Knitting Pretty

I saw an early episode of 30 ROCK in which Alec Baldwin's character guesses (correctly) of Tina Fey's character: "Every three years you take up knitting for...two weeks." I laugh every time I think of that line. Sounds just like me!

I spent time with a pair of knitter friends this weekend, and after watching them work, now I'm raring to go whip out the needles and begin work on The Great American Sweater. Except I know myself well enough to realize that I'm likely to achieve little more than The Mediocre American Neckline. so is it worth expending my burst of knitting energy now, when I fear I'll end up with nothing but a half-finished, mostly-knotted ball of yarn in the back of my closet a month from now?

This is not to say I've never finished a knitting project. I've made several scarves, a hat and some baby blanket patches for charity. But a girl can only use so many scarves. I'm dying to create a cool sweater, afghan or skirt that I can wear and use and be proud of. I just don't seem to have the dedication for a long-term project.

Dilemma: I don't want to set myself up for failure, or to be the sort of person who gives up easily. But who knows, maybe this is the moment when I'll find my knitting "stride" and be able to go the distance, so I hate to deny myself the chance.

Decision: I've failed at knitting in the past, but I've always attempted it solo. Being with friends has reminded me that maybe the best way to learn, progress and have fun is by bringing others into it. So I've chosen a new, more advanced project, something still small and achievable (a purse, not a sweater!), and sometime in the next few weeks my friend is going to help me find good yarn and get started!

Friday Forum: Movie Magic

Summer's known for movie blockbusters, but the fall often has Oscar contenders and other great films, especially around the holidays. This year is no different with highly-anticipated movies like Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (which comes out this weekend) and part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

What are some of the movies you're looking forward to this season?

Your Story to Tell

All this talk of writing lately, and we're still hoping to read some of your great words!

Send us your posts about the good, bad, and ugly in your life. We can all learn from each other and connect better to each other by reaching a common ground in our stories. Everyone has a story to tell, you just have to find yours.

Don't be afraid to speak up or think your story's not worth telling. If you need inspiration, just check out our guest bloggers of the past and see what they had to say. And don't forget to see our guest blogger guidelines for help getting started.

Welcome Diversity To The Neighborhood

Earlier this month, a new Indian restaurant opened just minutes from where I live. There never was anything like it in our neighborhood before, and its arrival is a pleasant surprise to me. Having an Indian restaurant nearby means more than just the food of course; it means more diversity and choices in our area, and that is a very good thing. The owner of the establishment told us that an Indian grocery store will be opening next door, which lifted my spirits. I don’t always have to drive more than a half hour to other parts of New Jersey or take the bus into New York City to get a good mango lassi or buy amla oil. Soon, both will be available in my neighborhood, and it is both reassuring and convenient on so many levels.

Sure, we have President Obama and the Civil Rights’ Movement is decades old, but I never forget that there are elements of racism and ignorance all around me. Once, my family was the only one of color on our side of town; there was another Indian family who lived on the other side. Now, there are numerous Indian families living on every block. I also see more orthodox Muslims moving into the area, and they go about their lives wearing their traditional dress without being bothered by anyone. Large communities of Hasidic Jews, Hispanics, and African Americans all live in a nearby town, and it makes me feel good being around everyone in the local park. I know that perfection doesn’t exist, and there are simmering resentments felt by people that I don’t know about, but I believe that those generations who went before us and wanted what we have now would be glad to know how far we have come.

So while most people think of the Indian restaurant as another place to eat, I see it as a good omen. Is it a stretch to think so? Maybe, but I think the future looks brighter with its arrival in the neighborhood.

The Write Stuff

In the last couple of months, I've been doing quite a bit of writing. Whether it's a regular blog post, something for work, a review, or a tv recap, there's a lot of writing to be done. It's not surprising if in a week, I write for 5 or 6 hours. It may not seem like a lot, but it's quite the increase after barely writing a few hours a month.

As you can imagine, I've been doing a lot of complaining lately. (Not any serious complaining, just the "oh I finally got that done but darn now I have another one!" kind.) But with every complaint comes the satisfaction of knowing that it feels right. It feels great to be constantly writing, and, believe it or not, it just makes me want to write more.

I’ve been waking up really early for the past couple of weeks, giving myself time to make my own coffee at home and have some toast with Nutella, aka, the breakfast of champions. I’m starting to wonder if I should get up a bit earlier so that I can do those things while also writing. Writing what, I’m not sure, but writing. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now, but have never really made a part of my daily routine.

Could it be that I’m finally getting used to the idea that I want to be a writer? A big fat duh, to be sure, but I’m marking it as an accomplishment.

When did you realize you knew what you wanted to be “when you grow up”? How did you start taking steps toward that goal?

A Women's Table

Last week I went to the Brooklyn Museum to see The Dinner Party, created by Judy Chicago (and hundreds of volunteers), a landmark piece of feminist art from the late 1970's. Surprisingly, I had never heard of this piece, which is now on permanent exhibition as the centerpiece of the museum's Elizabeth Sackler Center for Feminist Art.

The Dinner Party is a large triangular table with dinner place settings for 39 women (real and mythical) who over the course of history have impacted feminism, women's rights, and/or the perception of women in the world. Each featured woman represents a cadre of women who made related contributions, and 999 additional names are scrawled on floor tiles in the center. Some represented include The Fertile Goddess, Hatshepsut, Sappho, Elizabeth I, Sojourner Truth, Virginia Woolf and Georgia O'Keefe.

Each place setting contains a unique plate and table runner styled to represent the individual woman's contribution, plus an identical fork, knife and goblet to represent the unity among them. The ceramic plates feature stylized butterfly/flower/vulva forms, and the intricately stitched table runners and ceramic work alike spotlight centuries of “unsigned” women’s art—the quilts, clothing, dishes and more that women have sewn, painted and created over time.

As with any piece of (woman-centered) art of this scale and attention, The Dinner Party was controversially received. Developed between 1974-1979, and debuted in San Francisco, it then existed without a permanent home for over two decades. Is this so surprising, given that women’s work and art has traditionally been pushed to the margins? Let alone a piece of women’s art designed to highlight that very history…

Personally, I found the piece impressive, intriguing and inspiring, but most of all--it begs a conversation. After all, what else is a dinner party for?

Friday Forum: Fall Fun

Of all the seasons, summer usually gets all the attention, what with the beach trips, vacations abroad, barbecues, amusement parks, etc. But fall has a lot going for it too: harvest festivals, apple pie, greenmarkets, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and more.

What are some of the things you're most looking forward to this fall? Is there anything you do with family and friends every year that you've got planned?

Helping My Neighbor

Most of us have the desire to help those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Giving donations to charities that assist people in developing countries is what many of us have and would be willing to do, but what about those living in our neighborhoods? After all, those who need real help of all kinds live everywhere. My neighbor is one these people, and I am wondering how I can best help her.

At first, I was wary of her. Several months ago, I heard my new neighbor ranting in our common hallway for no apparent reason, which really put me off. When I met her for the first time, I realized that her mental and physical ailments impair her behavior. She talks incessantly about her disappointing relatives, her overwhelming health issues, and her cat, who she has a love/hate relationship with. I was shocked to hear that her family never visits her, especially since some of them live nearby.

As the daughter of Indian immigrants, I was raised with the understanding that the young take care of their elderly family members when they cannot do so themselves. Surprisingly, part of me understands why my neighbor’s family members are not interested in having a relationship with her; her erratic behavior is overwhelming at times, and while she has always been kind to me, I have heard her have frightening verbal arguments with others. Dealing with someone who is unstable and has mounting health care bills could be too much for those who have their own financial and personal issues to deal with. Still, I could never completely abandon a relative of mine in such dire circumstances.

My neighbor should not be living alone. I know there are many services for the sick, disabled, and elderly on public assistance, but I have no idea how good they are or if she is willing. In the meantime, I will continue to check in on her, even though I know it isn’t enough. I just hope I will never be in a similar situation when I get older. It is a frightening thought.

We Turned Two & Need Help From You

Time moves so quickly that we almost can't believe it, but it's been two years since TWM launched CHICKS ROCK!

