Visioning Workshop This Saturday

It's that time again -- time for another Visioning Workshop. If you've been feeling lost lately and looking for some direction, or just want to spend some time getting to know yourself better, the Visioning Workshop this Saturday is a great chance to do so. You can read about what some of us have gotten out of them in the past, and then be sure to RSVP to this next one. Hope to see some of you there!

VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams!
Saturday, September 19, 2009 11am - 5pm

Feeling a little confused with all that's going on with your career and the economy? Not sure what to do next with your life? Maybe your just a bit unsatisfied overall but can't exactly pinpoint what it is...

Our Visioning Workshop can help you sort it all out!

Come to our popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be. It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop.

If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there.

COST:
TWM Members: $65 advance, $75 at the door
Non-members: $110 advance, $125 at the door
***TWM Members can bring a friend at the Member Rate.***
NOTE: RSVP is required to christianna@thewomensmosaic.org

Click here for more info.

My Two Cents on Health Insurance

Like most people out there, I have read and seen all the articles, speeches, and TV news reports about the health insurance crisis in the United States. I watched Michael Moore’s Sicko as objectively as I could, comparing the pros and cons of insurance programs in other countries with the system in my own homeland. I can honestly say that I really don’t know what the right answer is for Americans like me who are in between jobs, freelancing, and working for companies that don’t provide health insurance to their employees. If you are lucky enough to have a 100% stable position with comprehensive benefits that cover hospital costs, doctors’ visits, ambulance rides, x-rays, and all the other aspects of health care coverage that we often forget about.

I just acquired an individual health care plan after exhaustive research, discussions with people I trust, and compromise. Why compromise? I realized that I had to make a choice and spend more per month than I planned to, but I don’t regret my choice, and thankfully, I can afford it. I know there are many that can’t, so I count myself fortunate. Now that I am insured, I feel relieved; at least I have some financial protection for any health-related issues that may come up in the future. I even purchased a dental plan, because it is something I have taken for granted in the past.

We all have different ideas about which direction the U.S. should go when it comes to health insurance reform. Should we have a government option? Should we keep things the way they are? Can the prices of private health insurance plans be regulated so those who aren’t fortunate enough to be insured through an employer don’t have to think twice before getting medical treatment? I don’t know what the answers are, but what I do believe is that health insurance companies shouldn’t play God with our lives.

How are you affected by health care and insurance?

One Year Later...

One year ago today, TWM hosted a launch party for a new program that would provide a vehicle for women to share their experiences related to diversity and personal growth. That program was this blog, CHICKS ROCK! Since then Kekla, Pauline, and I have written every week about what's going on in our lives and our reflections on the world around us.

In the past year, I've gotten to know my co-bloggers better. We all seem to share a clutter-bug gene and between the three of us, we may very well be able to open up a library from all the books we own. Reading about their travel experiences, as well as the experiences our guest bloggers have shared, inspired me to go on my upcoming trip abroad. And though all three of us are women of color, our individual cultural experiences are varied, so there is much to learn.

Writing here has also been a great way to learn more about myself. It's given me a chance to look back and try to figure out how much I've learned from the past. I've also realized how many possibilities are ahead of me. At any given point in time, there are many paths we can all take, and navigating that on a public platform such as this makes me feel less alone and more supported by others.

I think it's important to remember that this is what TWM's work is all about: promoting personal growth and giving women a chance to educate and inspire each other. We really do feel empowered when we can speak our minds and share our experiences with one another. And from that, we can start to get through some of the walls we put up around ourselves and move forward together.

As we look to the next year, we want to have more voices represented in the comments and especially from guest bloggers. We want to keep using this space to learn and grow, but we certainly can't do that without all of you.

So start now! What have you gotten out of the blog? What have you learned about yourself or others?

A Bibliophile's Nightmare

It has come to my attention that I have too many books. On a practical level I understand that this is a problem--my apartment is literally (ha) overrun with books. Not good. But on a spiritual level I can't understand what it means to have too many books, let alone imagine parting with them. It's a pretty serious problem, and one that I need to solve soon!

Top five reasons why I should keep the books:
1. I love them. I love being surrounded by them, the way they look and feel and smell, whether read or unread.
2. It's part of my job as a writer to read a lot.
3. I have lots of books I haven't read; I want to read them.
4. I do re-read my books. Frequently.
5. The books I've chosen to bring home, and those I've read, are pieces of my bibliography, my autobiography, in a way that has meaning for me. Walk into my home and browse my shelves and you will know immediately what I value and what interests me, and how do I begin to tear that apart?

Top five reasons why I should part with many of them:
1. I don't have enough space. Period.
2. Books should be shared! Others could be enjoying them.
3. If I've had a book for five years and not read it yet, am I really ever going to?
4. If I read one but didn't like it, what is it still doing as part of my library?
5. If a stack of them falls on me, I could suffocate and die. This has happened to people.

I know it should be an easy thing to do. They're just books after all. (Full disclosure: I shuddered while I typed that last sentence.) I've been working really hard to clear clutter from my living space and from my life, but what I've realized in the process is that I'm willing and eager to get rid of all kinds of other possessions to make room for books.

What's a girl to do?

Friday Forum: Our Memories

As all of you know, today's Friday Forum falls on the anniversary of 9/11, so we want to take a moment to honor the lives lost not only on that day, but every day, by asking how do you remember the loved ones who have died?

Whether it's a friend, relative, acquaintance, or neighbor -- what are the ways you keep them in your memories?

Link Love for 9/10

Time for our next link love roundup! Remember to leave a link in the comments with what you've read or written lately so folks can check it out -- doesn't need to be a blog post, any article will do.

In Good Company takes a look at funding models that are not just about the company or the product, but the people.

Girl w/Pen reports that stereotype threat is still a factor in math and science for women and girls.

NYWSE Chapter Blog wants us all to think twice about multi-tasking because it might be doing more harm than good.

Lindsey Pollak has a great piece highlighting Gen Y's strengths rather than their assumed weaknesses.

One Writeous Chick watched Julie & Julia and shared the lessons she learned from it -- it's enough to make us want to watch the movie.

Bigotry Today

Blatant prejudice is something I have limited experience with. The worst situation I ever found myself in was in a London pub as a college student. I knew from the moment I walked through the doors of the establishment that something was not right; it wasn’t the typical friendly neighborhood pub I was used to. Surrounded by angry white men, my hair was grabbed and someone hissed in my ear, “go back to the temple, you sand n---er!” I was paralyzed with shock when my friends pulled me away from my nemesis’ grasp and we ran out of the pub unscathed. They were all appalled at what happened, and I was bewildered but calm. I assured everyone that I was fine and explained how contradictory my perpetrator was. After all, “go back to the temple” attacks Hindus, and “sand n---er” refers to someone of Middle Eastern descent, but I am neither Hindu nor Middle Eastern. He saw my brown skin and Indian features and unleashed his hate, with the help of alcohol. I will never forget how blatant he was with his emotions.

Lately, I find that bigots today are much more subtle when expressing their hatred of people they don’t like the look or sound of. One of the bus drivers on my regular bus expresses her racial dislike by not responding to me or anyone who looks like me when they say “thank you” or “good night.” I was on the bus with my mother and brother recently when we noticed how she responded to a Caucasian passenger when he exited the bus, but not to us. My mother was incensed, but I brushed it off. As long as she doesn’t say or do anything derogatory that I witness, I won’t report her. When I think about it, the bigoted bus driver is being careful when expressing her racist feelings.

Racism is expressed in various ways by people of all races, religions, and cultures. What are thoughts on bigotry today?

My Writing Muscles

Last month, I wrote about my experience this summer with the blogathon where I posted every 30 minutes for 24 hours to support my charity of choice. Looking back, this was a really great exercise and it got me thinking about writing in a new way. In the past, I considered it something small that I do sometimes for fun, but the truth is, I much prefer writing to almost any other activity I do.

