Dear Abby, I Mean Sally

Something I've always been generally good at is giving advice. I'm really good at listening to people, laying out their options as I see them, and letting them know what I would do in the situation without making it seem like I'm forcing them into that decision.

For a while, it seemed that people were fine getting along without me, but lately I've noticed that people are constantly coming to me with their problems. Even when they're not, what starts as a casual conversation sometimes turns into something heavier: they bare their souls and I reassure them that their feelings are valid and give them guidance about what to do.

Last night, for example, a friend and I were chatting to catch up and talk about holiday plans. It had only been a week since the last time we spoke, so it should've been a 10-minute conversation. Instead, we were on the phone for an hour talking about insecurities, jealousy, relationships, and other random things on his mind.

Now, it's not that I'm complaining, I just find it interesting that after all this time, people still come to me for advice -- even on things that I haven't lived through and even people who are much older than me. And I suppose the fact that so many people feel comfortable coming to me with any problem shows what a good friend I am.

But maybe I'll start thinking twice about the timing of my phone calls and friend dates, because they sure do take longer than I plan.

Do you have a friend that everyone goes to for advice, or are you that friend?

A Wednesday of Women's Work

We all wrote a bit about Thanksgiving last week, so when I sat down to write this post, I was thinking of shifting the topic to something else that's holiday related. But I've got to buy my turkey today, so the big bird's still on my mind. It occurs to me now, that it's probably on a lot of people's minds 2around the country--especially women.

My mom tells me that every year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (back when she made the meal, before I took over), as she hurried around making preparations for the big day, she felt a special kinship with the millions of other women who were no doubt scurrying around their own kitchens making similar preparations. It reminded her, she says, of the importance of women's work, and the grand scope of women's contribution. For me now, hearing her say this, it both puts me in awe of what women accomplish in our day-to-day lives, and how often the nature of that work falls out of sight behind-the-scenes.

In this day and age, there are surely a lot of men who prepare turkeys, too, for family and friends, but my mom and I would like to raise a glass (or a wing) to all the moms, step-moms, moms-in-law, grandmas, sisters, aunts, nieces, close friends, and other powerhouse ladies out there who are hard at work this week to create a special moment for their families. We're thankful for their time, energy and presence in these Thanksgiving celebrations!

Who are the women in your life who you're thankful for?

Friday Forum: Thanks for 2010

It's Thanksgiving next week, so it's about time for all of us to start thinking about what we're thankful for this year.

Aside from the usual things we're thankful for every year, what is something that happened in your life this year in particular that you're thankful for?

Perhaps you met somebody who has changed your life for the better, or something you've struggled with has taken a turn for the better. Let us know in the comments!

Link Love for 11/18

You know how much we like showing some link love to our favorite sites. See some of what we've been reading so far this month.

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur has some advice for the workplace that'll help you shine for your boss.

Girl w/Pen considers how science and education are made girly and just what effect that has on girls.

Global Sister posted an interesting paper on civil society participation that was presented to the Head of UN Women.

In Good Company shared an experience of having a business copycat that can also apply to many of us with a public persona.

NYWSE showcased a woman who is helping build communities through microfinance and volunteer partnerships.

One Writeous Chick reminds us to keep believing in ourselves when things aren't looking so good.

What have you been reading and writing on the web? Be sure to leave links in the comments.

A Thanksgiving State of Mind

I really am grateful for my life. I know it sounds cliché to say this, but when I hear stories of young men and women attempting to commit suicide and even succeeding in doing so, I am reminded of how precious being alive is. While the Thanksgiving season is the time most people start thinking about being thankful and grateful for what they have, I am convinced that we should not pull out our gratitude just once or several times a year.

Why am I bringing this up? It seems that as the holidays come closer, I am confronted with more reports of suicides and other tragedies that don’t make always make the news. As the daughter of a medical professional, I often hear stories about people of all ages who try and sometimes succeed in bringing on death. I recently heard about a young man whose suicide attempt has left him comatose on a life support machine; I am moved when I hear about families finding their loved ones in such terrible situations and not being able to cope with the aftermath. Now that stories like these are so commonplace, we take for granted that despair claims victims all around us on a daily basis. Knowing this makes me even more grateful that I never felt driven to anything this drastic; no matter how troublesome life can be, it has never been that bad.

