The Power of Words, The Promise of Peace

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


When I was in high school my dream was to work for the United Nations – I excelled at foreign languages and loved learning about other cultures. I studied International Relations and worked extensively with the international student population of my university. I met people from around the globe and was fascinated by the ways we choose to speak, clothe and govern ourselves, the music we develop and myriad of ways we prepare food, how varied the physical geography we inhabit... But under the diversity, it was clear to me that we enjoy the same basic wants, needs and wishes for ourselves and those we love.

I knew I wanted to do work that took advantage of my passion for and understanding of this concept. The UN, in theory, seemed to be the place for me, but the reality was quite different, and so I ended up forming The Women’s Mosaic instead. However, I do live near the UN’s missions and delegates, have been invited to numerous events over the years, and am thrilled to be part of it in my own way.

Every September during the General Assembly, my neighborhood goes into lock-down and this year was no different, except for one extraordinary event. In a speech given by President Obama, the United States, for the first time in decades, actually expressed its commitment to the institution at its core: its ideals and what it represents. The vision of the UN is what we must aspire to and it cannot succeed without everyone's participation, especially a country as powerful as the U.S. I could not have been more proud that day and felt a sigh of relief that things were finally back on the right track.

They were "only words," but they caused a cosmic shift in the perception of who we are and what the UN is capable of. Words are powerful. They are the bridge between thought and action. They are a vital part of any great movement and are often transforming in and of themselves. For these and many more of his words, there is no doubt in my mind that President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Words manifest change, internally and externally. And both kinds have value, as they are inexorably intertwined.

Relief Through Ayurvedic Massage

I don’t have the luxury of going to the spa very often. In the past, I considered myself lucky if I went three times a year. Now that I don’t receive regular massages as I did when I was abroad, I make sure to go spas that are highly recommended. If the service exceeds my expectations, I am more than happy to return to the place, and pass on recommendations to people I know.

My recent trip to an Ayurvedic spa is perhaps the best I have ever had. I first learned of the facility at a TWM event this past spring. At the Health & Nutrition: Perspectives from Around the World Panel Discussion, the panelists and some audience members made the evening a pleasant and informative one. Dr. Priyatarssini Balamurugen was one of the six panelists who particularly caught my attention, because she spoke specifically about the Ayurvedic approach to health, nutrition, and life as a whole. I have been interested in this particular branch of alternative medicine, because it focuses on multi-faceted treatments for a variety of problems: Yoga, massage, and herbs are just a few of these. When we received our “swag bags” at the close of the event, I noticed a coupon for the Santhigram Kerala Ayurvedic Health Spa and knew I had to visit the New Jersey location before the offer expired at the end of the year.

During the massage and steam bath, I felt the pressures of everyday life slip away. For a person who finds it difficult to meditate because of mental restlessness, I felt surprisingly free during the session. Ayurveda is centuries old, so I am not surprised at how effective it was for me during the hour and fifteen minutes I was there. I think my transcendental experience also had to do with the desire to purify myself, both inside and out. This, coupled with the expert hands and herbal oils used during the session, made me feel relaxed and relieved for the rest of the day.

Have any of you tried Ayurvedic massage or similar treatments? What was your experience?

A Case of Over-Preparedness

I must say that simply planning this trip to Europe has been quite the learning experience. As I've mentioned before, I'll be going with my sisters, but will also at some point or another be in the company of my guy and a few friends.

Planning the trip has made us all communicate with each other in ways we never needed to before. Suddenly, we all need to rely on each other for some bit of information here and there, whether it be tips on where to buy a certain supply or ideas on how to spend a night in a certain city.

In doing all of this, I've come to realize that some people are planners, and some just aren't. I am definitely a planner. I want to know that I have thought of everything before we ever step foot onto an airplane or train. I realize that we can't actually think of everything, and that some things will just happen and we'll have to deal with them. But it brings me an incredible amount of comfort to know that there is some sort of plan.

An itinerary is drafted, city guides and maps are in hand, phrasebooks have been bought - check, check, check. Emergency contact numbers, duct tape, extra first aid supplies in every nook and cranny - check, check, check.

And that's when I hear the reactions that I am, perhaps, too prepared. But is there really such a thing? I've heard this from several people now and I look at them in amazement with crinkled nose and all. How can somebody be too prepared? I've never thought such a thing was possible.

