Friday Forum: Reunited & It Feels So...

Whether it's a 10-year high school reunion or that group of kids you hung out with at summer camp ages ago, at times there seems to be a constant flurry of messages from people in your past.

Has anybody from your past ever tried to reach out to you again to get together? How did your reunion go?

The College Years

I've never been one of those people who wanted college to last forever. While I was there, I was eager to leave and start the next chapter of my life. Even though I love learning and knew I would miss taking classes, the actual experience of going to college wasn't something I needed to prolong. So while my peers constantly look for opportunities to go back and spend more time reminiscing on college days, I ran off and never looked back.

All of this is to make you understand how strange it is for me to suddenly realize how great my college experience truly was.

This past weekend, I spent some time on my old campus. At an annual event that would normally be filled to capacity, the room was practically empty. The dining halls closed early. Walking around campus during a time that used to be buzzing as people got ready for the night's festivities, it was practically silent.

I looked around feeling bad for the students there now and how lonely their college experiences must be. It was the first time I thought about how good I had it.

Even though it was mostly a commuter school and the campus seemed "dead" on the weekends, the truth is that there was almost always something to do and people were usually excited and eager to be there. Events on the weekends would quickly sell out and parties on campus and off had long lines and overflowed with party-goers. It was a great time to make new friends and lasting memories.

I'm still glad college ended when it did and I'm not looking to turn back the clock and wish I was still an undergrad, but I have a new appreciation for my time there. I guess I really did enjoy more than my college courses.

Have you ever reflected on your time in college? Do you sometimes wish you could go back?

Translating Patience

CHICKS ROCK! wants you to welcome Bridget back as a guest blogger this week:

Bridget is a graduate of Vassar College, where she studied Political Science and Women's Studies, and former TWM intern. She loves watching movies with her younger brother and playing rugby.

"Could you please talk slower?" It’s a phrase I’ve said countless times now, trying to integrate into a foreign country.

It was at TWM’s Visioning Workshop two years ago that I realized how important my passion for German culture is. Covered in images of travel, my poster board inspired me to study abroad in Berlin that summer. I then applied for (and was awarded) a scholarship to study and work in northern Germany for a year.

So here I am, immersed in German society, living with German roommates, fulfilling my dream of working at the Ministry of Justice, Equality, and Integration. Every day, I join my neighbors on bike paths, pass bakeries and sausage stands, and head to work. In the Equal Opportunities in Work Life department, I’m learning the German perspectives on issues like equal pay and the underrepresentation of women in leadership positions. Seeing firsthand how federal policy develops has been the most valuable experience. It involves a lot of debate, which means I always have my dictionary! Though it’s frustrating to only grasp general notions of sentences, it’s an achievement when the hazy fog lifts, leaving clarity and comprehension.

The biggest lessons have been humility and patience. I've had to accept that many times I don't know what’s going on, but the only way to get better is to not give up. Sure, sometimes I need a break and ache for something familiar, so I go to McDonald's for my fill of Americana. But I’m inspired by the compassion of my new friends and coworkers. Without a doubt, my experience has been largely shaped by their kindness, patience, and generosity. There’s a stereotype of Germans as cold, unfriendly, and negative; I’ve found that simply trying to communicate in German goes a long way in earning their respect. It doesn’t matter that I make mistakes, as long as my meaning comes across. Using goofy hand gestures and theatrical body language to express myself is just a part of my life now. And it’s totally worth it for the opportunity to be exposed to people of different cultures, to challenge my own beliefs, and to constantly change and adapt to a new place.

I like the juxtaposition I have here: feeling at home and foreign at the same time. It makes me feel awake and alive, but maybe that's just the cold northern wind!

Have you ever had difficulty expressing yourself? How did you overcome this?

A Delayed Homecoming

This coming weekend is Homecoming at my college and a good friend of mine has been trying her hardest to get a bunch of us to go. I'm still not completely sure I can make it, but I'm trying to sort through my schedule. I don't want to go so much for the event itself, but because I'd like to see everyone again. 

