Friday Forum: A Little Magic

It's time to let the cobwebs hang and the broomsticks fly! We can all use a little bit of magic in our lives from time to time.

What are your plans for Halloween this year? Do you usually dress up and go to parties with your friends? Do you take the children in your life trick or treating? Or is this a regular weekend for you?

Read Along this Fall

It's been a few months since the last book club selection of TWM's summer book club, but now the fun is continuing this fall. Check out the details below and be sure to pick up a copy of the next book club selection. Hope you can make it to the meet-up!

TWM's FABULOUS FALL BOOK CLUB!
Wednesday, November 18th 6:30pm-8pm

Our Sizzling Summer Book Club was such a success that we decided to keep it going with one book in the Fall and one for the Spring. So for this month enjoy reading our most recent selection and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over in the intimate setting in the home of one of TWM's Members!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Lower East Side address available upon RSVP
Includes refreshments, hospitality and great conversation!

RSVP on Meetup, Facebook, or by email to christianna@thewomensmosaic.org

FALL'S BOOK SELECTION:

Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia by Jean Sasson
Publisher: Windsor-Brooke Books
ISBN-13: 978-0967673745

Sultana is a Saudi Arabian princess, a woman born to fabulous, uncountable wealth. She has four mansions on three continents, her own private jet, glittering jewels, designer dresses galore. But in reality she lives in a gilded cage. She has no freedom, no vote, no control over her own life, no value but as a bearer of sons. Hidden behind her black floor-length veil, she is a prisoner, jailed by her father, her husband, her sons, and her country. Sultana is a member of the Saudi royal family, closely related to the king. For the sake of her daughters, she has decided to take the risk of speaking out about the life of women in her country, regardless of their rank. She must hide her identity for fear that the religious leaders in her country would call for her death to punish her honesty. Only a woman in her position could possibly hope to escape from being revealed and punished, despite her cloak of anonymity. She tells of her own life, from her turbulent childhood to her arranged marriage - a happy one until her husband decided to displace her by taking a second wife - and of the lives of her sisters, her friends, and her servants. Although they share affection, confidences and an easy camaraderie within the confines of the women's quarters, they also share a history of appalling oppressions, everyday occurrences that in any other culture would be seen as shocking human rights violations: thirteen-year-old girls forced to marry men five times their age, young women killed by drowning, stoning, or isolation in the "woman's room," a padded, windowless cell where women are confined with neither light nor conversation until death claims them. Servants are forced into sexual servitude and severely beaten if they attempt escape. By speaking out, Sultana risks bringing the wrath of the Saudi establishment upon her head and the heads of her children. In the barren, hopeless wasteland that is the life of Saudi women today, free speech is punishable by death.

Halloween Musings

As Halloween approaches, I recall wonderful memories of childhood: my costumes, trick-or-treating in my old neighborhood with my siblings, fun houses and decorations that were more silly than scary, and watching the classic It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown every year. As an adult, I enjoy the weeks before the holiday when apples and pumpkins are in season, and I can visit local farms to buy them. It’s easy to find places where you can pick apples from the trees themselves, but surprisingly cutting a pumpkin of your choosing while it is still growing from the ground is not so common. There is something unsettling to me when I visit a harvested field of pumpkins, with all the vines and other greenery removed. I would rather go to a farmer’s market and choose my pumpkin there. I am very particular about the ones I choose, because I want the best ones for carving. A homemade jack-o'-lantern containing a lit candle never fails to evoke warm and fuzzy feelings for me about the season and my inner child.

I think the reasons I prefer the weeks preceding Halloween to any other time of the year are many. It begins with the transition from summer to fall, and the glorious colors the leaves in the trees turn into before they fall from the branches. In my opinion, this is also the most scenic time for road trips of all kinds in the Northeastern United States. I also think the whimsy of the holiday also appeals to me; I enjoy the lack of seriousness and the sense of escapism that Halloween evokes. I have observed many people becoming tense or nervous on or before Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. The reasons may be due to unresolved family conflicts, strenuous holiday preparations, and/or the general inability to relax; the image of being in a pressure cooker comes to mind. Halloween, on the other hand, is just a breezy day with no pressure to speak of.