Tragedies like these also make me think about how death comes to everyone, no matter who they are. Some choose to make it happen, others go about their lives until they end suddenly, and then there those who know they are dying and have time to come to terms with it. However it happens for me, I will continue to smile at something or someone everyday, no matter how difficult life can get. Thanksgiving is a great holiday, but it does only come once a year; we should have a “Thanksgiving” moments on a daily basis to remind us how blessed we are to have one more day on this Earth.

An Unconventional Thanksgiving

It’s funny that Kekla wrote about her holiday plans yesterday, because I just finalized my Thanksgiving plans and was thinking about how different my plans are this year.

Just like most people, I spent my holidays with my family. Once I had moved away from home for good, the struggle was deciding whether to spend each holiday with my family, my guy’s family, or somehow split the day to see both. As I wrote about before, this was always rather stressful but it did get me used to spending the holidays elsewhere.

This year, my guy and I are no longer together, so that wasn’t really an issue, but I realized that I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving at home. I’m not exactly sure why, but I felt a pull to do something completely different, and to perhaps start thinking about forming my own traditions.

After a visit from a very good friend who I hadn’t seen in years, we got to talking about spending Thanksgiving together and I immediately loved the idea. We thought about renting a cabin and cooking dinner ourselves, but ultimately we decided we’d do something unexpected and fly on out to San Francisco. I’ve never been to San Francisco and I’ve wanted a change of scenery since breaking up with my guy. Combine that with the fact that I’d look for any excuse to spend some quality time with my friend, I was sold.

So this year I’m having a rather unconventional Thanksgiving, but I’m feeling really good about it. I’m not really any closer to figuring out how I’ll spend my holidays in the future, but if they all involve a trip to a new place and time with great friends, I’m up for it.

Holiday Habits

Last week's Friday Forum topic got me thinking about my plans for the upcoming holidays. My preference tends toward a simple, classic version of the year-end festivities. When I think about Christmas, in particular, I think about spending time with my family. It evokes images of traveling home and sleeping in my childhood bed, putting up a tree in the living room, getting to drive and ride in the car a lot (a relative rarity for an NYC-dweller), and cooking in my mom's enormous (again, relative to NYC) kitchen.

I've always known there would come a point when my holiday traditions would begin to evolve. They've already evolved somewhat. For several years in the past, instead of traveling home to the Midwest, I've hosted Thanksgiving in my own apartment, for family and friends. I managed this transition rather seamlessly. Sometimes it's nice not to travel and, for better or worse, I get the leftovers all to myself.

The prospect of changing Christmas plans, however, seems a bit more daunting. I count myself very lucky that no life events have disrupted my Yuletide traditions up until now. Every December for a decade I've wondered if this would be the year, but it turns out that it's going to be 2010 that finally breaks a lifelong tradition: I won't be going home for Christmas.

I tell myself that the element of being with family and friends is the most important thing, and I'm still going to get to do that. I'll buy a tree and decorations, heat hot chocolate, and savor the festive, wintry vibe of the city. Still, I can't help but wonder if it'll feel like the same holiday this year.

I'll let you know on the flip side!

Friday Forum: Traditions, Old & New

As the holiday season gets closer, some people know exactly what they're doing while others are trying to figure out if they should try something new this year.

What are some holiday traditions you carry out every year? What are some new traditions you're hoping to start, whether it's with a new family, your friends, etc.?

Jungle Love

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.



The latest casualties in celebrity breakups - Courtney Cox & David Arquette, Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman, Ben Harper & Laura Dern, to name a few - remind us that although things may look bright and shiny on the outside, there is trouble in paradise.

Whether you have the paparazzi spotlight on you or not, this is the area of life we are most often challenged in, even if we excel at everything else. Because when it comes to relationships, it's a jungle out there. Having realistic expectations of what we want and how to go about getting it is the key to navigating that often hostile and confusing environment.

