Paradigm Shift NYC Interviews TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi - Pt. 2

We're excited to let you know that Paradigm Shift NYC  recently featured an interview with TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi on their blog where she talked to writer Kristen Verge about women’s empowerment, creating a nonprofit and the experience of being a career/life coach. Below is Part Two of that interview, click here for the entire piece on Paradigm Shift  and Part One on CHICKS ROCK!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Can you tell us a little bit about your coaching?
It happened very organically.  Because of my own journey and mentoring many interns and volunteers, I realized I have a natural ability to get through people’s massive blocks and issues, heal any work/life imbalance and help them figure out their true calling. I’m really compassionate, understanding and loving in the way that I do my coaching, but I tell it like it is, which can sometimes be shocking to people! I have my own style and structure for how I work with folks— initial sessions are two hours in person with a forty-five minute follow-up phone call. I get to the essence of who you are very quickly and understand exactly where you’re at right now. Then I connect the dots of where you’ve been and determine what you truly want to do, where you really want to go – and ultimately who you want to be – and provide the tools and resources for how best to get there. After that initial session you have to do the work, but I am here to help guide and support you as much or as little as you want along the way.  I also offer group coaching twice a month.

What are some of the issues that women, in particular, come to you with?
An epidemic I see for a lot of people, but especially women, is lack of self-worth and self-esteem. It might present itself as bad relationships, not earning enough money, a variety of health issues, but it’s always the root of the problem and has to do with not honoring and taking care of yourself. On some level we’re taught, as women, to take care of everyone and be selfless to a certain extent, but when you do that to the detriment of your own mental, physical and emotional health, you’re no good to anybody, and you can’t fulfill your own potential.

The biggest thing I try to do as a speaker and coach is to get people to know, accept and love who they are, and then make the effort and have the patience and persistence to become the best versions of themselves they can be. Another issue I find is that I often have to give my clients “permission” to rest. Especially living in New York City, it’s always about work work work, go go go: but you have to be able to relax, be still, have fun, and know that pleasure in and of itself is productive. You need to let your body be able to heal, and give yourself the time and space to think and feel.

What would you say is the most pressing issue facing women today?
Motherhood. The women’s movement gave us the opportunity to certainly be and do a lot more than we were able to before, but the workplace hasn’t really changed until recently, and only incrementally. So yes, you can have a career, but with kids you have at least two jobs—you’re trying to please everyone, you’re overcompensating and/or feeling guilty about both, and what’s left over for you? I think about and observe this a lot with friends and clients, but there’s no easy answer right now. Until the workplace radically changes, and the societal norm is such that women feel completely fine about and encouraged to take care of and put themselves first—you’re trying to be a good wife, mother, lover, friend, and employee? There are not enough hours in the day unless you are super-disciplined to carve out that time for yourself to recharge and do things that energize you.

And if you’re a stay at home mom, there are often identity issues, conflicted feelings about income generation and spending, whether you want a new career or to go back to your old job….I think motherhood is at least the American women’s issue of our time. And then there are fertility problems, when is the best time to have children in relation to your career, and how do you raise kids in this crazy world or make the conscious decision not to have them?!

Men are helping out more, but the natural default is always with the mother. It’s very complex; but at the end of the day each woman has to make choices that are best for her particular situation and create a structure that supports her own well-being.

As a career coach, are there any mistakes that you made early in your career that you regret now, or advice you would give?
It’s important to understand that you need to pace yourself and find a balance between pursuing your dream at any cost, which requires a certain amount of risk, sacrifice and belief in oneself and the process, and being too cautious.  Early on I experienced some burn out because of how much of myself I invested with my time, energy and finances in TWM, but I might not have even tried if I knew what it would really require to bring my idea to life – so you always have to take that first step and see where it takes you.  Being able to literally create something out of nothing is incredibly rewarding, and the fact that we what we did based on sheer will and chutzpah is pretty amazing, and I couldn’t be more proud.

All of the challenges – which are expected when you decide to really stretch yourself and step into the unknown – have taught me so much about myself, contributed to my own personal growth and profoundly informed me in my coaching and speaking work, so I wouldn’t be here now had I not gone that route and am very grateful for what I have and continue to learn. It’s been quite the journey and it gets more interesting every day, that’s for sure!   So I guess you could say my advice is to always do the thing that you most want to do because you will surprise yourself with every success, and any problems or ‘mistakes’ will just be opportunities to grow.

Any words of wisdom to leave us with?
Personal transformation is the key to social transformation. I’m always connecting the individual to the whole. If you don’t have a peaceful, happy, fulfilled world in and of yourself, how can we expect world peace?

