Crossroads and the Foreign Service

My parents are very lucky. They have stable jobs in secure fields, and they worry about my brother, sister, and me because we haven’t followed them into similar situations, at least not yet. I don’t see life as a competitive race with others, especially when it comes to my family members. I always say that I don’t want to be anyone else; I just want to be a better version of myself. It’s just that I want to know what’s next already! One of my plans is to try for the U.S. Foreign Service. I took the exam before, but didn’t make it in for various reasons. Now that it is being offered several times a year and the format has changed, I think I have a better shot at getting in this time around.

Why the U.S. Foreign Service? Well, for a long time, I have known that I want to do meaningful work and interact with people from other countries, cultures, and walks of life. I have had enough of working in offices where I know I won’t see or experience the fruits of my labor; the only thing I have to show for it all is a paycheck, and that doesn’t seem to be enough for me anymore.

And I also want to see more of the world; it’s no secret that I love travelling, and not just for leisure. To experience other cultures around the world while representing the United States sounds really good to me; I am not ignorant to the anti-American sentiment out there, but I think being a woman of Indian descent will help me in many places. I also don’t presume to be superior to anyone else because of my citizenship, and I don’t have an inferiority complex, so I am not easily intimidated. In other words, I think I would make a good diplomat. Still, it is one of several plans I have for my future.

How do you juggle various plans for the future? Do you have any advice to give me?

Swap 'til You Drop

A few weeks ago, on the same day as the blogathon I participated in, I organized a clothing swap for me and my friends. For those of you who might not know what that is, the way it works is you have people bring clothes they don't want anymore and then swap clothing with each other. The idea is that even if you don't like something anymore or it no longer fits you, somebody else might have a use for it.

I love the idea of clothing swaps for a number of reasons. For one, it's a great way to reduce waste. I've often heard of or seen people throw their clothing away, and this is such a huge waste. There are places you can take their clothing to recycle, but at the very least, folks should be donating their clothes to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. A clothing swap is in the same spirit, except your clothes go to your friends and acquaintances.

Another reason I like clothing swaps is because it can save money. During times like these, it's hard to think about spending hundreds of dollars for a few new pieces of clothing. Even if you wait around for sales or shop at a thrift store or Goodwill, finding the right item can take time and you'll still have to pay for it. At a clothing swap, everything is free! A barely-worn jacket that once cost somebody $100 is now yours for nothing.

Of course, the best reason to have a clothing swap, in my opinion: the fun! You get to spend hours with friends and family, drinking and munching away. You'll probably end up hearing at least a couple of stories sparked by clothing items -- a dress worn to the first date with a now-husband, the outfit that got somebody their dream job, the jeans somebody wore when she fell face-flat at a college event. Their memories become intertwined with yours and everyone knows their clothes have a great new owner. It's like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants for grown-ups.

The Hostess with the Mostess

Having friends visit from out of town is never exactly easy. Nevermind that the apartment is in disarray because I've just moved. Nevermind that there is much work to be done that I've put off in order to complete said move. No, suddenly I have bigger, more pressing concerns, such as: Where are we going to eat? What are we going to do? Are they going to have fun doing it? Am I going to keel over from exhaustion if I have to walk one more block out of the way to look at yet another pile of I-heart-NY t-shirts?

Don't get me wrong - I do love it when people visit. It makes me feel important, flattered and loved, that a few friends care enough to travel here to spend time with me. But let's face it. I live in NYC. They're not just here to see me, they're here to experience the urban jungle in all its glory, and it's my responsibility to deliver.

A visiting friend once told me not to stress over planning our activities. "It's the guest's responsibility to have fun, no matter what you take her to," she insisted. "You can't make people enjoy themselves." While I appreciated the gesture of her saying it, and I actually do agree with the sentiment, I can't quite pull it off. I worry. I'm a worrier. I always want people to be comfortable and happy, and have a good experience, but especially so while they're on my watch.

The two friends who are here this weekend have visited me three times, so I must be doing something right. Despite the fact that they are sleeping on the floor because I don't have a couch yet, and despite the fact that a few directional mishaps led us into strange urban territory last night, they still woke this morning with smiles on their faces.

So, maybe I can relax after all. If I treat my guests with warm hospitality and plan our outings with enthusiasm, good friends will be up for anything!

Friday Forum: Share What You Love

Because we're always making announcements for things we're working on or events we're going to, we figure it's about time you get to shout out your own work!

So leave a comment with some shameless self-promotion of your own! Are you currently working on a project you want to share with others? Are you planning an event you'd like us to attend? Did you recently start a blog that you want us to check out? Let's all take advantage of this space as a way to share what we love with each other.

End the Summer with Style

We are very excited to tell you about the upcoming TWM event, a private shopping and makeover event! TWM members and two of their friends can attend this event for FREE, but we are also opening this up to non-members for a chance to join in on the fun and even become a TWM member in the process. Check out all of the details below and we hope to see you there!

TWM's MEMBERS-ONLY MAKEOVER EVENT
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 6:00 - 9:00 pm

This year's Members-only event falls on Women's Equality Day so why not honor the occasion by becoming an official member of an organization that empowers women and then celebrate with an exclusive private makeover and shopping event so that you can make the most of who you are, inside and out!

Style talk and wardrobe makeovers by Monica Diaz of Style Matters, Inc. Attendees will receive 25% discount on all fully priced merchandise at Esprit that night!

LOCATION: Esprit, 110 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
UPDATE: The location has changed to 600 Fifth Avenue New York, NY
COST:
For TWM Members and up to 2 friends: FREE
For non-members: $20 for event OR $35 to include TWM membership

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here. Or simply send an email.

Tackling French... Again

Personally, I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I find that I must re-affirm the promises I made to myself constantly, especially when it comes to moving beyond my comfort zone and changing my life. Tackling French again is one of my non-New Year’s resolutions, and I am both excited and intimidated at the beginning of the process.

I can understand some French, but I am far from proficient and my accent is pretty atrocious, so I am eager to practice and educate myself, in addition to taking classes twice a week. Now that my classes are in full-swing, I began opening my old French books from college to supplement the texts I already have. I hope to get to a point where I can make some small talk with French-speaking peoples. Oral comprehension is something that I wish to master, but I have to practice that particular skill more often than I already am.

Why take French again? Well, it is a language I took in high school and college, and even though knowing which words are masculine and which are feminine is often frustrating, I am anxious to improve myself and broaden my horizons further. In this economy, I have personally learned to make short-term and long-term plans so I can be prepared when some or all of them don’t work out. My yearning to be multi-lingual also extends to learning something of Malayalam (my parents’ native language), Hindi, and Spanish. I am not sure where this journey will take me, but I know I must stick with it and keep practicing as much as I possibly can. I have friends who are fluent in French, and I hope to practice with them so my verbal and oral communication skills in the language will improve considerably.

As I brush off the dust from off of my old French books and prepare to be tested in class twice a week, I wonder if I will be able to achieve my goals. I will work hard to do so.

Finding the Write Time

I recently participated in something called a blogathon. I posted on my blog, Jump off the Bridge, every 30 minutes for 24 hours. I did not do this because I'm crazy -- I did it to raise money for the READ Foundation, an organization that uses teen tutors to help young children learn how to read.

I've had some time to reflect on my experience, and realize that I've learned some things. 1) Coffee is my friend and staying up for 24 hours without drinking any was the dumbest idea ever. 2) Stretching can make me feel instantly better. 3) You can never be too prepared -- an outline can never have too much detail. 4) I really love writing.

I was having a dry spell on my blog when I signed up for the blogathon. I was posting once or twice a week, making excuses for not writing: no good material, no time, no confidence in writing ability, etc. So I looked at it as a way to raise money and awareness for literacy, but also as a writing exercise. I suddenly had to ignore my excuses and write 49 posts in 24 hours!