We wanted to create a space that was personal, inviting, and gave our bloggers, guest bloggers, and readers the chance to be open and honest. We wanted to touch on broad themes such as personal growth, finding your voice, etc., while also writing about topics like career, family, and travel, just to name a few. No matter what it is, the posts have a personal voice that allows readers to connect with the writer.

We're very proud of the work we've already done here on CHICKS ROCK!, but we're always looking for ways to get better. Our calls for participation sometimes get swallowed up by cyberspace, but we hope this is the one that gets through and sends back some responses.

We'd love to hear from you about how we're doing and what direction you want us to go in. It'd be great to know if you read the blog regularly or sporadically, what topics you'd like to see covered, perhaps even a list of other blogs you like to read, or any questions you might have about advertising on the blog. Send an email to chicksrockblog@gmail.com with your answers to these questions, and any other tips, advice and insight you'd like to share. What we do here at CHICKS ROCK! is for you, so we want to make sure that you're constantly using the space and learning a bit more about others and yourself.

We can't wait to hear from you and continue making CHICKS ROCK! the best it can be!

Shedding Pounds

If there’s one thing that bothers me… actually, a lot of things bother me, but one of them is waste. I wouldn’t say I’m as vigilant about it as I could or should be, but I like to live by the three Rs: reduce, reuse, recycle.

With that outlook, I refused to throw away the bags and bags of clothes, linens and shoes I’ve been accumulating over the years, knowing that textiles can be recycled, if not donated. I’ve had some of these piles for two years now, and they’ve just grown with time. It was starting to become that deep secret you keep locked in the closet. No, literally, I had stuffed all of these things throughout the closets in my apartment (it didn’t all fit in any one closet), and lived my life as if they weren’t there.

Except they were.

This year, I slowly but surely started to chip away at the pile (probably more slowly than surely). But I’m happy to say that after this weekend, I am finally rid of it! I gave some of it away to my friend who then helped me lug the containers and duffel bags over to the textile recycling Wearable Collections had set up. The best thing about their program is that the clothing is sorted, so anything that can be reused will be and if it can’t, it’s recycled.

It’s amazing how much lighter I feel now that I’ve finally done this. It’s as if I was subconsciously wearing the pounds and pounds of clothes I had stuffed in those closets. Of course, now that there’s actually room in the closets again, there’s no longer any excuse for the complete mess in there. I guess getting those spic and span is my next task, but for now, I’m just happy I got this done.

Do you have any clutter and chaos that’s weighing you down? What’s your plan of action for getting rid of it?

Revealing A New Vision

I attended The Women's Mosaic Visioning Workshop this weekend. Even though I've participated in this semi-annual event perhaps a dozen times, creating a new collage is always a unique and meaningful experience.

We had a very full room of women participating, which meant lots of collective energy and lots of different visions coming to life. It was exciting to have a majority of first timers, too! When we gathered at the end to share our posters with each other, I found myself puzzling less over my own collage than usual, and feeling more engaged with what other people had chosen to focus on in their pieces.

From my perspective, our vision board revelations--no matter how varied--tend to fall into two categories: I'll call them "external" and "internal." Sometimes, parts of the collage speak to our external needs and desires--job/career, lifestyle, home, travel, appearance and image, health, relationships, friendships, family. Things that change tangibly, that you can touch or aspire toward. Other parts of the collage speak to our internal evolution--affirmation, self-acceptance, self-nurture, vulnerabilites, emotional growth and all sorts of intangible realizations that help us understand and embrace ourselves as individuals.

No matter what my own collage has to say each year, it always reminds me to keep thinking about who I am and where I fit in the world. It reminds me to touch base with the deeper parts of myself that sometimes get shut down in favor of practicality and problems and day-to-day life distractions that eat up time and energy. It reminds me to keep dreaming and to keep breathing and to continue becoming myself in every way possible.

Any visioners out there with collage stories to share?

Friday Forum: Don't Fall This Fall

With TWM's Visioning Workshop taking place this weekend and a new season starting, now seems a good time to check in with ourselves.

What are some of the areas in your life you'd like to get clarity on? Are there any roadblocks you're currently facing? Let's support each other to make sure we don't stumble and fall.

Write or Die

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


I recently attended a workshop with Erica Jong, who implored us to write the story we absolutely had to tell or we would die. She also taught us to write something that unlocks who we are, encouraged us to be ourselves, to discover and write in our own voice. But how do you know what your voice is if you never use it? (Sorry, but tweets and texts barely count, if at all!)

You don't need to be an aspiring blogger, poet, or novelist to heed these wise words. I always recommend that folks write as much as they can in order to get in touch with their inner selves - a journal is a place where you can be the most free in expressing you are and what you need to say. When connected to that internal, emotional voice honestly and often enough you will begin to reveal who you are and what is important to you, whether in career, relationships or life in general. We write what we need to read.

It's a place to clarify your feelings, share your ideas and experiences, release the past and make plans for the future, all without judgment. Your journal is your best friend. At the very least it is a to-do list, for items big and small. The act of writing something down makes it real and tangible and helps crystallize the hurricane of thoughts and emotions we often have swirling around inside of us.

After the process of putting it all on the page, it can make us more effective in communicating what it is we need or want from others, or from ourselves, and actually make sense doing so! I also suggest using a pen and paper whenever possible - it's more organic and raw when you take out the technological middle man.

If you access your authentic voice in writing then, as Erica said, "being an author makes you an authority." You don't have to be the next Maya Angelou, JD Salinger or Danielle Steele to be the author of your own life and truth. Have a little writer's block or need a ghostwriter to help give you context or an outline of how to even begin? Just give me a buzz and I'll have you on your own personal best-seller list before you can say Pulitzer Prize.

P.S. - If you're looking for a place to start getting your voice out there, we're always looking for guest bloggers on CHICKS ROCK!

Ignorance Still Prevails

It still amazes me how many Americans still look at the world through an “us versus them” lens. Aren’t we supposed to emphasize our personal freedoms? When I read recently that a sizable percentage of Americans believe that President Obama is a Muslim, I was shocked. I wonder sometimes if these people realize that we live in the 21st century. With opposition of the building of a mosque near the Ground Zero and news about a Christian pastor in Florida hosting the “International Burn a Koran Day” on September 11, 2010 polluting the news media, I am even more annoyed than ever. I personally like the division of church and state, and I will continue support it, even if fewer people around me do. Sure, the U.S. Constitution protects our right to protest, but can’t we be civil about it all?

I know there is a considerable percentage of us who know that extremist behavior and attitudes from any side usually leads to trouble, but there are also many who don’t know or don’t care about these consequences. Before coming up with the “International Burn a Koran Day,” the Floridian pastor was an unknown and obscure leader of a very small, non-denominational congregation. Now he is internationally infamous for concocting this upcoming publicity stunt. I really wish I never knew anything about this person or his extremist tactics. He seems to want more violence and conflict, and the sad thing is there are many people who agree with him.

I grew up believing that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” and I will continue to hold on to it. I remember knowing that there would be growing anti-Islamic sentiment after the 9/11 attacks happened, but I thought that as a nation we would have worked through some of these feelings and put the tragic events in a proper perspective by now. In retrospect, I realize I was naive to think that way. The years go by, but the scar remains; we will need more time and patience before more progress is made.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

I know this is a given for most, but it's always amazing to me how some things just work out on their own. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was switching gears to get back on track for my goals this year. Even though one of them had been to coordinate my travel plans, I had to put that on the backburner so that I could focus on more important things like my health and finances.

No sooner had I decided to do this than trips were suddenly popping up all over the place. Within a couple of weeks, I had a trip scheduled for a conference in Seattle and another one in the works for Mississippi, both for work. Now there's also a possibility of Disney World (AKA, my favorite place in the world) before the year is out.

In Mississippi, I spent time with other writers and got to take a look at a state I would never really think to travel to on my own. And because I flew into Memphis, it was yet another state I could cross off my list to visit. Not only did I have great food down there, but I also met really friendly people.

Seattle, meanwhile, has been on my list of places to visit for a long time. I had to spend most of my time working or at the conference, so I didn't get to explore as much as I would've liked, but it was still nice being there. To top it off, the weather was actually quite nice while I was there and it only rained a bit on one of the days. I like to think the weather held up just for my visit.