Click here for the entire interview on Paradigm Shift's blog.

Long Distance, Birthday-Style

My mother just celebrated her 60th birthday, and when it came time to give her a gift, I found myself at a bit of a loss. What do you get for the gal who has everything? (By which, of course, I mean, the woman who has me for a daughter?) I actually had this thought in my head (in jest, of course), and after I got over that particularly egotistical moment, I realized that there was actually a bit of merit to my initial reaction. Here's how:

My mom lives halfway across the country from me, and one of the things that makes her happy is when she gets to see me (of course) and short of that, when she gets to talk to me on the phone. But, there are only so many things you can talk about on the phone without repeating yourself, so I had a new creative idea of how we could share an activity together long-distance. We are both nerdy, bookish, puzzler-types and we both enjoy word and logic puzzles like crosswords, Sudoku and picture logic.

My idea was that if we both had the same puzzle book, and started the same puzzle at the same time, we could call one another when we got stumped and it would be like we were sitting at the same table working on a giant jigsaw like we often do over the holidays. I thought it would be a nice piece of me to share with her.

She was very excited to receive the gift (because while she doesn't truly have everything, she doesn't need more stuff, either. Who does?) and she appreciated the gift of my time as much as the gift of the puzzle book (which, let's not lie, saved me some moolah). Even though we haven't started our shared puzzles yet, I am also really looking forward to calling her tonight to see how it goes!

I'm sure once we get on the phone we will revert to the old standbys--(Mom: How was your day? Me: How's Dad? Mom: Sold any books lately? Me: How's Dad?)--but the puzzles look like fun, too, and it will be nice to be together for a while, even from a distance.

My Grandmaternal Inspiration

For me, yesterday was not only the 10th Anniversary of The Women’s Mosaic; it was also the day my maternal grandmother passed away in the 1980s. I have been thinking about how grateful I am to have what I have, since my grandmother was not as fortunate. One of many things she did not have was access to a thriving community of women like The Women’s Mosaic. She is an inspiration to me, and I am proud to be a part of her family tree.

My siblings and I never had a chance to meet my grandmother. My Mother received news that she was gravely ill and had to get enough money together so that the whole family could fly back to India. My family struggled financially for years because my parents financially supported many family members in India, so things like family trips were out of the question. When we were on the plane flying over Europe, she passed away. I have flashes of memory from my first time in India; my Mother weeping in the courtyard of her parents’ home, and me looking up at her and hugging her waist; mosquito bites all over my legs and arms, tall trees laden with tropical fruits, lots of rain, and blurry images of family members I barely knew then, and even now. Later, I started asking my Mother about the woman she was so desperate to see again before her death, but couldn’t. She told me about how difficult village life in Southern India was for her mother, including how she never learned to read and write. Even with the lack of education, she used to help my Mother with her homework, especially mathematics. Apparently she was a natural when it came to figuring out solutions to equations in her head. I wish I had that gift!

My grandmother supported her family in an often socially hostile environment, with very little money. Still, she did an amazing job, and her children and children’s children are proof of this. I honor her life as I celebrate TWM’s 10th Anniversary.

Peeking into the Baby Life

A friend of mine had a baby about a year ago. She’s stayed home with him, and I go out to their place to visit them about every month or so. He’s a super cute little guy, and I’m hard pressed to think of any other baby who I’ve gotten to watch grow up this closely.

It’s not like I’m part of his life everyday, but he seems to recognize me, and he knows I like books, because when I visit he sometimes brings me books from his shelf and we read them. Ah, how my little heart melts….

I listen to my friend talk about the struggles that they go through, and the progress that he makes. I get excited about his new teeth, and his words. I feel like a part of his extended family, somehow.

It’s been really meaningful to me to be a support system for my friend as she wades the uncharted waters of parenthood. We’re also lucky in that it’s brought us closer instead of tearing us apart, or making it too hard to relate to one another. Sure, I can’t relate to 3 a.m. feedings, and she rolls her eyes if I complain about not getting enough sleep, but on a deeper level, we’re closer friends than we were a year ago.

It’s so easy to fall out of touch when people have kids, especially here in the city, where single life, couple life, and family life are totally separate spheres that barely intersect. It’s happened to me several times, growing apart from people after they have kids. I can see that parenthood can be quite isolating.

To be honest, I don’t always make the effort. I don’t truly know why I decided to work harder this time, but I’m definitely glad I didn’t let this friendship slip away. I hope I can do as well the next time a friend makes the leap to a new sphere of life!

