PGG: The Book! A great read from TWM's Founder Kristina Leonardi

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to announce that Kristina Leonardi,  founder of The Women’s Mosaic just published her first book!  Be sure to check out: PersonalGrowth Gab (PGG), Volume One: Thought-provoking, inspirational and entertainingessays to keep you connected with yourself and make sense of this journeycalled Life  on Amazon!

Kristina is a career/life/executive coach and motivational speaker in the areas of career development, work/life wellness and personal growth.   You can follow her @clearlykristina and like her Personal Growth Gab (PGG) page on Facebook to learn more or click on her name on the tags from this blog to read several of her posts!

CLICK HERE FOR OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT EXCERPTED BELOW

If you are on my mailing list you've being finding a PGG in your inbox every week for a while now, and have stuck with me this far as I've discovered my voice and put my thoughts and observations out there in a creative way. My intention has always been to provide a unique perspective about life and bring some reflection, hope and meaning to your day. Thank you for reading them! 

I've sent out more than 131 original essays over the past five years (oh yes, there were more but they were re-runs!) and because I've received such positive feedback about how they help motivate, inspire and make you think, I thought why not put them together in a beautiful book for you to access at any time?

It took a while to get it all together but I'm proud to announce it's finally here!  I'll be promoting this baby in multiple ways these next couple weeks (well, forever), but for now I just wanted to let you know you can get a copy of Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One: Thought-provoking, inspirational, entertaining essays to keep you connected with yourself and make sense of this journey called Life in your hot little hands today!

I sincerely hope you enjoy the book - please let me know what you think by sending me an email, posting on Facebook, tweeting about it, and/or writing an Amazon Review.

Kristina

P.S.  If you're a fan, I would love if you could let your friends know about the book using the social media icons on the top of this email or from the Amazon page.  Thank you thank you!
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NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

If you are seeking how to get centered in who you are and what you want, read this book!

Brimming with insight, compassion, and humor, this collection of essays offers encouragement to anyone seeking to grow in harmony with their true nature, and to discover a genuine path toward positive change in the world, starting with themselves.

A great way to go to bed on a positive note and wake up with a refreshing message. Definitely one I’m keeping on my night stand!

Each essay is punchy and profound.

Personal Growth Gab (PGG), Volume One: Thought-provoking, inspirational and entertaining essays to keep you connected with yourself and make sense of this journey called Life is a compilation of nearly five years of essays that both stimulate and address the questions of who we are, where we are going and how we can get there in today’s rapidly changing, fast-paced world.

Kristina began PGG as a weekly email and blog in January 2010, but an avid, faithful and growing group of readers led her to compile these 131 nuggets of wisdom and advice into a beautifully designed and practically organized book. (You can visit the home page of this website for sample essays and click here to get the emails delivered directly to your inbox!)

Drawing from personal and professional experiences, current events and pop culture—with a healthy dose of music and movie references and often a clever or humorous twist—Kristina uses her unique, down-to-earth style to delve into universal themes and offer fresh perspectives on what it means to be human in the 21st century.

Relatable to any gender, age or background, Personal Growth Gab is a book to pick up when you need a little clarity, motivation or deeper connection to yourself on this journey called Life.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

Starting the New Year with a New Dream

What is your dream for the world in 2014 and your part in it? Wisdom from the incredible 98 year old activist, author, philosopher and national treasure Grace Lee Boggs.

We are shaking the world with a new dream from Sacred Resonance on Vimeo.

Salary Negotiations and Self Confidence

I recently learned the importance of negotiation, especially when it comes to salary. When I received a job offer letter from a small company offering a part-time position that will become full-time after a month, it looked good to me at first. Then, my eyes scanned down to the hourly rate listed, and I knew I had to start negotiating. While I understand that most companies of all sizes have had to downsize due to the lingering consequences of the recession, I knew immediately that I could not accept the offer as is.


From all that I have read and know from firsthand knowledge about salary negotiations, I am aware that many job seekers won't even attempt to start the process, which should happen right after an offer is made by a potential employer. Sometimes those who have been looking for employment for an extended period of time may be prone to jump on the first opportunity to come their way. I have different circumstances; I work as a consultant for several companies, and while I am open to a full-time position, it has to be something that will justify me giving up (or cutting down) on my other work projects. The position I was recently offered did not convince me to make any changes, because they are only willing to go up $1 an hour, and they are not offering any benefits.


