Friday Forum: Stereotypes

Considering all of the attention to race and gender during this election season, what are some of the race or gender stereotypes that bother you the most? Do you think there is more truth or exaggeration in these stereotypes?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

A Voice from Colombia

We are happy to welcome Maria to CHICKS ROCK! Maria's story is a taste of what you will hear about the unique culture of Colombia and the experiences of its people at TWM's upcoming event, Close-Up on Colombia. We hope you'll join us so you can get to learn more about this country and culture. In the meantime, enjoy this as a short introduction to the Colombian experience:

Maria Angelica Martinez, born in Bogotá, Colombia, has been living in the United States for 9 years. She graduated from Baruch College and is currently working for an import-based small firm as Assistant to the CEO.


My name is Maria Angelica Martinez and I am 22 years old. I emigrated from my country, Colombia, in 1999 when I was 13 years old.

Being that so far I have lived almost half of my life in Colombia and half of it here, I guess I have been exposed to both worlds. I feel strongly influenced by the Colombian culture, but I’ve accepted my life in the U.S. Unfortunately, Colombia has very strong stereotypes for women, such as women being considered the weaker sex. Because I was raised by a very strong Colombian woman, my mother, I was taught very well to stand up for my beliefs and for my values, and that the stereotype is not real.

In corporate New York, the other Colombian stereotypes can turn out to be a challenge, but this is where the Colombian culture kicks in. We as Colombians are very step-forward people and very smart. We’re also very happy people, the kind of happy that’s contagious, so for the most part you’ll always see a Colombian in a good mood. As a Colombian woman, I consider myself a very strong and very down-to-earth woman; I can definitely fight the stereotypes and get my point across. I am very proud to be a woman, especially to be a Colombian woman. I think it is important to educate people about the country and for Colombians to spread the message to other people. This upcoming TWM event is the perfect opportunity to do so!

Women In Politics Have To Do It Better And Smarter In The Future

Even though we are in the final stretch of presidential election season, I am still sad that there will be no woman president this time around. It was exciting when Senator Hillary Clinton of NY ran for the Democratic nomination against Senator Barack Obama of Illinois. I remember being excited before the first televised debate between Clinton, Obama, and Edwards. By the end of the debate, my high expectations were dashed. I still admire the Senator from New York immensely... I remember how calm and collected Clinton was back in 2000, when she ran for Senate against Rick Lazio. She blew her opponent away with her determination to focus on the issues, while Lazio resorted to aggressive tactics that reeked of sexism and personal insecurity. I wanted to see those same admirable qualities in her debates against Obama. Instead, I was disappointed by her lackluster performance, due mostly to the Illinois senator’s charisma and strong showing in the polls. Even though the race was close for months after this debate, I knew in my heart that Clinton would not be the Democratic candidate for president.

It is like the Wild West during contentious political campaigns, and we still haven’t seen enough women taking on prominent roles in the showdowns that often erupt in the media and on the campaign trail. In 2004, The Women’s Mosaic hosted a unique panel called "Politics Schmolitics!" which featured some fascinating politically active women, and I believe that we need more them to make significant impacts on the political battlegrounds in this country. Valerie Kennedy, an attorney, lobbyist, political consultant, and legislative counsel for Congressman Tim Valentine from North Carolina, made the greatest impact on me during the event when she said that it was "the lack of mentoring and promoting women that is the greatest challenge in politics." Four years later, these words still ring true. Even though we are the majority in this country, we have to organize and support each other much more, especially when navigating the shark-infested political waters in all levels of government.

The next woman to wage a successful presidential campaign will have to appeal to the masses, be cool under fire, and have a diverse and dynamic understanding of domestic and international policies. Clinton fell short on appeal in her campaign, and Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska just doesn’t fit the bill. These two prominent female characters of the 2008 U.S. Presidential Election season will hopefully inspire aspiring women politicians to do it better and smarter in the future.

What qualities do you think a woman should possess if she is to become President of the United States? Should she be held to different standards because of gender?

A Helping Hand

A while back, I was talking to a friend of mine about mentoring. We agreed that, when done right, mentorship is a powerful thing. We were both able to point to at least a couple of women in our lives who seemed to enter at the right time and nudged us along in our development. They continue to steer us in the right direction without feeling pressure to give the "right" kind of advice, and without us feeling that they're telling us what to do.