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes back our very first guest blogger, Kelly:

Kelly lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack and their dog, Pearl. Between feeding Jack and walking the dog, she is working with members of her community to start a food co-op.


If you read my previous post, then you know I am a relatively new mom. My son is now 15 months old and toddling around our apartment and just about anywhere else we let him out of his stroller.

Making the transition from single career girl to pregnant working woman to (mostly) stay-at-home mom has been tough. I grew up with huge career ambitions and wanted nothing more than to be successful at any and every job I took. I wasn't going to be a mere housewife - watching the kids, cleaning the house, making dinner - as if! I was far too bright and shiny for that type of mundane lifestyle!

Little did I know that motherhood would be far and away the most challenging - and rewarding - job I have ever taken on.

I have found that my mommy group is the best support network. Our conversations jump from the latest politics, to what an awful poopy diaper we have on our hands (sometimes literally), to preservatives in food, to what we can do to help out another mommy having a rough time with her second pregnancy, to whether or not we will make it to yoga next Thursday. Our backgrounds are as diverse as our conversations: we have full-time working moms and part-time freelancers, moms who plan to breastfeed until their children stop naturally and others who have been using bottles and formula since day one.

Despite our differences, we have forged friendships and trust each other with the intimate details of our lives. Without these women, I'm sure I would have lost my mind as I tried to recreate a semblance of normalcy in my life after living with a newborn for several months. As we go forward, I expect to help and be helped by these marvelous women I call my mommy group. It may sound like a petty distinction, but they have become an invaluable part of my life. This only child finally has a sense of what it must be like to have sisters. Here's to you, ladies!

Not About Me

I spent an afternoon with a six-year-old girl and her grandma, and it was totally fun. We went to a science museum that the little girl loves. I arrived bearing chapter books appropriate for her age – partly at her grandma’s request and partly to endear myself to this girl by masquerading as a cool, fun, spontaneous person. (It’s hit or miss, in reality.)

In public, I inadvertently imagine what other people might think when they look at me, and whoever I’m with. Folks who saw the three of us together probably assumed I was the mother figure in this picture. Seeing myself in this light illuminated a few things for me. One is: I do want kids. Another is: I’m not quite ready. But I’m close.

There was a time when I would have begrudged that beautiful little girl for dragging us around the museum without stopping at half the exhibits that I would have wanted to stop at. That day, I didn’t care. There was a time when I would have been annoyed to have to read stories out loud during lunch to keep her entertained, while my French fries grew cold. There was a time when I would’ve regretted not being able to fully peruse the gift shop for kitchy gadgets, because she was ready to go. None of it bothered me. Curious.

For a while now, my fear about having children has been selfishness – my own. I love my independence, and the ability to come and go as I please and the freedom make sure I’m contented before worrying about anyone else. In some ways, that selfishness is waning. It was actually great to spend a day that was not about ME.

Passing the Turkey

My parents are coming in for Thanksgiving again this year. Thanksgiving has become my holiday, ever since I cooked my first turkey for my parents and brother in my tiny NYC studio apartment eight years ago. Ever since, I've remained the host of our T-Day meal. Even when we've been at my parents', it's still my show. I cook, carve, bake, and serve. And I love doing it.

I have fond memories of the big extended family Thanksgiving, cooked by mom and aunts and grandma, while the other adults watched football, and we kids scrambled around in the backyard until called. We set a cheerful table and the food appeared – a warm, delicious smorgasbord of dishes not to be seen again for a year.

The original magic of Thanksgiving is somewhat gone for me, now that I know how the stuffing gets into the bird, so to speak. But in its place, I've come to cherish the ability to create something pleasing for people I love. I've done it enough to feel comfortable, even confident, and to put most of my performance-anxiety aside. I no longer worry about ruining the bird (wouldn’t be the end of the world) or keeping people waiting to eat (it can ever be perfectly timed). I have finally hit my stride.

Each year, I find myself begging less and less wisdom from my mother’s experience. My mom doesn’t enjoy cooking, so she was happy to hand this off to me. Neither of us looked back. But I notice something larger going on. The rolling of generations. Soon enough, it’s likely I'll be "mom," and she'll become "grandma," and though those titles seem far away, we have already taken the first steps down an inevitable road.

I contemplate this while chopping and basting: the passage of time, and the changes we must go through. It’s a good feeling – nostalgia for what was, and anticipation of what might be ahead. A torch is being passed, from one generation to the next. Though, I guess in our case, you could say we're passing the turkey.