Another Time to "Just Say No"

Vacations are great for a lot of reasons: you get to relax, there's a change of scenery, you spend time with friends or family, maybe you get to soak in the sun. But one thing that's not so great about vacations is all the money you spend, and that's certainly true in a place like Las Vegas.

Those all-you-can-eat buffets aren't worth the $25-35 you spend on them. And drinks that start at $10 but are no stronger or more special than juice with a splash of alcohol in them are a waste. Some say it's okay to spend more on vacation, insisting that this isn't the time to worry about money. Others point out that things are just as overpriced in NYC. Well, I don't generally pay more for something just because I'm on vacation unless I have no choice. And I don't know about anybody else, but I avoid overpriced NYC establishments like the plague, especially when there's often a cheaper alternative a few blocks away.

If this is how I feel, then I must be saving money on this trip, right? Well, not exactly, because if I'm being completely honest, part of the problem is peer pressure.

Gone are the days when I worried about what I'd do if asked to smoke a cigarette... instead, I'm now worried about the friend who wants to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree AND dessert. Sure, we might be sharing one or all of those, but I still end up spending way more than I planned. Sadly, I've realized I just can't bring myself to say no. I hate thinking that my financial worries are getting in the way of everyone else's happiness (yes, I realize that's absolutely ridiculous).

So as I gear up for my next trip, I'm keeping this in mind and am making a concerted effort to be loud and clear about my budget. I'll look up cheaper options when possible and when it comes to eating more courses than my stomach or wallet can afford, I'll learn to just say no.

A Holiday Break

We're giving Kekla a break on this beautiful holiday weekend. Get out there and enjoy the weather and the time off!

Friday Forum: What Are We Remembering?

Memorial Day is often seen as just another day off, with picnics, barbecues, or a day at the beach. But the real meaning often gets lost: commemorating the soldiers who have died.

Have you ever found that you forgot the meaning of Memorial Day? Do you think we ignore the real meaning behind holidays like this?

Pre-Holiday Housekeeping

You're surely gearing up for the holiday weekend, so we wanted to quickly remind you of a couple of things.

First up is TWM's upcoming World of Wellness. It's easy and affordable to become a sponsor and doing so brings exposure to you and your business, while giving you a chance to educate women on better ways to live a healthy life. Email info@thewomensmosaic.org for more info or to sign up.

And, of course, we wanted to remind you that you can always submit a guest post and have your voice and story featured right here on CHICKS ROCK! The guidelines are straight-forward, and guest blogging lets you tell your story in your way, helping you connect with other women. Email chicksrockblog@gmail.com with your submission.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Victimizing Victims With Blame

Like most people, I find myself getting angry when I hear about people who are physically assaulted at their workplaces, schools, and other places that are familiar to them. I was disgusted when I read the report about the former heard of the International Monetary Fund who is accused of attempting to rape a maid who went to his room to clean it, and then boarded a plane back to his native France the same day; thankfully the authorities stopped him from leaving. I know he is innocent until proven guilty, but when I heard that the maid is a Guinean immigrant and a devout Muslim who wears a traditional headscarf, I became even more concerned. Why? Because in addition to her being in a service-related position where there is little safety for the workers, she must also wrestle feelings of violation and guilt. I don’t want to generalize, but I know that in my parents’ culture, it is still widely believed that women are to blame for any sexual violence they endure.

I found out a few years ago that a former family friend of my Mother’s was raped in a hospital parking lot several decades ago; she worked at that hospital as a nurse. She won a considerable settlement from her employers, but never went to therapy. When I knew her, she was very judgmental and constantly angry. Even with the money, I now know that it did not buy her peace of mind, even though she and her family had the best of everything. Her desire to pretend that the past did not happen for the sake of her traditional beliefs and to fit into her cultural community became everything to her.

While I am respectful of all cultures and religions, I will never understand when a woman or man is forcibly attacked by others and blamed for it. It is a further victimization of the victim, and that is unacceptable. Patience, compassion, and love should always be used by anyone with a family member or friend who goes through this ordeal.