So I'm considering ways I can improve my writing. The first idea is to read more. It's pretty much a given that being an avid reader will help my writing. Classic fiction, memoirs, contemporary novels, short stories, graphic novels... Over the last couple of months, and in the months to come, I will be reading works in different genres, including ones I've ignored in the past. I'll admit that I'm not only doing this to improve my writing but simply because I love reading and have hundreds of books on my "to read" list, but it will surely help my writing as well.

I've also been trying to write more. I try to write a bit each day, though I'm having trouble balancing my hectic schedule with my desired writing schedule. My first approach was setting a specific time to write, but that quickly failed. I can't wake up early enough, I work during the day, and the evening is usually my time to catch up on other responsibilities. A writer friend of mine recommended a word target rather than a scheduled time. She writes at least 250 words a day, and worries less about how she breaks that up. Given how unpredictable my schedule is, this might be a better approach for myself, though it will certainly require more discipline to make sure I actually do it.

With all of the great writers who read (and write for *cough* Kekla *cough*) the blog, I'm sure somebody must have some other advice to help me work out my writing muscles. What have you got for me?

Labor Day Memories

Happy Labor Day, all. This is a holiday that comes loaded with memories for me.

Every Labor Day weekend of my childhood, from elementary school through college, my parents took us to a Labor Day family camp sponsored by our church. Above and beyond the fact that I love all things camping, these weekends were really special to me. Though the group was never identical from year to year, there was a core contingent of families who attended faithfully. I grew up with these kids and their parents, and though I see them only rarely now, sometimes I still think of them almost like cousins, and they exist in a unique place in my mind. The space created among us was one you could walk into year after year and always find it the same, despite the changes in our normal lives.

Watching the movie Dan in Real Life the other day, I was reminded of the kinds of experiences I had at Family Camp, and I find myself craving another three day weekend of games and conversation, the kind of quality time that comes only when we separate ourselves from the daily grind, far away from television, internet access and cell phone reception.

Sally's recent post about online friends is what first got me onto this train of thought, actually. I love the way the internet brings people together who might never otherwise meet, and how it connects, engages and inspires people in myriad ways. But for me, those relationships inevitably leave me wanting.

The simplicity of singing together around a campfire is something I've never been able to replicate online. I crave the presence of people around me, sitting together with no agenda other than to simply be with one another. It utterly refreshes me and emboldens me to face the storm of technology that is my daily life.

So, here's to Labor Day weekend, may it be a time of rest, reflection and connection. A break from the fray and a chance to reach out and meet each other face to face. It makes all the difference.

Friday Forum: Back to School

Here in the U.S., many people are in some way or another getting ready for school to start up again. Students, parents, teachers, professors, administration, etc. are seeing the end of their summer days and the start of a new year.

We always remember things we dread about going back to school, but what are some things you miss about school? What do you like going back to and, if you're not in school, what do you miss most?

Be Here Now

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our latest guest blogger, Rita.

Rita Chhabra is a CFA charterholder and has over 12 years experience in the Financial services industry. She loves to cook and has a new found love of travel.


In my 33rd year of life, I traveled alone for the first time. This was a difficult decision to make, as I am not the type who even goes to the movies or restaurants alone. But I found myself with plenty of time on my hands, an urge to travel, and a bunch of broke friends! I decided to look into travel groups -- I might be flying alone, but I didn’t want to be alone once I arrived at my destination (baby steps!).

My destination was Tuscany. I arrived on the 4th of July, Independence Day in my home country -- quite poetic given my solo journey, huh? I spent my first week at a cooking school whipping up wonderful Tuscan meals. I planned my second week at a yoga retreat, which allowed me to do four hours of yoga each day.

For the first four days of the retreat, we participated in an exercise called “be here now.” We were not allowed to talk about anything in our lives that happened prior to our arrival in Italy. If we heard someone starting to tell a story about her “past,” we yelled “be here now!” This was a difficult exercise because we are so programmed to tell people about ourselves when we meet them, particularly what we do for a living. We end up defining ourselves by our occupation alone, and more often than not, we are judged by it.

It took some getting used to, but it was enlightening to talk to people and learn who they are right now: who are you right now, what do you enjoy doing right now? On the fifth day we were able to talk about our ‘other’ lives outside of Tuscany… but by then, we didn’t really care about those things!

This trip did wonders for me, in terms of getting over my fear of traveling alone. In the process, I also made new friends and found a new way of living in the present.

I don’t know why I didn’t look into travel groups before, but now I’m already searching for my next destination!

Shades of the Toxic Personality

If we are honest with ourselves, we can easily recognize the toxic people in our lives. They possess the compulsive need to control everyone and everything around them. A toxic individual can be someone who is so obviously negative and domineering, or the person can show his or her true colors over time. Some of us can even recognize the toxicity we unleash to those around us, but this revelation requires real honesty. In short, toxic behavior is something we all deal with, and it is important for those who find themselves on the receiving end of it to not remain victims any longer.

I thought I wasn't a target for toxic people anymore. As a child and teenager, I was too forgiving of those who took advantage of my pleasant nature. But the toxicity I faced did not just come from those who tried to control me or make me feel bad about myself; those who hated themselves were also dangerous. A friend in high school would tell me about her drug and alcohol use and the people who exploited her for their purposes. When we were 18, I found the courage to tell her to save herself, because no one else could. Her response was her mantra: it was too late. I never saw or spoke to her again.

As an adult, I have faced more subtle and even more powerful toxic personalities. Recently, my sister called me out on my tendency to apologize for things that are out of my control, just to appease an annoyed acquaintance. She made me realize that I didn’t recognize this person’s personality, so I now know how to handle myself in the future.

Do you have any friends like this? Think about letting them go or limiting contact with them. If you have a toxic spouse, family member, co-worker, or employer, strengthen yourself so you can repair and preserve your dignity. It is easy to dispense this advice, but take it from someone who knows: the only one who can make you feel good about yourself is you.

Under Pressure

I announced a while back that I'm traveling to Europe this fall, and the month is finally here! The countdown for my trip has gone from months to weeks, and I'm starting to feel the pressure. Because this trip is being planned at the same time as my move, and in the midst of the busiest time at my job, my to do list is growing every day.

One thing I've noticed is that people are very eager to share their travel tips if they've been to Europe. Any time I've mentioned to somebody that I'm traveling, they start asking me where I'm going, what my plans are, where I'm staying, and so forth. They tell me about their trips to Europe, their favorite touristy spots, their favorite local spots, what and where to eat, how much to pack, the list goes on and on. Before you know it, I have enough travel advice to start a travel blog. (But I won't, because then my to do list would surely never lessen...)

So the time has come to stop procrastinating and start prioritizing. I need to figure out my packing list, buy everything I need, firm up my budget, solidify my itinerary, and make sure my travel companions have some idea of what they're doing in Europe.

Even with all this anxiety, I keep picturing in my head how much fun the trip will be. Even when it rains, even when all of us start fighting, even if something goes awry, I know that the trip will be rewarding and that I'll have a great time.

Now all I have to do is actually lay out what I need to make that happen...

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

I was recently gifted with a large (and I mean LARGE) bag of fortune cookies. At first I laughed, thinking, "What am I going to do with sack of a hundred fortune cookies?" But these little snackaroos have become quite popular around my apartment these days. With me, that is.

Get your mind set... confidence will lead you on.

Maybe it's the tiny smiley face that precedes and follows each morsel. Maybe it's the fact that I stand a decent chance of being able to put a sentence together in Chinese after reading the back of each slip. Maybe it's that I'm finding real meaning in these tiny proverbs. Or maybe there's an X factor that just keeps me wanting to nibble and read. (MSG, anyone?)

Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity.

I've found myself looking forward to the little pick-me-up that comes from reading one of these tidbits of wisdom and humor, truth and philosophy. I've started trying to take them a little more seriously.

If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted.

These tiny meditations are leading me to look on the bright side (luckily they are nearly all positive messages), and to think deeper about the things I really do want. I feel a bit ridiculous even saying that with a straight face, but it's quite true.

You are the master of every situation.

In the end, I know that fortune cookies are like most things in life--what you get out of them depends on what you put into them. For me, it comes down to this: In a time when I feel I'm constantly struggling to understand what I need to do to keep building the life that I want, any scrap of encouragement is worthy. Especially if it comes with snacks!