Then our conversation turned to the other side of mentorship. Mentorship programs can sometimes feel forced: you are given one person who is supposed to be your guide, but sometimes has no connection to you. They don't understand who you are. Maybe they can give insight from their own experiences, but there can be an impersonal quality that pretty much defeats the purpose of having a mentor in the first place.

I bring all of this up because I've been thinking about my own unofficial role as a mentor in other people's lives. The idea of joining an official mentorship program has always seemed strange to me, but I do want to help other women fulfill their potential.

Organic or not, having a mentor must be better than having no direction at all. Being a woman, especially a woman of color, is challenging no matter what field you want to go in. And, of course, there's the personal connection. Even if a relationship feels somewhat forced, at least there's one there, right? At least there is somebody out there who actually cares about you and the decisions you make.

I feel that it's my responsibility to lend a helping hand, because there was somebody there to help me. But how do I go about doing that? How many of you can say you've had a mentor in your life? How many of you have been a mentor to somebody else? Was it part of a program or did it develop naturally? I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts.

Growing Pains (Hair, Part I)

My hair has long been the bane of my existence. There’s a love-hate thing going on between us that originated around the time when my mother decided I was old enough to manage it myself.

At home, I liked my hair. I thought it was pretty. In a few moments of wild self-confidence, I even thought I was pretty because of it. At school, though, I was mercilessly teased over my hairstyles. This was suburban Indiana – no one had a ‘fro. Except me. I didn’t know how to deal with my hair, so I wore it in awkward braids or in a big puffy ponytail. I let it grow because I believed that the longer it got, the heavier it would be and the flatter it would lie…but denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

As a teen, I spent laborious hours “managing” my hair. I slathered on gel. I sprayed and spritzed, tousled and tucked. I didn’t want my look to be so different. But the meager understanding of hair care and products I’d gained up until that point was based on what white women do. My mom is white, with hair that does what it’s told. At the time, the majority of my friends were white. All the black girls I knew had their hair chemically straightened—that was what you were supposed to do—so they weren’t much help to me, either. My mom consistently refused to let me try straightening. (If I’d known the word “sadist” back then, I’d have screamed it at her.)

The funny thing is, I’ve never actually wished for other hair. I don’t want it to be straight, or blond or conducive to highlights, layers or bangs. I like my hair as it is, I just often wish that I could train it to always look its best. But it doesn’t want to be tamed, simplified or made ordinary. It wants to stand out. I’ve always known that if I can draw that quality out of my hair and into myself, I will be a better woman for it.

What are your hair stories?

Friday Forum: Love & Marriage

With all this talk of relationships on the blog lately, we wanted to hear about your own experiences and struggles. Whether it's choosing to stay single, being in an interracial relationship, coming out, etc., the ones who care about us most are often the ones with the most to say, so we want to know:

Is there something about your own relationships that has been challenged by your family or friends? If so, how did you deal with it? If not, what do you tell your friends who are struggling with this?

Close-Up on Colombia

Have you heard yet about The Women's Mosaic's (TWM's) upcoming event?

In addition to CHICKS ROCK!, TWM's multicultural events are another way for women to celebrate diverse cultures. The events allow women to experience the music, food and lifestyle of a nation, religion or community, while also learning about the social justice challenges, human rights and women's issues at play. This all happens in a friendly, fun and welcoming atmosphere, where everyone can connect on a personal level with women from these cultures firsthand.

Some of these past events have highlighted Haiti, the Philippines, and Sri Lanka, and this next one focuses on a country that has gone under tremendous change in recent years: Colombia!

Here's the description for the event:

TWM's Close-Up on Colombia: Coffee, Cumbia, Cartels & Shakira! Learn more about this colorful country and culture with its vibrant people, infectious music, lush geography and intriguing politics that make it one of the most diverse and misunderstood places in Latin America, and why numerous studies have shown that Colombians rank as one of the happiest groups on the planet!

*Enjoy an authentic Colombian meal
*Watch a demonstration of traditional Colombian dance
*Find out why you should visit Colombia as a tourist
*Listen to speakers about all aspects of Colombian history, politics and women's issues

COST: $35 in advance; $40 at the door; $25 for students with valid ID; $60 includes TWM Mosaic Membership

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here (you can also join TWM's page while you're at it). Or simply send an email.