When I decided to participate, I started a list of things to write about, with rough outlines of what I wanted to say and links to include. Throughout the course of the 24 hours, I strayed from my outline at times and had several "can't write, can't type, can't think" posts. But for the most part, I had a lot of substance as well and, most importantly, I was able to finish.

Since then, I've realized that I need to stop making excuses and write what I can, when I can. If I only have time for a short post, I'll do that. If I want to share something with little commentary, I'll do that. I really love writing and it's something I want to get better at. There's no way I can do that if I sit back and let the world pass me by without documenting it.

A Leap of Intention

I’m sitting surrounded by boxes. I’ve decided—while the market is slow—to take the leap that I’ve been eager to take for quite awhile: moving to a new apartment.

I’m thrilled and excited. The new place is a tad bigger, freshly remodeled, and overall a drastic improvement. I’ve been unhappy with my current apartment for years now, yet something always held me back from moving. Now I’m glad I waited.

Beyond the physicality of the space, there’s a deeper benefit I feel growing within myself when I think about this move. Many of my big life decisions have been made with fingers crossed, a deep breath, and a jump into the unknown. I’m good at leaps of faith. They’ve served me well.

This move has arisen from a different place. I know what I want now, and how I want to live. The future is no longer a blank page of pure possibility. If designing the life of your dreams is like painting a picture, I believe I have all the dark lines in place: the outlines, the broad strokes, the beginnings of what this thing will be. I see the full image in my mind’s eye, and every step I take toward it fills in a bit of color. This decision, at this time, has brightened things considerably.

That said, moving is proving to be a greater reality check than I had expected or even hoped for. I mean this in the best possible way. For a clutterbug such as myself, it’s a huge challenge to look at every single item in my space and have to give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. But I’m going about this move with intention—the things that come into the new space will be things that further my goals and bring pleasure to my life, nothing that detracts.

I don’t know what the future holds. I can only wait, and hope, and strive, and imagine. Keep painting that picture. I feel myself moving one step closer to something bigger, better and very worthwhile. A new chapter is beginning...

Friday Forum: Down-time

Our summer hiatus this week has gotten us thinking about ways to relax. Most of us are constantly running around trying to keep up with work, family, friends, chores, hobbies, etc.

What are your favorite ways to relax? Do you curl up with a book, take bubble baths, spend time with your children...? How do you like to spend your down-time?

Finding Faith & Learning Lessons

For those of you who have been keeping up with TWM's summer book club, you know it's about time again to announce the next selection. The details for the meet-up itself are still in the works, but we want to make sure you have plenty of time to get your reading done so we're posting the book info now and will update you all on the rest later. The details for the meet-up have been added below. We hope you enjoy this month's pick!

TWM'S SIZZLING SUMMER BOOK CLUB!
Tuesday, August 18th 6:30pm-8pm

Two down, one to go! Read our last book club selection and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over classic Italian cookies & pastries at Veniero's in the East Village!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Veniero's 342 East 11th Street
Includes coffee, tea or soda and an assortment of Italian pastries and cookies!

AUGUST'S BOOK SELECTION:

Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun by Faith Adiele
Publisher: W.W. Norton & Co.
ISBN-13: 978-0393326734

Jan Willis meets Anne Lamott in this funny, observant memoir by Adiele, an English professor at the University of Pittsburgh. Burned out by the pressure of undergraduate studies at Harvard, Adiele took a year off to get her head together and do field research in Thailand, where she had once spent time as a Rotary exchange student. She became fascinated with Buddhist nuns and began soliciting their stories, a process that led to her rather impulsive decision to seek "temporary ordination" as a nun herself. The nominal-Unitarian-turned-Buddhist is humble about her spiritual insights: "Where I should be über-nun, I'm not even what is perceived as a practicing Buddhist. I don't meditate regularly; I nurse anger; I despise tofu. Dammit, I don't appear to have learned anything! So how can anyone learn from me?" But readers can and will learn from Adiele, who parses out her second stay in Thailand with a comic's timing, a novelist's keen observations about human idiosyncrasies and an anthropologist's sensitivity to issues of race and culture. Her main narrative is almost talmudically surrounded by commentary: all along the outer margins of the book, quotes from Buddhist luminaries mingle with excerpts from her own very raw journals from that year. As she admits her fear of the rats that infested her meditation cave or chronicles her pride in gradually increasing her meditation hours, we are privileged to see an unvarnished vulnerability.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 3

We hope you're enjoying a trip down memory lane during our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK! Today, you should definitely check out Pauline's posts. See what she's covered in these last 10 months, and leave a comment to join the discussions.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 2

We're still on summer break here at CHICKS ROCK! While you're lounging at the beach (or just wishing you were), check out some of Sally's posts. Feel free to start the discussions back up by leaving a comment.

Summer Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 1

There's been a lot of great blogging here at CHICKS ROCK! these past few months, but it's not time for us to take a little summer break.

In the meantime, we encourage you to check out some of Kekla's posts. Read what she's got to say and throw in your 2 cents in the comment section. Enjoy!

Friday Forum: Your Life, the Movie

Let's have a bit of fun for today's Friday Forum. We often hear people say that their life is like a movie, and we all know how big reality television has gotten. Taking a look at your own life, what movies or books parallel the events in your life? Or, if it's a story not yet written, what would you call your life, the movie?

Link Love for 7/23

It's time again to spread around some of that link love. Here are some great posts we've read out there in the blogosphere.

In Good Company has an interesting post up about blogging and web 2.0 users, along with some good links.

Girl w/Pen has a review up of a book about the lives of women in the military once they've returned home. It seems like a great read!

Savvy Ladies reminds us that it's time for our financial fitness checkup, so check it out to see where you're at.

One Writeous Chick wants us to start making fun a priority in our lives, not just during the summer, but throughout the year.

Meanwhile, Lindsey Pollak has a post up about how you can make the most of a jobless summer, with ideas good for those of us with jobs as well.


That's it from us for now, what have you all been reading and writing?

Of Fashion, Fairness, and Friendship

It is a gift when people can hold it together in stressful situations and be pleasant to people around them at the same time. My friend Catherine reminded me of this as she prepared for a fashion show she designed for last week, in honor of Bastille Day.

When I visited Catherine backstage as she got ready for the Planete Chic & Naturally Couture Fashion Show, she, her models, hair and makeup stylists, and her assistant were decidedly calm and composed. I was impressed by the professionalism and civility they had towards one another. I mostly observed and stayed out of everyone’s way as the tension slowly began to mount. Even when some of models had not arrived yet, and their walking order on the runway had to be changed because of these delays, Catherine and her assistant never broke a sweat as they kept re-arranging their plans. In spite of all of this, she maintained her composure, which was a good influence on everyone else in her team.

In Catherine’s case, I think it has to do with her self-confidence. Like many small business owners, she has been affected financially and emotionally by the recession. At the same time, she loves what she does and is really good at it. We met at the CHICKS ROCK! Launch Party last September, where she first impressed me with her intelligence and kindness. Our friendship really began when she told me how she uses recyclable items (such as discarded umbrellas and other fabrics from clothes and furniture) to create bags and clothes. While things haven’t been easy for Catherine and Himane Inc., she has always demonstrated admirable leadership skills. As a friend and advisor, I hope to learn more from her in the future.

Is there a friend/colleague/family member you admire, especially during these difficult times?

Taste of Victory

When I was growing up, my mother refused to teach me and my sisters how to cook. She insisted that if we learned how to cook, particularly at a young age, we would grow up having to serve people and always at the stove. She said that if we focused on studying, we would make enough money one day to hire somebody to cook for us.

I appreciate her attempt at breaking down the notion that women are more than housewives, but I don't think she fully realized that not knowing how to cook for anybody else meant we also wouldn't know how to cook for ourselves. Fast forward to a decade or so later and there we were, not able to afford the chef she imagined us hiring and barely knowing how to boil water. I have often heard people express their surprise -- sometimes outright shock -- at the fact that three twenty-something Dominican women don't know how to cook.