I still can't believe how easily it all fell into place after deciding NOT to focus my attention on travel. Maybe next I'll stop thinking about the gym and become a fitness fiend.

Have you recently had something come together after you put it out of your mind?

Labor of Love

In honor of Labor Day, it feels like a good time to share news of a project I've been working on that has finally come to fruition. Today the Fall issue of Hunger Mountain, an online arts journal, goes live!

For a little over a year, I've served as Co-Editor of Young Adult and Children's Literature for Hunger Mountain. Each quarterly issue consists of about fifteen articles and fiction pieces, all of which I help solicit, edit and prep for publication. To call it a labor of love is a bit of a stretch--it's been more a labor of, well, labor. My co-editor Bethany Hegedus and I have a great time building each issue, but it's a lot of work. Seeing the magazine come together in the end always leaves me feeling a combination of relief, excitement, and pride.

Our section's theme for this issue is "Exploring Options, Stretching Boundaries...", and that link will take you to our letter/table of contents. We've gathered various authors' thoughts on how to transform personal pain into powerful prose. This topic strikes a chord because, for many of us, what we write is at least partly about processing our own experiences, and we create our best work when we try to tackle those things that are hardest to talk about--our mistakes, our fears, our unanswered questions, our wounds. For those of you who are writers, whether or not you write for kids like we do, you'll almost certainly find some articles of interest there.

The unifying message of these articles is pretty important for non-writers, too, I think. The idea that your personal experiences--the great, the awkward and the terrible--can become points of connection with others, if you can find a way to share them. It's also what we strive to achieve here at CHICKS ROCK!

Happy Labor Day! May the fruits of your labor bring you joy, fulfilment and success now and always.

Friday Forum: Summer Memories

Labor Day is usually seen as the end of summer, so this is a good time to look back on our summers.

What were the highlights of your summer months? Did you take any trips, read any great books, or meet any new people?

Need the Right Answer? Trust Your Gut, Literally

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to welcome Alexia as a guest blogger this week.

Alexia Vernon is a career and leadership speaker, certified coach, and author of the forthcoming book Awaken Your CAREERpreneur: A Holistic Road Map to Climb from Your Calling to Your Career. She'll be leading The Audacity to Speak, a weekend public speaking bootcamp for women in NYC, September 24-25, 2010.


Whenever I look back on important choices I’ve made in my life, I recognize that each one was motivated by a message my body sent me. I just needed to be on the lookout for it.

The clearest example of this was making the choice to leave New York City. This month marks one year since I relocated to Las Vegas. When the idea popped up, I pretty instantly knew based on the messages I was receiving from my body that it was the right thing to do. If I had relied on logic I would have told myself "you'll never get a book published if you leave Manhattan" or "your business will stagnate if you move to the city with the nation’s highest unemployment rate." Fortunately, my gut knew better!

It’s taken a bit of practice to learn how to decode what my body's telling me, but I now recognize that my “gut response” truly resides in my gut. My stomach hurts, I get a little nauseous, etc. For a long time, I interpreted these responses as a sign that I was on the wrong track and did whatever I could to avoid them. As I’ve learned through the years, however, when my gut doesn’t get activated in a big decision it means I’m not asking myself to step outside of my comfort zone and into the unknown. It means I’m considering making a choice to play my life safe and small. And when I do this, I create a glass ceiling to my success and happiness.

So now, each time I’m on the precipice of a major change or weighing whether or not to launch a new service or product, I give myself some time to hang out with my tummy and listen to what she has to say. We scarf down some cupcakes, drink a pot of ginger tea and meditate with some lavender essential oil. And above all else, I remind myself that the less I force her to give me an answer and let her do her thing, the better I hear when she’s ready to speak.

The Best Woman

My sister is getting married at the end of this year, and she made me her best woman. She told me point blank that she does not like the maid of honor title, because in the dictionary maid refers to a woman’s single status in antiquated terms, or a woman’s position of servitude. I personally love the unconventional title, and I hope to live up to it on my sister’s wedding day.

No one in my immediate family really likes weddings. We don’t mind being invited to them, and our good wishes for those happy couples are always sincere; it is the excessive use of money and all of the pressures that come from putting together a wedding that really puts us off. A marriage is so much more than just a wedding and a honeymoon. When I hear reports of people who spend tens of thousands of dollars on their nuptials only to be separated, divorced, and/or in serious debt for years afterwards, it really perplexes me. Premarital counseling should be required for all engaged couples before they go ahead with marriage, but this is just my opinion. After all, we have to go through driver’s education before pursuing our drivers’ licenses; why can’t obtaining a marriage license require the same?

I have seen how much my sister and her fiancé have prepared for their life together as husband and wife. Premarital counseling and just being open with each other have made their decision to marry a completely logical and understandable next step. As my sister’s best woman, I will have some responsibilities, but the role will not overwhelm me, especially since I may move out of the area very soon. I just know that on the day of the wedding, I will be there to give a toast and help make sure the day in question runs as smoothly as possible, but the fact that it is a destination wedding alleviates so much pressure; a smaller guest turnout will help make the day easier and more enjoyable. Yes, I am very glad to be the best woman.

Pulling the Plug

I've noticed over the years that while I really love TV, I don't watch it nearly as often as other people seem to. There are a few shows that I simply can't miss, but it's usually because I'm recapping it and not so much because it's just that crucial. In fact, I've had entire seasons of my favorite shows pass me by. Last year, for example, I barely watched True Blood or Burn Notice, so I had to catch up before I started my recaps and roundtables for this season.

Because of this, I have seriously considered getting rid of cable. It's incredible how expensive it is, especially living in NYC where so many other expenses add up just as quickly. With Hulu and various network websites offering this content for free, it does seem a bit of a waste. Not to mention that I don't spend much time at home anyway, so I'm always missing the shows when they air. Thank goodness for DVR... which, by the way, makes it even pricier.

I know other people who don't even have televisions, and they seem okay.

Well, except when they have to come over to my place to take advantage of my cable and DVR. Those are the only moments when I realize how great it is to have it, the moments when it becomes more about spending time together watching something we love rather than simply watching something for the sake of watching it. In fact, my weekly date night with a friend is planned around what shows she needs to catch up on. We cook a yummy dinner, break out a couple of bottles of wine, and sit in front of the tube to enjoy.

As you can see, this is something I go back and forth with quite a bit. It's possible that I'll get fed up one day and just do it already. But probably not while I'm still writing recaps all over or hosting weekly dinner dates.

Do you own a TV? Have you taken the plunge and gotten rid of cable?

Old School

I caught a bunch of articles over the weekend (here's one) about the controversy at Nettleton Middle School, in Mississippi--a public school where some Jim Crow-era segregation rules still remain on the books and active. Specifically, the school has issued written guidelines outlining which student government positions students of different races can run for. President: Whites only. Secretary/Reporter: Blacks only. (Oh, you're of mixed race? Sorry. Try again in high school...)

To be fair, I should say these rules remained active, up until this past week, when the national media caught on to the story. School officials say the rule was kept in place to ensure diverse representation on the student council. Okaaaaay.... But to set up a hierarchy where white students are always on top runs counter to the very ideas of integration and inclusion. It baffles me that any group of educators in this day and age--the day and age of our first black president, after all--would think that any form of segregation is a good way to promote diversity.

It also saddens me that I'm not surprised to learn of these situations. I know there are still schools where there's a black prom and a white one. I know that drama teachers in the south may be told not to cast interracial couples in student plays for fear of community reprisal. I know that in the nighttime corners of such places the Klan still rallies, spewing hate from underneath their hoods.

I want to give the school district the benefit of the doubt, but to do so makes me wonder about all the mistakes we make in trying to overcome prejudice. How many more will we uncover as time goes on? On the other hand, I'm suspicious of a group that--practically overnight--reverses a policy decision they claim to have believed in, just because a lot of people suddenly took notice. Did they really not know what they were doing?

What else can we do, collectively, to bring these situations to public attention, so that they can be corrected?

