You Say You Want a Revolution

The following was originally posted on December 11, 2013 on Kristina's blog.

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a coach and speaker in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.  

You can follow her @clearlykristina and like her Personal Growth Gab (PGG) page on Facebook to get more thought-provoking, inspirational and motivational tidbits like this!

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In memory of Grace Lee Boggs June 27, 1915 - October 5, 2015

One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others .~ Nelson Mandela

Revolution is the evolution of humans into a higher humanity . ~ Grace Lee Boggs
                 

Those of you who know me or have been reading PGG for a while are aware that my passion and mission in life has always been to contribute to world peace, mostly through my work best expressed in my mantra that personal transformation is the key to social transformation.

So it should come as no surprise that I profoundly relate to and revere the lives of these two nonagenarians, Nelson Mandela who died last week at age 95, and the 98-year-old activist and author Grace Lee Boggs.  They literally embody this philosophy in every cell of their beings; they have demonstrated it externally with their activism and sacrifice for racial equality and social justice, and internally by the wisdom they have gained and generously share from nearly a century of experience, observation, and, most importantly, reflection.
  

Both started out as 'radicals', and were branded as terrorists with the requisite FBI/CIA files (Mandela was even on the US terrorism watch list until 2008!) because they initially saw the only way to overthrow the entrenched power structure was by employing the more literal and sometimes violent tactics of revolution through organized movements and a spirit of rebellion. But through trial and error, incarceration, and maturity, they eventually evolved; they gave themselves permission to change their minds, learn and grow in light of new information, experimentation and once again, reflection - ultimately coming to the conclusion that in order to change the world, they would have to change themselves.

They came to understand that indeed humanity is made up of humans and that humans were going to have to deal with other humans in order to get anything done. So we'd better be the best we can be as individuals and try to get along and get past our differences and disagreements, because the reality is that we must co-exist harmoniously - whether in a racially divided African country, a rundown bankrupt American city, or in your very own household.

We are living in extraordinary times, and it is no accident that you are who you are at this moment in history.

What does your humanity mean to you?  As our world continues to go through turbulent changes and upheavals, it will be up to us individually and collectively to do our part to 'tear down' where necessary and rebuild a more enlightened society that reflects our evolved humanity.  But we have to start with ourselves and do what we can in our immediate environments to demonstrate our own revolution - which, by the way, does not happen overnight or with a magic pill, silver bullet, or special app.

Only through keen observation, deep reflection, and inner and outer sweating effort and energy over a long period of time directed towards improving ourselves and serving others that true transformation can take place. Then, if we're lucky, by the time we reach our 90's we can look back and see how our journey has positively and productively unfolded in both a personal and political way, and be proud of what we accomplished and the legacy we will leave behind.

Wondering how it will all go down if you take up the cause? Give me a buzz and I will incite a riot in your heart to make the most of what you got, so at the end of the day you know it's gonna be alright!

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I am so grateful to have learned about and met Grace Lee Boggs just two years ago. 
She passed away yesterday at the age of 100. 

 Everyone should experience her wisdom and humanity so be sure 

check out the documentary or watch the many videos 

of her that can be found online. She is a national treasure who will be greatly missed, but whose legacy will live on in all the lives she touched.

Starting the New Year with a New Dream

What is your dream for the world in 2014 and your part in it? Wisdom from the incredible 98 year old activist, author, philosopher and national treasure Grace Lee Boggs.

We are shaking the world with a new dream from Sacred Resonance on Vimeo.

Changing of the Guard*

The following was originally posted on February 1, 2011 on Kristina's blog. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Summer Retrospective.

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.

Congress ushered in a new Speaker of the House, Queen Elizabeth is thinking about abdicating so that Prince William may actually get a shot at being King; Tunisia did, and now Egypt is on the brink of overthrowing their longtime leaders; American television staples Larry King, Regis Philbin and ET’s Mary Hart, whose careers took off around the same time as Hosni Mubarak came into power, are all retiring as well. What is the world coming to?!

Change is certainly in the air and tomorrow is the Lunar New Year*, so it’s another good time to start fresh for the next twelve months. What are you ferociously guarding in your life- and is it worthy of protecting, or are you just doing so because it’s been that way for the past 30 years? What people, ideas, jobs, things, ways of thinking might you be holding on to that are old, stagnant, outdated, served their purpose, overstayed their welcome or just need to step down so that something better and fresher can take their place?

What about that old persona you’ve been wearing?  We’re usually our own worst enemies, so maybe it’s time to take a look at the dictator who rules our lives – benevolent or not - and see how we might be restricting ourselves or abusing our power; where we’ve gotten into a rut, how we might have outgrown our ‘schtick’, or perhaps need a new audience to reflect back to us different facets of who we are. 

Often things are so ingrained in us we can’t easily recognize them ourselves, so we need some deep reflection and outside perspective. After participating in a  Visioning Workshop and then working with me the following four months, a client has completely turned her perspective around, resurrected the true essence of who she is, embraced her new direction, and in turn literally looks like a different person and ten years younger! 