Friday Forum: Women in Films

It seems that at the end of every summer, everyone sits around and talks about the best films they watched. Talk of Oscar contenders doesn't usually start until early the winter is growing near, but with the hype around summer blockbusters, it's easy to see why these talks might start so early.

Who are some strong female characters you've seen in films lately? Was it Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia? Zooey Deschanel in (500) Days of Summer? Nia Vardalos in I Hate Valentine's Day? Or perhaps a classic performance you're just getting around to watching now? Let us know your favorite performance and what made it so great.

Sharing Your Story

Before the summer ends and while lots of you still have a bit more free time than usual, we want to remind you that we welcome guest blogger posts.

Did you travel this summer? Are you starting school this fall? Have you switched careers? Have you recently married or divorced? Is there a personal story you've been needing to share?

All of these (and more) are great starting points for a guest post on CHICKS ROCK! Writing your story can be empowering for the writer, and it also gives readers a chance to realize that they're not alone. Our stories can connect us when we need it most -- wouldn't you love to be part of that connection?

So take a look at our guest blogger guidelines and the range of posts our guest bloggers have contributed in the past. Then send us an email with your story. What are you waiting for?

Horses and Family Bonding

Overall, it’s been a pretty low-key summer for me. I have done some contract work in New York City, I have read a great deal, taken French lessons, taken a few day trips, but mostly, I have been home. It is not something I regret, but I wanted to do something I had never really done before the summer ended, at least not significantly. My sister suggested horseback riding, and I jumped at the chance. I have been on a horse before, but I was sitting behind my cousin and someone was leading the horse down the well-trodden path in India several years ago. I have great pictures taken from that experience, but I don’t really consider it horseback riding. It was like a pony ride, only the horse was an adult. It was time for me to immerse myself in the fundamentals of horseback riding on a trail. My cousins, siblings, and I agreed that we would ride before the summer ended.

On a weekday morning, we drove to a place in northwestern New Jersey, which is an hour away from my house. The stables’ owner suggested that morning would be an infinitely better time to go horseback riding, and he was right: it was almost 100°F that day, and our ride was completed before noon. We all had different experiences with our horses; I felt that my horse was annoyed with me because of the way her head would fling up when I was handling the reigns throughout the ride. Still, I enjoyed the trail ride through the forest, and the laughs we all had when we were confronted with massive horse flies and bees. Maybe it wasn’t so funny at the time, but we laughed anyway, because it made the insect onslaught easier to bear.

While the horseback riding was wonderful, it was the time spent with family that made the experience incredible. I don’t get to see my cousins much, so this was a great opportunity to have fun and re-connect with them at the same time.

What fun experiences have you had this summer?

Feels Like Home

It's now been over a month since I moved to my new place in NYC, so I figure an update is in order. The move itself was stressful and tiring. For some reason, we all thought it'd be fun and cost-effective if our friends helped us move and set up the apartment rather than hire movers. Not recommended. It has provided laughs as we look back, but the lack of sleep, sore muscles, and snapping at each other at the time was not exactly the "fun" we had in mind.

We did settle in eventually. Alright, that's not entirely true. We went through all of our boxes and tried to get rid of anything we didn't need anymore. However, we still have several boxes of clothes to give away and recycle, and a box of things we have no idea what to do with. Our closets are a mess because we've just been shoving things into them. We don't have a couch or any chairs either. But aside from all of that, our apartment is live-able, more or less.

Part of the reason we haven't finished settling in, though, is because we've been too busy enjoying our new neighborhood! In our old neighborhood, everything closed early, we needed a cab to get groceries done, and there wasn't a real park anywhere in sight. Here, I've been going out in the sun to get work done and to read, and my guy has been playing sports in the parks. We've been trying out the local restaurants and delis, eating a different type of cuisine each time. We have green markets and several places to get groceries done. Overall, a huge improvement.

It will take a while longer to really get comfortable in our apartment, but I'm happy so far. It definitely feels like home.

Blurring the Lines

I traveled to Cape Cod recently, and spent some time in the community of Provincetown, way out on the very tip of the Cape. P'town happens to be an area rich with shopping, beaches and a thriving nightlife -- and it also happens to be one of the most extremely rainbow-flagged locations I have ever seen. I can't recall ever experiencing such a warm and open community of people, within which any couple, or family, can find a space of comfort, even among strangers.

The vibe throughout this town is wonderful. People are relaxed and most likely on vacation, wandering through the streets hand in hand. Men and men, women and women, men and women, parents and children, friends -- the full gamut of people in all their quirkiness and beauty. One thing I observed in my wanderings was that it was impossible to tell on the surface who belonged with whom. A far cry from the traditional formula of Mom, Dad, 2.3 kids and a dog. I loved that. It really brought home for me the fact that our country, our world, is changing in important ways that have been a long time coming.

Even living in a place as diverse as NYC, I feel as though there is a compartmentalization of people of different races, sexualities, lifestyles. These divides run deep, and are hard to bridge at times. We coexist, but are still working to live in true harmony with one another. In P'town, I witnessed something fundamentally different. A blending of diverse spheres of existence into one thriving center of culture and sharing.

On the streets there, you simply could not look at the faces of people passing and make assumptions. That experience showed me how many assumptions I make about people I know, and about the strangers I pass in my everyday life -- assumptions that maybe I should learn to think past. I consider myself to be an open-minded person, but maybe I need to work hard to be more so.

Perhaps we all need to be challenged in these ways more often. The lines that define "a family" have blurred in lovely ways. I, for one, hope they keep on blurring.

Friday Forum: Routine Check

We've been talking a bit on the blog about getting organized -- whether it's organizing a schedule, getting ready for a big move, setting goals and priorities, etc. It's always good to learn what others do to get organized so we can learn from each other's best practices.

What are some routines you have that keep you organized? Do you have a planner or daily agenda? Do you have a routine you follow when getting ready for something big, like a vacation, moving, and so forth?

Link Love for 8/20

It's around that time again when we check out what our favorite blogs are up to and throw some link love. Remember that you can leave a link in the comments with something great you've read or written lately so folks can check it out -- it doesn't need to be a blog post, any writing will do. On to the link love:

Deborah over at Girl w/Pen announced a while back that she was pregnant, and has an honest post up about her current fears.

In Good Company has an interesting post up about how karma does (or doesn't) work in business.

Lindsey Pollak's blog has a guest post with tips geared at young job-seekers, but which can really apply to anybody.

NYWSE Chapter blog wants everyone to take a look at the circumstances around them and learn to adapt in order to succeed.

Savvy Ladies shares some tips for how much you should be saving each month, whether your income is fixed or fluctuates.

Confessions of a Classic Filmophile

I love old movies. I don’t know how it happened; I must have been flipping through the channels on my television one day and came across some wonderful old black and white film that captured my imagination as a child. Since that time, whenever it was, I have seen many films and marveled at how superior many of them are in comparison to those made today. Yes, we can see the advancements of special effects in many action films, but the quality of scripts, character development, and the overall attention to detail were so much better in the past, in my humble opinion. There are good independent films being made, and once in a while a mainstream film does get it right, but the latter doesn’t happen often enough.

I remember watching The Gladiator with Russell Crowe and being unimpressed. I saw better war scenes and gladiator battles in classics such as Spartacus, The Sign of the Cross, and The Fall of the Roman Empire. There were no computers back then to create special effects, such as filling a crowd scene with computer-generated people. The acting was also surprisingly better in these earlier movies, at least I think so. Most popular actors today really lack the personality, intelligence, and charisma of some of their great predecessors from Hollywood’s Golden Age, such as Cary Grant, Bette Davis, Sidney Poitier, and Audrey Hepburn, to name a few.

I almost feel sorry for people who don’t know how good and entertaining movies were, but I’m glad that I know. I have the TCM channel, the Internet, my local video store, and other resources to find and watch classic movies when I have time. I rarely go out to see new movies in the movie theaters, mostly because the prices are sky-high and I want to be sure that the ones I do choose to see are worth my money.