In college, I became addicted to the Food Network, which simplified cooking for me. I got my hands on a few easy cookbooks and gave the recipes a shot. Most of these ended up failing miserably, but it made me more comfortable being in the kitchen. After a few years of doing that, the kitchen is now one of my favorite places. My cooking skills are still not the best, but I love finding recipes, putting all the ingredients together, and getting the instant gratification that comes from cooking a great meal. Baking, although more time consuming, is even more fun. There's nothing like the sweet taste of victory when you finally bite into the dessert you started hours earlier.

I guess you can say my mother's plan might have backfired a bit, but I don't think so. I think she just wanted us to figure out how to do it when we really needed the skill, not when we should have been focusing on our studies. But I certainly hope my sisters figure it out sooner rather than later or we're all doomed come holiday season.

The Independent Loner

I recently attended a conference in Chicago. It was a good professional networking opportunity, but it was also quite fun to play in a city other than New York.

I went to college near Chicago, so the city is familiar, though I haven’t spent time there in years. Things came back to me, just by being there: memories of the buildings and streets, my experiences there, and the range of emotions I experienced back then. The flavor of the city pulled me back in time in fascinating ways. So, I plugged around town, visiting my old favorite haunts: restaurants, shops, tourist attractions, neighborhoods. I gorged on stuffed pizza, swung by my favorite non-chain sandwich shop (twice), ducked into a popular but out-of-the-way Italian restaurant, and hunted down several desserts whose taste I’ve been able recall over the years, even from many miles away.

I got my one-week unlimited transit card loaded up and whenever I had a free moment to sneak away from the conference center, I headed into the city... by myself.

My mother would readily tell you that among my first words was “myself.” (As in, “I want to do it MYSELF.”) Yes, I’ve been blessed with an independence and spirit of adventure that have served me well. It got me to NYC, where I’ve had no choice but to go it alone. It’s gotten me a lot of places.

I’m okay on my own. I like being able to decide where to go and what to do, as I please, without having to negotiate or organize or compromise. That’s fun. But this week, I found myself thinking things like, “This delectable meal would be better if there was someone across the table.”

Let’s face it: there’s really no such thing as a table for one. What this week showed me is that I may be independent, but I’m not a loner. I like having people around, at least some of the time, although I like to do my own thing as well. Somewhere in there is a balance that I will have to learn to strike at some point.

Friday Fun: An Evening with Inspiring Women

We often tell you about upcoming TWM events we'd like you to see you attend, but this time we want to tell you about the WNBA's NY Liberty upcoming annual Inspiring Women Night game. This year's focus is on honoring women who lead non-profits that are focused on empowering women and inspiring young girls and we're excited that they've chosen Kristina Leonardi and The Women's Mosaic as one of the honorees! Check out the info below for more details:

On Thursday, July 23rd at 7:30 p.m. the
WNBA's NY Liberty are having their annual Inspiring Women Night game. Click here for more information and a list of honorees.

Ticket Prices:
$30* Game only
$50* Game + Pre-Game Reception/Networking
*$5 will be donated to TWM for every ticket sold!

Purchase your tickets here, and be sure to use the special
offer code WM so that The Women's Mosaic
can receive a $5 donation from your ticket purchase!

RSVP to us after purchasing your
tickets so we know to look out for you.

A Professional Make-Over

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our latest guest blogger, Monica:

Monica Diaz is owner of Style Matters, Inc., a style consulting firm catering to image needs of individuals and corporations. Monica offers one on one personal consultations as well as group workshops. Look for Monica when she demonstrates personal style makeovers at our upcoming TWM Members-only Event on August 26th!


Helping others organize themselves is part of my business as a personal style consultant. But when it came to organizing my schedule, I was in desperate need of a make-over. I was given some advice from a friend who suggested I stop relying on scattered notes on different pieces of papers.

So I put together a plan -- it was time to get a calendar and start crossing items off an actual To Do list. I’m already seeing results. I feel my work life is more focused and at the end of the day, I feel accomplished. I’m so excited about my results that I want to share the plan I’ve implemented.

I began by looking through papers to get rid of what was completed. This gave me a sense of accomplishment from the start. Next, I organized files so that each project has its own folder. Before, I had one big pile that left me feeling tired just by looking at it, so this helped a lot.

Once I was rid of the clutter, I found a calendar that fit my needs. I prefer one with month-at-a-glance, then broken up by weeks, and a To Do section. I list items on the To Do list in order of priority, indicating how much time it will take to complete each task. I then enter each item from the list to the calendar with designated dates and time allotted.

The last few tips are sure to come in handy:
1. Don’t be too ambitious: only have a maximum of six things to accomplish per day.
2. Don’t get distracted -- if you have a deadline, don’t answer calls or respond to messages until you’re done.
3. When setting appointments outside of your office, schedule traveling time. Then call before leaving because your appointment might be running late, which can change your schedule.
4. Finally, make sure you cross off completed items from your To Do List; the items you have not completed carry over to the next day.

Hopefully you can benefit from this plan as much as I have - feel free to share any of your own organizing tips, too!

Dark Side of Idol Worship

The recent death of Michael Jackson, and the aftermath, really opened my eyes to a dual condition many of us have: the need to idolize other human beings for their talents, looks, wealth, etc., and the tendency to tear down these people at the same time. I don’t envy anyone who has been on the receiving end of this, because I can’t think of anyone who has fared well as a result. Diana, the Princess of Wales, was one of those people who was relentlessly stalked and harassed until her untimely death in 1997. In the months before the tragic accident, I distinctly remember seeing the sensational headlines and intrusive photographs of Diana on vacation in the south of France, all while waiting on line in the local convenience store. I was thoroughly disgusted by the nerve of the professional stalkers (aka the paparazzi) and hoped that significant changes would be made to regulate their activities afterward; I was wrong.

Michael Jackson, like Diana, was hounded by the media until his sudden death. His fans around the world continued to adore him beyond reason, while his critics demonized him for being charged with sexual molestation of young boys. When Jackson died, television news shows captured scenes of the inconsolable and the curious all around the world. His public memorial in Los Angeles, California was lavish enough to suit his title as “The King of Pop.” While it is unfortunate that he died at the mere age of 50, I choose to remember him as a person who had exceptional musical talents. Yes, he also helped many charities with his financial resources and considerable clout as a celebrity. However, no one has ever done more for the economically and socially disadvantaged than Mother Teresa, who died the same year as Diana, Princess of Wales. While I understand the interest in celebrities to a certain extent, I will never condone the frenzied hero worship our society is guilty of.

Why do admiration and idolization go hand in hand, in many cases? Why do we relish our idols’ destruction at the same time?

Packing My Bags

One thing I always regretted about college is not participating in a study abroad program. I hear the stories of so many friends who spent a winter in Ecuador, or a summer in India, or a semester in Rome and wish I had a similar story. I've always loved to travel, but just haven't gotten much of a chance to do so.

So this makes it even more exciting to think that this fall, I'll be going to Europe! My sisters planned a two-month backpacking trip that made me jealous beyond words, but I managed to save up some money and get some time off so I can join them for a couple of weeks. I'll be starting my trip in Paris with my guy, meeting up with my sisters and a friend in Barcelona, traveling to Marseille from there, meeting some more friends in Cinque Terre, and finishing up my trip in London.

Planning a trip like this is going to take a lot of organizing, negotiating, and compromising, particularly because of how different all of us are. Just between my sisters and I we have a theater geek, an architecture buff, and me, who prefers to spend time walking aimlessly through cities rather than have a set schedule of activities. My guy and the other friends joining me along the way also have their own ideas of fun, so reaching a common ground will be the biggest challenge. Thankfully, I don't think this challenge will be enough to get in the way of anybody's fun. I think the stress of planning over the next few weeks will be worth it once we're there -- nobody will be able to take that experience away.

Have any of you been to any of these places or gone backpacking through some of these countries? What tips do you have for me?