Friday Forum: TV Faves

In the next few weeks, the fall t.v. season will begin. This spring, we had the series finales for LOST, 24, Law & Order, Ugly Betty and several other cancellations. Some of these shows became part of the cultural landscape - even if you didn't watch them, you probably heard the buzz at some point.

If you watched any of these shows, how did you feel about their endings? If you didn't watch, what are some other shows you stuck through until the end? The Sopranos? Battlestar Galactica? Friends? What have your favorites been?

My Vision Board Is the Anchor to My Ship

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to welcome Vicki as a guest blogger this week.

Vicki Salemi is the author of Big Career in the Big City and The ABC’s of College Life, sassy freelance writer covering careers and lifestyle topics, dynamic public speaker, and die-hard Yankees fan!


When I attended TWM’s Visioning Workshop in March, I knew I was going to create a vibrant board but what I didn’t know at the time was how much power it would ultimately yield.

You know how life has a funny way of working, when you dive deep into your subconscious to find out what’s truly going on? Through Kristina’s guidance and innovative exercises, my board became a reflection of my goals and desires with my writing career (my second book, Big Career in the Big City, was published this spring), health and fitness goals (who knew I’d find broccoli so sexy?), personal goals, and the strong women I view as role models.

Well, five months have passed and I’ve already had three major A-HA moments, so intense that I literally stare at my vision board on my bedroom wall more than once a day (there are so many colorful, friendly images on it) to see what juicy happenings will leap off my wall and into my life! It's a refreshing way to begin the day as well as end it. (Another take-away was reminding myself that not everything fit onto the board. There were additional images in my pile that simply didn't fit, there's only so much room – symbolic for not being part of my goals and priorities.)

For my entertainment reporting, my critic’s quote for Sex and the City 2 appeared in print ads across the country, The New York Times, and television ads. Exciting! It wasn’t until I saw it on tv with Sarah Jessica Parker and my quote, “Fun and Fabulous” right beneath her feet did it hit me. SJP takes front and center on my vision board and the very same word graces her feet in the magazine cut-out with purple font: FABULOUS.

The next entertainment gig involved interviewing the Oscar-winning director for an HBO film featuring Ron Galella, pioneer paparazzi most known for his photos of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Take one simple guess who is standing next to SJP on my board. That’s right: Jackie O.

And last but not least, I didn’t know it back in March when it was a figment of my imagination but I know it now: I’m going on a work-related trip to Sicily, my heritage, in September! And yes, there is a small map in the left-hand corner featuring Sicily. Get this -- all of the destinations for my trip are included in that tiny map. The map represents the itinerary that I didn’t even plan!

I’m at the point where I don’t think it’s a coincidence, nor do I think it’s freaky (though I was freaked out at first). Now, I expect amazing things that continue to occur and reflect images on that board. Suffice it to say, my vision board comes to life in ways I couldn’t even imagine! I expect the magic to keep on comin' as I remain open to the possibilities. Paging Dr. McDreamy...

What Happens Next?

With the month of August coming to a close, the reality that summer is coming to an end and that the year will be ending sooner than we know it has hit me. What else do I have to get done before 2010 comes to a close? Can I get another trip in before New Year’s Eve? What professional and personal goals do I have left to accomplish?

I have been back and forth about moving abroad to teach English again if my professional plans in the United States don’t work out this year, and it is looking like it is going to happen. I find myself in an interesting spot because I accepted one of the first positions I applied for overseas and went for it without much hesitation, but now I feel a little more cautious then I used to. I am still determined to make a decision in the next few months about where I will end up…all before the end of 2010. I think it has to do with me breaking the cycle of making safe decisions that will not challenge me enough and leave me in limbo.

At the same time, I actually have contentment in my daily life. I don’t believe in despair. I have goals I want to accomplish and I am willing to do the work to make them happen, but I am generally not a “glass half empty” person. I smile and even laugh at things every day, because I know that each day is a gift. It is good to be alive, and to sometimes not know what will happen next. I think this uncertainty makes life interesting.

Do you like not knowing what is going to happen next, or is it just too frustrating?

Style Funk or Funky Style?

For the past several weeks, I’ve really wanted a change in my appearance. I’ve been bored and have considered a drastic haircut, a dye job, a new wardrobe, even a second piercing on my ears. All because I’m in a bit of a funk as far as my own style goes.

I’ve never been one of those people who focus a lot on appearance. It’s not that I think people who do are shallow or anything like that; I just don’t have the energy to devote to it. Now that I’m more interested in thinking about what my style should be like or what type of makeup looks best on me, I’ve hit another roadblock: money. It seems that haircuts, clothing, shoes, accessories, etc. would all eat through my bank account very quickly if I actually started exploring this new style creativity.

Now I have a new plan. I’m going to start by getting up a bit earlier to play around with makeup more. I’m going to play dress-up at home to mix and match the few clothing items I own to figure out what works best, and applying the makeup I already own to see how it comes together.

I’ve also been having tons of fun with nail polish. Nail polish is cheap, and comes in more colors than one person could ever need (yet, it’s not nearly enough, it seems, as I keep buying them). There’s something I love about nail polish – it’s a pain in the butt to paint them and then wait around for an hour so they dry correctly, but the pop of color when I look down as I type or chop vegetables or whatever other daily activity just brightens up my day.

I probably won’t have the time, money, or energy to try all of the style tweaks I have in mind, but I think I have enough to keep me going for a while.

What’s your beauty and style routine? How do you break out of a funk?

New Heroines

I've been noticing a trend going on in television lately--new shows starring strong female characters in seemingly "tough" businesses. Several shows fit the bill this season: Nikita (CW) stars Maggie Q as a former assassin turned rogue, Piper Perabo is a new CIA agent on Covert Affairs (USA), and Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) features a female Boston P.D. detective and coroner duo. This trend only builds on existing shows like In Plain Sight (USA) where Mary McCormack's a U.S. Marshall or The Closer (TNT), starring Kyra Sedgwick as a Deputy Chief of the LAPD.

And it's not just law enforcement-style tough girls landing on the scene--Julianna Margulies plays a rockin' defense attorney on The Good Wife, one who overcomes sexism and scandal to hold her own in the courtroom. Edie Falco's Nurse Jackie (SHO) and Jada Pinkett Smith's HawthoRNe (TNT) show us familiar hospital settings from a new angle. I enjoy seeing more realistic portrayals of women in the workplace--playing politics behind the scenes and grappling with the roles of parent and professional

So what I wonder is, will the trend continue? Perhaps more importantly, in the long run, will these characters prove themselves to be women worthy of our attention? For me that means female characters who are sexy, but respected for more than their sex appeal; smart, but constantly challenged and empowered to demonstrate it; tough enough to take on the bad guys singlehandedly, but clever enough to call for back-up just in case. In other words: chicks who rock!

Have you found such women in television, film and media? Where?

Friday Forum: Checked In or Out?

From "beach bum" to "lazy summer days," the summer is known as the time for rest and relaxation. Between Summer Fridays and friends ditching work to head to the beach, it's hard to stay focused.

Do you stay engaged at work during the summer or do you make time to unwind? How do you keep your creativity and productivity flowing when everyone else has checked out?

We Want to Hear From You

It's been a while since we featured a guest blog post, and we're dying to hear from you!

How did you spend your summer? What do you have planned for the fall? How are your New Year's resolutions going? Have you had a significant life event that you're still dealing with?

We want to know all about the challenges, set-backs, and fulfilling moments you've had. Take some time to reflect on your year (or your life, really) and share it with us. You can read our past guest posts for some inspiration, or simply sit down and start writing your story. Be sure to check out our guest blogging guidelines if you're not sure what we're looking for.

We can't wait to read your posts!

Too Good To Be True

Have you ever been told you won something, but then found out there was a catch? Maybe more than one? I was recently informed that I won a cruise to the Bahamas after filling out an entry form at an amusement park last month; I wanted the first prize, which was $50,000. I was excited for a second, and then I was told that I had to go to the cruise ship company's office and listen to a presentation for one hour and I was required to have a particular annual salary per year, but I did not have to buy anything from them to qualify for the cruise. It sounded fishy to me, and since I did not meet the second requirement, I decided to pass. Even though I am cynical about these promotional scams, I am still taken in at times.