My advice to anyone in this situation is to always see if there is any "wiggle room" in a job offer. If an increase in salary is not possible or not as high as you would like it to be, then a prospective employer may be open to other options, such as offering public transportation reimbursement, parking fees or a health insurance plan with varying levels of coverage. When I was negotiating my salary, I calculated how much my daily travel expenses to and from the location would be, and the result is one of the reasons why I decided not to accept the position.


I knew that if I accepted their terms with no hesitations, I would not be able to respect myself. I also think my would-be employer would have continued to undervalue me, knowing that I am willing to work for so little from the very beginning. Ultimately, I walked away from negotiations with my head held high, knowing that I made the right decision. Thankfully, I handled myself well enough that they are considering me for a per diem position, which I can definitely live with.


Do you have any salary negotiation stories to share?

Careful Correspondence

I was recently involved in a confusing situation at work, which involved an email I sent to provide guidance being misunderstood and causing the recipient to take offense. While that was not my intention, I can see why the tone of my correspondence was misconstrued. My company stood behind me, while at the same time suggesting I be more aware of my tone in my emails. I agree that this is something that I must do (as do most of us), especially since most of our interpersonal interactions happen via email, text, and social media. I decided to analyze my actions further so I do not make the same mistakes in the future.

First, I think understanding where the other person/party is coming from before getting into specific details is important. I only had one conversation with my now former client and his wife, and noticed the latter was much more talkative. I also discovered that they had different goals in mind than those provided by their company. This particular point should have made me contact my supervisor directly to alert her of this discrepancy immediately. While I did report the issue, I did not emphasize its seriousness to my company. While I am glad not to have brought it up during my conversation with the couple, I should have paused to clear up the confusion immediately with my company before moving forward.

I also wish I contacted my supervisor about an email she sent me to forward to the client about a sensitive matter. Because I went ahead and sent the email without realizing how it may be interpreted, I put myself in an awkward situation. I believe I should not have been given the task, because it was an issue to be settled between my company's and my client’s companies’ managerial and human resources departments. I will remember this in the future should a similar situation arise.

I am glad the situation is over, but others always arise to present new challenges. How do you handle the challenges of maintaining careful correspondence?

The Ups And Downs of Public Speaking

Watching the second presidential debate last night made me think about my own public speaking skills. Like many others, I have trouble expressing myself effectively in front of a crowd. I notice that President Obama, Mitt Romney and many other politicians running for public office do not answer the main thesis of certain questions when put on the spot during debates; this annoys me, but I think I may have been guilty of something similar in the past. I certainly hope I have improved my ability to get to the point and not drone on like some people do. The art of public speaking really is all about being concise and focused when giving a speech or answering questions.

My ups and downs with public speaking started when I was in elementary school. Each time I had to give a speech on a topic, my resolve to do well would crumble when the class bully would make faces and mutter snide comments to make me feel uncomfortable. When my ineffectual teachers would ask me questions in front of my classmates about the points made during my speech, I would give clumsy answers and prove that I wanted to be anywhere but in front of them. I retreated further into my shell, not wanting to raise my hand to answer a question in class when I knew the answer or have anyone take notice of me at all.

I began to break the cycle in college when I took a public speaking course that forced me to face my fears. My professor encouraged us to use our strengths to make us more comfortable with oral communication in our personal and professional lives. I think this class made it easier to speak to a group of overseas-bound ESL teachers about my experience in Indonesia, and later for my sister’s wedding. I am my own worst critic, but I think I did reasonably well in those two situations.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the art of public speaking!

Technology Withdrawal

I am thinking ahead about changes I want to make in 2012, such as possibly cancelling my Facebook account and travelling more. Both of these changes have to do with me wanting more face-to-face contact with people. The world is so much bigger than the Internet and technology, even though it does not feel like that sometimes. I just want to get back to basics.