Writing Everybody Else

A few months ago, I put up a post called Writing Black, in which I discussed a conflict I feel within myself, as an author: the desire to write books with black characters so there will be more of those out in the world vs. the desire to write any book I feel inspired to write, regardless of the main character's race. I have yet to resolve it in my mind.

Recently I've been participating in an online "round table" with a group of diverse female authors who write books for teens, called "What a Girl Wants." We're talking about a lot of things, but we're trying to get at the heart of what young girls want and need to hear from us, as their older sisters (in a community sense). We all take this role very seriously, even though our profession is pretty much fun most of the time.

Last week, we started talking about multicultural characters in books for teens. The discussion kind of blew me away, because there were so many sides all coming together. We all want to speak to a younger version of ourselves... by reaching the teen girls running around high schools today through our books. Does that mean we should each only write characters who are like us?

When I wrote the Writing Black post way back when, one thing didn't occur to me: if I write books starring non-black characters, how might those stories be received by non-black audiences? I worry about shirking a responsibility to represent on behalf of my own race, but should I also worry about overstepping my bounds and tromping on someone else's?

Some of the ladies in the round table say yes--the only authentic portrayal of any culture or race can come from within. Others say no--anyone can write about any culture, as long as they make a serious effort to get it right.

What do you think? Whose responsibility is it to tell certain stories?

Friday Forum: Checkpoint

Summer is in full swing, the major holidays have passed, and we're well past the midyear point. So it seems a good time for a resolution checkpoint! Do you all remember your resolutions for this year? Have you stayed on track? This is a good time to re-evaluate and set some goals for the rest of the year, so please share what those are.

Highlights from TWM's Spotlight on Zimbabwe

On Tuesday, June 23, a diverse group of men and women met at Xai Xai South African Wine Bar in Hell's Kitchen for the TWM event, Spotlight on Zimbabwe: Crisis, Cuisine & Crafts.

The evening began with some mingling, where we learned that many attendees had lived in an African country at some point in their lives. For those not familiar with the culture and crisis in Zimbabwe, we were unsure of what to expect. Thankfully, TWM provided a pamphlet with a country profile, which listed demographics, highlights about travel and tourism, and its history and politics. A table was set up with beautiful crafts sold by Eco Africa Social Ventures, whose mission it is to empower women by creating jobs for them based on their skills. Conversations continued over South African wines and hors d'oeuvres, until we settled down to hear from the speakers. The panelists were Tanya Nomaziko, a Zimbabwean actress and activist, Rory Kugler, a Peace Corps volunteer who served in Zimbabwe from 1996-1998, Jane Madembo, a Zimbabwean writer currently living in New York, and Janice Ashby, co-founder of Eco Africa Social Ventures, which received a portion of the event's proceeds in order to continue its great work.

Just as the backgrounds of these women are different, so were the experiences they shared about their time in Zimbabwe and reflections on the current situation. Tanya was the first to give some background about Zimbabwe, and answered questions from the audience about her time as an actress there and the importance of pan-African unity. Rory spoke about her time in the Peace Corps, including a story about how she struggled to learn how to carry a bucket of water on her head and how she enjoyed more freedoms than the average Zimbabwean woman during her stay. Jane expressed her gratitude for being in the U.S. at the moment, but also voiced hope for a better future in Zimbabwe, letting us know that race relations there have improved greatly. Janice told the story of how she founded Eco Africa after importing papers from Zimbabwe for her crafts and designs, and the challenges she has encountered to help her women artisans with their basic needs, especially in recent years.

Together, they started to weave together a story of a country of generous and happy people, who have struggled over political turmoil, human rights violations, health problems, and economic collapse, particularly in the past decade. It was a humbling moment to hear about Tanya's loss of many family members as a result of the crisis there. Janice told us that she knew of girls who were prostituting themselves just to obtain a crust of bread or a cookie. One woman in attendance became emotional when she expressed anger and sadness about the death toll in the country that she's left behind physically, but is still in her heart and mind. Jane, however, continued to remain optimistic and said that it's important to start by doing just what we were doing: talking openly and honestly, sharing information through personal accounts, and supporting the people in Zimbabwe through organizations like Eco Africa.

Attendees were inspired and enlightened by the event, and were motivated to support Zimbabwean women by offering to volunteer for Eco Africa Social Ventures and enthusiastically purchasing their handmade products. These women reminded us of how interconnected we are, and how much we can all help each other no matter the geographic distance between us. For those who attended, what did you get out of the event? For those who didn't, is there something you'd like to know more about? Share it all in the comments.

TV Wasteland of the 21st Century

I don’t envy my younger cousins at all. In addition to sky-rocketing unemployment and the increasing difficulties to obtain adequate college loans, the quality of entertainment has really gone down the tubes. Television is one of those mediums that has suffered creatively, especially when it comes to programming for people of all ages. It is so bad that I actually pity my cousins’ lack of exposure to better television.

MTV is a sobering example of how bad television has become, especially during the first decade of the 21st century. As a kid, I remember seeing music videos and other music-related programming on the channel, and MTV V-Jays (video jockeys) who interviewed musicians about upcoming albums, tours, the industry, inspirations for their music, etc. It might have been corny at times, but there was always something interesting to watch because it was almost always about music. Now I think MTV should change its name to Reality TV, because the channel consists of one reality show after another.

The TV audience is inundated with reality television programming on a daily basis on several channels, not just MTV. I don’t watch “American Idol,” “Dancing with the Stars,” or “The Bachelorette,” but I know what goes on in these shows because I hear updates on almost all of the radio stations I listen to in the car. I am out of touch when it comes to these shows, and I am unapologetic about it.

As a whole, I also believe that scripted televisions shows are also less than stellar. The original “Beverly Hills 90210” was never a great show, so when I heard that a new version was coming out last year, I was less than excited. There are obvious exceptions on cable networks, and I sometimes go on YouTube to watch clips of great shows from the past. In some ways, I am glad that TV isn’t as good as it once was; it gives me numerous excuses to pay attention to better entertainment choices.

What are your thoughts on TV today?

Learning a New Instrument

Over the years, I've heard countless metaphors and analogies about the body, as I'm sure many of you have. One that always sounded right but I didn't really understand: "the body is an instrument." I heard it again last night as I prepared for my workout and finally got it.

I found myself comparing the body to the voice as an instrument. Back when I was in chorus, our voices were top priority. We practiced daily, learned new techniques, and never settled for less than excellence. We warmed up our vocal chords every day to prepare us for our day's challenge. If we were going to hold long notes, our warm-up included breathing exercises to strengthen our diaphragms. If we were singing very low or very high notes, we warmed up by pushing ourselves higher and lower in our ranges. We never did the same combination of warm-ups twice. If we got sick, we were not allowed to participate and were instructed to speak as little as possible, drink tea with lemon and honey, and gargle with salt water every morning. Like I said, our voices were top priority.

So now I understand the need to treat my body the same way I treated my voice. I have to protect it. I should never get stuck in the same routine because my body will stop responding to it. I have to challenge myself, learn more each day, and, above all, make my body top priority.

Don't ask me how I never really made this connection before. I suppose we all need our ah ha moments -- the moment something really clicks. This new perspective makes me see it less in terms of what people tell me I'm supposed to be doing and more in terms of what I want to do to keep my body tuned, flexible, and strong, just like I used to do with my voice. We can create beautiful things with our bodies, if we give them the right love, attention and respect.

Books and Movies

Okay, people. I need your help. If you read the blog regularly, you know by now that I’m an author of books for teens. My novel, The Rock and the River, is getting great reviews, and selling particularly well for a first young adult novel. All good. Yippee!

So... now I am working on a screenplay version of the novel, and I’m doing a little bit of research on book-to-movie conversions. My question to all of you is: What are your favorite books that have been turned into movies? Did you like the movie? Why or why not? Are there any cases where you liked the movie better than the book?

I happen to be a lover of both books and movies. I find myself inspired and enchanted by both, differently but equally. The hush of a darkened theater... a big loud screen... yummy popcorn... I’m there. The coziness of my couch... thick socks and a blanket... pages turning in the quiet of the room... I’m right there, too. But as much as I love both media, I am deeply aware that they’re very, very different. So I need to study, and learn.