My mother plays the lottery whenever she gets the chance, and while I understand why she does it, I doubt we will ever answer the door to discover a group of well-dressed people with a cameraman, lots of balloons, and an over sized check for millions of dollars. Part of me dreads that scenario, because I know what would follow: estranged relatives and long-lost friends emerging from the shadows to kiss up to us for obvious reasons and becoming paranoid of anyone who tries to get close. I have seen people become more isolated and distrustful of others around them when more money comes into their lives. I would like to think that I could handle a fortune without succumbing to the pressures and fears of possessing it, but it is easy to say when it has not happened. I guess if something is too good to be true, it often is, especially when it comes to contests, lotteries, and other money schemes that can often blind us from reality.

Do you agree with my thoughts on these “too good to be true” situations? If you suddenly won the lottery, do you think you could handle the pressure and maintain your millions?

Circle of (Former) Friends

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends lately, both new and old. It’s a pain to keep my schedule organized, my bank account isn’t too happy, and sometimes it’s almost like a second job to stay on top of all of my commitments, but the reward is great! I get to learn more about interesting people, and share the things I enjoy with others.

One thing that surprised me is how much I enjoyed spending time with people I hadn’t seen in years. Oftentimes, hanging out with somebody you were friends with in high school or junior high can be a bit… awkward. Everything’s fine during the general catch-up period – so what do you do, where did you go to college, are you in a relationship? And you can smooth out some silent moments by reminiscing –you’ll never guess who I saw a while back, remember that awful math teacher, whatever happened to that kid you liked?

But it’s what happens when you no longer have those questions that makes or breaks the encounter. Luckily for me, catching up with old friends reminded me of how cool these people were and made me realize how cool they still are. It was as if no time had passed and we were just picking up the conversations we were having a few weeks ago, not several years ago. Sure, there was still the catch-up, but we were able to laugh, learn new things about each other, and assess how much we had and hadn’t changed without it getting weird.

It’s a testament to how good of a time we had that future plans are already in the works. A party here, a yoga class there – I can’t wait to spend more time with them and make them a part of my life again.

Have you ever tried to reconnect with old friends? Did you regret it or were you pleasantly surprised?

Take One for the Team

For the past seven years, I've played in a Sunday afternoon church softball league. Okay, "played" is a bit of a stretch. I go to the games and now I'm one my church's team managers, but my role typically involves cheering from the bench and keeping score in our fancy little stats book. I'm very happy with this division of labor (read: other people doing all the work, and me sharing in the glory). Still, I come dressed up to play, just in case I'm needed.

This weekend, I got called up off the bench for the first time in a while. I'm okay on the field, but not particulary skilled, and I tend toward skittish when the ball's headed for me. But I went out, did my best, and what was strange was, it actually felt good

My performance? Less than ideal. I failed to stop a ball rolling right toward me in center field. I let another outfielder run up to catch a ball that was rightfully mine (I chickened out from calling it). I ran off third base at the wrong time and slid into home in an awkward, spectaularly failed attempt to pass the catcher. I got nothing but an out and a bloody knee to show for it. I walked off the field dusty and bruised, straight into the high-five-ready hands of my teammates. Who, instead of making me feel bad about it, celebrated my all-out attempt to score.

The reason I shy away from playing isn't because I'm so bad (usually) but because I hate the feeling of letting the team down. At the same time, I never mind when other people drop catches, or make bad plays, or run and slide at the wrong time. So why should I be so hard on myself? Everyone makes mistakes on the ballfield. Even the toughest guys on the team drop the easy catch occasionally, or swing all out into thin air (a strike), or try for a foolish run and get tagged out.

Maybe looking beyond the softball field, there's a life lesson in this for me, too. Even if the hit I have to offer isn't the best, there's a satisfaction in stepping up to the plate. There's always some level of risk when you put yourself in the game. No guts, no glory.

Friday Forum: Summers Past

The summer is a great time to spend with family - kids are out of school and parents might take extended vacations. Some of these things become traditions in the family.

What summer memories do you have from your childhood? Did you go camping, fishing, or traveling with your family?

Link Love for 8/12

We can never have too many link love round-ups over here, so it's time for another one. Check out what we've been reading on the web.

Girl w/Pen opens up about body issues and the pressure we have to hide certain parts of ourselves.

Global Sisters takes on the ever-important topic of violence against women, drawn from the inspiring story of Aisha.

In Good Company considers what it's like to be content with what you have rather than always looking forward.

Lindsay Pollak points out what everyone can learn about success from Joan Rivers.

One Writeous Chick shares how she went from teaching balance to teaching passion.

What have you been reading and writing online?

The Complexities of Travel

I am very interested in seeing Eat, Pray, Love when it opens in theaters this week. I am not a fan of any of the actors in the film, but I do enjoy the story: self-discovery, second chances, and fulfillment realized during a journey. I always find that I acknowledge aspects of personality when I have quality travel time. Many people think of travel as an escape, which it is, but I also feel that travel takes us out of our comfort zone and presents challenges that could never be faced at home.

Travel also makes travelers realize how much the same and different we all are. I am always surprised at the familiarity I feel when talking to people from other cultures about their lives, even though we may literally live on other sides of the world. As a native of New Jersey, I am often asked about what I think about a certain popular reality show with “Jersey” in the title, and I laugh because I have nothing in common with any of the people portrayed on the show. Yet having conversations about customs and societal expectations with my Indonesian friends always felt the opposite of foreign to me. I am always struck at how unpredictable my travel experiences have been, and I appreciate the feeling. I just think that travel is essential for personal growth; I know better than anyone that it is very expensive to keep up the habit, but I think putting aside a little money whenever possible for a trip to a new place at least once a year is totally worth it.

What are your thoughts on travel?

The Search for Quiet Time

This past weekend, my guy and our roommate went away for the weekend on a guy’s trip with a friend. One of my close friends – with whom I spend most of my time with, especially on weekends – was also out of town. This meant that for the first time in at least several months and possibly a year, I was home alone. And it was glorious.

Before I realized I’d be home alone, I had some goals for the weekend. There were several things I needed to write, some books I needed to finish and review, and I wanted to clean the apartment up a bit. This is the same weekend agenda I’ve had for weeks now, and it never gets done because there’s always something else coming up. Now that I was alone, I was able to read all of my books, clean the apartment up a bit, and write most of what I needed to write. There’s still a lot I need to do, but I got much more done than I have in long time.

But even more than having a productive weekend, I had a wonderfully uneventful one. It’s easy to get caught up in who wants to go where and what they want to do next; there’s never any real quiet time. I realized this weekend that I really miss that quiet time. I miss spending the day curled up on the couch with a good book in my hand and nobody around. And while I did miss my friends and there were some events I would have liked to make it to, I was so content with my weekend once it was over, that I’d do it the same way again.

I’m not going to stop going out or hanging out with friends, but I am going to try to take advantage of the quiet moments. Maybe I’ll head outside and read by the river, or go for more morning runs alone, but however I do it, it needs to get done.

Do you like spending time by yourself? Do you think you get enough quiet time?

Sounds of Me

After several years of saying I was going to do it, this week I finally started a playlist in my iTunes that I’m calling the soundtrack of my life. It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like, except cheesier.

I’m collecting songs from old records my parents used to play, which remind me of childhood. Songs that make me feel like I’m still sitting on the yellow bus on my way to middle school. Songs that I listened to on my very first Walkman (yeah, baby), and the ones that remind me of church camp. Summer vacation. First kisses. Old friends. The cheesy songs we cried over at high school graduation, and one from the first CD I ever owned. Songs from the playlists my brother loaded on my iPod when he gave it to me, which I listened to for six months before I loaded in songs of my own. That kind of thing. My goal is to boil it down to about one or two songs per year of life, and I think it’s going to end up quite interesting. To me, and no one else.

I don’t know what the purpose of gathering these songs really is, except that it’s a fulfillment of a concept I’ve had in my mind for a while. I also don’t know why certain songs, out of the many tunes I’ve heard and enjoyed in my life, stand out in my mind and have the power to carry me back in time so viscerally.