Am I a film snob? Maybe, but I just prefer good stories that can be about anything, as long as they are shot, acted, and directed well.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Cyber Buddies

I recently read an article about Gen Y feeling that their real friends are their online friends. It got me thinking about my own friendships and what it means to be a friend.

My friends in real life are great. I don't have many of them (I'm horrible at staying in touch with people) but I share laughs, secrets, and a history with them. They offer companionship and they know my family and other friends, so there's less that needs to be explained and more that can be shared.

But then I think about a couple of moments when I needed somebody and I turned to twitter. When our car was stolen, when I woke up one morning and had no idea where my guy was, when I was in a car accident, when I started thinking about nonmonogamy... All of these were moments when I received an incredible amount of support from people I consider friends but who I only know online. I've shared intimate details of my life with them, and they've helped me and comforted me when I needed it.

Another reason I often find myself turning to my online buddies is because I find we have more similar beliefs and outlooks when it comes to social justice, discrimination, calling out racism, misogyny, ableism, and so forth. Most of my friends in real life don't even understand what ableism is, despite my attempts at explaining in several ways. My friends have conversations and make jokes that make me uncomfortable. They use words that make me cringe. It's just a different dynamic.

So I'm not sure if I'd say that my real friends are my online friends, but I can see why some people might come to think that. Ultimately, I think it's great that we can make we of the internet to find like-minded people and forge relationships that fill the needs our other friendships do not fulfill.

Showing Skin

The other day I ran down to the grocery store on my corner, wearing a tank top and shortish shorts. What should have been an unremarkable journey became remarkable when I was ogled appreciatively by no fewer than ten men on the street (within the space of about seven minutes), and verbally catcalled by four of them. This blew my mind.

I didn't think at all about my attire before leaving home. Granted, I was wearing significantly less clothing than I normally do, but nothing I don't see other women wearing every day. And, in my estimation, I did not look good. At all. This was errand running at its quick and dirtiest. But the dramatic response from passersby quickly made me very self-conscious. I wanted to go home well before my errand was complete. That angered me.

I've wondered for years what men who catcall at women perceive the benefit of doing this to be. I've heard some defend the behavior as "paying a compliment," but is that really what it is? I personally don't feel complimented by hearing "hey, baby," especially when it's uttered in a tone rife with implication. It makes me feel nervous, embarrassed and in extreme cases, even attacked.

I know some women don't mind these mild advances, or may even feel flattered by them. But they just make me uncomfortable. And to be totally honest, it bothered me that this happened when I was utterly unprepared. I hadn't made any effort to look nice; I was simply, inadvertently showing a bit of skin. It reminded me that no matter what women do or how we act, some men will only be able to see us as physical bodies.

I can't control how I feel in response to these comments, but I'm still working out what to think about them. Are they appropriate? Complimentary? Degrading? Does it depend on the situation, the woman, the man?

Friday Forum: Lazy Days of Summer

The end of summer is quickly approaching! For some of us, this means going back to school to learn or teach, and for others it means nothing much changes and we just keep going to work.

Are you looking forward to the fall? Why or why not? What did you enjoy the most about your summer?

Time for Some Housekeeping

Today, we wanted to make some announcements -- updates, reminders and the like.

First, we wanted to update you all on the upcoming events we've recently posted about:

The book club meet-up details were finalized and the post has been updated with the details. The book club is meeting next week, August 18, from 6:30 - 8 p.m. at Veniero's. Be sure to RSVP -- the easiest way is by sending an email.

The private make-over and shopping event we posted about last week has a change of location. That post has also been updated, but we wanted to make sure you all knew the correct address: the Esprit store at 600 Fifth Avenue New York, NY. You can get more info about this awesome event here.

Hopefully we'll get to see you at those events!

But even if we can't, we'd still love to hear from you! That's right, we're still waiting to hear from all of you with your guest posts. Check out the guest blogger guidelines and the wide variety of posts other guest bloggers have written, then send us an email. Let us know if you have any questions and be sure to include a photo and brief description of yourself.

Crossroads and the Foreign Service

My parents are very lucky. They have stable jobs in secure fields, and they worry about my brother, sister, and me because we haven’t followed them into similar situations, at least not yet. I don’t see life as a competitive race with others, especially when it comes to my family members. I always say that I don’t want to be anyone else; I just want to be a better version of myself. It’s just that I want to know what’s next already! One of my plans is to try for the U.S. Foreign Service. I took the exam before, but didn’t make it in for various reasons. Now that it is being offered several times a year and the format has changed, I think I have a better shot at getting in this time around.

Why the U.S. Foreign Service? Well, for a long time, I have known that I want to do meaningful work and interact with people from other countries, cultures, and walks of life. I have had enough of working in offices where I know I won’t see or experience the fruits of my labor; the only thing I have to show for it all is a paycheck, and that doesn’t seem to be enough for me anymore.

And I also want to see more of the world; it’s no secret that I love travelling, and not just for leisure. To experience other cultures around the world while representing the United States sounds really good to me; I am not ignorant to the anti-American sentiment out there, but I think being a woman of Indian descent will help me in many places. I also don’t presume to be superior to anyone else because of my citizenship, and I don’t have an inferiority complex, so I am not easily intimidated. In other words, I think I would make a good diplomat. Still, it is one of several plans I have for my future.

How do you juggle various plans for the future? Do you have any advice to give me?

Swap 'til You Drop

A few weeks ago, on the same day as the blogathon I participated in, I organized a clothing swap for me and my friends. For those of you who might not know what that is, the way it works is you have people bring clothes they don't want anymore and then swap clothing with each other. The idea is that even if you don't like something anymore or it no longer fits you, somebody else might have a use for it.

I love the idea of clothing swaps for a number of reasons. For one, it's a great way to reduce waste. I've often heard of or seen people throw their clothing away, and this is such a huge waste. There are places you can take their clothing to recycle, but at the very least, folks should be donating their clothes to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. A clothing swap is in the same spirit, except your clothes go to your friends and acquaintances.

Another reason I like clothing swaps is because it can save money. During times like these, it's hard to think about spending hundreds of dollars for a few new pieces of clothing. Even if you wait around for sales or shop at a thrift store or Goodwill, finding the right item can take time and you'll still have to pay for it. At a clothing swap, everything is free! A barely-worn jacket that once cost somebody $100 is now yours for nothing.

Of course, the best reason to have a clothing swap, in my opinion: the fun! You get to spend hours with friends and family, drinking and munching away. You'll probably end up hearing at least a couple of stories sparked by clothing items -- a dress worn to the first date with a now-husband, the outfit that got somebody their dream job, the jeans somebody wore when she fell face-flat at a college event. Their memories become intertwined with yours and everyone knows their clothes have a great new owner. It's like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for grown-ups.

The Hostess with the Mostess

Having friends visit from out of town is never exactly easy. Nevermind that the apartment is in disarray because I've just moved. Nevermind that there is much work to be done that I've put off in order to complete said move. No, suddenly I have bigger, more pressing concerns, such as: Where are we going to eat? What are we going to do? Are they going to have fun doing it? Am I going to keel over from exhaustion if I have to walk one more block out of the way to look at yet another pile of I-heart-NY t-shirts?

Don't get me wrong - I do love it when people visit. It makes me feel important, flattered and loved, that a few friends care enough to travel here to spend time with me. But let's face it. I live in NYC. They're not just here to see me, they're here to experience the urban jungle in all its glory, and it's my responsibility to deliver.

A visiting friend once told me not to stress over planning our activities. "It's the guest's responsibility to have fun, no matter what you take her to," she insisted. "You can't make people enjoy themselves." While I appreciated the gesture of her saying it, and I actually do agree with the sentiment, I can't quite pull it off. I worry. I'm a worrier. I always want people to be comfortable and happy, and have a good experience, but especially so while they're on my watch.

The two friends who are here this weekend have visited me three times, so I must be doing something right. Despite the fact that they are sleeping on the floor because I don't have a couch yet, and despite the fact that a few directional mishaps led us into strange urban territory last night, they still woke this morning with smiles on their faces.

So, maybe I can relax after all. If I treat my guests with warm hospitality and plan our outings with enthusiasm, good friends will be up for anything!