I watched a few television clips from the 1980s (one of the great things about the Internet is that you can find almost anything) and noticed that the comedy, drama, and suspense sometimes increased when a person tried calling someone at their home and office, with no answer. The message was usually conveyed in person, with varying results. Now most of us have our cell phones, with texting and email included, so we are almost always reachable. I just can’t have my phone on all the time and I try to shut it off when I am out with someone or in a group, unless I am expecting an important call. I just want to focus on the people around me more than the device in my hands. I am by no means addicted to my phone, but I find that it has much more power over me than I care to admit.

Not too long ago, I accidentally dropped my cell phone with a piece of mail in a mailbox in front of a post office in a neighboring town. Panicked, I ran into the post office thinking that the postal official would have the keys to open said box. I had to wait for more than an hour in front of the mail box until it was opened, and during that time, I picked up the pay phone in the post office to make calls and went through technology withdrawal. As relieved as I was to have my phone in my hands again, I decided to limit my dependency of it, for my own peace of mind.

Do you think you are too dependent on technology?

The Art of Social Diplomacy

Being diplomatic and polite to people who don’t deserve it can be an art. There is finesse involved, as well as a large dose of restraint. I exercised my diplomatic muscles recently when I encountered my late neighbor’s relatives who came to her apartment to go through and collect her belongings. She mentioned them once to me before when I first met her a year ago, and from what she told me I knew they were not close and never saw her. I also realized how rude they were when they asked me impertinent questions about my neighbor and her cat. They actually wanted me to be responsible for the latter, which I firmly declined. I also refused to trap him for them, which I thought was odd and distasteful of them to ask me for.

Some people would have expressed their feelings of being insulted directly, but I decided not to; I still stood my ground so they knew not to ask me similar questions again. I knew I would probably never see them again, and this helped guide me during our short exchange. I pitied my late neighbor for having such disagreeable relatives, but I am glad she is at peace now and will never have to deal with them again.

The fact is most of us encounter unpleasant people in our lives on a daily basis. Effective coping mechanisms vary due to personal circumstances and the person(s) involved. For example, dealing with a difficult relative is different from dealing with someone who swipes the parking space you were waiting for. I heard on the news recently of a man accused of a road rage incident where he actually knocked down another woman with his own hands, causing her to be in a coma for a week. I don’t understand being so angry about a minor incident with my car that I would actually cause physical harm by force, and on purpose.

What are your thoughts on dealing with difficult people? Do you vary your strategies diplomatically, or do you handle each situation the same?

Death of a Neighbor

Just the other day, I overheard people on my street talking about my neighbor passing away. After some speculation, I learned that she died while walking to the door of her apartment to go outside. Thankfully, the property management checked up on my neighbor regularly due to her limited mobility and bad health, so when she did not answer her phone, the manager went to her apartment, and then immediately called for an ambulance. She was already dead when they arrived. I had no idea what had happened until that afternoon, on the street in front of my apartment, from people I had never really spoken to before.

I checked on my neighbor periodically, especially since I knew she had no family to speak of. She had a friend who shared a taxi with her when they went grocery shopping, but was mostly a recluse. I often heard her shouting on the phone to someone associated with her health insurance provider, or to one of the many doctors she visited and complained about after the fact. When I spoke to my neighbor, it was usually in front of her door in the common hallway we shared, and she would talk incessantly about her many medical conditions. She was always going in and out of hospitals every other week, at least. It was the way she spoke and represented herself, which made me believe that her medical conditions were not as serious as she said they were. I proved to be wrong, of course.

My neighbor’s death and the glimpses of her life I witnessed before it ended remind me that while I continue to enjoy good health and mobility, I must continue to make each day count. Sleepwalking through life is not an option, which was what my neighbor did near the end of her life; of course her medical and psychological states contributed to her limitations. My goals are to make meaningful connections with others and stay open to a variety of experiences throughout my life, for however long that might be.

Long Distance, Birthday-Style

My mother just celebrated her 60th birthday, and when it came time to give her a gift, I found myself at a bit of a loss. What do you get for the gal who has everything? (By which, of course, I mean, the woman who has me for a daughter?) I actually had this thought in my head (in jest, of course), and after I got over that particularly egotistical moment, I realized that there was actually a bit of merit to my initial reaction. Here's how:

My mom lives halfway across the country from me, and one of the things that makes her happy is when she gets to see me (of course) and short of that, when she gets to talk to me on the phone. But, there are only so many things you can talk about on the phone without repeating yourself, so I had a new creative idea of how we could share an activity together long-distance. We are both nerdy, bookish, puzzler-types and we both enjoy word and logic puzzles like crosswords, Sudoku and picture logic.