The Still Unfazed, Solo Traveler

As I was mentioning last week, the last few months have been a bit hectic for me. That full body massage was a great treat, but what I've really been needing is a vacation. Thankfully, the two I have scheduled over the next couple of months are finally upon me.

First stop: Vegas.

After all the back and forth, it turns out that I'll be alone for most of the time. I know what you're thinking, "Alone? In Vegas?" This is the reaction I've been getting from pretty much everybody, and still... I remain unfazed. It was when my friends started to feel sorry for me and say things like "well, it should be an interesting experience to travel alone" that I realized I do this all the time.

Seattle? Alone. Indiana? Alone. Mississippi? Sort of alone.

If anything, I was actually excited that I would be alone because there'd be nothing to distract me from my goal of relaxation. I would be less tempted to go out and spend a ton of money on dinners and booze. There'd be nobody encouraging me to pull down the level at a slot machine. It'd just be me, the hot sun, my eReader, and my laptop. Heck, even not going out every night is actually a blessing because I'll get a chance to catch up on my writing, something I've been too busy to do for the past couple of months.

My next stop is California, and that will also be a chill trip. I'm driving from LA to San Francisco with a friend of mine, hitting up the beaches and beautiful scenery and greenery along the way. It'll be the first time we spend that much time together since our trip to Europe in junior high school, but I think we'll be fine.

So it's funny the way things work out. I wanted to change my pace and mellow out for a bit, which at first seemed like the opposite of these trips, but it looks like I'm still going to get what I need.

Are you looking forward to any upcoming vacations?

Happy Graduation

It's getting to be that time of year. Schools are letting out, another academic year is ending, and for many students in different walks of life it's time for a big life change: Graduation. Whether it's from high school, college, trade school, graduate or professional school, or just kindergarten, graduations are typically times of high emotion, excitement and anxiety.

I haven't graduated from anything in a while, at least not officially, but as I'm watching others achieve significant milestones in their lives I find myself reflecting on the many unofficial graduations I've celebrated over the past few years. Not the least of which has been moving from regular employment to making a living as an author.

In regular life, there isn't always an obvious moment of "graduation" from one state of being to another. It can be a continual evolution during which you wake up one morning and know that you are different, and that your world is changing to match. No one hands you a diploma, but the sense of accomplishment can be just as strong.

Sometimes it's good to pat yourself on the back and think about all your accomplishments, big and small, those that are life-changing as well as those day-to-day events that seem insignificant but which gradually carry you closer to your goals.

What milestones have you reached lately? How do you plan to celebrate your graduation?

Friday Forum: Go Get Physical

As we reminded you yesterday, it's time to get your health and fitness on track. Take some time to prioritize your own wellbeing this weekend, maybe starting with something as simple as a run -- which helps you exercise your body while also clearing your mind.

And while you're at it, check to see if there are opportunities to exercise outdoors and/or for free this month and throughout the summer.

Have you been more active this month? Do you think you'll start now that we're reminding you?

Another World of Wellness!

Two years ago, TWM held their Focus on Fitness and Health with three live events, and last year they took the celebration online with World of Wellness. It was such a success, that it's back again this year from May 25 - June 22. Check out the details below:

This year's event includes:
*Virtual Health Fair of five blasts beginning 5/25 (plus up to 2 additional dedicated blasts depending on sponsor level)
*Screen Shot and Link to Video – your own personal commercial/demo clip!(YouTube, Vimeo or Blip.tv)
*Dedicated week of guest posts about health and fitness on our blog CHICKS ROCK!,
*TWM World of Wellness Resource Guide to be distributed online to our membership and in print where possible.
*Passport to Wellness Coupon Blast

Benefits to your business include:
*exposure of your business to over 5000+ women and men
*opportunity to educate women about the variety of ways to live a healthy life
*demonstrate support for and be associated with a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering women

Sponsorship investment ranges from $55 to $500. For more information and to request a registration form, send an email to info@thewomensmosaic.org

A Healthy Jumpstart

If you take note of Mays past with TWM and CHICKS ROCK!, yesterday's post about TWM's World of Wellness was probably no surprise. This is the time we usually start focusing on health and wellness around here. May is not only National Physical Fitness & Sports Month, but it's also Mental Health Month.