The jungle image conjures up virgin territories, poisonous plants and camouflaged predators. But the reality is that it can also contain a myriad of medicinal cures and infinite beauty and diversity - a place of healing, discovery and wonder.

Just like the mighty forest of the Amazon, we each contain secrets and gems within us. It might first take wielding a machete to clear away the brush before getting to a place where you can see the light of day, and your partner in that light. It takes work - honest communication and emotional elbow grease - to get to that place where you are totally naked to just be, without the distractions, bells and whistles or ability to hide in the denseness of all that surrounds you. That is the place where relationships must exist; all the rest is gravy.

If and when you get to that stripped down place and can't embrace yourself, it will be much harder for your partner to. But if you have already unearthed all your hidden, not so nice parts, and love and accept them unconditionally while trying to improve them, then you can enter into a relationship truly whole and ready to give to another in the same way.

So whether you are traveling solo, have a 'plus one', or are not quite sure what your status is in this expedition called life, give me a buzz and I will help lead you out of the heart of darkness and into the bright city lights.

Whitewashing Dilemma

I never understand why people want to whitewash history. That was what I first thought when I heard about George W. Bush’s publicity tour to promote his new memoir. Since leaving office, he has lived quietly away from the spotlight until now. I remember how different things were before and now after his presidency, and I can honestly say that things were pretty grim during those long eight years.

At the same time, it is far too easy to cast all the blame on Bush entirely. He was the figure head of a large, crumbling administration, as well as the country as a whole. He had other branches of the government to contend with too, which is understandable. Still, people in the media want to either revere him as a powerful former President who helped spread democracy in the Muslim world, or demonize him for entering into war with Iraq. It is too easy to choose one side or the other, but it is wrong to do so.

When you see the world in purely “black and white,” you lose out on many truths. Still, I don’t believe that someone like Hitler should be sympathized with in this or any other way. I feel fortunate that I surround myself with people who are and have made time to present themselves for who they really are, warts and all.

I also don’t like it when people claim to be close with a deceased person, when they were not. Respect for someone who is passed is essential of course, but I feel uncomfortable seeing people mourning for those deceased persons they barely knew or spoke to. Whitewashing the memories of others can be detrimental to everyone concerned; trashing someone through and through is also a bothersome extreme. Therefore, taking the middle ground is always best, at least from my own view.

Do you agree that whitewashing anything or anyone (dead or alive) is a bad idea? Why or why not?

Becoming an (e)Bookworm

For as long as there have been eReaders, everyone’s been asking me if and when I'm getting one. Everyone knows I'm a huge bookworm and that I love technology, you put the two together and I’m in heaven. It's true that I've been slightly obsessed with news about the eReader wars for over a year now, but I wasn't quick to jump on the bandwagon to go out and get one.

I've never been against eReaders, but I wanted everything to settle down first so I could pick the right one. For a while there, rumors constantly surfaced about a new eReader that did everything but the dishes. Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Sony, etc. were constantly talked about... and I listened closely to every word.

Now that the dust has settled and most of the big players have released their eReaders, I've been paying even more attention (if that's possible) to what each one has to offer and which one I want. Yes, after years of putting it off, I'm finally ready to commit. Admittedly, I've been reading eBooks ever since I got an iPhone, even though I didn't actually buy my first contemporary eBook until a few days ago when I realized I couldn't wait any longer to borrow my friend's copy of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. At any rate, having an actual eReader is a whole new world.

I won't stop buying regular books, regardless of what people seem to think having an eReader means. Some books are just better and easier to absorb when you can write on the margins, highlight to your heart's content, underline, circle, and make the book yours. Then there's the fact that not every book has an eBook version, and I'm fine with that too.

So which one do I want? I haven’t completely made up my mind yet, but when I do, I know it’ll be the best one for me.

Have any of you fellow bookworms out there made the switch to an eReader yet? Which do you have and what do you love about it?

Catch Up With Kekla

Unfortunately, Kekla's out today, so there won't be a new post. But this is actually a great chance for you to read back over some of her other posts. Happy reading!