Friday Forum: Share What You Love

Because we're always making announcements for things we're working on or events we're going to, we figure it's about time you get to shout out your own work!

So leave a comment with some shameless self-promotion of your own! Are you currently working on a project you want to share with others? Are you planning an event you'd like us to attend? Did you recently start a blog that you want us to check out? Let's all take advantage of this space as a way to share what we love with each other.

End the Summer with Style

We are very excited to tell you about the upcoming TWM event, a private shopping and makeover event! TWM members and two of their friends can attend this event for FREE, but we are also opening this up to non-members for a chance to join in on the fun and even become a TWM member in the process. Check out all of the details below and we hope to see you there!

TWM's MEMBERS-ONLY MAKEOVER EVENT
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 6:00 - 9:00 pm

This year's Members-only event falls on Women's Equality Day so why not honor the occasion by becoming an official member of an organization that empowers women and then celebrate with an exclusive private makeover and shopping event so that you can make the most of who you are, inside and out!

Style talk and wardrobe makeovers by Monica Diaz of Style Matters, Inc. Attendees will receive 25% discount on all fully priced merchandise at Esprit that night!

LOCATION: Esprit, 110 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
UPDATE: The location has changed to 600 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
COST:
For TWM Members and up to 2 friends: FREE
For non-members: $20 for event OR $35 to include TWM membership

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here. Or simply send an email.

Tackling French... Again

Personally, I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I find that I must re-affirm the promises I made to myself constantly, especially when it comes to moving beyond my comfort zone and changing my life. Tackling French again is one of my non-New Year’s resolutions, and I am both excited and intimidated at the beginning of the process.

I can understand some French, but I am far from proficient and my accent is pretty atrocious, so I am eager to practice and educate myself, in addition to taking classes twice a week. Now that my classes are in full-swing, I began opening my old French books from college to supplement the texts I already have. I hope to get to a point where I can make some small talk with French-speaking peoples. Oral comprehension is something that I wish to master, but I have to practice that particular skill more often than I already am.

Why take French again? Well, it is a language I took in high school and college, and even though knowing which words are masculine and which are feminine is often frustrating, I am anxious to improve myself and broaden my horizons further. In this economy, I have personally learned to make short-term and long-term plans so I can be prepared when some or all of them don’t work out. My yearning to be multi-lingual also extends to learning something of Malayalam (my parents’ native language), Hindi, and Spanish. I am not sure where this journey will take me, but I know I must stick with it and keep practicing as much as I possibly can. I have friends who are fluent in French, and I hope to practice with them so my verbal and oral communication skills in the language will improve considerably.

As I brush off the dust from off of my old French books and prepare to be tested in class twice a week, I wonder if I will be able to achieve my goals. I will work hard to do so.

Finding the Write Time

I recently participated in something called a blogathon. I posted on my blog, Jump off the Bridge, every 30 minutes for 24 hours. I did not do this because I'm crazy -- I did it to raise money for the READ Foundation, an organization that uses teen tutors to help young children learn how to read.

I've had some time to reflect on my experience, and realize that I've learned some things. 1) Coffee is my friend and staying up for 24 hours without drinking any was the dumbest idea ever. 2) Stretching can make me feel instantly better. 3) You can never be too prepared -- an outline can never have too much detail. 4) I really love writing.

I was having a dry spell on my blog when I signed up for the blogathon. I was posting once or twice a week, making excuses for not writing: no good material, no time, no confidence in writing ability, etc. So I looked at it as a way to raise money and awareness for literacy, but also as a writing exercise. I suddenly had to ignore my excuses and write 49 posts in 24 hours!

When I decided to participate, I started a list of things to write about, with rough outlines of what I wanted to say and links to include. Throughout the course of the 24 hours, I strayed from my outline at times and had several "can't write, can't type, can't think" posts. But for the most part, I had a lot of substance as well and, most importantly, I was able to finish.

Since then, I've realized that I need to stop making excuses and write what I can, when I can. If I only have time for a short post, I'll do that. If I want to share something with little commentary, I'll do that. I really love writing and it's something I want to get better at. There's no way I can do that if I sit back and let the world pass me by without documenting it.

A Leap of Intention

I’m sitting surrounded by boxes. I’ve decided—while the market is slow—to take the leap that I’ve been eager to take for quite awhile: moving to a new apartment.

I’m thrilled and excited. The new place is a tad bigger, freshly remodeled, and overall a drastic improvement. I’ve been unhappy with my current apartment for years now, yet something always held me back from moving. Now I’m glad I waited.

Beyond the physicality of the space, there’s a deeper benefit I feel growing within myself when I think about this move. Many of my big life decisions have been made with fingers crossed, a deep breath, and a jump into the unknown. I’m good at leaps of faith. They’ve served me well.

This move has arisen from a different place. I know what I want now, and how I want to live. The future is no longer a blank page of pure possibility. If designing the life of your dreams is like painting a picture, I believe I have all the dark lines in place: the outlines, the broad strokes, the beginnings of what this thing will be. I see the full image in my mind’s eye, and every step I take toward it fills in a bit of color. This decision, at this time, has brightened things considerably.

That said, moving is proving to be a greater reality check than I had expected or even hoped for. I mean this in the best possible way. For a clutterbug such as myself, it’s a huge challenge to look at every single item in my space and have to give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. But I’m going about this move with intention—the things that come into the new space will be things that further my goals and bring pleasure to my life, nothing that detracts.

I don’t know what the future holds. I can only wait, and hope, and strive, and imagine. Keep painting that picture. I feel myself moving one step closer to something bigger, better and very worthwhile. A new chapter is beginning...

Friday Forum: Down-time

Our summer hiatus this week has gotten us thinking about ways to relax. Most of us are constantly running around trying to keep up with work, family, friends, chores, hobbies, etc.

What are your favorite ways to relax? Do you curl up with a book, take bubble baths, spend time with your children...? How do you like to spend your down-time?

Finding Faith & Learning Lessons

For those of you who have been keeping up with TWM's summer book club, you know it's about time again to announce the next selection. The details for the meet-up itself are still in the works, but we want to make sure you have plenty of time to get your reading done so we're posting the book info now and will update you all on the rest later. The details for the meet-up have been added below. We hope you enjoy this month's pick!

TWM'S SIZZLING SUMMER BOOK CLUB!
Tuesday, August 18th 6:30pm-8pm

Two down, one to go! Read our last book club selection and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over classic Italian cookies & pastries at Veniero's in the East Village!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Veniero's 342 East 11th Street
Includes coffee, tea or soda and an assortment of Italian pastries and cookies!

AUGUST'S BOOK SELECTION:

Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun by Faith Adiele
Publisher: W.W. Norton & Co.
ISBN-13: 978-0393326734

Jan Willis meets Anne Lamott in this funny, observant memoir by Adiele, an English professor at the University of Pittsburgh. Burned out by the pressure of undergraduate studies at Harvard, Adiele took a year off to get her head together and do field research in Thailand, where she had once spent time as a Rotary exchange student. She became fascinated with Buddhist nuns and began soliciting their stories, a process that led to her rather impulsive decision to seek "temporary ordination" as a nun herself. The nominal-Unitarian-turned-Buddhist is humble about her spiritual insights: "Where I should be über-nun, I'm not even what is perceived as a practicing Buddhist. I don't meditate regularly; I nurse anger; I despise tofu. Dammit, I don't appear to have learned anything! So how can anyone learn from me?" But readers can and will learn from Adiele, who parses out her second stay in Thailand with a comic's timing, a novelist's keen observations about human idiosyncrasies and an anthropologist's sensitivity to issues of race and culture. Her main narrative is almost talmudically surrounded by commentary: all along the outer margins of the book, quotes from Buddhist luminaries mingle with excerpts from her own very raw journals from that year. As she admits her fear of the rats that infested her meditation cave or chronicles her pride in gradually increasing her meditation hours, we are privileged to see an unvarnished vulnerability.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 3

We hope you're enjoying a trip down memory lane during our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK! Today, you should definitely check out Pauline's posts. See what she's covered in these last 10 months, and leave a comment to join the discussions.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 2

We're still on summer break here at CHICKS ROCK! While you're lounging at the beach (or just wishing you were), check out some of Sally's posts. Feel free to start the discussions back up by leaving a comment.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 1

There's been a lot of great blogging here at CHICKS ROCK! these past few months, but it's not time for us to take a little summer break.