Which holiday is your favorite, and why?

Lessons from Abroad

Now that I'm back from my trip and fully adjusted back to my life in NYC, I have some time to reflect on my trek through Europe. I took two weeks off from work and went to Paris, Barcelona, Marseille, Cinque Terre, and London. I had an incredible time and did not want to come back home -- a sentiment not shared by some of my travel companions. I'm sure I'll have other posts about specific moments and memories I have from each city I went to, but I wanted to put into words some of the general things I've been thinking about since I got back.

In no particular order, some valuable lessons I learned:

People are as nice to you as you are to them. (Most of the time anyway.) The stereotype is that people in Europe are arrogant and rude to tourists, but I didn't encounter that at all. I was polite and friendly, ate their food, tried to speak their language, and got nothing but friendliness in return.

Packing is a science. I didn't need half the shirts I brought. Could've done with a few more socks. Hiking shoes were my best purchase ever. Plastic bags, ziploc bags and duct tape became my best travel companions. Speaking of packing...

Always bring a bathing suit. Because the weather forecast is as unpredictable in Europe as it is back home. The forecast said partly cloudy and 60 degrees Fahrenheit, but I found myself sweating profusely in the blazing sun and wanting nothing more than to work on my tan at the rocky beach near the hostel.

It's always possible to have fun on a budget. As long as I stayed flexible and figured out what mattered to me, I was fine. Suddenly the nutella sandwich meant to be a snack was the entire meal, but who cares because then I could buy awesome Beatles souvenirs instead!

I could probably keep going, but I'll leave it at that for now. What are some travel lessons you've got to share?

The Lonely Holiday

Halloween is the loneliest holiday for me. I feel weird even putting that sentence in writing, because it sounds utterly absurd to me, but it's true. I know I'm very lucky to have always been surrounded by family and friends on the "big" holidays, which for me are Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. In my head, that's all that should matter. So, why do I always get myself bent out of shape about Halloween?

My childhood memories of Halloween are warm, but not earth shattering. My brother and I dressed up to trick-or-treat, but my mom never let us knock on strangers' doors, so the night was short and mostly spent at home. We often went to Halloween at the Zoo, which was awesome, but I know I can't hope to recapture that magic in adulthood. So, what am I looking for?

The thing is, it's not that hard to find stuff to do on Halloween in New York. People dress up and go out partying, but that's not exactly what I'm after. I went to the Greenwich Village parade alone one year, which was about the most depressing possible thing to do. I went another year with one friend, but we just stood on the sidelines and watched all the revelry. I always end up home early and inexplicably sad.

Last year I was lucky enough to be invited to a real Halloween party, costumes and everything, plus a screening of The Twilight Zone. People really came dressed up, and I finally felt like I was doing something to honor the holiday. I want to do that every year! I find, though, that I don't know how to plan a Halloween event, which is the obvious, proactive solution. Some element of shyness comes out in me, and I find it hard to go after what I want....which is just to dress up, eat candy and hang out with friends. Why is that so hard?

I don't know what the deal is with me and October 31, but I want to get in on it!

Any insights?

Friday Forum: T.V. Junkies

With October comes the new t.v. programming for the fall season. We must have at least a few t.v. junkies in our readership!

What are some new shows you've discovered this season? What are your old favorites that are back this fall?

Link Love for 10/22

It's time to share some link love with everyone. Check out the posts below and don't forget to add your own links in the comments.

Girl w/Pen writes about a cool online show called Smart Girls at the Party that really celebrates girls. We can't wait to catch up on the episodes.

In Good Company has a great post about the simple idea of thinking big, but starting small -- something so many of us often forget.

One Writeous Chick shares the inspiration she got from a water bottle, and the life lessons we can all take away from it.

Lindsey Pollak worked on a series of posts to make us realize that we have more experience than we think. Be sure to read the full series: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Career Conversations

It had been several months since I first met with Kristina and the other Thursdays at Three attendees, but not much had changed for me. Sure, another soul-crushing job came and went, but it was the same nonsense I’ve encountered these last two years. When I heard myself speak about my life goals for the future at last week’s meeting, I had a déjà-vu moment. Oh yes, I sat at that same table in April, and spouted similar sentiments. Perhaps the only difference between then and now is that I am determined to follow through with my plans for a career transition.