My idea was that if we both had the same puzzle book, and started the same puzzle at the same time, we could call one another when we got stumped and it would be like we were sitting at the same table working on a giant jigsaw like we often do over the holidays. I thought it would be a nice piece of me to share with her.

She was very excited to receive the gift (because while she doesn't truly have everything, she doesn't need more stuff, either. Who does?) and she appreciated the gift of my time as much as the gift of the puzzle book (which, let's not lie, saved me some moolah). Even though we haven't started our shared puzzles yet, I am also really looking forward to calling her tonight to see how it goes!

I'm sure once we get on the phone we will revert to the old standbys--(Mom: How was your day? Me: How's Dad? Mom: Sold any books lately? Me: How's Dad?)--but the puzzles look like fun, too, and it will be nice to be together for a while, even from a distance.

Snail Mail Sorrows

I use email every day for work mostly, and sometimes to keep in touch with friends and family. But nothing beats a handwritten letter or card in my mail box from someone I know; it beats the usual junk mail from a certain cable company that won’t take no for an answer, or the coupons I will never use because I don’t shop at those particular stores. Now that the U.S. Post Office is in danger of default, I wonder like many others how they will change, and what those changes will be when they do. I cannot imagine a snail mail-free world, where all communications will be conducted online. That will not be a good day, if it is inevitable.

In addition to receiving handwritten cards and letters from people I know in the mail, I enjoy reciprocating the gesture whenever I have the time to do it. I love buying stationery and cards to keep with me so I can have them ready when needed. I have lost mail once or twice using the U.S. Postal Service, and the idea of no Saturday mail is unnerving. Why can’t the agency adjust to remain viable in an Internet-friendly world? Better customer service alone would help revive mail service greatly, and make them competitive in a good way. I just cannot imagine an America without her many post offices, period. It feels wrong, in every way.

So while there is still Saturday service, and there are post office employees willing to answer questions in a more efficient manner, I will continue to send cards and letters to family and friends within the U.S. and overseas. I hope Congress and the Postmaster General make the right decisions before it is too late to preserve the U.S. Postal Service for all of us. I will never give up on snail mail, and hope I will never have to.

Do you enjoy receiving and sending snail mail? Why or why not?

The Major Misinterpreter

Have you ever been shocked by someone else’s words? So much so that you initially believed that they mistook you for someone else? Thankfully this is not a common occurrence in my life, but it did happen to me last week. I am luckier than most, because after one more meeting with her later this summer, I will never have to see or deal with this particular individual again. But I have been in long term situations in office environments where difficult people have come at me in different ways. I empathize with any of who have to endure this on a daily basis.

My situation really illustrates how mountains can be made out of molehills. I have been working on a project for a client for several months, and recommended an associate I had previously worked with to be a part of it. Even before the verbal altercation, I picked up an aloofness I had not previously detected. After meeting and exchanging emails this time around, she called to reprimand me for what really was a minor oversight on my part. Without yelling, she threatened to call my supervisor. When I got over the initial shock, which really took just a second, I calmly told her that no offense was meant and I apologized for the misunderstanding.

She then proceeded to tell me that she did not like my perceived “preference” for emails over phone conversations, and actually criticized me for my clients’ actions, which I had no previous knowledge of. I did not apologize for these “offenses,” because she completely misinterpreted them for her own reasons. I only told her where I was coming from and how my clients’ actions in these cases were their own. I think the way I was firm but not argumentative put her at ease; she even made small talk with me after I appeased her. I was pleased with myself after the phone call; it could have gone from bad to worse if I had lost my cool.

How have you dealt with the “major misinterpreters” in your lives?

