they are because of their actual birthdays being celebrated once every four years. It must also be a nuisance dealing with government agencies when Leapers use their true birth dates. I would not relish that.

I just found out that in Irish history, Leap Day was designated as the day that women could propose to men, and if a proposal made on this day was rejected, compensation was made to the scorned. I actually believe that this was a very good idea at the time, especially since women were expected to wait for proposals from potential suitors, or have their parents arrange marriages on their behalf. Rejection of these proposals did not leave any of these women empty-handed either, which must have helped to soften the blow. The common penalties were multiple pairs of gloves, gowns, or just money. I think that if I lived during those times and made a proposal to someone who rejected me on Leap Day, I would have been able to move on well enough.

Leap Days in the modern age should be days when we continue to do things we would usually never do. If I lived near Disney World or Disney Land, I would be there all day because the amusement parks are open for 24 hours today. Perhaps leaping off a building, armed with a parachute? Well, I won’t be doing that this Leap Year, but perhaps I will do something unexpected in honor of the day. Why not?

My Relationship With Dickens

Charles Dickens’s 200th birthday was celebrated worldwide on Tuesday, February 07, 2012, and I suspect there will be celebrations for the rest of the week too. I listened to two BBC radio specials about the author, his work, and Indian views about both. I did not know there is such a strong affinity for the 19th century English writer in my mother’s birth country, but now that I do I am not surprised. Themes of social discord, money, poverty, child labor and abuse Dickens explored in his work resonate with many modern-day Indians. I believe (as do many others, I suspect) that novels such as David Copperfield, Great Expectations, A Christmas Carol, and Oliver Twist continue to attract readers today from all over the world because of the author’s ability to weave a variety of characters and their experiences together seamlessly.

I have a slightly odd relationship with Dickens’s novel, Great Expectations. I first read it in high school, and was confused by the two endings; the original one still depresses me, while the revised one is a bit too fairytale-like for my tastes. I would re-read the novel over the years, always with the false hope that the main character would avoid getting sucked in by his cold hearted childhood acquaintance as an adult, but alas, he never does. I continue to marvel at the writer’s prose, yet I am saddened by the characters’ journeys and ultimate ends. For reasons I cannot explain, Dickens’s depiction of the main character’s rise and fall in Great Expectations affects me in a visceral way. I think this is why it remains my personal favorite of his publications.

I always light up when I see Dickens’s novels in bookstores and in my shelves at home, no matter how dark they are. I look forward to revisiting more of his work in the near future. Dickens’s work reminds me that no matter how hard my life can get, the trials of his characters in the 19th century make my own slight in comparison.

Great Holiday Expectations

When the holiday season approaches, I always feel a bit wary. Could it be the blatant commercialism, the same slick Christmas soundtrack played at almost every store you go to ad nauseam, or the pushy crowds of rabid shoppers? All of these things remind me to keep this annual experience in proper perspective. After all, I don’t only give thanks on Thanksgiving, and I have become good at avoiding the materialism that often distracts many of us from what Christmas is really about. It has taken years of practice for me to resist making great holiday expectations.

Don’t get me wrong; I am a big fan of childlike awe and pleasure in the season. Watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade on television and seeing a Christmas tree light up for the first time are just two simple things I will never get bored of, so I am not completely apathetic. It’s just those commercials for Black Friday, and listening to people who dread seeing certain family members once a year behind their backs that grates on my nerves. These two occurrences are so commonplace that they have become universally accepted to many. I am just one of those people who want to avoid these unnecessary and negative aspects that can ruin the goodness and purity of the holidays, if I can. I think I do this to avoid being disenchanted and cynical. I want to enjoy the season for the right reasons.

I stay true to the holiday spirit by avoiding commercials as much as possible, and shopping at stores when the crowds are not there. I have my own Christmas playlist on my iPod, and I listen to the songs I like when I want to. I also remember to breathe when in an uncomfortable holiday-related situation. The only way I can avoid it all is to go to Sri Lanka now until after the New Year. I did not pick this location at random; I actually did my research on great escapes from the commercialism and stress of the season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good New Days

There really is no such thing as the good old days when it comes to safety and freedom. When I heard a news report about the overall reduction of crime and overall violence in general since the 20th century, I was not surprised. Why? Because as one who loves history, I know enough about it to know that many problems people faced on a daily basis are not as common as they used to be. Even with the creation of more efficient weapons of destruction and more war, humanity in general is much better off than ever before. It just doesn’t feel that way sometimes.

