Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Giving Up On Grudges

We all know at least one person who has taken advantage of us. It could be someone who never paid back a loan, flirted with your significant other, or talked about you behind your back to others, but acts like nothing is wrong in front of you... we are all familiar with these undesirable scenarios. Now that 2009 is here, I have begun the difficult process of coming to terms with those who have "done me wrong," even if I don’t get to see or speak to them directly. It is like unloading the baggage for a fresh start and it is something I strongly recommend to anyone who is burdened by their grudges.

Personally, I find them to be a waste of my energy, something that I can channel into something else. Recently, I came face-to-face with a relative who has been less than kind to me in the past. When I saw him during the holidays, I was surprised to find that my grudge was gone. Maybe it was because I had time to work through my feelings, but I was gratified not to be tense in his presence anymore. True, we won’t have a close relationship, and he will never apologize for his wrongdoings. I still feel peaceful knowing that I no longer carry the burden of the grudge on my shoulders.

I recently came to terms with a long-time friend, which has been more difficult because it is more recent. She had (or has) a bigger grudge against me than I did towards her, and I decided to bring it up so we could work through our issues. Since we have been friends for long time, I decided to initiate the effort so we can save our friendship. While things between us are still tenuous, I remain hopeful that our relationship will be free from grudges in the future.

How do you handle grudges? Are you able to let things go?


Anonymous said...

A grudge is defined as a persistent feeling of resentment against a person who has caused harm or upset.

Sounds like a grudge is a self-imposed unwillingness of letting go of feeling bad. We are all capable of grudges - I certainly have had my fair share of keeping and growing grudges.

I can swiftly say that I have a past of being a self-indulgent misery chick who loved to relish over the goriest of details of how I was harmed and disrespected. And because I have spent more years cultivating grudges than getting over them, to this day I pray that I watch myself for the tendency to hold resentment.

When I recently learned that we have the ability to stop viewing ourselves as victims, I believe that related to my letting go of grudges - simply because the grudge was a result of fear I would be hurt again.

Giving up on grudges will make you feel 100lbs lighter this new year - perhaps prioritizing getting head healthy first will lead the body to follow?!

Great New Years words, Pauline! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I agree, no one has been spared from holding a grudge whether we know it or not. The important thing is to let go of it otherwise it will consume us. At times its difficult but in the end, its freeing and if nothing else, we learn something from it. We can use these kind of experiences to our advantage.

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