I’ve realized over the years that as an independent woman (and proud of it!) I tend to try to do everything on my own. I want to find solutions with my own brain, see things through my own eyes, touch them with my own hands. And I do. This tendency is good in some cases, not so great in others. This is a case where it can’t hurt me to work on my own, but it will take much longer. It will help me to get some other heads into the mix. So I am asking. (See? I am growing.)

Send me your suggestions in the comments section, and let’s discuss. Thanks!!!

TWM & The Declaration of Independence

The Fourth of July holiday honors the daring, courageous and visionary founders of this country who could imagine a world, a state of being, much more advanced and just than anyone could have conceived of at the time: the simple act of declaring one's independence and universal right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

The Women's Mosaic seeks to build upon this sentiment and embrace its essence by helping to make it tangible to each and every one of you who are a part of this organization. As women living in the 21st century in the United States, we are in a position to be the leaders for the rest of the women of the world to carry out this mandate of true independence, liberty and equality in its purest form - the essential right of every human being to create their own destiny that is fulfilling on every level.

Those certain "unalienable rights" are in our hands - women are the force to be reckoned with at this time in history and are the key to making the world a better place.

--excerpted from TWM eNewsletter, July 2005. Click here to read the entire message.

In the four years since this was written, so much has changed in the political, corporate and social landscape for women - but we still have a long way to go!

The Women's Mosaic is the non-profit organization that hosts CHICKS ROCK! In honor of Independence Day and to keep all of us CHICKS-A-ROCKIN', we are hoping you can help us by becoming a member or making a tax-deductible contribution today.

Thank you for your support and for spreading the word about our work and our blog!

Friday Forum: Holiday Weekend

This week, our readers of the north celebrated Canada Day, and Fourth of July weekend is finally here, so we want to know what everyone has planned for this weekend. BBQs, fireworks, beach plans, our book club selection -- what's in your schedule for the holiday?

Travel the World from Your Seat

For those of you who have been keeping up with TWM's summer book club, we hope you enjoyed reading our last pick, The Twentieth Wife by Indu Sundaresan. The details for July's pick and this month's book club meeting are below. Get started on your reading while you're relaxing this weekend, and we hope you can make it to the meet-up!

TWM'S SIZZLING SUMMER BOOK CLUB!
Monday, July 20th 6:30pm-8pm

One down, two to go! Get away this summer with a captivating book each month and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over classic Italian cookies & pastries at Veniero's in the East Village!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Veniero's 342 East 11th Street
Includes coffee, tea or soda and an assortment of Italian pastries and cookies!

RSVP to christianna@thewomensmosaic.org

JULY'S BOOK SELECTION:

Without Reservations: The Travels of an Independent Woman by Alice Steinbach
Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks
ISBN-13: 978-0375758454

"In many ways, I was an independent woman," writes Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Alice Steinbach. "For years I'd made my own choices, paid my own bills, shoveled my own snow." But somehow she had become dependent in quite another way. "I had fallen into the habit of defining myself in terms of who I was to other people and what they expected of me." But who was she away from the people and things that defined her? In this exquisite book, Steinbach searches for the answer to this question in some of the most beautiful and exciting places in the world: Paris, where she finds a soul mate; Oxford, where she takes a course on the English village; Milan, where she befriends a young woman about to be married. Beautifully illustrated with postcards from Steinbach's journeys, this revealing and witty book transports you into a fascinating inner and outer journey, an unforgettable voyage of discovery.

Women, Men, and Friendship

Even though we are all Homo sapiens, people have always felt the need to distinguish themselves from one another. While I understand and appreciate the differences (religion, culture, skin color, culture, etc.), I believe that what fundamentally divides us is gender. I started thinking about this when I saw the 1989 film When Harry Met Sally..., which is famous for the arguments surrounding its underlying theme about the inability of men and women to be friends. It’s a provocative topic that remains unresolved for me and many others, I suspect.

While I have been fortunate to have had great friends throughout my life, I have noticed that all of them have been women. Excluding romantic relationships, I have had a few platonic friendships with men since high school, but they were never as strong as the ones I had with my girlfriends. My family relationships with older male relatives have been strained since childhood, but I have had better experiences with my brother and male cousins. Still, I don’t get to interact with them as much as I would like.

Some women I know don’t have or want friendships with men, and they think I am strange because I talk about friendships with men rather than being covetous of those who are married or in serious relationships. While I am an odd individual (and proud of it), I tell those who question me that the basis of all good human relationships is friendship. Most of the time, they agree with me. Since friendships with men have always been elusive to me, I can’t help but wonder about women who do have them. They tell me that their male friends share perspectives about romantic relationships and other topics that they don’t receive from their female friends. In other words, they have access to the overall human experience---at least that is what it means to me.

Do you think friendships between men and women are important?

My Apartment, the Junk Yard

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm moving into Manhattan this summer. Unfortunately, my travel schedule prevented me from getting anything done, so I've had to cram it in to this last week. I've been cleaning, packing, cleaning some more, moving everything, and then doing it all over again -- I'm utterly exhausted.

As it turns out, in addition to our love of books, another thing Pauline, Kekla and I have in common is our clutter. Looking around my apartment in the last week, I realized I have quite the junk problem. As I started to take things out of their nooks and crannies, piles began to form of things I don't need, don't want, or forgot I even owned. I had clothing which has never and will never fit, shoes that looked like they would fall apart if I walked more than five blocks, and trinkets I should have thrown out years ago.

After forming several of these piles, and filling up at least a dozen garbage bags, I had to ask: how did I end up with all of this? Why is it that we collect these things when it would be easier to get rid of them? My junk consisted mostly of souvenirs, free t-shirts, pamphlets from organizations I've never heard of, and wedding-related books and magazines.

So I started piles: things of value (sell/swap), things in good condition I've outgrown (donate), and things nobody on earth wants (trash). Of course, even after throwing out a lot, there's more I need to get rid of once the unpacking begins. I have a lot of clothing to recycle -- did you know you can recycle clothing? I'm organizing a clothing swap with friends to get rid of what doesn't fit me and replenish my now non-existent wardrobe. Sadly, I'll also have to go through the ten boxes I filled with books, because I can probably sell or donate most of those. (Anybody need a chemistry textbook? Social psychology perhaps?)

When was the last time you went through your junk? Is it time for a fresh start?

Overbooked and UnderBOOKed

I’m having the kind of week (month, year) when too much is going on that I’m interested in, and too much is going on that I’m required to do. Let alone the things I just think would be fun!

I’ve experienced stretches of time in the past where everything seems to fall into place. There’s time to work and play, time to attend meetings, time to cook and time to lie around. Well, now I’m sounding like that Byrds song... to everything there's a season... but you get the picture.

At this time, the many responsibilities that are calling my name have nothing to do with work. I’m an author, so my work schedule is up to me. I choose when I work and on what, which paying gigs I accept vs. the time I put toward future book projects that right now run on my own dime. But lately my problem is the opposite of the usual - too much LIFE getting in the way of my WORK. And it's not about self-discipline - I truly enjoy what I do.

I don’t like having to choose between things that often seem to be of equal importance, such as my work, my volunteer commitments, my family, my friends, myself. In a void, it’s easy to order these things, but in reality, nothing's so clear cut. Yes, economic realities have to be faced. So is work always first? No one can responsibly skip work on a regular basis to hang out with friends or take a desired vacation. Sure. But what about that old adage that says “No one on their deathbed ever wished they’d worked more?” There’s great value in building relationships and taking time for oneself, right?

We’ve all posted before about things like time management and prioritization, and finding ways to relax and make time for others. I suppose what I’m talking about involves all of those things. Certainly the stress I’m feeling today is not at all new, or unique.

So... has anyone hit upon the magic formula yet? How do I get myself un-booked and back to my books?