Okay, perhaps I could have saved some space for souvenirs by packing a few less plastic bags and ziploc baggies, but too prepared? Surely not...

So what say you? Have you ever been accused of being over-prepared? Or maybe you're one of these folks I can't understand who are always under-prepared?

Yes, I want to be. So what?

Lately people have been asking me about relationships a lot. Am I looking for one? What do I want out of one? Can they set me up? Would I get up to speed with the internet matching thing already? What am I waiting for? Who am I interested in that they might know?

Sheesh.

I did not used to get into this dialogue so much, and it leads me to wonder if something has changed about my demeanor or behavior that makes people think I'm suddenly "on the market." To be honest, I'm not sure if I am or not. My standard answer is that I'm not specifically looking for a relationship, but I'm open to it if it happens. I think that's pretty true.

People often say that single women are single because they want to be, but it's usually said in a tone of voice that suggests this is a character flaw, or a deep subconscious sabotaging of your chance at happiness. This frustrates me, especially when I feel myself falling into the same traps, thinking about the future in terms of "when I find someone..."

I know people are just trying to be friendly and helpful, but who says I have to be "looking?" Isn't it okay not to? Pauline thinks so. Taking a long term view, yeah, I hope it's out there for me. But in the meantime, I don't want to conduct myself as if I'm waiting indefinitely. I have things to do, dreams to pursue and to accomplish. So, I'm going for it! It's just me, and that's okay.

Friday Forum: Mentors Matter

It's been a while since we talked about mentors on the blog, but we'd like to hear about your personal experiences.

Who have been your most important professional and/or personal mentors? What did they help you accomplish? What did they help you learn about yourself?

Sharing Stories

In the year since we launched the blog, we've gotten to hear from several guest bloggers. They've written about sports, makeovers, job loss, health, and much more. We love featuring guest bloggers because we value the diversity of their experiences and love giving them the chance to share their voices with others.

So why not have that next voice be yours?!

Take a look at our guest blogger guidelines and try putting something together. Tell us a story about your childhood friends, recent travels, dating adventures... whatever you'd like to share.

Can't wait to hear more of your stories!

Transitioning With The Seasons

When the summer season begins its transition into autumn, I feel a little sad. I start to feel the negative effects at this particular time of the year before the end of Daylight Saving Time. I find that I must do more during the transition between summer and autumn to help me better adjust to changes. I don’t know what it is, but every year I get a little more sensitive about the Spring Forward and Fall Back adjustments in time, which occurs twice a year in most of the U.S. The latter gets to me, perhaps because of knowledge that the winter season is just around the corner.

Here are some old and new things I am doing to better cope with the seasonal transition this year and maintain my health:

Exercising every day is not only important for my overall health, but it also makes the end of Daylight Saving Time easier to cope with. I also try to get myself outside before the sun sets so I can enjoy some of the day, but it really lightens my spirits.

This might sound gross to some of you, but I try not to drink ice cold drinks any time of the year. I learned years ago that it is important to drink more fluids that are at least room temperature to match with our body temperature. While I am not a stickler to this rule, I am so used to asking for beverages without ice now that it is like second nature to me.

At a TWM event about health and wellness earlier this year, one of the panelists spoke about the importance of eating seasonal produce. For example, there is no need to be eating mangoes in the dead of winter if they are not season in your area. It is working well for me, so I think it’s worth sharing this information with everyone.

How do you handle seasonal transitions?

Social Experiment

While getting ready for my trip to Europe, I started to realize just how much we rely on technology to get through the day. I don't just mean using the computer throughout the day or making phone calls here and there. For my friends and I, we are attached to the devices we use.

Even during our downtime, we are always on.

When the bus is running late in the morning, we take the chance to check our email on our phones -- computers on the go. We each have a daily ritual for updating our social networking pages so that others don't have to go very long without hearing from us in one way or another. Five minutes here? Update Twitter. Ten minutes there? Outline a blog post. Can't sleep? Clear out your inbox.

No matter what the problem, using the internet or computer is the solution.

In Europe, we won't have these distractions. We bought cheap phones we could use in case of emergency and to make the occasional homesick call home. We have to pay for internet and because it's by the hour (or sometimes by the minute), we need to know exactly what we're getting online to do.

It will be liberating, to be sure. But...