If you're looking to put your health first this month (and in other months to come!), be sure to check out our past content on TWM's World of Wellness Series and health, wellness or fitness in general.

Musings About The Freedom Riders

Fifty years ago this month, black and white activists risked their lives by taking interstate buses and sitting where they wanted in them; they boarded them in Washington D.C. and went into the racially segregated South. The Freedom Riders were taught not to use violence to defend themselves before the trip began, and as a result made a significant impact on the early days of the Civil Rights Movement in the United States. When I realized that it had been fifty years since the Freedom Rides, I made sure to watch television programs and read anything I could about them. I am impressed and humbled by the bravery and endurance of the civil rights activists who were beaten and almost killed by mobs in Birmingham, Anniston, and Montgomery Alabama. I also wonder about myself; if I was of age in 1961, would I have been inspired to become a Freedom Rider? Would I have had the fortitude to face the vengeance of the angry Ku Klux Klan (KKK) and other racists? Hearing the stories of the Freedom Riders, who recently commemorated their 50th anniversary with some college students by taking buses and re-tracing the same routes, reminds me of the human capacity of true greatness.

I would like to think I would join the cause, if I lived during this time, even though I would have been very frightened. The evils of racial segregation are intolerable to me, so I think this would have been a strong enough reason to overcome my fears. At the same time, I may have been dissuaded by my Mother’s feelings about my safety. Facing angry mobs of people and violence at their hands would change me forever, but perhaps this would be a good thing in the long run, especially in the years after the Civil Rights Movement. The bottom line is that I will never know what it was like for the Freedom Riders, but I can remember their struggles and triumphs.

Do you ever wonder what you would have done had you lived during the Freedom Rides, or other events like them?

Massage for the Body (& Mind?)

To say that life's been stressful over the last few months would be an understatement. Lately, though, it's been even worse. With my schedule more hectic every day and my muscles getting used and abused more than they have in a long time, some pampering and tlc was in order. So when my friend and I saw a deal for an exfoliating massage from one of those daily deals sites, we jumped on it.

This was my first time getting a full body massage and I've never done a body scrub or exfoliating treatment at a spa before, so I didn't know what to expect. The good news: it was, of course, quite glorious. The bad news: I couldn't shut off my mind, no matter how hard I tried. I can usually calm my thoughts during yoga, so you'd think that with such a relaxing experience, it'd be no problem. But it was a huge problem, only worsened by the fact that I kept beating myself up for over-thinking. In the end, my body was feeling great, but my brain was even more jumbled. Is there a massage for the mind? But it still felt so great, I'd do it again.

So the worse news is, the hour was up way too soon. But the better news is, we're getting at least one more round of massages before the year is through. Due to a scheduling issue, we actually ended up having to get two deals (long story), and then it turns out they charged my friend twice, so we may even go a third time! I've got to say, there are worse things to spend money on. If I'm splurging on something, I can only hope to feel that great afterwards.

Have you taken time out lately for some pampering or self-indulgence?

Under the Weather

I've been fighting a cold all week, and have spent much of my time strategically surrounded by Kleenex, tea, cough drops, Sudafed, and every remote control I own. I've allowed myself to take a few sick days, even though there's no official process for that since I work from home. While it doesn't feel good to feel bad, I admit I have enjoyed the time of rest.

Being sick is a giant pain, an inconvenience, a headache--both literally and figuratively--but it can also signal that it 's time to take a breath and let yourself rest. I'm trying not to worry about the deadlines that are approaching and all the work that is standing undone. I suspect that trying to juggle all these concerns in the first place is part of what led me toward my current illness, and while the temptation is there to just push through it, my instinct is telling me it will only make matters worse.

Whether you're feeling at the top of your game, or a little under the weather yourself, don't forget to take time to think about your health, and most importantly, how your lifestyle impacts your health.