Friday Forum: Getting Engaged

This week's elections had the entire country's attention and it seemed everywhere you went and every channel you turned to had some mention of it. It's always great to see citizens so engaged, and it got us thinking about our own civic engagement.

What are some things you do to stay active and engaged? Whether it's voting every year, keeping others informed, or playing a role in your community board, what do you do to stay involved?

Share Your Journey

It's been a while since we've heard from you all and we think it's about time you send some more guest blogger posts our way.

Remember that you can write about an almost endless variety of things: a new job, an old relationship, a recent life lesson you learned, your culture, your mentor or mentee, and so much more. If it's from your personal experience and shares experiences of diversity, empowerment or personal growth, we want you to share your journey!

So check out our guest blogger guidelines, read previous guest posts if you need inspiration, and submit your post!

Shower Party Planning

Party planning doesn’t come naturally to me, but I have been learning to do my best when the duty falls in my lap. I am planning my sister’s shower with the help of two of her friends, which makes life a lot easier for me. I helped plan two for friends of mine in the past, but this one is very different; the others were traditional bridal shower affairs, but my sister’s party will be a co-ed couples’ shower. She and her fiance wanted it that way, and we gladly obliged.

Another aspect to this event that we all appreciate is that the shower is potluck; each of us will be bringing food and/or drinks to the venue, which happens to be a friend’s apartment in New York City. When funds are limited, especially during financially difficult times, it should be easy to comprehend why we are doing this. I am glad to be focusing on other aspects of the party, such as games and gifts for guests, instead of planning a menu for several dozen people.

Even with all this planning ahead, I know that things could go wrong: people cancel at the last minute, or guests can bring more people with them, even though each is allowed to bring just one other person, or everyone just brings drinks and no food. All I know that I can do is to go ahead with the planning and prepare to do damage control if needed. It is just a party, after all, and I want to have a little fun during this process.

Do you enjoy party planning, or is it something you let other people take care of?

Election Day 2010 - Get Out & Vote

If you're eligible and registered to vote, be sure to get out there and vote today!

Voting is something that's always been very important to me -- it was the thing I looked forward to the most when I became a U.S. citizen. Because of that, I'm constantly reminding people to vote and encouraging them to educate themselves on the issues and who or what will be on their ballot come Election Day. And today, the day of the all-important midterm elections, I'm doing the same for all of you!

The first thing you need to do is figure out where to vote. Google has set up a function that allows you to look up your poll location and Facebook has a similar feature. You can also search for your Board of Elections and find a poll locator on their website, or at least a number you can call to find out where to go.

To find out what to expect when you get there, you can keep tabs on Election Protection's Twitter account and their #EP2010 hashtag where you can view or report problems at poll locations throughout the country.

Most importantly, to learn more about what will be on your ballot, one of your best resources will be the League of Women Voters' awesome site. You can use it to search for the elections in your area and to find out where some of the candidates stand on the major issues.

That's the scoop on the important things you need to know, so now you have no excuse to stay away from the polls. Voting is one of the best things you can do to take full advantage of your citizenship and your rights as an American. It's one major way to get your voice heard and to be clear about what direction you want the country to go in.

Do you vote on Election Day? If not, what are some of the things that hold you back?

The Curtain Calls

I love going to see live theater performances. But, I find that I don't often enough take the initiative to seek out new shows. Sometimes the cost is prohibitive, especially thinking about Broadway shows, but it doesn't have to be. There are discount ticket services all over the place, not to mention off-broadway and off-off-Broadway options that price themselves lower to begin with. I guess, for me, theater's one of those things that can easily fall out of sight and out of mind. When I'm out of practice, it seems like a big deal to jockey for cheap tickets.

In the past month, I've lucked into several theater-going opportunities at low- or no-cost, and each reminded me how much I appreciate a good show. I feel eager to find something else to see, and I wonder how long I can make the feeling last. It's so easy to get sucked back into work and life, and forget to seek time and space to experience art and allow myself to be surprised, excited, or moved by someone else's creative work.