Need a little help toppling your own personal outdated regime? Give me a buzz and I’ll help all the repressed parts or yourself rise up to have more say in governing your world, or at least get higher ratings.

Like A Child

Sometimes I miss being a child, especially during the holiday season. I would not say I had spectacular Christmases and New Years when I was younger, but I did have more genuine excitement about those and other holidays throughout the year. I would not want to be a child now; I liked the television shows and toys of my youth far more than I usually care to admit. I also liked how playing outside was quite common for me, much more than it is for children now. Still, there are moments of pure contentment children have, and regardless of the generation gap, I do miss them.

I was reminded of these moments this past weekend, when I met two children at a local store I go to occasionally. I met them once before, and found them to be adorable and a bit shy. This last time I saw them, they were playing with their Pokémon cards and chasing each other around the store when they felt like it. Then they overheard me talk to their parents about how my cousins used to trade Pokémon cards as children, and that broke the ice. The boys approached me to show off their cards with great pride, asking me if I recognized the characters shown on them, which strangely enough I did at times. They enjoyed talking about how they trade the cards at school with friends and each other, but not in a spoiled, overindulged way. I liked talking to them about their world, which is full of fun and curiosity.

Maintaining a similar sense of fun and curiosity as an adult is hard, but I find I can savor the moments when I have them now, and appreciate those I had as a child. Christmas was never really about Santa Claus for me; it was about the Nativity story, the tree and decorations, Christmas carols, and of course, presents. Now I add retrospection of the year that has passed, and think about the year to come. I am an adult, but the inner child remains within me.

Happy Holidays!

Helping My Neighbor

Most of us have the desire to help those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Giving donations to charities that assist people in developing countries is what many of us have and would be willing to do, but what about those living in our neighborhoods? After all, those who need real help of all kinds live everywhere. My neighbor is one these people, and I am wondering how I can best help her.

At first, I was wary of her. Several months ago, I heard my new neighbor ranting in our common hallway for no apparent reason, which really put me off. When I met her for the first time, I realized that her mental and physical ailments impair her behavior. She talks incessantly about her disappointing relatives, her overwhelming health issues, and her cat, who she has a love/hate relationship with. I was shocked to hear that her family never visits her, especially since some of them live nearby.

As the daughter of Indian immigrants, I was raised with the understanding that the young take care of their elderly family members when they cannot do so themselves. Surprisingly, part of me understands why my neighbor’s family members are not interested in having a relationship with her; her erratic behavior is overwhelming at times, and while she has always been kind to me, I have heard her have frightening verbal arguments with others. Dealing with someone who is unstable and has mounting health care bills could be too much for those who have their own financial and personal issues to deal with. Still, I could never completely abandon a relative of mine in such dire circumstances.

My neighbor should not be living alone. I know there are many services for the sick, disabled, and elderly on public assistance, but I have no idea how good they are or if she is willing. In the meantime, I will continue to check in on her, even though I know it isn’t enough. I just hope I will never be in a similar situation when I get older. It is a frightening thought.

The BIG 3-0!

Well, as of this weekend I've officially crossed the threshold from 20s into 30s! I always planned to throw a big party for myself on my 30th birthday, but as it happened this year, the American Library Association decided to throw one for me!

Okay, not for me, exactly, but I came to their annual conference determined to get my little piece of the celebration and festivities. On Saturday I signed copies of The Rock and the River in Simon & Schuster's booth at the ALA conference expo. Then I hung out with friends from Vermont College of Fine Arts who surprised me with an Alumni Achievement Award (I cried) followed by a yummy restaurant dinner complete with key lime pie and a pink candle!

Yesterday I attended an awards banquet, where I found myself surrounded by well-known and up-and-coming YA and children's authors. Strangest of all, I began to truly feel that I could count myself among them! Which brings me to the real reason I'm here at the ALA conference: because my book was selected to receive the Coretta Scott King/John Steptoe Award for New Talent!

Tomorrow morning, at the frightening hour of 7am (!!!! I am such a night person, people. It goes against nature to expect me to function normally before the double digit hours of the morning....but for the CSK Breakfast, I will muster!), I will receive my award, and have my moment to thank the Academy...errr, the CSK selection committee. It's so exciting!

All in all, my 30th weekend did not go as I orginally expected, but I certainly feel the occasion has been extraordinarily well-marked.

Generation Gap

I've recently decided that, in this day and age of quickly-evolving technologies, the time span that determines a "generation" has gotten much shorter. Instead of twenty-five or thirty years, a nearly complete cultural turnover happens in just five or ten. Cell phones. Internet. Facebook. It's all happening so quickly.

These technological instruments of connection were barely around when I was growing up. I graduated from high school without an email address, and without internet in my home. I graduated from college having never held a cell phone. Online social networking didn't exist as such yet.