We hope to feature some of the Colombian women involved with the event as guest bloggers in the next couple of weeks, so stay tuned for that and we hope to see you on the 21st!

To Marry Or Not To Marry, Is That The Question?

Several years ago, I was sitting with a cousin in his family home in India, talking about marriage. I was expecting him to lecture me on the importance of getting married and having children as soon as possible: I am not getting any younger, it would make my parents happy, and being content as a single woman is not "normal." While I was preparing myself for the insults, I was blindsided when he told me not to rush into anything. "I HAD to get married, and now I am stuck! I can't get out," he said under his breath to me. I became very uncomfortable when his wife tried to get his attention during this unhappy confession, and he impolitely ignored her. It was the first time I realized that they were unhappily married, and it made me feel sad for them both.

This incident didn't sour me on the institution of marriage; rather, it reinforced in my mind how important the decision to marry truly is. Like it says in the traditional marriage ceremony, matrimony “is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and soberly." I sometimes wonder if my hapless cousin was paying attention to these or any other words uttered during his ceremony, or if he was just waiting for it be over.

I know I am luckier than my cousin is. I live in a country and at a time when single citizens are not seen as the pitiable social outcasts they were once perceived to be. Still, I know many family members and some friends talk about me behind my back because I am single. Some of them may even mean well, but none of them can understand why I am not interested in getting "hitched" anytime soon.

I enjoy a good love story with a happy ending as much as the next person. It's wonderful when two great people decide to make their union permanent and legal. I may even consider it for myself in the future, if I meet the right person. But if it doesn’t happen, I won’t consider that a tragedy. I just feel that there are many different kinds of happy endings possible for single and married people alike.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you feel pressured to get married or stay single?

Pull That Lever!

Voter registration deadlines are here (many have passed!), so it's as good a time as any to let you know that I'm obsessed with making sure people vote. It's literally my obsession.

I think it started because I was not born in the U.S. and the thing I looked forward to before becoming a citizen was voting. Finally, I'd have a say in the government! My opinion would matter! Nothing seemed better to me than that. I'd think about women and men who picketed, protested, and had hunger strikes for the right to be heard like the white, land-owning men who had that right all along. They struggled to take part in the ultimate democratic act: voting for the leader they wanted. And even after having the right on paper, they still had to fight to actually cast their votes. I do not take for granted that I can step into a voting booth on Election Day.

Hence, my obsession.

So, imagine my surprise when one of my sisters informs me she won’t be voting! I proceeded to give her a 15-minute lecture on why she needs to get to the polls. I won't put you through all of that, but will give you my final point -- people who complain that their voice isn't heard (usually young people or Latinos, in my experience), aren't making it better by not voting. Then politicians can say "well, they never make it to the polls." If you really want to make a stink, prove you're not just lazy or disinterested by actually going to the polls and simply not marking a candidate. Pull that lever without voting for anybody! It's a win-win: you don't end up voting for somebody you don't like or aren't informed about, and you still count as having gone to the polls! If more people did this, I guarantee candidates would focus more on these groups.

Okay, off my soapbox... But remember to pull that lever!

• Rock the Vote's online registration form here
• Brennan Center for Justice's student voting rights for every state here
• Can I Vote? lets you: check if you're registered, find info on absentee voting, and learn how to become a poll worker here

And don't forget to watch the 2nd presidential debate tonight on any major network!

(Cross-posted at Jump off the Bridge)

The Times That Haven't Changed

I recently had a long conversation with a friend about relationships, specifically interracial ones. This friend is a young white man who’s in a long-term relationship with a woman of color. They’re bizarrely compatible, totally in love, and now planning to get married. Suddenly, a flock of doubters have emerged out of the woodwork – his family and friends, advising him against taking this particular plunge.

It continues to surprise me that in this time and place it is still so hard for some people to accept interracial marriages. My parents have spoken about various encounters they had in the 1970s, when their relationship began. Back then, it was still unusual to see a black man and a white woman walking hand in hand. Somehow, I had come to believe that times had changed.

My friend said his family claimed to be worried about the struggles he, his wife and their (hypothetical) biracial children might face in the future. They thought he was setting himself up for an unnecessarily difficult life. Devastated by their lack of support, my friend called me, looking for me to tell him that it would all be okay. He asked if I thought his engagement was a bad idea, and if I felt my life had been made more difficult because I am biracial.