Mulling over my past, present, and future situations is mostly a solitary affair, but I wouldn’t say it's because I’m too sensitive. It has more to do with me drowning out other people’s well-meaning (and sometimes not so well-meaning) opinions, which can inadvertently affect me in negative ways. When I do receive unsolicited advice, I keep an open mind and listen. If what someone is saying is unproductive and insulting, I try to emerge from the encounter as unscathed as possible, and with the proper perspective. When I decided to re-join the Thursdays at Three meetings, I was surprised to discover I didn’t have reservations about expressing what I want in my life and career. I know the advice I receive from Kristina and the other attendees is as objective and as helpful as possible. I also hope that my limited input has been perceived as fair, honest, and constructive.

Every week the attendees are given assignments which are geared towards helping us realize our dreams and goals for the future. My homework addresses my desire to become more successful as a writer and to work overseas again in a humanitarian capacity, using my previous experiences as a foundation. While I am slightly intimidated by the tasks I’ve been given, I know I’m ready to take them on. The time is right for me.

Are you in a life and/or career transition? What are you doing to move yourself forward?

Fall Back... to School

Ahhh, the fall. Leaves turn beautiful shades of color you only see for a short time each year. The air is nice and cool, finally rid of summer's oppressive humidity. Apples and pumpkins in season give you an excuse to make apple- and pumpkin-flavored everything... Oh, is that just me?

Well anyway, for so many people, the fall also means the start of the new school year. Probably more so than any other time of year, the fall makes me miss being in school. Buying text books and school supplies was the highlight of my end-of-summer days. By the time October rolled around, I was already well in the swing of things: having intense conversations with classmates, getting to know professors and delving deeper into their academic interests, and starting to think about what classes to take in the spring.

You can certainly say that I enjoyed being a student. I suppose that's why for so long I wanted to be a professor, which to me was basically the equivalent of getting paid to be a student. My career path has now veered off a bit from that, though I haven't completely written it off. Yet every fall, without fail, I start wondering again if and when I'll ever go back to school.

For the past few days, I've thought about taking some classes to fill this void I keep having. I won't go so far as to take graduate-level courses with no goal in mind, but I'm thinking that taking a writing class of some sort might be a good start. Since I've wanted to focus on my writing anyway, I think this might be a good way to fulfill both desires. Just a thought for now, but I'll let you know if it goes anywhere.

Do any of you get the same nostalgia about your school days in the fall?

Are Random Thoughts Allowed?

So, sometimes very random thoughts pass into my mind, with no place to go but right on through. I'm talking about questions with no possible solution, little nagging wonderings, and all kinds of creative fireworks that are probably meaningless to anyone but me. Heck, sometimes they're meaningless even to me!

I assume this sort of thing happens to everyone because I've discovered that when you get to be friends with people, they start saying these little things out loud. That's one of the best and funniest parts of friendship, I might add.

All of this is to say that I don't have a theme for my post today, beyond randomness. I suppose blogging, in some sense, offers a place to float one's random thoughts, so here are a few that have come to me recently:

• Sometimes I look at M.C. Escher drawings and think that he probably would have understood my life.
• I don't understand what the phrase "The Great American Novel" is supposed to signify, so I get annoyed when people use it in conversation.
• I hate it when people talk in the movie theater. It makes me want to throw things. At them. So why, especially lately, am I always seated by the noisiest, talkiest people in the whole place? Grr.
• Why do museum exhibits always have to have those little plaque things that tell you what the art is about, where it comes from and how it's supposed to be received? Do the collections have more, or less, meaning without the deconstruction? Can't art just be art?
• Celebrities I'd like (or would have liked) to have dinner with: Muhammad Ali, Audre Lorde, Amelia Earhart, Robert F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Elizabeth Blackwell, Whoopi Goldberg, and Wangari Maathai to name a (very) few.
• The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The shortest distance between two people is an open-hearted conversation. Or a sharing of random thoughts.