Need some inspiration? Check out our previous posts on health and wellness.

Friday Forum: Friday the 13th

You may know that today is Friday the 13th, but did you know that it's the only one in 2011? Even some people who don't usually pay attention to superstition get freaked out by "Freaky Friday."

Do you get freaked out by Friday the 13th?

V

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.

On May 5, 2011, Kristina attended the 7th annual Voices event hosted by Brotherhood/Sister Sol, a leading non-profit that empowers young Black and Latino women and men by helping them to become critical thinkers and community leaders.

"...I will continue to use my voice, the one I was told is important and matters." -- Rosario Dawson, actress and activist

I'm not a huge fan of American Idol, but have watched it here and there, and the theme I noticed this season has to do with contestants 'finding their voice' and being artists who are true to themselves. Now there's a new kid on the block called The Voice, and the X-Factor coming around the corner as well.

Although on one hand we are attracted to the idea of being plucked from obscurity and thrust into the spotlight, I think our more subconscious obsession with these shows stems from how powerful that little box in our throat really is, because not enough of us use it to its fullest potential.

I have a client who feels she is not heard by her boyfriend, another who is trying to find his voice at his job, another who gets stuck when trying to articulate anything about herself. Shania Twain, who made a living and a fortune living by her voice, lost it after the devastating news of her husband's betrayal and coming to terms with a traumatic childhood. There is nothing more effective to show us just how essential our voice is to who we are than when it is not there.

I recently had the privilege of meeting one of the most distinctive and profound voices in our society today, Dr. Cornel West, who was being honored, along with Rosario Dawson and the former Mayor David Dinkins at the very aptly named Voices 7, the annual gala for The Brotherhood/Sister Sol, an organization that empowers low income Black and Latino youth to become agents of social change through education, activism and spoken word.

A frequent guest on mainstream TV talk shows, Dr. West always has an intelligent and entertaining discourse with his host and speaks my kinda language about love, courage and shared humanity; he is an extremely unique voice of reason in a sea of media madness.

At the end of the event, the students' poem said you "Can't sing when your guard is up and your mouth is closed... The consequences of silence are intolerable." No matter who you are, without your voice and your Voice, you are lost.

The logo and ads for The Voice show two fingers up in a V; I realized it's no small coincidence that this is also the sign of Peace and Victory, as they are all intertwined; because when you find your Voice and use it, you feel at Peace with yourself and can be Victorious in overcoming any obstacle - and that is Vital.

Paying Attention

Taking time to take notice of my surroundings is something I do every day. It is essential to pay attention at school, work, driving, crossing the street, and many other times when our lives and livelihoods depend on it, but when it doesn’t, many just have tunnel vision or hearing. The chaos of modern life makes us that way; I believe New York City is a perfect example of a metropolis that is filled with people who have made tunnel vision and hearing an art. As a one-time inhabitant and frequent visitor, I understand why; there are too many distractions in the city, and so people must stay focused to get to their destinations.

Many times we use this tunnel view in our relationships with other people, especially when things start to go bad. I am currently in a situation where I cannot afford not to pay attention to someone in my life, because when I did in the past I suffered for it. Paying attention to what people are saying, even when they are not speaking, and other changes in our environment allow us to adapt and survive, ultimately. I have a friend who is in a terrible marriage, and others I know, she will not pay attention to how irrevocably broken her relationship is. She wants to prove to herself and others that she can keep everything together; she is paying attention to keeping up appearances, rather than to the truth.

Personally, I can only pay attention my own truths and those in the world around me, even if they are not pretty. While some might think from reading this that I see myself as enlightened, which would not be true; I am incapable of not paying attention. My own Mother told me that I have never lost the ability to observe and react to my observations in truthful ways. As an adult I know when not to express these truths to certain people and at particular moments, but I haven’t lost the ability to be observant to my realities. I hope I never will.

Why Didn't I Think of That?

As I've mentioned before, there aren't many brands I really love, but for the select few, the loyalty's strong. So when Old Navy invited customers to join what they called their "style council," I jumped at the chance.