It hurts me a little that these questions have to be asked, though I understand why they are. I answered in the only way I could. Being biracial has certainly affected me and shaped my life into what it is today. It’s impossible to list the ways it has made me different, because I’ve never experienced the world from within any other skin. But I don’t believe that any of those differences are bad, or something to be avoided.

Every relationship has challenges. This we know for sure. So why are the challenges faced by interracial couples perceived to be worse than those of any other couple? Why are they perceived to be avoidable? What is the supposed solution: just marry someone else? It is hard enough to find one person to love and be loved by.

I hope that as a society, someday we will be able to value each other’s happiness over our own fears, and to affirm love, in whatever form it may come, over prejudice.

What would you have said, if a friend called you with these questions?

Friday Forum: Sarah Palin

Since it will be the topic of conversation for just about everyone today, we're opening up today's Friday Forum to your thoughts on Sarah Palin.

In what ways do you identify with her and in what ways are you different? What do you think of her as a leader?

Leave a comment to share your thoughts -- you don't need a Blogger account to comment.

My Commitment to Compassionate Leadership

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


Last week I attended a very special panel discussion that reinforced for me what we’re doing at TWM: encouraging women to practice compassion in their lives, and to discover and embrace our commonalities and differences. These are qualities of true leadership.

The event was sponsored by NYU and consisted of:

"Her Majesty Queen Noor of Jordan, provocative religious leader and respected spiritual iconoclast Rabbi Irwin Kula, and the Sakyong, Jamgön Mipham Rinpoche, one of Tibet's highest and most respected incarnate lamas, to participate in a groundbreaking, open discussion on the power and practice of compassionate leadership."

These were people who ‘spoke my language.’ They made me feel I’m not alone in my perceptions about how to best make fundamental change at this critical time in our history.

I initially went because of my admiration of HM Queen Noor, specifically the work for peace in the Middle East she and her late husband, the esteemed King Hussein of Jordan, dedicated their lives to. She is committed to building bridges among the Arab, Muslim and Western worlds, and knows the similarities, uniqueness and nuances of the world’s major religions. This is something you often don’t hear expressed from such a platform, yet it’s so important for fostering understanding among us.

She is one of those people I feel a certain kinship with, in terms of her perspective on peace, faith and cross-cultural understanding. Listening to her solidified my connection with her (on whatever level you can have that with such an eminent figure!). I was thrilled and honored to meet Queen Noor in person – and impressed and inspired by Rabbi Kula and the Sakyong Rinpoche as well.

Personally, it was exactly what I needed – a refreshing dialogue with a reasonable, humanistic, forward-thinking, positive worldview that re-affirmed my commitment to what I started with The Women’s Mosaic. It validated our mission and re-energized me to persevere, regardless of the many challenges and personal sacrifices that come with founding and, more importantly, trying to sustain a nonprofit organization such as ours.

As we are in the home stretch of this intense political season, it is my wish that our elected officials be the compassionate leaders we so desperately need, but also that we each take responsibility for that type of leadership in our own lives.

You can download and watch the webcast of the event here. Please be sure to share your thoughts on the video and on compassionate leadership in the comments!

Mall Taman Anggrek: My Indonesian Comfort Zone

Mall culture takes on a life of its own in most Southeast Asian cities, like Jakarta. You cannot get away from them; they are everywhere. Mall Taman Anggrek is currently the largest mall in Jakarta. The obnoxiously large building houses more than 500 stores on seven floors. Taman Anggrek is translated to mean “orchid garden” in English, which evokes images of serene beauty and calm. I never understood the name, until I found out there used to be a real orchid garden in that location.

Early in the morning during the week is the best time to enjoy the mall’s interiors. It is a marvel of space, light and marble...a truly impressive sight. Even though I dislike malls in general, I cannot deny that the architects who designed Mall Taman Anggrek are true artists.

It is also a less stressful place to shop, especially for women. We can walk around the mall without being harassed, unlike the congested street fairs that dominate many city neighborhoods. I couldn’t avoid Taman Anggrek, or any mall for that matter. It is where I had to go to find Western sizes of shoes and clothes, and anything else that is familiar from home. I am almost ashamed to admit that these malls are also havens for foreigners like me. I don’t have to worry about getting ripped off like I do in other local establishments. Taman Anggrek is my Third World reminder of home…sort of.