Friday Forum: Fear Factor

Halloween is coming up soon, and it's got us thinking about fears - both real and imagined.

What are some things you're afraid of? The dark? Ghost stories? Failure? Losing the people you love? What is your own personal fear factor?

The Power of Words, The Promise of Peace

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


When I was in high school my dream was to work for the United Nations – I excelled at foreign languages and loved learning about other cultures. I studied International Relations and worked extensively with the international student population of my university. I met people from around the globe and was fascinated by the ways we choose to speak, clothe and govern ourselves, the music we develop and myriad of ways we prepare food, how varied the physical geography we inhabit... But under the diversity, it was clear to me that we enjoy the same basic wants, needs and wishes for ourselves and those we love.

I knew I wanted to do work that took advantage of my passion for and understanding of this concept. The UN, in theory, seemed to be the place for me, but the reality was quite different, and so I ended up forming The Women’s Mosaic instead. However, I do live near the UN’s missions and delegates, have been invited to numerous events over the years, and am thrilled to be part of it in my own way.

Every September during the General Assembly, my neighborhood goes into lock-down and this year was no different, except for one extraordinary event. In a speech given by President Obama, the United States, for the first time in decades, actually expressed its commitment to the institution at its core: its ideals and what it represents. The vision of the UN is what we must aspire to and it cannot succeed without everyone's participation, especially a country as powerful as the U.S. I could not have been more proud that day and felt a sigh of relief that things were finally back on the right track.

They were "only words," but they caused a cosmic shift in the perception of who we are and what the UN is capable of. Words are powerful. They are the bridge between thought and action. They are a vital part of any great movement and are often transforming in and of themselves. For these and many more of his words, there is no doubt in my mind that President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Words manifest change, internally and externally. And both kinds have value, as they are inexorably intertwined.

Relief Through Ayurvedic Massage

I don’t have the luxury of going to the spa very often. In the past, I considered myself lucky if I went three times a year. Now that I don’t receive regular massages as I did when I was abroad, I make sure to go spas that are highly recommended. If the service exceeds my expectations, I am more than happy to return to the place, and pass on recommendations to people I know.

My recent trip to an Ayurvedic spa is perhaps the best I have ever had. I first learned of the facility at a TWM event this past spring. At the Health & Nutrition: Perspectives from Around the World Panel Discussion, the panelists and some audience members made the evening a pleasant and informative one. Dr. Priyatarssini Balamurugen was one of the six panelists who particularly caught my attention, because she spoke specifically about the Ayurvedic approach to health, nutrition, and life as a whole. I have been interested in this particular branch of alternative medicine, because it focuses on multi-faceted treatments for a variety of problems: Yoga, massage, and herbs are just a few of these. When we received our “swag bags” at the close of the event, I noticed a coupon for the Santhigram Kerala Ayurvedic Health Spa and knew I had to visit the New Jersey location before the offer expired at the end of the year.

During the massage and steam bath, I felt the pressures of everyday life slip away. For a person who finds it difficult to meditate because of mental restlessness, I felt surprisingly free during the session. Ayurveda is centuries old, so I am not surprised at how effective it was for me during the hour and fifteen minutes I was there. I think my transcendental experience also had to do with the desire to purify myself, both inside and out. This, coupled with the expert hands and herbal oils used during the session, made me feel relaxed and relieved for the rest of the day.

Have any of you tried Ayurvedic massage or similar treatments? What was your experience?

A Case of Over-Preparedness

I must say that simply planning this trip to Europe has been quite the learning experience. As I've mentioned before, I'll be going with my sisters, but will also at some point or another be in the company of my guy and a few friends.

Planning the trip has made us all communicate with each other in ways we never needed to before. Suddenly, we all need to rely on each other for some bit of information here and there, whether it be tips on where to buy a certain supply or ideas on how to spend a night in a certain city.

In doing all of this, I've come to realize that some people are planners, and some just aren't. I am definitely a planner. I want to know that I have thought of everything before we ever step foot onto an airplane or train. I realize that we can't actually think of everything, and that some things will just happen and we'll have to deal with them. But it brings me an incredible amount of comfort to know that there is some sort of plan.