Friday Forum: Staying Connected

With everything going on over these past few weeks, from the elections in Iran to the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, people have been looking for the best ways to stay connected, get information and share their feelings about what has happened. Social media in particular has been very active lately and is getting a lot of mainstream media attention.

Where do you all get your information from and where do you turn to reflect and share? Do you like to stay on top of the news that's out there, or do you step back from it all?

Link Love for 6/25

It's been a while since we had a link love post, so let's read up on what's new around the blogosphere.

Girl w/Pen has an important piece about what the after-math of the election in Iran has meant for women, particularly addressing women's role in the protests.

Meanwhile, In Good Company provides some interesting news about the effect women are having on philanthropy (hint: it's good news).

Lindsey Pollak has a guest post up about how Gen Y can build up their resumes, with tips that can really be applied to anyone.

Writeous Chicks shares some insight on some great life lessons learned from a 4 1/2-year-old.

Savvy Ladies gives us some great information about money myths that hold us back, and how to really take back control.

What have you all been reading/writing lately? Leave a link in the comments!

Raves for TWM's First Book Club

On June 17, several women gathered together to discuss Indu Sundaresan’s The Twentieth Wife for the first ever TWM Sizzling Summer Book Club meeting. I was fortunate to be one of them, and I am not just saying this because I am affiliated with TWM. I was pleasantly surprised at the instant rapport my fellow book clubbers and I forged as we discussed women’s roles during the height of the Mughal Empire in the Indian subcontinent as we snacked on Italian sweets at Veniero's in New York City’s Lower East Side.

The historical novel is built around a real woman named Mehrunnissa (which means “Sun of Women”), her Persian family, and their lasting impact on the Mughal emperors Akbar and Jahangir. From the title of the book and from history, we all knew the main character would eventually become Nur Jahan, the wife of Jahangir. That fact didn’t take away from the enjoyment we all had from reading about Mehrunnissa’s journey, which Sundaresan created so vividly on the page. We discussed how women exerted their power and influence in the Mughal court, while still having to remain in the shadows as men publicly dominated the world. The discussion took an interesting turn when we discussed how women’s subjugation of one another in history is also alive and well today, which is an unfortunate and sobering reality we all have to deal with.

Even though I love books, I have never been a part of a book club before. I am glad I chose TWM’s as my first. While we definitely bonded over the book, I believe that the friendliness, openness and intelligence of my fellow book club members made it worthwhile. It is refreshing to meet people who love reading and self-discovery through the process. I also feel that my love for reading has been renewed because of the positive group interaction I experienced. I hope the other participants feel the same.

July’s theme is Women and Travel, so I am really looking forward to reading TWM’s book selection. Yes, I am a bibliophile, and proud of it!

Becoming Our Biggest Advocates

As I mentioned last week, I've been traveling a lot lately. I'm exhausted and backed up with work, but my awkwardly-timed flights and layovers gave me a chance to catch up on reading.

I recently finished the book Everything Changes: The Insider’s Guide to Cancer in Your 20s and 30s by Kairol Rosenthal, which highlights the lives of twenty- and thirty-somethings diagnosed with cancer and provides resources for them and their loved ones about everything from finding the right doctor to having sex as a cancer patient. I found myself becoming emotionally invested in these people who could very well be my friends, and I started to think about one of the major themes in the book: empowering young adults to take their health seriously.

We have a unique set of problems when it comes to health care. Part of it is that so many of us live with the attitude that nothing bad can happen -- we're young and have our whole lives ahead of us! There's also the issue of health insurance. I can attest to living through that awkward period when we're no longer covered by our parents' insurance, but haven't started a real job with benefits. But possibly the worst thing pointed out in Rosenthal's book is that once we get to a doctor, they might ignore the symptoms because you're "too young" to have cancer. Many patients she interviewed were not diagnosed until they were near death and admitted to the E.R.

Reading this made me very aware of the way my friends and I view our health. Most of us only do routine check-ups (if we have insurance), but don't go much deeper. We don't perform self-administered tests at home, keep track of moles or lumps, or question our doctors when they tell us something is stress-related.

It's time to read what's out there for people our age and start advocating for ourselves. If something feels wrong, we need to trust ourselves and make others take us seriously before it's too late.

A Night in Zimbabwe

Kekla is feeling under the weather, so no regular post from her today. But this is a great opportunity to remind you that tomorrow is TWM's Spotlight on Zimbabwe event!

If you're interested in helping women in Africa, learning more about the culture, exploring social entrepreneurship and sampling the rich flavors of Southern Africa's food and wine, we hope to see you tomorrow night. Rather than a standard lecture, this event will feature handmade African papercrafts, scrumptious mini-pumpkin fritters, and the stories of a former Peace Corps volunteer, a Zimbabwean actress, and the woman who started Eco Africa. All of this is for a great cause too because part of the proceeds go to support Eco Africa Social Ventures, which helps women in crisis support themselves.

So if you'll be in New York City tomorrow night, you definitely won't regret going to this event! It's not exactly a night in Zimbabwe, but it's as close as you're going to get without straying far from home.

Here's all the general info:

TWM's SPOTLIGHT ON ZIMBABWE: Crisis, Cuisine & Crafts
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 6:30 - 9:00 pm

Learn about the culture and journey of this country in crisis - its past history, its current situation and hopes for the future. Enjoy traditional Southern African snacks over cocktails in the gorgeous Xai Xai South African Wine Bar as you listen to a variety of speakers, and purchase authentic crafts from Zimbabwean women all while connecting with TWM friends old and new.

LOCATION: Xai Xai South African Wine Bar 365 West 51st Street
COST: $35 in advance; $40 at the door
Cash bar; appetizers and ambiance included (NOTE: A portion of the proceeds from this event will go to Eco Africa Social Ventures to help women in crisis there continue to support themselves.)

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here. Or simply send an email.

Friday Forum: Father's Day

Just as we celebrated Mother's Day, let's do the same with the fathers we have in our lives.

What life lessons have you learned from your father or father figure? If you are a mother and the child's father is present, what lessons do you hope he will pass down to your children?

Traveling While Female

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our latest guest blogger, Stephanie:

Stephanie Wilks currently lives in São Paulo, Brazil and works as a consultant for Satsanga Consulting. This fall she will be starting a Master's program in Conflict Transformation at the SIT Graduate Institute in Vermont.


For the last four months, I’ve been living in Rio de Janeiro with my boyfriend, Carlos. Driving back to Rio from a recent trip, as my boyfriend and I rounded a curve on a busy 4-lane highway, we spotted a man lying in the oncoming lane of traffic. Cars were narrowly avoiding him as they came around the bend, but no one stopped. Shocked at the sight, we debated what to do, and Carlos decided we had to go back to help.

We turned around and pulled up next to the man. He was drunk and disoriented, and kept changing his explanation of what had happened – he'd been robbed, or hit by a car, or broken his leg, none of which turned out to be true. Seeing our stopped car, two other motorists pulled over and helped Carlos guide the man to a less dangerous area on the side of the road. After several phone calls, an ambulance arrived, without us ever fully understanding how he had gotten himself into the situation.

I have been reflecting on the incident a lot, and am torn by conflicting emotions. As a woman, my first reaction when encountering a drunken man in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country was to get as far away as possible. Carlos, however, saw someone in need, and spent an hour helping a stranger who, among other things, threatened us by saying he was an armed criminal. I felt useless because my Portuguese is poor and I couldn't even assist in making phone calls, and I didn't feel comfortable physically helping the man to safety.

This was the first time when I felt such a glaring difference between being a woman versus being a man. I’ve read a lot of books on traveling, and always resent sections with titles like 'Warnings for Women Travelers,' though I know there are some things we just shouldn’t do – even when it involves an honest act of kindness. On the other hand, I wonder if my fear overtook me, and if I should have ignored it to help someone out.