What I do know is, over the years I have changed as much as music technology itself has. I can see in this special history of myself a certain evolution in my thoughts and emotions and the things that stir both. The process is both exciting and self-reflective, and much less of a waste of time than I expected!

What songs—new and old, errr, classic—speak to you, or tell the story of your life?

Friday Forum: Beach Reads

Summer is in full swing, and there have been plenty of beautiful weekends to lounge at the beach. We're the ultimate bookworms here at CHICKS ROCK! so, of course, instead of asking about your favorite swimsuits, we want to know what you've been reading.

What have your favorite beach reads been this summer? Are there any books you've been looking forward to reading before the end of the summer?

Time to Reconnect With Yourself

It's about that time again... Time to reconnect with yourself and get in touch with how to get what you really want. That's right, it's another Visioning Workshop! Take a break from the heat and focus on yourself.

VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams
Saturday, September 11th, 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Feeling a little confused with all that's going on with your career and the economy? Not sure what to do next with your life? Maybe your just a bit unsatisfied overall but can't exactly pinpoint what it is...

Our Visioning Workshop can help you sort it all out!

Come to our popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be.

It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop. If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there.

COST: $75 for TWM Members; $120 for Non-Members
LOCATION: TRS Professional Suites, 44 East 32nd St, 11th Floor

RSVP on Facebook or by emailing sally@thewomensmosaic.org

CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

Making Sense of Violence

I am bewildered and saddened when I hear news reports about horrific acts of violence, particularly when the perpetrators know their victims. I always wonder what possesses someone to attack and even kill another human being, no matter how angry he or she might be. When I heard about the latest workplace shooting that killed nine and wounded two people in Connecticut, I thought about my life. Sure, I have known quite a few people that were cruel and mean to me, but none of them made so angry that I wanted to physically hurt them, or end their lives. I just never want to see them again, and this world is big enough so that can happen.

Journalists are already reporting about the possible motives behind the crime, which include racial bias, harassment, and being fired, with the latter being the catalyst for the tragic murder/suicide. There are obviously many more reasons that are far too complex for the media to cover, but it is obvious that the man felt so desperate to make his point that he used violence towards himself and the people he worked with. Was it the prospect of being unemployed in this economy, the rage of being harassed because of race, the fragility of his self-esteem as a human being, or all of the above that caused him to snap? Most of us can agree that the severity of violence was not justified. Even if some or all of the people who were killed and injured by the gunman were/are racist jerks, they did not deserve what they got. My seventh grade teacher was one the most disagreeable bigots I have ever met in my life, but ending her life in a blaze of gunfire? No way!

We cannot operate under the assumption that something like this will never happen to us or anyone we know. I believe that being more civil to one another, following our instincts, and taking action when needed are all important preventative measures, especially in schools and work environments.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

A Resolution Check-In

A few weeks ago, Pauline updated us on her summer resolutions. It reminded me that I hadn’t updated you all on my own resolutions in a few months.

If you recall, I decided to take a new approach this year: instead of making one resolution for the whole year that I forget about and fail on, I decided to make quarterly goals. Every three months, I pick a new part of my life to focus on and make a mini-resolution. First, I zeroed in on health and fitness, and then I tried setting up travel plans but went back to health and fitness after a downward spiral back to where I was.

I did okay bringing the focus back to my health goals – I had spurts of near-obsessive gym activity and I’ve been eating much better in general. But I also had some long breaks from the gym and one too many birthday celebrations in the past month set me back again.

I also made a summer goal of spending more time with friends. I’m happy to say I'm completely winning on that front! I’ve spent time with friends I haven’t seen in ages, I have a weekly date with one of my good friends, and those birthday celebrations that messed up my fitness goals did give me a chance to meet cool people.

In the next few days, I’m starting a new workout routine. It also turns out that a few opportunities to travel are starting to line up. I love how things are coming together even when I put them on the backburner for a while!

I’m still not sure what my final resolution will be for the year, but I still have a couple of months to decide. Any ideas?

As Resilient as Glass

I visited a glassworks in Louisville, Kentucky, earlier this summer, where you could sit and peer through a huge picture window into the active glassblowing studio. I sat for over an hour and watched an artist and his assistants sweat over a single vase, thrusting the glob of red-hot, molten glass in and out of the flames, pinching and turning and shaping and blowing it just so with each extraction. Fascinating.

In the time I watched, the artist drew the vase in and out of the fire once every minute or two, working it, studying it, and finally he held it up for a long inspection. I thought he was finished, he had paused so long, but then he shook his head and slammed it back in, allowing it to lose its shape entirely. He drew out the pulpy mass and started over, scrapping an hour's work, at least. Not angry, just matter-of-fact. You could see it in the set of his shoulders. Not bad, but I can do better.

The heat must have been unbearable. I felt pain for him, as he destroyed his work and started again, but his attitude about it gave me inspiration and hope. Because things don't always go as we plan, the first time. And if you don't give up, there are better things on the horizon. It's as true in life as it is in art, whether it be glassblowing or writing, which is my own stock-in-trade.

Attached to the studio there was a shop and museum of handblown glassware and glass art. I fell in love with about a dozen amazing works of art. In the end, I wasn't able to afford anything in the whole shop, apart from the trinkets at the checkout. I bought a small disk of pale blond-colored glass, swirled with strands of copper and gold, etched with the words SCRIBE DEEP.

It's small--about the size of a half dollar, only thicker, like a Nilla wafer--but it's quickly becoming a favorite touchstone for me in my writing life. A reminder that it isn't enough to go through the motions, but that I have to dig to find what's important. And, that it's okay sometimes to scrap a project and start it over, when I know I can do better. It's not the same as giving up, when the raw material (or, in my case, the idea) is still alive in the flames, ready to be drawn out and made into something beautiful.

Friday Forum: BBQs and Picnics

You probably didn't know this, but July is the National Picnic Month. Picnics and BBQs are both great ways to bring friends and family together over something most all of us love - food!

What are your favorite BBQ and picnic recipes? Do you ever host or attend picnics or BBQs in the summer months?

Link Love for 7/29

There's so much great stuff online right now, it's time for another roundup! Check out what we've been reading and be sure to leave a link in the comments to what you're reading and writing on the web.

Girl w/Pen tackles gender inequality, particularly the claim that housework is gender neutral.

Global Sisters calls out the Arizona immigration law for not only being racist, but anti-women.

In Good Company considers teaming up with a buddy when you own your own business.

Lindsey Pollak points to 5 career "super foods" you need to succeed, like setting daily goals.

One Writeous Chick has a touching piece about a friend she recently lost.

Woodhull Institute's blog talks about what high heels stand for when it comes to women and power.

Roller Coasters and Life

I recently went to an amusement park and re-discovered my love for roller coasters. The whole process of waiting on line, (my least favorite aspect, especially when the wait is long and the weather is unbearably hot) getting strapped to your seat, accelerating forward, the ride itself, and then the feeling of triumph after it is all over was an experience that constantly that day, and it made me think about how we should always do something that makes us step out of our comfort zone. Even when I remembered news reports of malfunctioning equipment that caused injuries and even death at amusement parks as I waited on line to ride for each ride, I quickly swept my worries away to enjoy the day.

After each roller coaster, I realized how much each ride on them reminded me of how life can be. There is a beginning, middle, and end, and it all goes by so fast; in between there twists and turns that catch us off guard, but ultimately we can survive and conquer our fears if we are smart; and life really is what you make of it. Some people hold their arms up on roller coasters and enjoy the ride, others close their eyes and wait for the experience to end, some refuse to go on any rides that frighten them, and then there are those who aren’t ready to raise their arms up, but they are getting there. I find myself in the latter category when it comes to roller coasters and life. I am willing to take chances and risks that will challenge me, but there is always some dread and fear on my part before it actually happens. I will continue to face my fears and challenge myself, even when my laziness attempts to get the best of me.

I am preparing myself for more roller coasters in the near future. In life, I think we all should prepare for the unexpected and challenging, if we haven’t already.

When TV Takes Over Your Life

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m afraid TV has taken over my life! I’ve always watched, of course, either in the background or obsessively, as with Lost. But in general, if I had somewhere to go, chores to catch up on, or just some reading I wanted to do, I was fine with stepping away.