As a woman today, I can travel on my own or with others with far less chance of being assaulted or killed than my predecessors. I admire travelling women in previous centuries because they risked their lives and took more risks than I will ever know. While it does not feel that way at times, I am aware that travel is much easier than in the past. The time it used to take to cross the Atlantic was so much longer and far less safe than most of us realize.

Even as a fan of classic movies and well done period films, I am wise enough to know that I would never have wanted to live during those more repressive times. Classic films I love, which tend to be of far better substantive quality than those produced today, often depict beautifully dressed men and women pursuing each other until either triumphing or losing in the end. In reality, the actors and actresses behind those roles were made and destroyed by the studio system that they worked for. I love Jane Austen’s novels and many of the films based on her works, but I would have hated to live in during her lifetime. She died in her 40s, and had to conduct herself within certain social parameters that most women today would find ridiculously restrictive.

Do you agree that living now is better than in previous eras?

The Performance Gene

I definitely did not inherit the performance gene in my family. I have cousins who sing and dance so well that I find it hard to believe that we are related sometimes. While my childhood was isolated, they had (and continue to have) exposure to many people within their cultural and religious worlds. Part of me is glad not to have the pressures to fit in with a community that can be extremely judgmental, but another part of me knows that the experience of performance and exposure to a variety of people at a young age can be beneficial to social development.

I saw the benefits of having the performance gene recently with one of my cousins as she danced to a packed, inadequately air conditioned theater. She had the usual jitters associated with performing live in front of family and friends, but she held herself with such poise as the theater remained hot. It wasn’t so bad for me, because the ceilings were quite high and I remained seated with everyone else as I fanned myself constantly. My cousin had the stamina and the discipline to perform dance after dance, and make it look effortless.

My cousin is trained in the classic dance from of Bharatanatyam, which originates in Southern India, which she has been part of it since she was five years old. The dance recital, or Arangettam as it is called in my parents’ native language, usually takes place after years of training with a dance guru; it is like a final exam and graduation all in one. I was completely ignorant of this aspect of the classical Indian dance world my cousin has been in until the day of her Arangettam, when I saw her hard work pay off before my eyes. I am not sure I would have had the discipline and passion she has for dance, even if I had the opportunity to take classes as a child.

Do you have the performance gene? If so, do you think it gives you an advantage over those who do not?

Tanning Versus Lightening

Now that summer has unofficially begun and the temperatures have climbed, I see everyone wearing lighter and fewer clothes and reveling in the sunshine. Sometimes I wonder if they have sun block on, and if they know that they have to re-apply it every two hours, no matter what color they are. In Western cultures, the general feeling is that being tan is best, and getting sun without getting sunburn is the best and inexpensive way to go. Of course there are tanning salons with tanning beds and spray tans, but nothing beats going to the beach and laying out in sun’s rays, premature aging and the possibility of skin cancer be damned.

When I was walking outside the other day, I saw a fair skinned woman of Asian descent walking with a bright red umbrella, which she had opened to avoid the darkening effects of the sun. It reminded me of my times in India and Indonesia, where dark skin is generally thought to be something that should be lightened for beauty. I would see commercials for skin lightening creams everywhere, and when I went to with a friend to a local Body Shop in an Indonesian mall to do a makeup test, they used lighter foundation for my neck and face at first; I told them to match my natural color. They looked shocked when I told them that I liked my skin tone and had no desire to be lighter. One time I made the mistake of asking for a bottle of self-tanner in a high-end mall’s beauty supply store; I walked away amused by the store employee’s look of horror at the idea of such a product.

I have no desire to sunbathe and expose my skin without protection in the afternoon sun, because I don’t want to damage it. I prefer self-tanners to “fairness” creams, which can be found at almost any Asian market. Staying healthy and even-toned are goals that are far more important to me than pursuing Western or Eastern standards of skin beauty.

Victimizing Victims With Blame

Like most people, I find myself getting angry when I hear about people who are physically assaulted at their workplaces, schools, and other places that are familiar to them. I was disgusted when I read the report about the former heard of the International Monetary Fund who is accused of attempting to rape a maid who went to his room to clean it, and then boarded a plane back to his native France the same day; thankfully the authorities stopped him from leaving. I know he is innocent until proven guilty, but when I heard that the maid is a Guinean immigrant and a devout Muslim who wears a traditional headscarf, I became even more concerned. Why? Because in addition to her being in a service-related position where there is little safety for the workers, she must also wrestle feelings of violation and guilt. I don’t want to generalize, but I know that in my parents’ culture, it is still widely believed that women are to blame for any sexual violence they endure.