Dealing With Minor Inconveniences

Sick days and snow days are the best when we are children. I remember sleeping in, watching television shows, and just wasting time in a variety of other leisurely ways. When I was sick, I enjoyed having my mother take care of me, and I usually felt good enough to go back to school after a day or two of her care. Snow days allowed my brother, sister, and me to play outside with our sleds, make snow angels, have snowball fights, and attempt to build snowmen. Yes, those were charmed days.

Now that I am an adult, I see these same days as those that force me to cancel work and other plans. This past winter season on the East Coast made me almost hate the snow because of all the shoveling and the sometimes frightening road conditions I had to contend with when driving. Getting sick is also an inconvenience; I hate being stuck at home when I have work and other plans scheduled for the day. I recently spent the whole night suffering from a nasty case of food poisoning, so much so that I couldn’t do anything the next day. I was annoyed, but then I realized there was nothing I could to change what happened. As the saying goes, “life is what happens when you are making other plans,” and I remember this before I feel sorry for myself. I realize that my plans weren’t meant to happen, and I have to take care of myself so I can get back to my daily routine.

Do you still enjoy sick days and snow days, or do you see them as minor inconveniences like I do?

Personal Connections at Professional Conferences

It's funny that Kekla wrote a bit about social networking yesterday, because right now I'm at a conference all about social media. I've spent this weekend at WITI's 20th Anniversary Summit, where women from all walks of life have come together to learn more about creating the life we want for ourselves, learning how to really listen to each other and ourselves, and, yes, how to use social media for our companies and our own personal branding and entrepreneurship.

The conference isn't even over yet, but I've already learned a lot. But what has really struck me is just how much we can get out of a conference geared at women. If you remember, a few months ago I went to the Women, Action & the Media (WAM!) conference, and in a few days, I'll be heading to Indianapolis for this year's NOW conference. All of these conferences are really very different when you take a look at the workshop offerings and the women who attend, but I'm finding that when you bring women together at these events, we really rise to the occasion.

I see women reach out to each other on common ground and start building relationships. I also see women who don't agree politically or stand apart on social issues, but are more than happy to give pivotal professional advice to one another. Women at a crossroads meet women flourishing in their careers and the connection they make is amazing.

I've also received advice from women at these conferences. They eagerly share with me where they think I should be heading in my career, what strengths they see in the short time we've interacted with each other, what job title I should fight for, how much my skills are worth, their tips for work/life balance. Sometimes their insight is right on, and sometimes their perceptions are a bit off, but I'm always more than happy to consider what they have to say. I appreciate their generosity and try to reciprocate as much as I can.

Have any of you had similar experiences? Can you remember any advice you've received or given?

Generation Gap

I've recently decided that, in this day and age of quickly-evolving technologies, the time span that determines a "generation" has gotten much shorter. Instead of twenty-five or thirty years, a nearly complete cultural turnover happens in just five or ten. Cell phones. Internet. Facebook. It's all happening so quickly.

These technological instruments of connection were barely around when I was growing up. I graduated from high school without an email address, and without internet in my home. I graduated from college having never held a cell phone. Online social networking didn't exist as such yet.

My brother, on the other hand, is just five years younger than me. When I hang out with him and his friends these days, I feel old. Like actually almost irrelevant, old. The lingo is different. The attitudes are different. The volume of "friends" they claim is radically different, and the substance of those friendships is different -- or at least it appears so from the outside looking in. But by all normal standards, we're part of the same generation.

Facebook is the best example. I see the site as fun, but it makes me uncomfortable at the same time, because this "Friend" business is a little overstated. To me it is entertainment, perhaps a marketing tool, but certainly something shallow, only the façade of actual connection. But my brother can argue with me for hours about why online sites represent a very real and meaningful way to connect.

I don't like the idea of social networking as a replacement for actual physical contact. I don't like the idea that having lots of contacts is celebrated over connecting deeply with a small group. But I guess, at my age, I'm right on the cusp of realizing this change, because so many of those who are coming up behind me don't see what the issue is.

Which "generation" do you belong to?

Friday Forum: Summer Flicks

Now that we've covered summer reads, what are some movies you're excited about this summer? We'll all have to take our noses out of the books at some point.

Are Harry Potter and Transformers your style, or are you looking forward to what comes out of the film festival circuit?

Hungry for Change

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes our latest guest blogger, Sasha:

Sasha is a Cornell University alumna. She loves spending time with her sisters, listening to music, eating, and bettering the world in any way she can.


I always struggled with my weight, but it peaked during college when I was at a height of 5’6” and weight of 188lbs. Realizing the dangerous path I was on, I initiated change in my life almost a year ago and took the road less traveled by: weight loss the healthy way. I focused on improving my health and put into practice everything I knew about health, nutrition, and fitness. After three months, I lost 30lbs and 6% body fat. At 144lbs today, I am an advocate for losing weight the right way and living a healthy lifestyle. I strive to educate and inspire others by using my experiences to show nothing is impossible.

Staying informed is essential, so I read all the latest information about health and nutrition. Unfortunately, most of the information provided by so-called experts is false and feeds into society’s desire for a “quick fix” with “rapid results.” Because of this, when I attended the Health and Nutrition panel facilitated by TWM, I prepared myself for the worst. What I found, however, was a group of well-informed panelists who spoke only truths. It was an amazing event and despite my knowledge on the subject, I still learned a lot.

The event also changed my perception of the United States. The U.S. is known as a “land of opportunity,” but people rarely examine the price paid for these “opportunities.” I think that instead of buckling down to fight obesity, a now widespread epidemic, the U.S. has enabled it by increased production of processed food and developments such as liposuction and gastric bypass.

One of the most important things I learned at the event is that although we cannot necessarily control everything in our surroundings, we can control much of what goes on inside us. Don’t worry about your friends and family who eat McDonald’s every day, make the right choice for yourself! If more people join the health movement, the demand for natural food will increase and spread to become a global hunger for change that decreases incidents obesity and other health issues. For now, I can only dream...

Thoughts About Obama's Muslim Speech

Like many others, I was looking forward to President Obama’s speech to Muslims last week. It is safe to say that the words were long overdue, at least according to the global community. When I finally heard the speech, I was surprised at how some of his personal experiences with Islam mirrored my own.

After the tragedies of September 11, 2001, I remember the mistrust and hatred towards Muslims and Sikhs that came forth, so much so that I was warned to be careful because of my Pakistani-sounding last name and dark skin. I would not allow myself to worry about it; I am the daughter of Roman Catholic parents from South India, and they descended from generations of Christians that date back several centuries. I knew that I had nothing to prove to anyone, especially those who are ignorant. I even told people who were concerned for me (and for themselves) that it was absolutely wrong to condemn all Muslims for the horrific acts committed by extremists. It was great to hear these similar sentiments expressed by President Barack Hussein Obama in his landmark speech given in Cairo, Egypt.

While I have heard criticisms from people who have their own strong opinions about the relationship between Islam and the West, I related to the personal experiences the President infused in his speech, especially when he mentioned his time in Indonesia, the most populous Muslim country in the world. I, too, heard “the call of the azaan” everyday. I also wore a jilbab when visiting my friend at a Muslim school in Jakarta during Lebaran, with no complaints. The friends I made were Christian and Muslim, and they respected me as much as I respected them, regardless of our different religious affiliations. While family and friends in America worried about me living in a predominantly Muslim country, I assured them that the only things I feared were Indonesia’s lackluster health care system, and its capital city’s terrible traffic and pollution.

What are your thoughts on President Obama’s speech to Muslims?

What's the Plan?

Every so often, I get into a groove at work that I become comfortable with. I'm on top of my daily tasks and all the surprises that pop up are hard to keep up with, but not impossible to handle.

It seems that right at those times, questions come up about the future. No matter who I talk to, they start asking about what's coming up next: How are your grad school plans coming along? Have you started pitching for a promotion or raise yet? Are you going to stay in that position forever -- shouldn't you start looking for something else? Somebody or other just took a year off to travel through Europe, wouldn't you love to do that?