What will we do with all this free time we have? Will we find that we don't really need those early morning email checks? Or will we realize that these things are such a part of our routine, that it's almost impossible to let them go?

Only time will tell, I suppose! When it's all said and done, I will let you all know how our experiment of circumstance went and whether being disconnected meant we appreciated each other's company more... or made us realize just how much we can't stand each other.

Greek Adventures

I recently traveled to Greece with a friend from college. We spent a few days in Athens, on the mainland, and then took a ferry to the island of Santorini. Athens was a fascinating city, full of history and dynamic architecture that spans the centuries. On Santorini, the island and ocean landscape was beautiful, of course. The weather and the water was perfect for swimming and relaxing on the beach!

In addition to several fun new adventures -- such as climbing a volcano, swimming in warm sulphur springs, and riding a donkey up the island hillside -- the best part of the journey was getting to spend time with an old friend. I was amazed by the fact that we had hung out exactly once in the last seven or so years since graduation, yet we were able to pick up as if no time at all had passed between seeing one another.

We ate fabulous meals, overlooking the gorgeous scenery, and chatted about life, the universe, and everything. How could I ask for anything better? Yet, before we'd departed for Greece, my friend had to work hard to talk me into even going on this trip. "I'm busy; it's expensive," I argued. I tried to convince her that it'd be fine if she went alone, and I'm sure it would have been, but in the end, I'm really glad I took the trip with her. It's definitely a very different experience to travel with others!


These pictures, respectively, are of me in Athens overlooking the Acropolis and the modern cityscape, atop the active volcano at Santorini, and riding a tour boat in the sea in front of the island. It was a really fun week

Has anyone else been to Greece, or had other great travels lately?

Friday Forum: Creatures of Habit

Because New Year's isn't the only time to reflect and try to make changes, let's take a look at some things we all want to improve about ourselves.

What are some bad habits you're trying to break? Smoking, drinking, procrastinating?

And what are some good habits or routines you're trying to instill in yourself?

Let's offer each other support and hold each other accountable for the changes we want to see in ourselves.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes back our very first guest blogger, Kelly:

Kelly lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack and their dog, Pearl. Between feeding Jack and walking the dog, she is working with members of her community to start a food co-op.


If you read my previous post, then you know I am a relatively new mom. My son is now 15 months old and toddling around our apartment and just about anywhere else we let him out of his stroller.

Making the transition from single career girl to pregnant working woman to (mostly) stay-at-home mom has been tough. I grew up with huge career ambitions and wanted nothing more than to be successful at any and every job I took. I wasn't going to be a mere housewife - watching the kids, cleaning the house, making dinner - as if! I was far too bright and shiny for that type of mundane lifestyle!

Little did I know that motherhood would be far and away the most challenging - and rewarding - job I have ever taken on.

I have found that my mommy group is the best support network. Our conversations jump from the latest politics, to what an awful poopy diaper we have on our hands (sometimes literally), to preservatives in food, to what we can do to help out another mommy having a rough time with her second pregnancy, to whether or not we will make it to yoga next Thursday. Our backgrounds are as diverse as our conversations: we have full-time working moms and part-time freelancers, moms who plan to breastfeed until their children stop naturally and others who have been using bottles and formula since day one.

Despite our differences, we have forged friendships and trust each other with the intimate details of our lives. Without these women, I'm sure I would have lost my mind as I tried to recreate a semblance of normalcy in my life after living with a newborn for several months. As we go forward, I expect to help and be helped by these marvelous women I call my mommy group. It may sound like a petty distinction, but they have become an invaluable part of my life. This only child finally has a sense of what it must be like to have sisters. Here's to you, ladies!

Women and Trust

It has been hard to escape recent news reports of women who have been attacked, kidnapped, and/or killed by someone they knew and may have trusted. Like most people, I often feel removed from these stories, because we take for granted that such dastardly crimes could ever happen to us or those in our immediate circle. While we shouldn’t live in fear and paranoia all the time, we should always be aware of our surroundings and the people around us.

I try to follow my instincts when walking and driving through dangerous and isolated places, and if possible I avoid these areas all together. It is bad enough when I hear about women being followed and attacked by strangers as they wait for buses, or walk into their homes, offices, and parking lots, but when I hear about anyone who is killed by those they know, I am always shocked and saddened. In my mind, stories like these all lead to something many of us gives away too freely, and that is trust. Women tend to give their trust to those who haven’t earned it, which I truly believe is a serious flaw with my gender.