An itinerary is drafted, city guides and maps are in hand, phrasebooks have been bought - check, check, check. Emergency contact numbers, duct tape, extra first aid supplies in every nook and cranny - check, check, check.

And that's when I hear the reactions that I am, perhaps, too prepared. But is there really such a thing? I've heard this from several people now and I look at them in amazement with crinkled nose and all. How can somebody be too prepared? I've never thought such a thing was possible.

Okay, perhaps I could have saved some space for souvenirs by packing a few less plastic bags and ziploc baggies, but too prepared? Surely not...

So what say you? Have you ever been accused of being over-prepared? Or maybe you're one of these folks I can't understand who are always under-prepared?

Yes, I want to be. So what?

Lately people have been asking me about relationships a lot. Am I looking for one? What do I want out of one? Can they set me up? Would I get up to speed with the internet matching thing already? What am I waiting for? Who am I interested in that they might know?

Sheesh.

I did not used to get into this dialogue so much, and it leads me to wonder if something has changed about my demeanor or behavior that makes people think I'm suddenly "on the market." To be honest, I'm not sure if I am or not. My standard answer is that I'm not specifically looking for a relationship, but I'm open to it if it happens. I think that's pretty true.

People often say that single women are single because they want to be, but it's usually said in a tone of voice that suggests this is a character flaw, or a deep subconscious sabotaging of your chance at happiness. This frustrates me, especially when I feel myself falling into the same traps, thinking about the future in terms of "when I find someone..."

I know people are just trying to be friendly and helpful, but who says I have to be "looking?" Isn't it okay not to? Pauline thinks so. Taking a long term view, yeah, I hope it's out there for me. But in the meantime, I don't want to conduct myself as if I'm waiting indefinitely. I have things to do, dreams to pursue and to accomplish. So, I'm going for it! It's just me, and that's okay.

Friday Forum: Mentors Matter

It's been a while since we talked about mentors on the blog, but we'd like to hear about your personal experiences.

Who have been your most important professional and/or personal mentors? What did they help you accomplish? What did they help you learn about yourself?

Sharing Stories

In the year since we launched the blog, we've gotten to hear from several guest bloggers. They've written about sports, makeovers, job loss, health, and much more. We love featuring guest bloggers because we value the diversity of their experiences and love giving them the chance to share their voices with others.

So why not have that next voice be yours?!

Take a look at our guest blogger guidelines and try putting something together. Tell us a story about your childhood friends, recent travels, dating adventures... whatever you'd like to share.

Can't wait to hear more of your stories!

Transitioning With The Seasons

When the summer season begins its transition into autumn, I feel a little sad. I start to feel the negative effects at this particular time of the year before the end of Daylight Saving Time. I find that I must do more during the transition between summer and autumn to help me better adjust to changes. I don’t know what it is, but every year I get a little more sensitive about the Spring Forward and Fall Back adjustments in time, which occurs twice a year in most of the U.S. The latter gets to me, perhaps because of knowledge that the winter season is just around the corner.

Here are some old and new things I am doing to better cope with the seasonal transition this year and maintain my health:

Exercising every day is not only important for my overall health, but it also makes the end of Daylight Saving Time easier to cope with. I also try to get myself outside before the sun sets so I can enjoy some of the day, but it really lightens my spirits.

This might sound gross to some of you, but I try not to drink ice cold drinks any time of the year. I learned years ago that it is important to drink more fluids that are at least room temperature to match with our body temperature. While I am not a stickler to this rule, I am so used to asking for beverages without ice now that it is like second nature to me.

At a TWM event about health and wellness earlier this year, one of the panelists spoke about the importance of eating seasonal produce. For example, there is no need to be eating mangoes in the dead of winter if they are not season in your area. It is working well for me, so I think it’s worth sharing this information with everyone.

How do you handle seasonal transitions?

Social Experiment

While getting ready for my trip to Europe, I started to realize just how much we rely on technology to get through the day. I don't just mean using the computer throughout the day or making phone calls here and there. For my friends and I, we are attached to the devices we use.

Even during our downtime, we are always on.