Too Tired to Tweet

I find myself experiencing a bit of social networking fatigue lately. I've been active on Facebook for several years and I have a Twitter page, yet I realized recently that it has been about a month since I logged into either account! I often pop in only once a week or so, but now my check-ins seem to have dropped off almost completely. So, what happened? I'm still not exactly sure. It's been a busy couple of months, sure. My computer is old and struggling, true. But I have a smart phone, and I'm genuinely interested in staying connected and finding out what people are up to, my friends and "friends" alike. So why does checking in seem like such an ordeal these days?

I'm worried about my online drought because it feels like things might be passing me by. For instance, Facebook has become a gathering place to let people know about exciting news. On my last few pop-ins (a month ago!) I learned that a good friend had given birth to her first baby, and another had gotten engaged. Changing your status from "in a relationship" to "engaged" is a big deal now, and it seems to be the way a lot of people are making the announcement. If you don't keep up, you don't find out. In all the time that's passed, I'm afraid I've missed similar milestones from others. And I've definitely missed opportunities to keep people updated on good news from my end (positive book reviews and things like that) as well.

I'm hopeful that the tide will turn and I'll soon find myself tweeting up a storm and updating my Facebook status every once in a while, at least. In the meantime, I guess I have to live with the ambiguity of not having seen or read it all. ("Did you see the photos so-and-so posted?" "Oh, I invited you to my party through FB Events.") It's shocking how much our online connections come up in real-life conversation. But instead of making me feel like I'm getting the scoop another way, it just makes me feel more out of the loop.

Are you a frequent social networker? How well do you keep up with all the buzz?

Retreat From Technology

At an event in New York City last week, a friend and I got into a conversation with someone about the ongoing obsession with all things pertaining to technology. We are unable to get away from our computers, iPods, iPads, and anything else that allows us to communicate, view, and share information instantly to anyone. While the three of us agreed that we cannot go without our cell phones and Internet access, especially when living in a world that is constantly changing and demands us to change with it, we also expressed our desire to not be dependent on technology like a drug. I thought about it carefully, and decided to take some action.

I would hate to be a slave to anything, and technology is high on the list of things I refuse to be enslaved by. After careful consideration, I decided to designate most of every Sunday as my technology–free retreat day. I realize I can easily keep my phone turned off and abstain from my computer for most of the day once a week, and Sunday is my day to do it. I know that many of us cannot fathom the idea of doing this, but I look forward to a time when I can just get away from all screens big and small to see the world for myself.

Call me old fashioned; I don’t care. I am nostalgic for the days when children went outside to play, rather than stay indoors to become sedentary. When I taught English in Indonesia to children from wealthy backgrounds, I asked if any of them go outside to play after school or on weekends; they looked at me as if I was an alien from another planet. I helped arrange outdoor activities near the end of my tenure at the school, which was a revelation to them and to me. Getting them away from their cell phones, video games, and other technological accoutrements did not disable them from having fun, which pleasantly surprised them.

Could you take part in a technology-free retreat once a week?

(Wo)Man Up

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth. Join her March 21st at Staying Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.



This week marked the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so in honor of this occasion I'd like to give a special shout-out to all the men out there and encourage you to celebrate all the ways in which women make your lives better, acknowledge what you can learn from us, and inspire you to get in touch with your feminine side with unabashed pride.

Dan Abrams just came out with a book called Man Down, a tome that provides extensive research proving how women are pretty much better at everything. Whether you believed that or not, the key is to remember that we are not in a Battle of the Sexes, but that everyone needs to demonstrate the best characteristics of both worlds.

The reality is that most men have a problem expressing emotion, long considered a girly trait. The amazing irony is that as I am literally in the midst of writing this post, I flip the channel to see the end of Charlie Rose interviewing David Brooks about his new book, The Social Animal. Charlie, who is clearly an exception to this rule, admits how important it is for people to have the "power to express yourself and have emotional intelligence." David comments how he, and most men, struggle with this and how he admires Bruce Springsteen as someone who is a 'manly working class guy who can be emotional in a respectable way.' (Thanks fellas for validating my post right as I type it!)

Most men will never know what it feels like for a girl, so since this year the day also fell on Mardi Gras, what better excuse is there than to 'dress' in drag metaphorically and try your woman-like alter ego on for size. I don't mean a full-on Tootsie or Mrs. Doubtfire, but more like the guys in I Love You, Man or The Boss in all his glory; allow yourself to be just a little more sensitive, intuitive, creative, and expressive of what it is you're feeling.