Traditionally, women have been taught to give more than they get, to put others’ needs ahead of their own, and to mistrust their instincts, even if it means putting themselves in detrimental situations. When I hear about women who are attacked by people they know, I wonder if they were aware that something was wrong before the worst happened. Did they ignore their instincts because they convinced themselves they were over-reacting?

I have been guilty of giving my trust away too easily to people who didn’t do anything to deserve it, but thankfully the consequences I suffered were only minor. I have learned from my mistakes, and now I make sure not to trust anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable, even if others around me don’t feel the same way.

Do you agree that women tend to be too trusting?

Friends & Family

A while back, a group of friends started talking about how great it would be to road trip across the country in the next year. As our excitement grew, we realized that in order to make this happen, we would need to do actual planning. We started with the most obvious question: who was going on this trip? I don't remember what names were thrown around, but I do remember what somebody said: "this is just for friends, so don't bring your sisters."

It's not that I felt they were picking on me, or that I was insulted at the idea that they wouldn't want my sisters there... it's the way the sentence itself was structured. Apparently "just friends" means "no sisters," but why?

My sisters are my friends. They are not just people I talk to from time to time and see on holidays. We know our personalities better than anybody else and we know how to give each other support when nobody else can. We talk about family, friends, relationships, careers, sex, etc. I don't know about you, but that seems like the definition of a great friendship to me.

Perhaps I'm bothered by this because my sisters and I haven't always been friends. For the better part of our lives, we were not close at all. I might even go so far as to say that we didn't really like one another all that much. Sure, we enjoyed spending time together and we certainly loved each other. But we did not confide in each other, nor did we spend hours upon hours talking about everything and nothing at all. It wasn't until fairly recently that the three of us really started to develop a friendship to go along with our sisterhood.

So I don't know if my sisters will end up going on this trip (or if the trip is even happening), but I'm happy I realized that my sisters are my best friends. It took a while to get here, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

What a Girl Wants....Love Me

This summer I've been contributing to a series of blog conversations with other women writers on diversity in teen literature. The topic we wrote on last week had to do with socioeconomic diversity. I posted about this series once before, so I'm not going to belabor it, but any writers (or readers) interested in diversity would do well to pop in and take a gander at this dynamic discussion.

Last week's topic was inspired by a photo essay entitled LOVE ME by award-winning photojournalist Maisie Crow. I want to call your attention to that today. These images, and the story they tell, are disturbing and soulful and screaming pretty loud from their stillness. They are well worth the time it takes to flip through, if you can stand to have your heart broken.

I can't look at these pictures without feeling the weight of everything that's wrong in the world. The worst bit isn't the poverty, either. It's the air of despair, of defeat, hanging over it all. I don't know if what's missing for this girl is education, or access, or self-esteem, or simply the chance to look in a mirror and see something other than closed doors all around. I wish I could hand her something better than hopelessness.

I count myself lucky to be far removed from the sorts of experiences that are playing out in the life of this girl, Autumn. I spend a lot of time in an intellectual and creative space, secure in the love of my family, my strength and independence, and all the possibilities of the future. It aches my heart that this can't be true of every young woman. Everyone has problems, yeah, but somehow images like this put a lot into perspective for me. It makes me want to reach out. It makes me want to try harder to change the world in the miniscule ways I might be able to. It makes me want to write more and live better and dream harder, on behalf of those who don't have the freedom to.

What do you feel, after seeing Autumn's story?

[Above photo copyright Maisie Crow]

Friday Forum: Comfort Zone

Last week, we asked you how you celebrate accomplishments or milestones in your life.

This week, we want to know what you do to comfort yourself when things get rough. Are there certain people, places, or activities you gravitate towards during hard times? What is it that makes those important to you?

Link Love for 9/24

Let's round out the last Thursday this month with more link love! Be sure to leave links in the comments.

In Good Company wants you to consider, who would be on your board if you had one?

One Writeous Chick is thinking about healing through our creativity, telling everyone to be a bruise.

Savvy Ladies lets us know about some big money-wasters we all have creeping in our finances.

Small Strokes takes a look at seeing blogging as a social act vs. social good; a great read for writers and activists alike.

What do you have to share? What have you all been reading and writing?