I found out a few years ago that a former family friend of my Mother’s was raped in a hospital parking lot several decades ago; she worked at that hospital as a nurse. She won a considerable settlement from her employers, but never went to therapy. When I knew her, she was very judgmental and constantly angry. Even with the money, I now know that it did not buy her peace of mind, even though she and her family had the best of everything. Her desire to pretend that the past did not happen for the sake of her traditional beliefs and to fit into her cultural community became everything to her.

While I am respectful of all cultures and religions, I will never understand when a woman or man is forcibly attacked by others and blamed for it. It is a further victimization of the victim, and that is unacceptable. Patience, compassion, and love should always be used by anyone with a family member or friend who goes through this ordeal.

Understanding May 1, 2011

What a difference a few days make! Last week the news was all about Libya, Syria, the debate over President Obama’s birth certificate, and the British royal wedding. This changed irrevocably on Sunday night, when I along with many other people turned on their televisions and computers to discover the news that a certain terrorist everyone has been looking and wondering about for almost ten years was shot and killed in the special operatives’ raid in Pakistan. This too shall pass of course, but for now it is the number one story out there. The architect of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and so much more was exposed and has been silenced forever. Now I cannot help but wonder what is coming next for us as a country and as human beings.

I was shocked with everyone else by the news that they actually found the man in question, living in a comfortable fortress of surrounded by pastoral splendor and just a short distance away from a military training facility. While the house didn’t impress me at all, the areas were quite lovely, and reminded me of areas in my parents’ native India, and where my cousin lives in Indonesia. I am used to seeing high walls, but not fortress-sized windows and doors with barbed wire to boot.

I do recall my cousin’s neighbors’ housekeeping staff never being allowed to speak to anyone or leave their boss’s homes, not even for the Ramadan holiday. I realized this was not right immediately, but there was nothing I could do about it. I saw the policemen receiving bribes everyday from employees of the first Indonesian schools; I worked with some of them there, so I knew that local police would be the least likely to do much (if anything) to respond and remedy the situation for them. In other words, I understand why Bin Laden’s unknowing neighbors had no idea who he was. Of course, Pakistan’s military and intelligence organizations have some serious explaining to do.

What are your thought about this past weekend?

(Wo)Man Up

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth. Join her March 21st at Staying Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.



This week marked the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so in honor of this occasion I'd like to give a special shout-out to all the men out there and encourage you to celebrate all the ways in which women make your lives better, acknowledge what you can learn from us, and inspire you to get in touch with your feminine side with unabashed pride.

Dan Abrams just came out with a book called Man Down, a tome that provides extensive research proving how women are pretty much better at everything. Whether you believed that or not, the key is to remember that we are not in a Battle of the Sexes, but that everyone needs to demonstrate the best characteristics of both worlds.

The reality is that most men have a problem expressing emotion, long considered a girly trait. The amazing irony is that as I am literally in the midst of writing this post, I flip the channel to see the end of Charlie Rose interviewing David Brooks about his new book, The Social Animal. Charlie, who is clearly an exception to this rule, admits how important it is for people to have the "power to express yourself and have emotional intelligence." David comments how he, and most men, struggle with this and how he admires Bruce Springsteen as someone who is a 'manly working class guy who can be emotional in a respectable way.' (Thanks fellas for validating my post right as I type it!)

Most men will never know what it feels like for a girl, so since this year the day also fell on Mardi Gras, what better excuse is there than to 'dress' in drag metaphorically and try your woman-like alter ego on for size. I don't mean a full-on Tootsie or Mrs. Doubtfire, but more like the guys in I Love You, Man or The Boss in all his glory; allow yourself to be just a little more sensitive, intuitive, creative, and expressive of what it is you're feeling.

100 Years of Honoring Women

It's not a very big deal in the United States so you may not know this, but today is International Women's Day. Not only that, but it's the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so I couldn't very well let the day pass without writing about it.

Originally called International Working Women's Day, it started as a Socialist event and had political motivations in several countries. Since then, it has grown into something much more than that, marking a day around the world where women are celebrated. Events are held to honor women, discuss gender issues, reflect on women's achievements, and prioritize for the future.