In the meantime, we encourage you to check out some of Kekla's posts. Read what she's got to say and throw in your 2 cents in the comment section. Enjoy!

Friday Forum: Your Life, the Movie

Let's have a bit of fun for today's Friday Forum. We often hear people say that their life is like a movie, and we all know how big reality television has gotten. Taking a look at your own life, what movies or books parallel the events in your life? Or, if it's a story not yet written, what would you call your life, the movie?

Link Love for 7/23

It's time again to spread around some of that link love. Here are some great posts we've read out there in the blogosphere.

In Good Company has an interesting post up about blogging and web 2.0 users, along with some good links.

Girl w/Pen has a review up of a book about the lives of women in the military once they've returned home. It seems like a great read!

Savvy Ladies reminds us that it's time for our financial fitness checkup, so check it out to see where you're at.

One Writeous Chick wants us to start making fun a priority in our lives, not just during the summer, but throughout the year.

Meanwhile, Lindsey Pollak has a post up about how you can make the most of a jobless summer, with ideas good for those of us with jobs as well.


That's it from us for now, what have you all been reading and writing?

Of Fashion, Fairness, and Friendship

It is a gift when people can hold it together in stressful situations and be pleasant to people around them at the same time. My friend Catherine reminded me of this as she prepared for a fashion show she designed for last week, in honor of Bastille Day.

When I visited Catherine backstage as she got ready for the Planete Chic & Naturally Couture Fashion Show, she, her models, hair and makeup stylists, and her assistant were decidedly calm and composed. I was impressed by the professionalism and civility they had towards one another. I mostly observed and stayed out of everyone’s way as the tension slowly began to mount. Even when some of models had not arrived yet, and their walking order on the runway had to be changed because of these delays, Catherine and her assistant never broke a sweat as they kept re-arranging their plans. In spite of all of this, she maintained her composure, which was a good influence on everyone else in her team.

In Catherine’s case, I think it has to do with her self-confidence. Like many small business owners, she has been affected financially and emotionally by the recession. At the same time, she loves what she does and is really good at it. We met at the CHICKS ROCK! Launch Party last September, where she first impressed me with her intelligence and kindness. Our friendship really began when she told me how she uses recyclable items (such as discarded umbrellas and other fabrics from clothes and furniture) to create bags and clothes. While things haven’t been easy for Catherine and Himane Inc., she has always demonstrated admirable leadership skills. As a friend and advisor, I hope to learn more from her in the future.

Is there a friend/colleague/family member you admire, especially during these difficult times?

Taste of Victory

When I was growing up, my mother refused to teach me and my sisters how to cook. She insisted that if we learned how to cook, particularly at a young age, we would grow up having to serve people and always at the stove. She said that if we focused on studying, we would make enough money one day to hire somebody to cook for us.

I appreciate her attempt at breaking down the notion that women are more than housewives, but I don't think she fully realized that not knowing how to cook for anybody else meant we also wouldn't know how to cook for ourselves. Fast forward to a decade or so later and there we were, not able to afford the chef she imagined us hiring and barely knowing how to boil water. I have often heard people express their surprise -- sometimes outright shock -- at the fact that three twenty-something Dominican women don't know how to cook.

In college, I became addicted to the Food Network, which simplified cooking for me. I got my hands on a few easy cookbooks and gave the recipes a shot. Most of these ended up failing miserably, but it made me more comfortable being in the kitchen. After a few years of doing that, the kitchen is now one of my favorite places. My cooking skills are still not the best, but I love finding recipes, putting all the ingredients together, and getting the instant gratification that comes from cooking a great meal. Baking, although more time consuming, is even more fun. There's nothing like the sweet taste of victory when you finally bite into the dessert you started hours earlier.

I guess you can say my mother's plan might have backfired a bit, but I don't think so. I think she just wanted us to figure out how to do it when we really needed the skill, not when we should have been focusing on our studies. But I certainly hope my sisters figure it out sooner rather than later or we're all doomed come holiday season.

The Independent Loner

I recently attended a conference in Chicago. It was a good professional networking opportunity, but it was also quite fun to play in a city other than New York.

I went to college near Chicago, so the city is familiar, though I haven’t spent time there in years. Things came back to me, just by being there: memories of the buildings and streets, my experiences there, and the range of emotions I experienced back then. The flavor of the city pulled me back in time in fascinating ways. So, I plugged around town, visiting my old favorite haunts: restaurants, shops, tourist attractions, neighborhoods. I gorged on stuffed pizza, swung by my favorite non-chain sandwich shop (twice), ducked into a popular but out-of-the-way Italian restaurant, and hunted down several desserts whose taste I’ve been able recall over the years, even from many miles away.

I got my one-week unlimited transit card loaded up and whenever I had a free moment to sneak away from the conference center, I headed into the city... by myself.

My mother would readily tell you that among my first words was “myself.” (As in, “I want to do it MYSELF.”) Yes, I’ve been blessed with an independence and spirit of adventure that have served me well. It got me to NYC, where I’ve had no choice but to go it alone. It’s gotten me a lot of places.

I’m okay on my own. I like being able to decide where to go and what to do, as I please, without having to negotiate or organize or compromise. That’s fun. But this week, I found myself thinking things like, “This delectable meal would be better if there was someone across the table.”

Let’s face it: there’s really no such thing as a table for one. What this week showed me is that I may be independent, but I’m not a loner. I like having people around, at least some of the time, although I like to do my own thing as well. Somewhere in there is a balance that I will have to learn to strike at some point.

Friday Fun: An Evening with Inspiring Women

We often tell you about upcoming TWM events we'd like you to see you attend, but this time we want to tell you about the WNBA's NY Liberty upcoming annual Inspiring Women Night game. This year's focus is on honoring women who lead non-profits that are focused on empowering women and inspiring young girls and we're excited that they've chosen Kristina Leonardi and The Women's Mosaic as one of the honorees! Check out the info below for more details:

On Thursday, July 23rd at 7:30 p.m. the
WNBA's NY Liberty are having their annual Inspiring Women Night game. Click here for more information and a list of honorees.

Ticket Prices:
$30* Game only
$50* Game + Pre-Game Reception/Networking
*$5 will be donated to TWM for every ticket sold!

Purchase your tickets here, and be sure to use the special
offer code WM so that The Women's Mosaic
can receive a $5 donation from your ticket purchase!

RSVP to us after purchasing your
tickets so we know to look out for you.

A Professional Make-Over

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our latest guest blogger, Monica:

Monica Diaz is owner of Style Matters, Inc., a style consulting firm catering to image needs of individuals and corporations. Monica offers one on one personal consultations as well as group workshops. Look for Monica when she demonstrates personal style makeovers at our upcoming TWM Members-only Event on August 26th!


Helping others organize themselves is part of my business as a personal style consultant. But when it came to organizing my schedule, I was in desperate need of a make-over. I was given some advice from a friend who suggested I stop relying on scattered notes on different pieces of papers.

So I put together a plan -- it was time to get a calendar and start crossing items off an actual To Do list. I’m already seeing results. I feel my work life is more focused and at the end of the day, I feel accomplished. I’m so excited about my results that I want to share the plan I’ve implemented.

I began by looking through papers to get rid of what was completed. This gave me a sense of accomplishment from the start. Next, I organized files so that each project has its own folder. Before, I had one big pile that left me feeling tired just by looking at it, so this helped a lot.

Once I was rid of the clutter, I found a calendar that fit my needs. I prefer one with month-at-a-glance, then broken up by weeks, and a To Do section. I list items on the To Do list in order of priority, indicating how much time it will take to complete each task. I then enter each item from the list to the calendar with designated dates and time allotted.