Deciding whether or not to attend Homecoming as an alum might seem like a normal thing to most, but I realized something a few weeks ago that makes all of this funny to me: in my four years as an undergrad, I never once went to Homecoming. 

I was active in college, first in the residence hall organizations and later in my sorority, so I helped make floats, costumes, etc. But as far as actually being part of the parades and other festivities, or even going as a spectator, it just never happened.

In retrospect, I don't even know how I managed to never attend Homecoming. Did I get in trouble for not going? Did I have legitimate reasons for sitting it out? I can't remember. 

But maybe this year, after all this time, I'll actually gather up some school spirit and have fun at Homecoming. It's never too late to celebrate, right?

Have you ever gone back to school for Homecoming? Did you participate as an undergrad, or rebel by missing it each year?

Old School

I caught a bunch of articles over the weekend (here's one) about the controversy at Nettleton Middle School, in Mississippi--a public school where some Jim Crow-era segregation rules still remain on the books and active. Specifically, the school has issued written guidelines outlining which student government positions students of different races can run for. President: Whites only. Secretary/Reporter: Blacks only. (Oh, you're of mixed race? Sorry. Try again in high school...)

To be fair, I should say these rules remained active, up until this past week, when the national media caught on to the story. School officials say the rule was kept in place to ensure diverse representation on the student council. Okaaaaay.... But to set up a hierarchy where white students are always on top runs counter to the very ideas of integration and inclusion. It baffles me that any group of educators in this day and age--the day and age of our first black president, after all--would think that any form of segregation is a good way to promote diversity.

It also saddens me that I'm not surprised to learn of these situations. I know there are still schools where there's a black prom and a white one. I know that drama teachers in the south may be told not to cast interracial couples in student plays for fear of community reprisal. I know that in the nighttime corners of such places the Klan still rallies, spewing hate from underneath their hoods.

I want to give the school district the benefit of the doubt, but to do so makes me wonder about all the mistakes we make in trying to overcome prejudice. How many more will we uncover as time goes on? On the other hand, I'm suspicious of a group that--practically overnight--reverses a policy decision they claim to have believed in, just because a lot of people suddenly took notice. Did they really not know what they were doing?

What else can we do, collectively, to bring these situations to public attention, so that they can be corrected?

Back to School for Your M.R.S.?

I was talking to some friends a few weeks ago and one of them revealed a shocker - at least to me. He mentioned that all of the women on his team at work have admitted that they went to business school was to find a husband. In the 21st century? Really?! There must be cheaper ways to meet men, no?

We didn't talk about this for very long because it was mentioned during a bigger discussion, and either way, the women weren't there for me to ask personally, but this still struck me. I'm going to have to assume, for starters, that nabbing a man was only part of the reason. Business school is expensive, after all, and these women are now working for a major corporation so it's not like they're the 1950s M.R.S. degree stereotype.

But... still. The fact that these women would openly admit that they wanted to go to business school to get a husband makes me think that 1) there must be at least some truth to it and 2) it must be more than a tiny part of their thinking. Which I find shocking and confusing.

Graduate school is really expensive nowadays, and finding something compelling enough to keep your interest for at least a few years is hard. Not to mention the fact that once you get to grad school, you have to work hard and keep your attention on your studies and advancing your career. The idea that, on top of those worries, somebody would want to search for a spouse seems strange to me.

Am I alone in this? Do any of you know somebody who went to grad school to find a husband? What do you think of this?

Friday Forum: School's Out

For a lot of out there, summer means more than just warm weather; it also means that school's out. For students and parents alike, this can either be great or awful - it means no classes, but also too much time on your hands.

How do you spend the summer? If you're a student, do you take classes or get a job to keep you busy? If you're a parent, do you take more time off to spend with your kids? For everybody else, do you still feel like a student when the summer starts?

Fall Back... to School

Ahhh, the fall. Leaves turn beautiful shades of color you only see for a short time each year. The air is nice and cool, finally rid of summer's oppressive humidity. Apples and pumpkins in season give you an excuse to make apple- and pumpkin-flavored everything... Oh, is that just me?