To sign up, I had to join a site called Crowdtap, which is basically social media meets market research. You already know how much I love trying out new social media platforms. Some I tire of quickly, but others hook me, and that's what happened with Crowdtap.

The way it works is you give feedback to brands in exchange for the opportunity to try products firsthand. You also earn money for a charity of your choice and for yourself, which you use at Amazon.com. I haven't cashed out yet, but the countless hours I've spent answering questions and commenting in discussions have not been in vain: I've got a cute Old Navy dress and some snazzy accessories to show for it. And did I mention my friends also got free goodies? Fun for everyone!

It's basically a combination of all the things I love: social media, free stuff, and philanthropy. Why didn't I think of this?

The more time I spend on this site, the more I contemplate on the random ideas we have that we quickly dismiss. What is it that makes some people develop those ideas into something real? Obviously, not all of them end up a success, but certainly an idea you don't act on doesn't have a chance to succeed.

I guess because this is one of the few times I genuinely thought "I could've done this," I'm now more aware of these half-baked ideas. I've decided that from now on when my friends or I think of something like this, I'll make note of it and give it serious consideration. They say that if you follow your passion, that's when you'll really find success, right? So, who knows, maybe one of our wacky ideas will be the next Facebook.

Do you ever have ideas like this? Do you act on any of them?

Coincidence? I Think Not...

One of the quirky, unexpected and often magical things about life--especially life in New York it seems--is the potential for strange coincidences. I seem to be going through a period where series of seemingly random, unrelated events are turning out to have deeper significance. It's like those times when you learn a new word or phrase that you've never heard before in your life, yet within the space of days suddenly everyone around you is saying it like it's been part of their vocabulary for years. You know those moments?

I try to pay close attention when coincidences happen--like when out of the blue, a friend pops into my mind who I haven't spoken to in years, then out of the same blue I receive a message from her two days later. Like when I think about emailing my agent a certain book proposal, then she emails and asks about the status of the same proposal. I don't always know what such an occurrence means right away, but it always feels like a nudge toward something.

I suppose I believe it's possible for truly meaningless coincidence to occur, but I like to think there's more to it. The idea of coincidence having significance appeals to me because it suggests there are larger forces at work in the universe. I admit, I'm often intrigued by the tingle of deja vu, or left in awe of the sudden clarity that strikes when tiny little happenings add up to a larger picture.

For me, coincidence sometimes fills in a missing piece of a puzzle I've been trying to solve--whether I knew it or not! Sometimes it's a call to action, because even when things happen for a reason, the truly good experiences in life don't tend to happen entirely on their own. I try to strike a balance between letting things unfold as they will, and taking the initiative to go after the things I really want.

Do you tend to dismiss or pay attention to the coincidences in your life?

Friday Forum: Military Spouses Day

Today is one of those little-known holidays that means a lot to the group that it affects -- it's Military Spouses Day. Think about the people in your life who should be honored today and take some time to thank them for the support they give their military spouses and partners.

Are you or do you know a loved one of somebody in the military? Do you think this group deserves to be honored?

Link Love for 5/5

It's been a while since we showed some love, so let's jump right into it!

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur wants to teach you how to make more and work less.

Downtown Dharma also has seemingly contradictory advice: don't speak and communicate better.

Girl w/Pen has a review of Hanna, an empowering movie with a female protagonist.

In Good Company looks at the work and family balance, and what it means when family is held against you.

Lindsay Pollak asks an important question: are you ready to "work on purpose"?

Woodhull Institute featured a few posts on binge eating that are a very worthwhile read -- here's the first.


What have you been reading and writing online? Be sure to share a link in the comments!

Understanding May 1, 2011

What a difference a few days make! Last week the news was all about Libya, Syria, the debate over President Obama’s birth certificate, and the British royal wedding. This changed irrevocably on Sunday night, when I along with many other people turned on their televisions and computers to discover the news that a certain terrorist everyone has been looking and wondering about for almost ten years was shot and killed in the special operatives’ raid in Pakistan. This too shall pass of course, but for now it is the number one story out there. The architect of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and so much more was exposed and has been silenced forever. Now I cannot help but wonder what is coming next for us as a country and as human beings.