Rediscovering My Personal Vision

After waiting for almost an hour for my bus on a Saturday morning in Manhattan, I finally made it to my first TWM Visioning Workshop. The moment I sat down, I immediately felt at ease; the chaos I just went through earlier lost its significance. After Kristina greeted us and shared her personal experiences, we began working on our collages by clearing our minds through meditation. It is hard for me to clear my thoughts and relax, but I felt the anxiety and stress of the day slowly melt away.

I haven’t even attempted to do something like a collage since my days as an eighth grader in a rundown, overpriced Catholic school. I was eager to reconnect with the pre-teen in me who loved using my glue, scissors, and pencils to create something. None of us spoke when we were working on the different steps to create our collages, which we later wrote about it in our journals. Each of us remained focused and worked quietly to create visual expressions of ourselves, our dreams, and hopes for the future.

While I used a combination of images and words in my collage, others relied on one or the other to reveal themselves in a variety of ways, like Kekla who only used pictures to create her collage. My final product may not be the most visually stunning of the bunch, but it accurately reflects my past and current inspirations, my confusion about life, and my optimism about the future. When I shared my collage with the group, I realized that it turned out exactly right.

Without the meditation, breathing, and journal writing, the collage would have just been a half-hearted art project. With all of these elements together, it made for a meaningful experience that I hope to repeat in the future. Many of the participants I met have attended past TWM Visioning Workshops, and now I know why.

Couplings

In the years that my guy and I have been together, we've started to notice an annoying trend: being treated as one unit. I suppose this is one of those things that a lot of people like -- being a "we" instead of a "me" and that whole "you complete me" thing. But I'm not that way. At all. And, thankfully, my guy isn't that way either.

So for us, it's irritating when people assume we do everything together or need approval from each other or don't have an identity separate from one another.

This is particularly the case for people who have known us primarily since we've been together. People probably met us as a couple or got to know us while we were hanging out together rather than separately. I guess that, for them, it's hard to single one person out from the other if most of their interactions are with us together. I find this to be a bit lazy as far as social interactions go, but I suppose I can at least understand it.

What's even more annoying is when it comes from people who should know better. These are the people who knew us before we were in a relationship. They were able to interact with us as individuals long before there was somebody else to get to know. Yet they expect us to agree on everything and express shock and dismay when we make plans independently of one another.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that we never do anything together or that we don't confide in each other. But we don't seem to meet people's expectations about being in a long-term relationship.

I'm not sure where this stems from in our society. Is the expectation really that two individuals will suddenly meld to become one person if they are in a relationship? Am I missing something?

The Little Leaps

I stumbled upon a magazine feature in which celebrities responded to questions about faith. They each offered sound bites about a spiritual experience, or moment when faith came alive for them. I was intrigued by this conversation, as it’s something that’s often on my mind. I hear many practitioners of religion say that faith is about trusting in something that cannot be seen or proven. Yet, somehow that unproveable, intangible thing must be felt, right? Otherwise, how do we, as people, keep throwing ourselves toward beliefs that can’t be proven, and what is it that makes us feel that we’re believing in the right direction?

This quote from Faith Adiele, author of Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun, struck a chord with me. “Every time I act without knowing the outcome, with the risk of failure looming before me, I try to see that as a spiritual moment. Every time I transcend my limitations or touch something larger than myself: one step closer.”

I never articulated it this way, but lately I’m making such acts all the time. Leaving a steady job to pursue writing, sticking with it despite the bleak economy, writing what I care about over what will earn the most. I recently commented to a friend that I feel validated in this pursuit when the world answers me in small ways, whether it be a good review, or a letter from a reader, or an invitation to speak. Sometimes I need those small tokens of approval to know I’m on the right track. But my friend seemed distressed by this, saying that I shouldn’t need to be validated by the outside world, as long as I know in my heart that I’m doing what I love. Conceptually, that sounded right to me, and I worried about it. Do I not have enough faith in myself?

In reality, though, every time I take one of these little leaps I am putting faith in myself, but also in God or the universe or the world around me, to catch me before I fall.

Friday Forum: Celebrate Good Times

As you all know, CHICKS ROCK! had its first blogiversary this week. This has got us thinking a bit about celebrations.

How do you celebrate milestones? Whether it's a birthday, holiday, and anniversary, or accomplishing a goal -- what is your favorite way to celebrate?