Are malls like Taman Anggrek the best that Jakarta has to offer? Well, yes…and no. The few city museums and monuments I visited are intellectually superior to anything that can be found at the mall. Still, the air conditioning, window shopping, and gourmet fast food trumps culture and history for many locals and foreigners in Indonesia’s polluted and over-populated capital city. When expats like me need to escape from the heat, noise and smells of the Jakarta streets, retreating to the mall is the easiest thing to do.

What is your idea of comfort when you're far away from home?

Another Perspective on Sorority Life

For many out there, rush season is in full force, and pledging has just begun, so sorority life has been on my mind. When I started college, I had a very narrow view of what it meant to be in a sorority. I saw the stereotype and knew that I wanted no part in any of it.

But, I soon found myself surrounded by a group of women I looked up to and cared for in a way I never thought possible outside of my family. Our road to pledging was far too long and hard to explain in a blog post, but what I got out of it is what really matters.

I've written before about how it helped me find my voice, but it also helped me become an activist - which I consider a critical part of my identity. I always had a compassionate personality and tried to find a solution to everything, but it didn't really translate into activism until I became an Hermana (sister). I then had the opportunity to find causes to work for and come up with creative ways to help. I got to advocate for what I believed in - women's rights and literacy - and get my message across to others.

And, of course, I got the love of my Hermanas. I've met intelligent, successful women who are always willing to lend a helping hand. We are supportive of each other and work together towards similar goals. It is hard to explain to people outside of our organization what it means to us, and it's even hard to explain to other Hermanas the unique connection we each have to our org. Thankfully, we don't ask too many questions.

I've mostly given up on explaining the ins and outs of Greek culture to anybody outside. There are things that just can't be understood if you're on the outside, and it isn't worth it to try. But I do hope to get another perspective out there. It's a shame so many other women have to live through the stereotype, and I wish they could have had an experience that challenged, empowered, and changed them the way my process did for me.

What are your experiences in your organization, or as an outsider?

When in Zambia...

In April, I participated in a trip to Zambia, a nation in Southern Africa. I traveled with a group of nine – four men and five women. In advance of the trip, we were instructed on culturally-appropriate social behavior. The expectations for men and women were vastly different. We were told that women must wear skirts at all times in public. Shoulders must be covered. When shaking the hand of a man her age or older, a woman must grip her own forearm, bow her head and bend her knees in a curtsy to show respect. We practiced this move on each other, finding it mildly amusing, maybe patronizing, and more than a little bit sexist. But we knew we would do it because it was not our place to judge. We were to be guests in their homes, and when in Rome…yeah.

So we curtsied, over and over. Most shockingly, in the moment, in that time and place, it ceased to be amusing, patronizing or sexist. It simply was. And especially watching the Zambian women move through their world, we American women realized that things may not always be as they seem from afar. When we look across the oceans at the lives they lead, we’re looking through the lens of our own history, our own lives, our own brand of feminism. None of those things leave as much room for interpretation as they should.

I expected that I would observe timidity and deference among the Zambian women. Instead, they showed me what it means to be confident in your role and place in the world. I expected that always wearing skirts might make them feel stifled, but they moved so freely you would never know it wasn’t necessarily their choice of garment. I never doubted that Zambian women would be strong, but I didn’t expect that strength to be so visible and unapologetic. Even though they bow before their men, they are anything but powerless.

Friday Forum: Visioning Reflections

In anticipation of tomorrow's Visioning Workshop, we wanted to hear from you!

For those of you who have participated in the Visioning Workshop, what was your experience like? Kelly shared her story yesterday, but we know there are many more out there.

For those who haven't participated or who'll be attending for the first time tomorrow, do you have any expectations, or questions you need answered?

Sometimes the roadmap we have for our own lives gets a little blurry, and the Visioning Workshop is a great way to focus it again. Share your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Just What I Needed

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our first guest blogger, Kelly:

Kelly lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack and their dog, Pearl. Between feeding Jack and walking the dog, she produces websites and teaches clients how to budget their day-to-day cash flow.


My first summer in Manhattan, I stumbled upon TWM’s event page, which had a listing for a Visioning Workshop. The event description promised to help me manifest my heart’s desire. It promised to help me figure out where I was in my life and where I wanted to go next.

I had been living in the city for less than a year and was feeling rather out of my element. Back home, I had a small handful of familiar friends who helped me sort out my dreams and goals, but I was too busy working to create a similar circle in New York. I felt my life wasn’t really going the way I wanted it to; it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, either. This Visioning Workshop sounded like just what I needed!