I was shocked with everyone else by the news that they actually found the man in question, living in a comfortable fortress of surrounded by pastoral splendor and just a short distance away from a military training facility. While the house didn’t impress me at all, the areas were quite lovely, and reminded me of areas in my parents’ native India, and where my cousin lives in Indonesia. I am used to seeing high walls, but not fortress-sized windows and doors with barbed wire to boot.

I do recall my cousin’s neighbors’ housekeeping staff never being allowed to speak to anyone or leave their boss’s homes, not even for the Ramadan holiday. I realized this was not right immediately, but there was nothing I could do about it. I saw the policemen receiving bribes everyday from employees of the first Indonesian schools; I worked with some of them there, so I knew that local police would be the least likely to do much (if anything) to respond and remedy the situation for them. In other words, I understand why Bin Laden’s unknowing neighbors had no idea who he was. Of course, Pakistan’s military and intelligence organizations have some serious explaining to do.

What are your thought about this past weekend?

Unleashing My Inner Theater Geek

A little-known fact about me: I had childhood dreams of being on Broadway. In elementary school and junior high, I was in school productions of Guys and Dolls (twice) and West Side Story. My dream role was Anita and I was convinced that when it had its next revival, I would somehow quit my job, audition, and blow everyone away even though I was completely inexperienced. Alas, that didn't happen -- shocker of all shockers, I know.

What did stick from this time was a love for theater. I keep track of upcoming shows, I read reviews, I look out for gossip on my favorite shows... I'm not as obsessive as I could be, it just seems to surprise people how much I care considering I'm not in the business. But on days like today when the Tony nominations come out, I get to blend in with all the other people who are equally excited.

And excited I am! So please forgive me while I get all theater geek on you today.

I got to watch The Book of Mormon just a couple of days before its opening night, and I had a great time. I'm not at all surprised it got 14 nominations, but there are other shows I'm also happy for. The Scottsboro Boys, for example, is one show I missed because it closed so quickly and I was bummed because it seemed like an incredible show. It seems the committee agreed! Nominations for The Merchant of Venice are also well-deserved, and I'm glad Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson was nominated for something.

I'm surprised Sister Act received so many nominations (it seems a bit boring to me...), but I'm even more surprised that Wonderland wasn't nominated for anything at all. Reviews weren't great and people either love it or hate it, but it doesn't take a genius to see that the costume design on that show is awesome! From the videos I've seen, the lighting is pretty good too. Bummer.

I'll spare you more of my geekiness and leave it at that, but here's a warning that I may be back with another theater-lovin' post when the Tony awards air this summer. Can't. Wait.

Do you love theater? What do you think of the nominations?

Techie Woes, Part II

There are few things that frustrate me more than when my computer or my internet fails to work properly. Despite harboring a wholehearted desire to be online less, and out in the world more, I find that a huge percentage of my time is spent tied to the little pieces of technological equipment that populate my life. Laptop. Printer. Cell phone. E-reader. Cable box.

After a late night and a morning spent wrestling with my wireless internet router, I feel reminded of my extreme reliance on these little devices--how great they are when they work, and how much they mess with everything when they don't.

The world is moving faster, it seems. Being "offline" for less than a day has set my work week back by more time than that, somehow. I've collected a surprising backlog of emails, in a world where everyone expects a quick turnaround response. I couldn't access my calendar, couldn't confirm the timetable for an upcoming flight. I missed my New York Times alerts, which would have let me know to turn on the t.v. last night because major world events are busy occurring.

I don't think of myself as someone who's always in a rush, or who needs to know every update the exact moment it happens. But I'm reminded over and over again lately how infused these tech tools are into my everyday life. I find myself reflecting on the New York City blackout of six or seven years ago, when we collectively found ourselves with nothing at all to do. Are we all about technology now?

What do you think? Are you an all-plugged-in tech junkie? What else do you rely on in your life?