The last few tips are sure to come in handy:
1. Don’t be too ambitious: only have a maximum of six things to accomplish per day.
2. Don’t get distracted -- if you have a deadline, don’t answer calls or respond to messages until you’re done.
3. When setting appointments outside of your office, schedule traveling time. Then call before leaving because your appointment might be running late, which can change your schedule.
4. Finally, make sure you cross off completed items from your To Do List; the items you have not completed carry over to the next day.

Hopefully you can benefit from this plan as much as I have - feel free to share any of your own organizing tips, too!

Dark Side of Idol Worship

The recent death of Michael Jackson, and the aftermath, really opened my eyes to a dual condition many of us have: the need to idolize other human beings for their talents, looks, wealth, etc., and the tendency to tear down these people at the same time. I don’t envy anyone who has been on the receiving end of this, because I can’t think of anyone who has fared well as a result. Diana, the Princess of Wales, was one of those people who was relentlessly stalked and harassed until her untimely death in 1997. In the months before the tragic accident, I distinctly remember seeing the sensational headlines and intrusive photographs of Diana on vacation in the south of France, all while waiting on line in the local convenience store. I was thoroughly disgusted by the nerve of the professional stalkers (aka the paparazzi) and hoped that significant changes would be made to regulate their activities afterward; I was wrong.

Michael Jackson, like Diana, was hounded by the media until his sudden death. His fans around the world continued to adore him beyond reason, while his critics demonized him for being charged with sexual molestation of young boys. When Jackson died, television news shows captured scenes of the inconsolable and the curious all around the world. His public memorial in Los Angeles, California was lavish enough to suit his title as “The King of Pop.” While it is unfortunate that he died at the mere age of 50, I choose to remember him as a person who had exceptional musical talents. Yes, he also helped many charities with his financial resources and considerable clout as a celebrity. However, no one has ever done more for the economically and socially disadvantaged than Mother Teresa, who died the same year as Diana, Princess of Wales. While I understand the interest in celebrities to a certain extent, I will never condone the frenzied hero worship our society is guilty of.

Why do admiration and idolization go hand in hand, in many cases? Why do we relish our idols’ destruction at the same time?

Packing My Bags

One thing I always regretted about college is not participating in a study abroad program. I hear the stories of so many friends who spent a winter in Ecuador, or a summer in India, or a semester in Rome and wish I had a similar story. I've always loved to travel, but just haven't gotten much of a chance to do so.

So this makes it even more exciting to think that this fall, I'll be going to Europe! My sisters planned a two-month backpacking trip that made me jealous beyond words, but I managed to save up some money and get some time off so I can join them for a couple of weeks. I'll be starting my trip in Paris with my guy, meeting up with my sisters and a friend in Barcelona, traveling to Marseille from there, meeting some more friends in Cinque Terre, and finishing up my trip in London.

Planning a trip like this is going to take a lot of organizing, negotiating, and compromising, particularly because of how different all of us are. Just between my sisters and I we have a theater geek, an architecture buff, and me, who prefers to spend time walking aimlessly through cities rather than have a set schedule of activities. My guy and the other friends joining me along the way also have their own ideas of fun, so reaching a common ground will be the biggest challenge. Thankfully, I don't think this challenge will be enough to get in the way of anybody's fun. I think the stress of planning over the next few weeks will be worth it once we're there -- nobody will be able to take that experience away.

Have any of you been to any of these places or gone backpacking through some of these countries? What tips do you have for me?

Writing Everybody Else

A few months ago, I put up a post called Writing Black, in which I discussed a conflict I feel within myself, as an author: the desire to write books with black characters so there will be more of those out in the world vs. the desire to write any book I feel inspired to write, regardless of the main character's race. I have yet to resolve it in my mind.

Recently I've been participating in an online "round table" with a group of diverse female authors who write books for teens, called "What a Girl Wants." We're talking about a lot of things, but we're trying to get at the heart of what young girls want and need to hear from us, as their older sisters (in a community sense). We all take this role very seriously, even though our profession is pretty much fun most of the time.

Last week, we started talking about multicultural characters in books for teens. The discussion kind of blew me away, because there were so many sides all coming together. We all want to speak to a younger version of ourselves... by reaching the teen girls running around high schools today through our books. Does that mean we should each only write characters who are like us?

When I wrote the Writing Black post way back when, one thing didn't occur to me: if I write books starring non-black characters, how might those stories be received by non-black audiences? I worry about shirking a responsibility to represent on behalf of my own race, but should I also worry about overstepping my bounds and tromping on someone else's?

Some of the ladies in the round table say yes--the only authentic portrayal of any culture or race can come from within. Others say no--anyone can write about any culture, as long as they make a serious effort to get it right.

What do you think? Whose responsibility is it to tell certain stories?

Friday Forum: Checkpoint

Summer is in full swing, the major holidays have passed, and we're well past the midyear point. So it seems a good time for a resolution checkpoint! Do you all remember your resolutions for this year? Have you stayed on track? This is a good time to re-evaluate and set some goals for the rest of the year, so please share what those are.

Highlights from TWM's Spotlight on Zimbabwe

On Tuesday, June 23, a diverse group of men and women met at Xai Xai South African Wine Bar in Hell's Kitchen for the TWM event, Spotlight on Zimbabwe: Crisis, Cuisine & Crafts.

The evening began with some mingling, where we learned that many attendees had lived in an African country at some point in their lives. For those not familiar with the culture and crisis in Zimbabwe, we were unsure of what to expect. Thankfully, TWM provided a pamphlet with a country profile, which listed demographics, highlights about travel and tourism, and its history and politics. A table was set up with beautiful crafts sold by Eco Africa Social Ventures, whose mission it is to empower women by creating jobs for them based on their skills. Conversations continued over South African wines and hors d'oeuvres, until we settled down to hear from the speakers. The panelists were Tanya Nomaziko, a Zimbabwean actress and activist, Rory Kugler, a Peace Corps volunteer who served in Zimbabwe from 1996-1998, Jane Madembo, a Zimbabwean writer currently living in New York, and Janice Ashby, co-founder of Eco Africa Social Ventures, which received a portion of the event's proceeds in order to continue its great work.

Just as the backgrounds of these women are different, so were the experiences they shared about their time in Zimbabwe and reflections on the current situation. Tanya was the first to give some background about Zimbabwe, and answered questions from the audience about her time as an actress there and the importance of pan-African unity. Rory spoke about her time in the Peace Corps, including a story about how she struggled to learn how to carry a bucket of water on her head and how she enjoyed more freedoms than the average Zimbabwean woman during her stay. Jane expressed her gratitude for being in the U.S. at the moment, but also voiced hope for a better future in Zimbabwe, letting us know that race relations there have improved greatly. Janice told the story of how she founded Eco Africa after importing papers from Zimbabwe for her crafts and designs, and the challenges she has encountered to help her women artisans with their basic needs, especially in recent years.

Together, they started to weave together a story of a country of generous and happy people, who have struggled over political turmoil, human rights violations, health problems, and economic collapse, particularly in the past decade. It was a humbling moment to hear about Tanya's loss of many family members as a result of the crisis there. Janice told us that she knew of girls who were prostituting themselves just to obtain a crust of bread or a cookie. One woman in attendance became emotional when she expressed anger and sadness about the death toll in the country that she's left behind physically, but is still in her heart and mind. Jane, however, continued to remain optimistic and said that it's important to start by doing just what we were doing: talking openly and honestly, sharing information through personal accounts, and supporting the people in Zimbabwe through organizations like Eco Africa.

Attendees were inspired and enlightened by the event, and were motivated to support Zimbabwean women by offering to volunteer for Eco Africa Social Ventures and enthusiastically purchasing their handmade products. These women reminded us of how interconnected we are, and how much we can all help each other no matter the geographic distance between us. For those who attended, what did you get out of the event? For those who didn't, is there something you'd like to know more about? Share it all in the comments.

TV Wasteland of the 21st Century

I don’t envy my younger cousins at all. In addition to sky-rocketing unemployment and the increasing difficulties to obtain adequate college loans, the quality of entertainment has really gone down the tubes. Television is one of those mediums that has suffered creatively, especially when it comes to programming for people of all ages. It is so bad that I actually pity my cousins’ lack of exposure to better television.