When the bus is running late in the morning, we take the chance to check our email on our phones -- computers on the go. We each have a daily ritual for updating our social networking pages so that others don't have to go very long without hearing from us in one way or another. Five minutes here? Update Twitter. Ten minutes there? Outline a blog post. Can't sleep? Clear out your inbox.

No matter what the problem, using the internet or computer is the solution.

In Europe, we won't have these distractions. We bought cheap phones we could use in case of emergency and to make the occasional homesick call home. We have to pay for internet and because it's by the hour (or sometimes by the minute), we need to know exactly what we're getting online to do.

It will be liberating, to be sure. But...

What will we do with all this free time we have? Will we find that we don't really need those early morning email checks? Or will we realize that these things are such a part of our routine, that it's almost impossible to let them go?

Only time will tell, I suppose! When it's all said and done, I will let you all know how our experiment of circumstance went and whether being disconnected meant we appreciated each other's company more... or made us realize just how much we can't stand each other.

Greek Adventures

I recently traveled to Greece with a friend from college. We spent a few days in Athens, on the mainland, and then took a ferry to the island of Santorini. Athens was a fascinating city, full of history and dynamic architecture that spans the centuries. On Santorini, the island and ocean landscape was beautiful, of course. The weather and the water was perfect for swimming and relaxing on the beach!

In addition to several fun new adventures -- such as climbing a volcano, swimming in warm sulphur springs, and riding a donkey up the island hillside -- the best part of the journey was getting to spend time with an old friend. I was amazed by the fact that we had hung out exactly once in the last seven or so years since graduation, yet we were able to pick up as if no time at all had passed between seeing one another.

We ate fabulous meals, overlooking the gorgeous scenery, and chatted about life, the universe, and everything. How could I ask for anything better? Yet, before we'd departed for Greece, my friend had to work hard to talk me into even going on this trip. "I'm busy; it's expensive," I argued. I tried to convince her that it'd be fine if she went alone, and I'm sure it would have been, but in the end, I'm really glad I took the trip with her. It's definitely a very different experience to travel with others!


These pictures, respectively, are of me in Athens overlooking the Acropolis and the modern cityscape, atop the active volcano at Santorini, and riding a tour boat in the sea in front of the island. It was a really fun week

Has anyone else been to Greece, or had other great travels lately?

Friday Forum: Creatures of Habit

Because New Year's isn't the only time to reflect and try to make changes, let's take a look at some things we all want to improve about ourselves.

What are some bad habits you're trying to break? Smoking, drinking, procrastinating?

And what are some good habits or routines you're trying to instill in yourself?

Let's offer each other support and hold each other accountable for the changes we want to see in ourselves.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes back our very first guest blogger, Kelly:

Kelly lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack and their dog, Pearl. Between feeding Jack and walking the dog, she is working with members of her community to start a food co-op.


If you read my previous post, then you know I am a relatively new mom. My son is now 15 months old and toddling around our apartment and just about anywhere else we let him out of his stroller.

Making the transition from single career girl to pregnant working woman to (mostly) stay-at-home mom has been tough. I grew up with huge career ambitions and wanted nothing more than to be successful at any and every job I took. I wasn't going to be a mere housewife - watching the kids, cleaning the house, making dinner - as if! I was far too bright and shiny for that type of mundane lifestyle!

Little did I know that motherhood would be far and away the most challenging - and rewarding - job I have ever taken on.

I have found that my mommy group is the best support network. Our conversations jump from the latest politics, to what an awful poopy diaper we have on our hands (sometimes literally), to preservatives in food, to what we can do to help out another mommy having a rough time with her second pregnancy, to whether or not we will make it to yoga next Thursday. Our backgrounds are as diverse as our conversations: we have full-time working moms and part-time freelancers, moms who plan to breastfeed until their children stop naturally and others who have been using bottles and formula since day one.

Despite our differences, we have forged friendships and trust each other with the intimate details of our lives. Without these women, I'm sure I would have lost my mind as I tried to recreate a semblance of normalcy in my life after living with a newborn for several months. As we go forward, I expect to help and be helped by these marvelous women I call my mommy group. It may sound like a petty distinction, but they have become an invaluable part of my life. This only child finally has a sense of what it must be like to have sisters. Here's to you, ladies!