A New Friendship Hurdle

We've written before about how hard it can be to make new friends once you're out of college. Sometimes it's hard to open up to people at work, friends of friends aren't always your cup of tea, and it's challenging to stay in touch. In the last few months, I've been able to make a few good friends, but now I've uncovered a new hurdle -- at least for myself.

I've always considered myself an honest person and I'm don't usually have a problem with privacy. Because of that, I find myself easily telling people intimate details about myself and my relationships, so long as the privacy of the other people involved is protected. But one thing I've noticed is that there's usually a point in which that stops. I'm starting to find that instead of holding back in the beginning and then easily letting go later on, I'm an open book at first and then it's harder to pry me open.

Now that I'm spending more time hanging out with people and making new friends, this is starting to become much more noticeable. At the moment, there's one person I'm becoming good friends with, and I recently reached the point where I wasn't sure just how much I was willing to share. Despite the fact that we know each other fairly well by now and that I had no problem disclosing all sorts of information about myself before, I was suddenly stuck.

This has now happened with a couple of people, and I'm happy to say I've been able to push through it each time (though some more easily than others). I'm still not entirely sure how to not feel that way, but I'm adding it to the growing list of things I'm trying to explore with myself in the new year.

Is there anything you've learned about yourself recently that you're trying to work on?

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication*

The following was originally posted on February 24, 2010. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series:

I have known for some time now that understanding non-verbal communication is essential when it comes to human relationships. Many of my family members in India do not speak English very well (or at all) and I do not know much of my parents' native language, so it has been difficult to communicate with them. Regardless of the language barrier, I manage to keep my powers of perception as open as possible, because when speaking is difficult or impossible, simple actions like facial expressions or body language become very important when determining what another person is thinking or feeling at any particular moment.

Even when language is not a barrier, I still try to be perceptive in non-verbal communication. In many previous work and academic environments, I learned the hard way not to always believe what was promised or told to me at face value. I specifically remember a former employer trying to make conversation with me in a conference room before a meeting, and realizing for the first time that she did not like me at all. This became blatantly clear just before I left the position to attend graduate school full-time. I caught her in a lie about my job performance, and knew it was time to leave. I also remembered how she was on that day before the meeting, and other experiences that occurred afterward that really made everything clear.

Ever since this incident, I used my powers of perception to understand what people think. My observations are not always correct, but I have been more right than wrong when it comes to non-verbal communication.

Do you agree with my assessment? Why or why not?

Email Communication Vacation

This holiday season, I plan to take a nice long break from checking my work-related emails. This is harder than it sounds, especially since I do most of my work from my laptop anywhere I happen to be. My hours are often long, and can extend into the weekends. I am often on the road, off to meetings with clients and associates who need a great deal of information, so I must always be prepared. That is why I made a conscious decision to step away from my work email completely during my seventeen days out of the office.

In previous positions I have had, I was always tempted to check work email if I had access to it after a few days. Since I am fortunate enough to have more time off, I decided to disconnect from my work-related duties completely for a little more than two weeks to reflect on the year that has passed, plan a little for the year to come, and to reconnect with family and friends. Yes, I need more than just thinking of a few New Year’s Resolutions the day before the year end.

A part of me would like to avoid personal emails completely during this period, but that would not be possible for me due to familial and friendship obligations. I see myself just checking once a day, or once every other day, just to see if I can. Perhaps when I have another vacation in the future, I can retreat from my personal emails completely too, but it seems too radical a concept for me at this time.

We are all so connected to each other via the web, but not so much in person; the Internet is our substitute for most communications these days. When there is no Internet access, we often find ourselves lost if we do not turn on our computers, laptops and/or phones to see what is going on. I look forward to transforming any lost feelings I may have into those of freedom from “the machine.”

Would you ever take a break from email?

Two Truths and a Lie

Let's see...I'm a published author. I'm bi-racial (white mother, black father). I've never traveled outside the United States.

Two of these statements are true about me, and one is a lie. If you read the blog regularly, you'll know right away which is the lie. But if you've never met me or read my posts, it might be harder to tell. (I'll save you the suspense--I went to Greece last year and Zambia the year before that.)