My brother, on the other hand, is just five years younger than me. When I hang out with him and his friends these days, I feel old. Like actually almost irrelevant, old. The lingo is different. The attitudes are different. The volume of "friends" they claim is radically different, and the substance of those friendships is different -- or at least it appears so from the outside looking in. But by all normal standards, we're part of the same generation.

Facebook is the best example. I see the site as fun, but it makes me uncomfortable at the same time, because this "Friend" business is a little overstated. To me it is entertainment, perhaps a marketing tool, but certainly something shallow, only the façade of actual connection. But my brother can argue with me for hours about why online sites represent a very real and meaningful way to connect.

I don't like the idea of social networking as a replacement for actual physical contact. I don't like the idea that having lots of contacts is celebrated over connecting deeply with a small group. But I guess, at my age, I'm right on the cusp of realizing this change, because so many of those who are coming up behind me don't see what the issue is.

Which "generation" do you belong to?

Expectations and Celebrations

I've never been one to make a big deal about birthday celebrations. To me, birthdays are a great time to be a wee bit lazy and a bit more selfish than usual. But all the partying and planning just exhausts me before the day even comes. Depending on how many social circles somebody has and how they mix together, there could be a number of smaller events to plan as well. It seems to me, though, that plans always fall through no matter how simple or elaborate they are, and the disappointment that comes with that is never worth it, in my opinion.

This is what I kept telling people this year as they constantly asked me what I was planning for my big day. They all insisted I do something, but almost every attempt I made fell apart days or even hours before. In the end, I just let it all go and stuck to my gut. I knew I didn't want any hassles, and that I'd be perfectly happy with some quiet time and a break for my brain, so that's what I went with.

Because of that, I had a great birthday this year! I had dinner one night with my sorority sisters, and I relaxed for the rest of weekend with my sisters and my guy. We spent the entire weekend drinking wine, watching movies, eating pizza, and all the seemingly boring but actually pleasurable things I never have time to do.

So even though the days leading up to my "celebration" were more stressful than I would've liked, I'm happy that I got to spend a quiet weekend with the people I love most.

The Lunch Table

Recently, I’ve been to several writers’ retreats and conferences that involve eating in a cafeteria for lunch. Writers, by nature, tend to be introverted people, often with past experiences of being outcast in some way — but shyness and the lunchroom simply don’t mix. It’s come up in my conversations with people at some of these functions that no matter how old we get, it can still be awkward to walk into a cafeteria, tray in hand, and have to decide where to sit.

So many things go through your mind in those moments – where is there an empty seat? Who is it next to? Do they like me? Do I like them? Is this a person I can make conversation with? Or is it going to be weird? Are they saving the seat for someone? Will I ask to join them and be denied? Et cetera...

After repeated experiences entering the dining room solo, you learn that it’s best to arrive in packs. You wait to get in line until you see a friend, so you automatically know who you’ll be sitting with. Or, you cultivate your social skills enough that you can link up with new acquaintances in the lunch line. You do whatever you can to avoid starting from scratch when you walk in.

Inevitably, the experience throws us back to our younger days, when navigating the lunchroom was an everyday occurrence. It reminds some of us why we’re glad to have grown up, after all, so we don’t have to deal with this kind of stress all the time.

It’s amazing how old uncertainties can linger. These writer friends I’ve made are, for the most part, bold and self-assured individuals who are making their mark on the world in various ways. Some work in libraries fighting censorship and helping little readers find the books that will blow their minds. Some are schoolteachers, who face the toughest audiences on a daily basis with confidence and calm. Yet, we feel nervous about sitting at big tables, just like when we were kids.

Too Young to be Ageist?

I recently went to my usual dental practice, but for an appointment with a new partner in the practice who I’d never met. So I’m sprawled in the chair, waiting, and this gorgeous, grinning guy walks in, who looks to me like a frat boy, one of my younger brother’s friends. My first thought was: This is the professional who’s going to drill my teeth? My second thought was: Can’t be. He’s too young to be a dentist.

My third thought was mortal embarrassment. His diploma was hanging on the wall in front of me. Clearly he’s qualified. So what’s my problem? Have I suddenly gotten old? I’m not one of those people who think young people are less accomplished. In fact, I often take umbrage when people qualify my own achievements with “for someone your age.”

I’ve always considered myself to be a young person. I moved ahead a grade in elementary school, so I was always at least a year younger than my classmates. Even today, most of my friends are older than I am – some quite significantly so – but we get along fine. I tend to pride myself on having accomplished relatively a lot in my “young” adulthood, but have I already crossed over into plain old adulthood? I’m still a couple years away from thirty, but I’m living a grown-up life that isn’t likely to change much for a while. Still, there are days when I feel like I’m playing house and sooner or later summer vacation will come along and I’ll get to go home to my mommy.

I wonder about the line between young and old. When do you cross it, and how do you know? Is it just in how you feel? How you act? How others see you? Or is it a combination of these things that give your age a certain meaning?

I have no idea how old my dentist is; I couldn’t bring myself to ask. It doesn’t even matter. It was simply shocking to me that I even began to wonder.

How old do you feel?