Now, watching is practically my job.

Through the various outlets I write for, I’m responsible for recapping four shows at the moment: Big Brother, Burn Notice, So You Think You Can Dance, and True Blood. That means there are about six hours of television I have to watch each week. This doesn’t sound like much, but when you’ve treated TV as casually as I have, this is a complete TV takeover. The worst part is that these shows are on the same three nights of the week. Whenever somebody asks if I’m free on a Sunday, Wednesday, or Thursday, I’m now in the habit of saying no almost automatically.

The good thing about this is that I’m forced to write at least six posts a week because of it. As somebody who has struggled in the past with just putting pen to paper (or keyboard to screen?), it feels good to constantly be writing. Missing a recap is simply not an option, so I have to write something. Of course, that means I also have to watch, even if I don’t get home until midnight because I was celebrating a friend’s birthday – see why I’ve started declining invites?

But I’ll stop complaining now because the good in this does outweigh the bad, especially since it means I’m doing more of what I love: writing and sharing the things I enjoy with other people.

Dearly Beloved,

People always like to break the world up into binary groups, and I usually resist that, because I too-frequently end up on the fence between the two sides. For instance, in keeping with last week's Friday Forum, one might say there are two kinds of (single) people in the world: Those who want to get married, and those who don't.

Ummmm.....Fence, party of one?

I will say, however, that I've decided there are two kinds of weddings: Those that make me feel lonely and those that make me believe in love. I've been to a couple of weddings recently, and I consistently find myself turning all girlish and teary at the sight of a bride walking down the aisle. Gets me every time. Now, I can honestly say that I've never felt pressure to partner up and settle down--not from my family nor my friends, and not even from within myself--but sometimes I get a little nagging feeling like...is it ever going to happen for me?

Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, this little feeling is matter-of-fact, not a source of distress. I figure, I'm enjoying my life and I have time. I'm lucky enough to live in a community where it's not unusual to find unmarried women of my age. I have friends, and I'm learning things about myself, and I negotiate the world enough to feel that I have options. So I count myself lucky. But when I'm sitting in the pew watching a great couple exchange vows, I think that it must be amazing to know that you will be side by side and hand in hand with someone forever.

Yes, I'm a romantic at heart. So how do you explain what happens next? I blot tears from my eyes, and by the time dinner is served and the music is pumping and I'm rocking around the dance floor with all our mutual friends, I've forgotten I even have tissues in my purse. And I tend to avoid vying for the bouquet.

Friday Forum: Wedding Wows and Woes

Traditionally, the summer months are wedding season. Every year, millions of people get married, but the summer months are a time of love and high stress for a lot of couples.

What are some of your own wedding stories? What were the highs and lows of your own wedding planning? What are your favorite memories as wedding guests - sweet surprises or funny moments?

Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


John and Abigail Adams. King Hussein and Queen Noor. Bill and Melinda Gates. Barack and Michelle Obama. These are just some couples who appear to have a great partnership as well as romance and passion in their marriages.

Back in the day (and in some parts in the world still) especially for women, being hitched was linked to survival or a business transaction between families. In 2010, where we can now lead successful independent lives, where does that leave us with the whole question of saying "I do"? (For an interesting musing on the subject check out Liz Gilbert's recent book, Committed.)

The 'fruits of feminism' have at times confused us all. As I recently heard in a lecture by sociologist and masculinity expert Michael Kimmel, if a woman is captain of the ice hockey team and top of her class at Yale, the guys subconsciously think, what the heck does she need me for?

Whether a woman or a man we all have needs, and then things we think are needs. You may not need another person to take care of you physically, emotionally, financially and/or spiritually, but everyone wants someone to love and to be loved in return, whether you're woman, man or even a fish. We look for partners, friends, lovers, intimacy. And that has nothing to do with what gender you are, era you were born in or who the object of your affection may be - it is a timeless, eternal and basic human instinct.

But before you tie the knot with another (or at any point throughout your nuptial bliss or blitz) I always recommend marrying yourself first- whatever that means to you. Because if you don't promise to love, honor and cherish yourself, then why would anyone else?

Can't quite make it to the altar with yourself or your beloved? I'm no Dr. Ruth, Millionaire Matchmaker or internet-ordained minister, but I can serve as 'justice of the peace' and help you discover that first comes self-love, then comes some form of marriage, then comes whatever it is you desire, even if it is just a cabbage.

Dreaming In Reality

I am like many others who often think that many of my problems will disappear once I achieve some level of personal or financial stability. I was thinking the other day about owning my own house, and how everything else will fall into place once that happens; I shook myself out of that reverie once I realized how fanciful my thoughts wered. It is always good to dream, and it is my opinion that those who claim that they don‘t are either lying or have given up on life. At the same time, we should not live primarily to dream. Life is messy, and the things we dream about may not always come to be, but sometimes this is for the best.

I once knew someone who told everyone that she wanted her future husband to be tall, dark, and handsome. She couldn't imagine anything different from the image she had in her mind, so when she first met the man she would eventually marry, she did not think of him as “husband material.” Eventually her fantasy of the perfect man changed as she learned more about his good qualities, and everyone who knows her can see she is with the right person; maturity and reality became her guides as she shed her unrealistic dreams of perfection.

Not all dreams should be significantly altered or given up completely; being successful at a career you love is entirely possible, even if there are obstacles on this ascending path. I just think that we as human beings should learn to adapt to the ever changing flow of life. Sometimes what we dream of changes completely or becomes a reality in ways we never would have imagined. I also think that as we work toward making our lives better we should enjoy moments in the present. I don‘t mean to be ominous, but none of us really know how long we have in this life! Finding happiness in the present is important as we move forward to an uncertain future.

Do you agree with my thoughts on dreams and reality?

Ditching the Plan

I’m usually a very organized person, planning things well in advance. Even when I decide to do something last-minute, I still take a moment to think about a plan before getting started. This weekend took me out of my comfort zone, but I had a great time.

It started on Saturday, when I had a birthday party planned for my guy. I wanted to get up early to make sliders, chicken tenders, etc. before anybody started coming over. But it didn’t exactly turn out that way… Everyone got up late, so I couldn’t clean up or get started with cooking until quite late in the day. By the time we were getting food in the oven and on the stovetop grill, there were already several people in the apartment. My sister was surprised and said “Why didn’t you already have this done? This is not like you.” But instead of dwelling on it as I normally might, I had fun with it and focused on getting it done. I missed out on the beginning of the party, but the food was a hit.

I guess that attitude carried over to the next day. The only plan I had for the day was an early workout and then cleaning the apartment. After the workout, however, we decided to grab lunch at a cute spot nearby. Then my guy decided he wanted to get his tattoo and asked us if we were interested in going with him. My sister and I headed down, and we both ended up getting tattoos at the last minute. Then, despite being exhausted and planning to clean and sleep for the rest of the night, we thought it’d be fun to go to the movies instead.

After a weekend of ditching the plan and dabbling in spontaneity, I can definitely see the appeal. Sure, I’m beyond exhausted and the apartment is a mess, but I had a great time, I got the tattoo I’ve been wanting for a while, and spent quality time with my sister. I may be doing this more often.

Old Familiar Pages

I've taken a bit of a break from my work life over this past week. I'm calling it "vacation," as opposed to "slacking," but in reality, it's probably somewhere on the borderline. Basically I've been sitting around watching movies and new summer t.v. series by night, and by day, poring over my bookshelves and re-reading some favorite volumes.

I'm a big fan of re-reading books. They fall into different categories for me, for example: 1) books I recall enjoying, but can't remember too much about the actual story; 2) ones I read and loved and remember, and just want to dive into again to recapture a certain feeling; and 3) ones I started but never finished, for whatever reason. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm getting into, and other times I'm surprised by what I find inside a familiar cover.

This time around I've tackled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (J.K. Rowling), The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins), I Was Told There'd Be Cake (Sloane Crosley), and a couple of paperbacks each by Lee Child and Sandra Brown. I sometimes feel a bit guilty for reading books I've already read, when there are so many new books out there waiting to be discovered. And, for diving repeatedly toward such bestsellers, when there are many new young authors like myself whose work may entertain, comfort, excite, or inspire me just as much.