It can be jarring when you're starting to settle down only to be plucked up again by your family, friends, and professional peers.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of looking ahead. In fact, I used to obsess about it constantly. I had one-year, five-year, and ten-year plans for my personal, academic and professional life. I have had a life list for almost as long as I've been living. I was the student in college who counted down the days until next semester's schedule was up so that I could create my schedule (and two back-up schedules, of course) before finals even started.

But I think all of that mania has become too exhausting for me. I still have lists and lists of one-year, five-year, and ten-year plans. I still have a life list that grows exponentially throughout the year. I simply don't stress out about them as much as I used to and am rather enjoying this new approach. I'm just as ambitious as ever, but now with a better mood.

So what do I say to people who keep asking me about plans I haven't... well... planned? Any thoughts?

Rubbing Elbows

I don't know what it is about celebrities. Honestly, I don't. Why is it such a big deal to meet them? It totally is, though!!

Last week, I had the opportunity to sign a copy of my novel for Ms. Phylicia Rashad, a.k.a. Clare Huxtable on The Cosby Show and star of many a Broadway show. This is an actress who I've watched and loved basically my entire life, and here I found myself in her company. Not just in the same room, but face to face with her!!!

I. Totally. Freaked. Out.

At least in my head -- I think I came across okay in real time, but WOW. I freaked out. And why? In any given social setting, I probably have five or six different conversations about myself, my work. Easy. I know the ropes. I know me. I know how to talk about my stuff.

Ack! Why then do I trip over myself and get all tongue-tied when the chance comes to talk to a celebrity? I look pretty calm in the picture, but all I could do was second-guess every thought, word and motion, as if so much hung in the balance. When really, nothing was riding on the moment at all.

So, again I must wonder: what is it about celebrities? Is it real? Do we overthink it? Or is it just a small world thing -- like it's hard to believe someone can be in our TV one moment and shaking our hand the next? I mean, at the end of the day, they're just people, like the rest of us. Aren't they?

In the case of someone like Ms. Rashad, I'm tempted to think it's real. She's earned our admiration through her life's work -- something we all aspire to in our own ways. She was as graceful, eloquent, thoughtful and present in person as she is in her performances. She took the time to talk to me. Not everyone in her position would have.

What celebrities have you met? Did you manage to play it cool?

Friday Forum: Reading Lists

Sticking with the summer theme we've got going, and all things books, we want to know what's on your reading list this summer? Do you usually keep up with the various reading lists created by the book stores, newspapers, and magazines, or go with your own picks?

Start Your Summer with TWM

With all this talk of the summer starting and all the fun things folks are planning, we wanted to remind you of a couple of TWM events coming up this month.

We already told you about the first book in TWM's summer book club, The Twentieth Wife, and the corresponding meet-up on June 17th. Hopefully you've kept up with the reading and will be able to make it!

What TWM has also got planned is an event exploring the people and culture of Zimbabwe on June 23rd. Here's the info:

TWM's SPOTLIGHT ON ZIMBABWE: Crisis, Cuisine & Crafts
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 6:30 - 9:00 pm

Learn about the culture and journey of this country in crisis - its past history, its current situation and hopes for the future. Enjoy traditional Southern African snacks over cocktails in the gorgeous Xai Xai South African Wine Bar as you listen to a variety of speakers, and purchase authentic crafts from Zimbabwean women all while connecting with TWM friends old and new.

LOCATION: Xai Xai South African Wine Bar 365 West 51st Street
COST: $35 in advance; $40 at the door
Cash bar; appetizers and ambiance included (NOTE: A portion of the proceeds from this event will go to Eco Africa Social Ventures to help women in crisis there continue to support themselves.)

You can RSVP any of the following ways:
If you're on Meetup, RSVP here. If you're on Facebook, RSVP here. Or simply send an email.

The Joys of June

I am always happy when the month of June comes around. For me, it marks the beginning of summer, more gorgeous weather and sunshine, outdoor events and more travel opportunities, and an overall more optimistic time of the year. It also reminds me that half of the year is almost complete, so I have a tendency to think back on what the earlier months have been like for me, those close to me, and in the world in general. I make tentative plans for the rest of year, and work towards achieving some of my goals while attempting to enjoy the present at the same time. It is a tricky balance act I haven’t mastered yet, but which I hope to do someday, if possible. It may not seem particularly joyful to be in this transitional state, but I often find myself thrilled by the fact that I don’t know what will happen. Yes, June just might be might be my favorite month of the year.

I am looking forward to a myriad of events in New York City and beyond this summer, with June being the starting point. With my new and improved eyes, I am planning to see some of Europe (hopefully), explore more of the Big Apple on foot, brush up on my rusty French, and to write about my experiences as faithfully as possible. As a book lover, I am also looking forward to two summer book clubs this year, one of them being TWM’s Summer Book Club. Summer and new books have always been a good combination for me, so I am looking forward to reading and discussing themes with other interested bibliophiles this summer, starting this month.

What are your summer plans? Do they begin in June or later in the season?

Political Junkie

In case anybody has forgotten, this past election season was very intense. So many people became engaged and attentive in a way I've never seen before. This was great for somebody like me who has always had an interest in keeping up with politics, but it also meant that I became the "go-to gal." It was great to be able to offer my knowledge and insight to help my friends out, but it also made is extra exhausting.

After the election was over and the dust started to settle, I began to wean myself off of my regular schedule of political news shows and email alerts. While those around me were experiencing election withdrawal, I was anxious to put my political brain into hibernation. I still followed most of the major stories -- the inauguration, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, and so forth -- but I tried to stop my brain from going there.

That is, until a few weeks ago when some wheels started turning and my thoughts started cranking away again. In trying to focus more on myself lately, the last thing I need is for my addiction to politics to start up again, so I tried to fight my urge to seek out political news. Now there's been a flurry of activity -- President Obama nominated Judge Sotomayor for the Supreme Court, Prop 8 was upheld by the California Supreme Court, Dr. George Tiller was shot and killed this weekend, and all the other stories, big and small, that have been churning away.

Well, it's just too much to ignore, so I'm going to stop fighting it. I'm taking it as a sign that I need a little politics fix every so often to keep me going.

Have any of you changed your level of political engagement over the past year and since the election season? Any other political junkies out there who feel my pain?

Meeting OLIVIA!

I met one of my literary heroes this weekend. This may sound silly...but it's true. I got my picture taken with Olivia, from the picture book OLIVIA, by Ian Falconer. Olivia actually stars in a whole series of books. Among her many attributes are boldness, independence, determination and creativity.

I could go on and on about the wonders of Olivia, but first, let me backtrack a moment. This weekend was Book Expo America, one of the biggest annual conferences in the book publishing industry. The Expo filled the Jacob Javits Center (NYC) with several football fields worth of books and book-related merchandise. Bibliophile heaven. And a minefield of contact-building opportunities for a newly-published author (yours truly) to take advantage of.

My encounter with Miss Olivia occurred quite by chance, smack dab in the middle of a weekend of heavy networking, shameless self-promotion (not to mention a little shameful self-promotion...), book-talking, walking and fighting through crowds. For three solid days, I'd boldly and repeatedly approached teachers, librarians, fellow authors, editors, publishers, booksellers and everyone else you can imagine, promoting my novel.

By Saturday afternoon, I was exhausted, dragging a giant bag of books and flyers, and generally feeling ready to be done with the whole mess. I'd begun to feel socially awkward, pushy, inarticulate, ineffective and downright ridiculous (in varying degrees of severity). I was proud of myself for networking so hard, but at the same time, I felt small and rather defeated by the throng.

When I rounded a corner and came face to face with Olivia, instantly, my spirits lifted. I practically accosted her, poor thing, because I was so happy to see her. In my sea of stress, Olivia was a beacon of humor and possibility. A reminder that all this networking won't do me in, because I, too, can be bold, independent, determined, creative.

Long story short, I was beyond thrilled to have my picture taken with this little pig. It was a perfect and serendipitous moment that I very much needed just then.