These days, the United Nations chooses a theme for International Women's Day, and this year's theme is equal access to education, training, and science and technology. In previous years, themes have included violence against women, women and HIV/AIDS, women and peace, and so forth. Individual countries and localities, as well as other organizations, can also choose themes based on their own needs and the issues they want to highlight.

What I really love about this day is that it offers an opportunity for women to come together globally. There aren't too many international holidays, and there certainly aren't many other days that bring women together the way this one does. I suppose that's why I think it's a shame that it isn't celebrated as much in the U.S., though I think people have become more aware of it in the past few years thanks to feminist and political blogs and the reach of women's organizations. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years we'll all have events lined up for this day and won't need to be reminded that it's here. A great way to start might be to simply remind the women in your life how much they mean to you and how proud you are of their accomplishments.

Do you celebrate International Women's Day in any way? If you could choose a theme for this year, what would it be?

Friday Forum: Black History Month

We didn't want February to end without taking some time to reflect on Black History Month.

Are there any Black leaders you've looked up to -- whether it be historical figures like Martin Luther King, Jr. or your own relatives? What impact do you think they had on your life?

The Strength of "Patient" Egyptians

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes TWM intern, Agnes, as a guest blogger this week:

Agnes is a junior at the Macaulay Honors College at CUNY Queens, where she is studying Urban Studies, Religious Studies, and Mathematics. She's a TWM intern and she's in love with New York City.


I knew I wanted to study abroad, and I thought I wanted to go to India. It took a good deal of researching before I finally chose the program. It was going to involve living in five different Indian cities, with an emphasis on modernization. But when the time came to do all the registering and paperwork, I found myself applying to the program in Cairo. Something called me to Egypt this winter break and I didn't fight it.

One driving force was the rest of the world’s growing interest in Arabic and the Middle East. The region was becoming ever more important and I wanted to take part in it. (I didn't know just how true this statement would become.) While I'm an ethnic Egyptian, I was born in New York and felt like my knowledge was lacking. Studying in Egypt seemed like an adequate cure for my ignorance.

A big part of the classes I took was a discussion on how the Egyptian regime sustains itself. Dr. Dina Shehata of Al Ahram Center for Political and Strategic Studies told us that, "not alienating anyone fully is a mechanism for regime survival." That is, the regime allows for limited political pluralism. Some other theories had to do with the Egyptian people. Dr. Riham Bahi, a professor at Cairo University, explained to us that Egyptians are "patient with their government."

This idea of "patient Egyptians" was a repeated sentiment. It seemed that passivity and submission were adequate descriptions of the way the Egyptian people participated in their political process. But the events of the last three weeks have proved just the opposite. These statements have been so tangibly invalidated, and I've never been so happy to hear that something I've learned was wrong. While this revolution has rendered a good deal of what we learned in our political science class about Egypt useless, I think it's a good trade-off. Eighteen days of protest is far from passive. And overthrowing your regime through as peaceful a means as one can hope for in revolution is certainly something to be proud of.

To quote my cousin, who has lived in Cairo all her life and just witnessed her country change forever: LONG LIVE THE YOUTH POWER. LONG LIVE EGYPT.

Southern Hospitality

After visiting Georgia this weekend, I am more convinced that I do not belong where I was born and brought up. I never really did; there are many exceptions of course, but in general I find people to be very isolated from one another where I live. When visiting my sister’s new in-laws and their friends, I was amazed at how readily and eagerly they accepted me and the rest of my family into their conversations. They see me, my parents, my brother, and my cousins as new additions to their family instead of just my sister, which is a welcome surprise to me. Is it a Southern thing? Is it because of their faith? Or are they just uniquely warm and inviting people? Whatever it is, I am not complaining.

The moment I landed in Atlanta, I was welcomed with such cordiality that I have rarely experienced before. I have not spent significant time in the Southern United States in the past, but my brief memories do include warm and friendly strangers that would offer help readily without hesitation. My family and I were charmed by the friendliest man we met during our short sojourn to Georgia working in the parking lot of the rental car company we acquired a car from. As we were pulling out, we stopped to ask him general questions about the trip from Atlanta to Athens, and with the warmest smile from ear to ear, he told us exactly where we needed to go, and he was right! No money exchanged hands, because he did not want it; he was just so happy to help us. As a Northerner, I was and still am blown away by the genuine care we received.

I told my sister that I hoped she appreciated how genuine and loving her new in-laws are to her, because most people are not as fortunate as she is to be welcomed into such an open-hearted group of people. She already knew it of course, but it was good for her to agree with me.

Are your experiences in the South similar?