Books have a way of opening new worlds for me, and nothing parallels the thrill of turning a page and truly not knowing what happens next. Still, there are times when I want to be lulled by familiar words, to turn to characters I've already met and who I can return to as one might turn to good friends, and to look forward to a particular scene or turn of phrase that meets my mood at that moment. I crave new adventures, sure, but sometimes tracing a well-traveled path is wonderful, too.

Friday Forum: Globe Trotter

Summer vacations are a great time to explore new countries around the world. Even though vacations are only a few days or a few weeks, it's hard not to imagine what it'd be like to live in the places we visit.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live and why?

Summer Break 2010 - Day 4

It's day 4 of our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK!

Today, we want you to read through our guest bloggers' posts. Take a look at the diverse experiences they've brought to the blog, and be sure to submit your own post.

Summer Break 2010 - Day 3

It's day 3 of our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK!

Take a look back and read through Pauline's posts to connect with her thoughts and experiences. Leave a comment and engage on a post you like.

Summer Break 2010 - Day 2

It's day 2 of our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK!

Today, look back at read back on Sally's posts and connect with her thoughts and experiences. Leave a comment and join the conversation on a post you like.

Summer Break 2010 - Day 1

It's time for our summer break here at CHICKS ROCK!

Today, we encourage you to read back on Kekla's posts and connect with her thoughts and experiences. Be sure to leave a comment and jump-start the conversation on a post you like.

Friday Forum: Marathon Miles

The spring and summer is a busy time for marathon runners. The Boston Marathon a couple of months back was a major event, but there are various races left throughout the country and abroad before the New York City Marathon in the fall.

Are you a current or aspiring marathon runner? Do you have any marathons, half marathons or 50k races coming up? What are your personal goals?

Link Love for 7/8

Since we went so long without spreading the link love around, we think it's okay to have one again so close to our last round-up, right? So here are some great things we've read online recently.

Girl w/Pen lets us know about a new workplace practice "Results-Only Work Environment" that might be a great move.

Global Sisters shares the findings of a new survey that found gender equality is universally embraced, a promising finding.

In Good Company highlights a post about why you need to take a vacation without your kids.

Lindsey Pollak's blog wants us to learn the secrets of summer career success, like swapping magazines for bios.

NYWSE has a great piece up about using your unique skills to create positive social change.

Hope you enjoy the reading material. What have you been reading and writing lately?

A Sticky Situation

I recently found myself in a sticky situation with my downstairs neighbor, who I had never met before. I just come back from a vacation, and was sitting at my computer when I heard the woman enter through the front door. I heard her rummaging through her grocery bags for a few minutes, and then I heard her get extremely agitated. At first I thought she was yelling at herself, her cat, or at someone on the phone, because I heard her do so on several occasions. When I heard her addressing “the person upstairs,” I was shocked. She complained angrily about the possibility of her eviction, confusion about the rent, her astrological sign, and how she shouldn't be messed with. In other words, it made no sense.

I immediately starting wondering what it was all about. When I am in my apartment, I move around with soft slippers, socks, and my bear feet. I put down area rugs and rug pads in my bedroom and living room, which are requirements in my lease. I also don’t have a television or other noisy appliances that would bother others in the building. In short, I am a very respectful neighbor.

When the episode was over, I met with the assistant apartment manager of my building, who told me that the woman has had difficulties with former occupants and other management personnel. He offered to meet her to ask if she needed anything, and then introduce me to her. I went along with the plan, and it worked out well; I even shook hands with her twice. I walked away from the meeting relieved and a little sad; she appears to have little social contact with people, and her physical and mental capabilities are definitely declining. We did not bring up her earlier tirade, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t happen again. If it does, I will make sure to take appropriate action. For now, I am glad I handled the situation with tact.

How do you handle difficult situations like these? What would you do differently?

Back to School for Your M.R.S.?

I was talking to some friends a few weeks ago and one of them revealed a shocker - at least to me. He mentioned that all of the women on his team at work have admitted that they went to business school was to find a husband. In the 21st century? Really?! There must be cheaper ways to meet men, no?

We didn't talk about this for very long because it was mentioned during a bigger discussion, and either way, the women weren't there for me to ask personally, but this still struck me. I'm going to have to assume, for starters, that nabbing a man was only part of the reason. Business school is expensive, after all, and these women are now working for a major corporation so it's not like they're the 1950s M.R.S. degree stereotype.

But... still. The fact that these women would openly admit that they wanted to go to business school to get a husband makes me think that 1) there must be at least some truth to it and 2) it must be more than a tiny part of their thinking. Which I find shocking and confusing.

Graduate school is really expensive nowadays, and finding something compelling enough to keep your interest for at least a few years is hard. Not to mention the fact that once you get to grad school, you have to work hard and keep your attention on your studies and advancing your career. The idea that, on top of those worries, somebody would want to search for a spouse seems strange to me.

Am I alone in this? Do any of you know somebody who went to grad school to find a husband? What do you think of this?

Twilight Too

Sally's post about the Twilight series rang a bell with me. I, too, am a devoted fangirl of Harry Potter and my new fantasy love is Suzanne Collins's The Hunger Games trilogy, yet, I can't get into Twilight. Part of me wishes I could get it, but part of me is glad to be on the outside of this particular trend.

I read the first book, saw the first movie, and had no interest or intention of continuing to follow the story. This weekend a group of friends dragged me to see movie #3, Eclipse. I confess, I enjoyed the film, despite moments of confusion about the larger arc of the plot. In talking with my fangirl friends after the fact, I began to understand the appeal a bit better--but this understanding left me a bit unsettled.

Here's my problem. The basic premise of Eclipse is that Bella loves Edward (vampire) but also has feelings for Jacob (werewolf). In order to be with Edward, her "true love," Bella must sacrifice her humanity, cut herself off from her family forever, and become a vampire. Jacob, meanwhile, tries to convince her to be with him, because he can accept her for who she is, no change required.

When it comes to choosing teams, I'm with Jacob all the way. I like a good love story, and I get that relationships involve sacrifice and compromise, but I'm uneasy with the message that a girl should give up everything for a guy, even one who promises to love her forever. My fangirl friends argue that I'm reading too much into it, and I should just go with the fantasy. What do you think? Am I a major spoilsport?

Friday Forum: Holiday Plans

With Canada Day behind us, and the 4th of July this weekend, let's celebrate!

What do you do to celebrate independence each year? Family picnic? Watching the fireworks? A weekend abroad? What do you have planned for the holiday?

U S A

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth. Join her at Dream Job Hunting on Monday, July 12.

I had not paid much attention to the World Cup until last week when I happened to catch the second half of the US-Algeria game. The best part was that I was watching it on Univision, so when the US won, the emotional factor went off the charts with the Latin announcers scream-singing "GOOOOAAAALLLL" accompanied by the unbridled enthusiasm that only they can express about the how and why of the win, especially after the bad calls against them in previous games. "La esperanza! La fe! El corazon sobre la forma! La lucha y el espiritu de este equipo que triunfo, que es justo!..."

If you don't speak Spanish, the gist is this: it was all about the spirit,determination, fight and heart of the team, not necessarily anything technical that got them the win. After that, I watched with excitement their dramatic game with Ghana on Saturday. Although they did not advance further, Team USA surely did not lose.

The flamboyant, gender-bending US Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir has had ups and downs throughout his career and his share of unfair marks by international judges. All along he refused to be anything but who he is and always excelled when he put the "Johnny" back in the performance along with his love of the sport, and his costumes.

Although he did not bring home a medal from Vancouver, he skated his personal best and received incredible press, speaking engagements, his own reality show and a bright future ahead. Because he worked extremely hard, remained genuine and let his spirit shine through, Johnny surely did not lose.

What both our soccer team and Weir have in common is that they represented the USA with passion and perseverance, and in true American style embraced who they are, carried on in spite of all obstacles and were victorious in their own ways.

In honor of our upcoming Independence Day, let your Unique Spirit and Authenticity overtake whatever you do and see what happens!