As it turns out, I *loved* the workshop and I became a regular at the semi-annual workshops led by TWM’s founder, Kristina.

That winter, my boyfriend and I seriously began to consider having a child. Looking back, it’s crystal clear, but at the time I was convinced I wasn’t ready. After all, I had a (not terribly exciting) career to consider!

Come spring, I hustled back to the Visioning Workshop. I made a conscious effort to clear my mind. We began the process … and at the end of the day, I had a collage filled with fertility imagery – strong women with sturdy birthing hips, lots of kids, even a heron (which I mistook for a stork). I also had a kitchen set with three chairs pulled up to the table – presumably for my boyfriend, a child, and me. Apparently, I wanted to have a baby!

Now, 18 months later, I am the proud momma of Jack. He’s nearly four months old and I think he’s the cutest thing ever (not so much when he’s crying at 3am!).

I’m so glad I found the Visioning Workshop, The Women’s Mosaic, and Kristina. They have made my transition to New York and into motherhood easier and a lot more fun. I can’t wait to see what comes to light at the next workshop!

Visioning Workshop this Saturday

This Saturday is TWM's popular Visioning Workshop. We hope that if you're a woman in NYC and have a day to dedicate to yourself, you'll join us at the workshop.


VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams!

Come to TWM's popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be. It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop. If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there...

THESE WORKSHOPS ALMOST ALWAYS SELL OUT, SO BE SURE TO RESERVE YOUR SPOT!

COST: $65 for TWM Members $75 at the door; $110 for non-Members; $125 at the door
NOTE: For more details and to RSVP, email us

The Kindness Of A Stranger

I think Maine has always been one of my favorite states. I love New England in the summer and autumn months, and when the opportunity to go to the northernmost state in the region presented itself, I knew I had to go. With only one full day to really explore Portland, which is on the southeastern coast of Maine, I hoped that the weather would be pleasant enough for sailing. When I heard raindrops hitting the windows of my hotel room that morning, I had to replace these plans with tours through the Portland Museum of Art, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s home and the Victoria Mansion. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about the tumultuous history of Portland, and getting lost (and drenched) in its quirky streets.

As great as all of these tourist attractions were, it was my brief meeting with a friendly waitress at a well-known neighborhood restaurant that I will remember most. From the moment Kelly seated me and my parents at our table, we felt a genuine connection to her that was anything but fake. She introduced us to some unique local produce, told us about upcoming events and places of interest in Portland, and gave us directions by drawing simple street maps on some note paper. Kelly went out of her way to give us advice without any benefit on her part, and that is quite rare. By the time I went back to the hotel that evening, I almost forgot about the rain and my failed plans to sail.

There is something to be said about the kindness of strangers, especially when traveling. I hope to meet more people like Kelly in my future sojourns. Have any of you had a similar experience? I would love to hear your comments.

A Woman First

In my women’s studies classes, I often found myself having to answer the question “do you define yourself by your gender first or your culture?” The answer to this has always been easy for me – I’m a woman who happens to be Latina.

Now, you all know I don’t much like labels, but if I have to choose, I’ve always seen myself as a woman first.

At first, this just came as a gut reaction, but after being asked that question for the third or fourth time, I realized my reasoning: most of the struggles I’ve had were because of my status as a woman, not as a Latina.

I couldn’t go anywhere alone because I was a girl, I couldn’t date or wear make-up or any of that because I was a girl, I put up with catcalls and harassment because I’m a woman, I worry about going out after dark because I’m a woman… the list goes on and on. I can probably count on one hand (okay, probably two) the number of times I’ve been called a spic, but I won’t even bother trying to count the number of times I’ve been called bitch, slut, whore, etc.

And, sure, I struggled to learn English as a 5-year-old immigrant, and having to be my parents’ translator was not only embarrassing but unbelievably difficult (there’s a reason you need to be 18 to sign legal documents—elementary school education just isn’t enough to understand any of that). But those memories pale in comparison to the ones I have of thinking I couldn’t do something because I was a girl.

In my women’s studies classes, and when I’ve asked the question to others, I seem to be in the minority in feeling this way. How do you define yourselves if you’re forced to choose? Can you choose? Does anybody else choose based on a similar reasoning?