MTV is a sobering example of how bad television has become, especially during the first decade of the 21st century. As a kid, I remember seeing music videos and other music-related programming on the channel, and MTV V-Jays (video jockeys) who interviewed musicians about upcoming albums, tours, the industry, inspirations for their music, etc. It might have been corny at times, but there was always something interesting to watch because it was almost always about music. Now I think MTV should change its name to Reality TV, because the channel consists of one reality show after another.

The TV audience is inundated with reality television programming on a daily basis on several channels, not just MTV. I don’t watch “American Idol,” “Dancing with the Stars,” or “The Bachelorette,” but I know what goes on in these shows because I hear updates on almost all of the radio stations I listen to in the car. I am out of touch when it comes to these shows, and I am unapologetic about it.

As a whole, I also believe that scripted televisions shows are also less than stellar. The original “Beverly Hills 90210” was never a great show, so when I heard that a new version was coming out last year, I was less than excited. There are obvious exceptions on cable networks, and I sometimes go on YouTube to watch clips of great shows from the past. In some ways, I am glad that TV isn’t as good as it once was; it gives me numerous excuses to pay attention to better entertainment choices.

What are your thoughts on TV today?

Learning a New Instrument

Over the years, I've heard countless metaphors and analogies about the body, as I'm sure many of you have. One that always sounded right but I didn't really understand: "the body is an instrument." I heard it again last night as I prepared for my workout and finally got it.

I found myself comparing the body to the voice as an instrument. Back when I was in chorus, our voices were top priority. We practiced daily, learned new techniques, and never settled for less than excellence. We warmed up our vocal chords every day to prepare us for our day's challenge. If we were going to hold long notes, our warm-up included breathing exercises to strengthen our diaphragms. If we were singing very low or very high notes, we warmed up by pushing ourselves higher and lower in our ranges. We never did the same combination of warm-ups twice. If we got sick, we were not allowed to participate and were instructed to speak as little as possible, drink tea with lemon and honey, and gargle with salt water every morning. Like I said, our voices were top priority.

So now I understand the need to treat my body the same way I treated my voice. I have to protect it. I should never get stuck in the same routine because my body will stop responding to it. I have to challenge myself, learn more each day, and, above all, make my body top priority.

Don't ask me how I never really made this connection before. I suppose we all need our ah ha moments -- the moment something really clicks. This new perspective makes me see it less in terms of what people tell me I'm supposed to be doing and more in terms of what I want to do to keep my body tuned, flexible, and strong, just like I used to do with my voice. We can create beautiful things with our bodies, if we give them the right love, attention and respect.

Books and Movies

Okay, people. I need your help. If you read the blog regularly, you know by now that I’m an author of books for teens. My novel, The Rock and the River, is getting great reviews, and selling particularly well for a first young adult novel. All good. Yippee!

So... now I am working on a screenplay version of the novel, and I’m doing a little bit of research on book-to-movie conversions. My question to all of you is: What are your favorite books that have been turned into movies? Did you like the movie? Why or why not? Are there any cases where you liked the movie better than the book?

I happen to be a lover of both books and movies. I find myself inspired and enchanted by both, differently but equally. The hush of a darkened theater... a big loud screen... yummy popcorn... I’m there. The coziness of my couch... thick socks and a blanket... pages turning in the quiet of the room... I’m right there, too. But as much as I love both media, I am deeply aware that they’re very, very different. So I need to study, and learn.

I’ve realized over the years that as an independent woman (and proud of it!) I tend to try to do everything on my own. I want to find solutions with my own brain, see things through my own eyes, touch them with my own hands. And I do. This tendency is good in some cases, not so great in others. This is a case where it can’t hurt me to work on my own, but it will take much longer. It will help me to get some other heads into the mix. So I am asking. (See? I am growing.)

Send me your suggestions in the comments section, and let’s discuss. Thanks!!!

TWM & The Declaration of Independence

The Fourth of July holiday honors the daring, courageous and visionary founders of this country who could imagine a world, a state of being, much more advanced and just than anyone could have conceived of at the time: the simple act of declaring one's independence and universal right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

The Women's Mosaic seeks to build upon this sentiment and embrace its essence by helping to make it tangible to each and every one of you who are a part of this organization. As women living in the 21st century in the United States, we are in a position to be the leaders for the rest of the women of the world to carry out this mandate of true independence, liberty and equality in its purest form - the essential right of every human being to create their own destiny that is fulfilling on every level.

Those certain "unalienable rights" are in our hands - women are the force to be reckoned with at this time in history and are the key to making the world a better place.

--excerpted from TWM eNewsletter, July 2005. Click here to read the entire message.

In the four years since this was written, so much has changed in the political, corporate and social landscape for women - but we still have a long way to go!

The Women's Mosaic is the non-profit organization that hosts CHICKS ROCK! In honor of Independence Day and to keep all of us CHICKS-A-ROCKIN', we are hoping you can help us by becoming a member or making a tax-deductible contribution today.

Thank you for your support and for spreading the word about our work and our blog!

Friday Forum: Holiday Weekend

This week, our readers of the north celebrated Canada Day, and Fourth of July weekend is finally here, so we want to know what everyone has planned for this weekend. BBQs, fireworks, beach plans, our book club selection -- what's in your schedule for the holiday?

Travel the World from Your Seat

For those of you who have been keeping up with TWM's summer book club, we hope you enjoyed reading our last pick, The Twentieth Wife by Indu Sundaresan. The details for July's pick and this month's book club meeting are below. Get started on your reading while you're relaxing this weekend, and we hope you can make it to the meet-up!

TWM'S SIZZLING SUMMER BOOK CLUB!
Monday, July 20th 6:30pm-8pm

One down, two to go! Get away this summer with a captivating book each month and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over classic Italian cookies & pastries at Veniero's in the East Village!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Veniero's 342 East 11th Street
Includes coffee, tea or soda and an assortment of Italian pastries and cookies!

RSVP to christianna@thewomensmosaic.org

JULY'S BOOK SELECTION:

Without Reservations: The Travels of an Independent Woman by Alice Steinbach
Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks
ISBN-13: 978-0375758454

"In many ways, I was an independent woman," writes Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Alice Steinbach. "For years I'd made my own choices, paid my own bills, shoveled my own snow." But somehow she had become dependent in quite another way. "I had fallen into the habit of defining myself in terms of who I was to other people and what they expected of me." But who was she away from the people and things that defined her? In this exquisite book, Steinbach searches for the answer to this question in some of the most beautiful and exciting places in the world: Paris, where she finds a soul mate; Oxford, where she takes a course on the English village; Milan, where she befriends a young woman about to be married. Beautifully illustrated with postcards from Steinbach's journeys, this revealing and witty book transports you into a fascinating inner and outer journey, an unforgettable voyage of discovery.

Women, Men, and Friendship

Even though we are all Homo sapiens, people have always felt the need to distinguish themselves from one another. While I understand and appreciate the differences (religion, culture, skin color, culture, etc.), I believe that what fundamentally divides us is gender. I started thinking about this when I saw the 1989 film When Harry Met Sally..., which is famous for the arguments surrounding its underlying theme about the inability of men and women to be friends. It’s a provocative topic that remains unresolved for me and many others, I suspect.

While I have been fortunate to have had great friends throughout my life, I have noticed that all of them have been women. Excluding romantic relationships, I have had a few platonic friendships with men since high school, but they were never as strong as the ones I had with my girlfriends. My family relationships with older male relatives have been strained since childhood, but I have had better experiences with my brother and male cousins. Still, I don’t get to interact with them as much as I would like.

Some women I know don’t have or want friendships with men, and they think I am strange because I talk about friendships with men rather than being covetous of those who are married or in serious relationships. While I am an odd individual (and proud of it), I tell those who question me that the basis of all good human relationships is friendship. Most of the time, they agree with me. Since friendships with men have always been elusive to me, I can’t help but wonder about women who do have them. They tell me that their male friends share perspectives about romantic relationships and other topics that they don’t receive from their female friends. In other words, they have access to the overall human experience---at least that is what it means to me.

Do you think friendships between men and women are important?