Well anyway, for so many people, the fall also means the start of the new school year. Probably more so than any other time of year, the fall makes me miss being in school. Buying text books and school supplies was the highlight of my end-of-summer days. By the time October rolled around, I was already well in the swing of things: having intense conversations with classmates, getting to know professors and delving deeper into their academic interests, and starting to think about what classes to take in the spring.

You can certainly say that I enjoyed being a student. I suppose that's why for so long I wanted to be a professor, which to me was basically the equivalent of getting paid to be a student. My career path has now veered off a bit from that, though I haven't completely written it off. Yet every fall, without fail, I start wondering again if and when I'll ever go back to school.

For the past few days, I've thought about taking some classes to fill this void I keep having. I won't go so far as to take graduate-level courses with no goal in mind, but I'm thinking that taking a writing class of some sort might be a good start. Since I've wanted to focus on my writing anyway, I think this might be a good way to fulfill both desires. Just a thought for now, but I'll let you know if it goes anywhere.

Do any of you get the same nostalgia about your school days in the fall?

Friday Forum: Back to School

Here in the U.S., many people are in some way or another getting ready for school to start up again. Students, parents, teachers, professors, administration, etc. are seeing the end of their summer days and the start of a new year.

We always remember things we dread about going back to school, but what are some things you miss about school? What do you like going back to and, if you're not in school, what do you miss most?

Packing My Bags

One thing I always regretted about college is not participating in a study abroad program. I hear the stories of so many friends who spent a winter in Ecuador, or a summer in India, or a semester in Rome and wish I had a similar story. I've always loved to travel, but just haven't gotten much of a chance to do so.

So this makes it even more exciting to think that this fall, I'll be going to Europe! My sisters planned a two-month backpacking trip that made me jealous beyond words, but I managed to save up some money and get some time off so I can join them for a couple of weeks. I'll be starting my trip in Paris with my guy, meeting up with my sisters and a friend in Barcelona, traveling to Marseille from there, meeting some more friends in Cinque Terre, and finishing up my trip in London.

Planning a trip like this is going to take a lot of organizing, negotiating, and compromising, particularly because of how different all of us are. Just between my sisters and I we have a theater geek, an architecture buff, and me, who prefers to spend time walking aimlessly through cities rather than have a set schedule of activities. My guy and the other friends joining me along the way also have their own ideas of fun, so reaching a common ground will be the biggest challenge. Thankfully, I don't think this challenge will be enough to get in the way of anybody's fun. I think the stress of planning over the next few weeks will be worth it once we're there -- nobody will be able to take that experience away.

Have any of you been to any of these places or gone backpacking through some of these countries? What tips do you have for me?

School Daze

After graduating college, I returned a handful of times over the course of a few years. I've now spent the last three weekends out there and, boy, am I exhausted!

It's not that I didn't enjoy college while it lasted, I just don't understand the longing to return that everyone else seems to have. Now that I've gone back and spent a significant amount of time there, it has reaffirmed my feeling that I'm happy to be done with it. I even made a mental list of the things I do and do not miss about college. Things I miss: having most of my friends in close quarters, being able to sleep in late, having the energy to stay up late. Things I don't miss: pretty much everything else -- the food, lack of privacy, an unstable schedule, the drama, the immaturity, the daily annoyances, I could go on and on.

Looking around me, though, I noticed that these people who long for their college days really do exist. They're not the urban legend I thought they were -- they eat, breathe, and sleep college well into their twenties. Is there something they experienced that I did not, or vice versa? What is it that draws them back to the same environment I avoid like the plague?

Like I said, there isn't something that I particularly disliked about college. I had good classes, great friends, and a fair amount of extracurricular activities. I gave myself a lot of responsibilities and I also had a lot of fun. But once it was over, I was definitely glad to be done with it and I did not look back. Is there something wrong with me, or with these people who can't seem to let go? Maybe I'm just becoming old and cranky at a young age...

What was your college experience like? Have you been back since you left and did you like it? Why or why not?