"Two Truths and A Lie" is a common icebreaker game, used to help people who are meeting for the first time to get to know one another. I'm thinking about icebreakers today because soon I'm going to be leading a group of new students through a few of these exercises. I personally enjoy icebreakers, but I know lots of people who utterly despise them.

I've observed that outgoing people often find icebreakers cheesy, forced and restrictive. But I spent years as the quiet wallflower type, who wanted to talk to new people, but didn't always know how to go about it. Icebreakers offered a space and permission to engage people and it made everything that came after much easier. I've since become much more comfortable in new, awkward social settings than I used to be. So for me, maybe the structure of icebreakers is no longer necessary. But I find myself wondering, what about those who are still helped by it?

The best icebreakers, for me, require people to talk to each other and to share personal--but not too personal--details with others. Favorite color, alma mater, number of siblings, and so on. These small talking points do open unexpected avenues of connection and conversation. Which is why I'm bothered that the first game that came to my mind is "Two Truths and a Lie," which is my least favorite icebreaker. Why? Because it seems contrary to the whole point of getting to know people if you're going to start off by having to sort through false information.

I'm open to suggestions for other, better icebreakers! Have you played these games? Do you love 'em or hate 'em?

Jungle Love

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.



The latest casualties in celebrity breakups - Courtney Cox & David Arquette, Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman, Ben Harper & Laura Dern, to name a few - remind us that although things may look bright and shiny on the outside, there is trouble in paradise.

Whether you have the paparazzi spotlight on you or not, this is the area of life we are most often challenged in, even if we excel at everything else. Because when it comes to relationships, it's a jungle out there. Having realistic expectations of what we want and how to go about getting it is the key to navigating that often hostile and confusing environment.

The jungle image conjures up virgin territories, poisonous plants and camouflaged predators. But the reality is that it can also contain a myriad of medicinal cures and infinite beauty and diversity - a place of healing, discovery and wonder.

Just like the mighty forest of the Amazon, we each contain secrets and gems within us. It might first take wielding a machete to clear away the brush before getting to a place where you can see the light of day, and your partner in that light. It takes work - honest communication and emotional elbow grease - to get to that place where you are totally naked to just be, without the distractions, bells and whistles or ability to hide in the denseness of all that surrounds you. That is the place where relationships must exist; all the rest is gravy.

If and when you get to that stripped down place and can't embrace yourself, it will be much harder for your partner to. But if you have already unearthed all your hidden, not so nice parts, and love and accept them unconditionally while trying to improve them, then you can enter into a relationship truly whole and ready to give to another in the same way.

So whether you are traveling solo, have a 'plus one', or are not quite sure what your status is in this expedition called life, give me a buzz and I will help lead you out of the heart of darkness and into the bright city lights.

The Power of No Words

I was walking through crowds of slow-moving tourists in Manhattan this weekend and made eye contact with someone promoting double decker bus tours. I never did this before, but that day I was wondering if my two companions who were visiting from California would be interested in the tour. I walked right by the man, but he followed me a few steps to the corner and presented his brochure and made a fervent sales pitch, which I politely declined. I knew he would try to approach me from that brief moment we had.

It just reminds me how potent our non-verbal communication skills are, and to trust our instincts. I am always surprised at how much I reveal without saying a word, and how I can usually tell how someone feels or what they might say or do, even if I never speak to that person.

Other examples of this behavior dropped like anvils throughout the day. One incident occurred on the subway, when I was having a muted conversation with one of my companions. I noticed a woman sitting near us reacting to what we were saying without speaking. Her body language and facial expressions were subtle, but I could tell she disapproved. Instead of turning her head or moving to a seat further away from us, she kept looking in our direction. It amused me how I could tell how much she wanted to chime in but wouldn’t, and how her dislike of what we were saying grew with every word. Later that day, we wanted to find a subway station and I approached an angry looking traffic cop to ask for directions. My friends were put off by his disagreeable demeanor, which was evident when he turned his back to us as we walked towards him; I asked him for information, which he tersely gave. Somehow, I knew his standoffish behavior would not prevent him from giving us the right directions, and thankfully I was right.

How much do you rely on your ability to communicate or read others non-verbally?