I enjoy everything about the theater experience--the hushed dark, the little armrests, the sense of everyone staring, breathless, toward the lighted stage, waiting to see how the scene will unfold. For a writer, too, there is infinite value in witnessing storytelling in all the varying forms it can take. The recent reminder of this has inspired me in a lot of ways. I guess I've been bitten once again by the theater bug--I've no desire to perform on stage, but I desperately want to watch. The curtain calls!

Seen any good shows lately?

Friday Forum: Happy Halloween!

Halloween isn't necessarily a holiday that we think of as having traditions, but most people do have certain things they always do on or around Halloween.

What are some of your Halloween traditions? Do you go trick or treating with your family? Do you attend a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening or watch your favorite scary movies at home? Let us know in the comments.

Link Love for 10/28

We know, we know, we just had a link love post last week, but is it our fault that there's so much great content out there that it needs another post? Check out what we've been reading.

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur reminds us that not every "no" we hear is the same.

Girl w/Pen is taking a deeper look at Karen Owen's fake thesis scandal and calling out sexism.

Lindsey Pollak has a great piece about Millenial/Gen Y women and the positive outlook for their future.

NYWSE interviewed the founder of Rubina Design, which gives back to help women entrepreneurs around the world.

One Writeous Chick features a guest post about how giving up on goals can be a good thing.

Savvy Ladies has tips for balancing friendships with wealth differences, whether you've got the big money or little money.

What have you been reading and writing online? Be sure to leave a link in the comments.

Appreciating The Open Road

I may not be a great driver, but I am learning to appreciate the open road. I hate sitting in never ending traffic like any normal person, and when the weather is scary I would rather sit indoors and watch it pass by. There are wonderful moments after the seemingly endless minutes behind a slow-moving truck are over, or when a dense fog clears and I can actually see where I am going, that I get to enjoy driving. I am taking advantage of my time behind the wheel now, because I know these days of red, orange and gold leaves are coming to an end.

I prefer taking public transportation when it is convenient and not too expensive, especially when I went to Portland, Maine several years ago. I love scenic train rides, and I ogling at the scenery behind large windows. Still, I can almost never say no to a road trip because I get to choose where to stop if I see a farmers’ market, outdoor sculpture garden, and anything else that grabs my attention along the way. I also like being able to take as much or as little as I want in my car for my journeys; I am learning to pack lighter, but for a recent trip to Massachusetts, I brought along my brand new juicer because my accommodations had a kitchen, and I wanted to use it. My car made it possible for me to bring this convenience from home, without any fuss.

My current job requires me to travel periodically, which has been more pleasurable than I thought it would be. I am used to taking buses and subways to an enclosed office, but now I get to hit the open road and visit different places and meet various people. I hate rush hour traffic with a passion, so I am learning to avoid it by driving during off-peak hours. I used to be afraid driving to places previously unknown to me, but now I look forward to the opportunity.

Do you enjoy driving?

Halloween Highs

I'm not generally big on holidays, but to the extent that I even pay attention or care about them, I guess Halloween has always been higher on the list than most. I'm not really even sure how this came to be, considering I wasn't allowed to trick or treat when I was younger, then I was too old to trick or treat but too young to go to parties, and even now, I don't always make plans for Halloween. But I guess there are just so many things to enjoy about it even without participating.

First, there's the candy. I love all things sweet, and Halloween gives me a great excuse to munch on bite-sized candy bars and licorice. Then there's the adorable little kids dressed up as bumble bees or their favorite action hero or whatever other cute thing you can think of. Even the ones with scary masks on look adorable!

Which brings me to the best part of Halloween: getting dressed up. Finding a costume can be stressful, so I admit that I've complained quite a bit about this in the past, but I do like seeing the creative costumes people come up with. Plus, it's a lot of fun when you have an idea and can just run with it. That's what happened this year with me when I got the idea to be Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter. When inspiration struck, I pretty much started seeking out plans just so I could wear the costume. I'm still waiting for the year that I get a group of friends together to go as Pink Ladies from Grease.

Do you like Halloween? If so, what's your favorite part?

Taking the Time, Today

I recently attended a memorial service for an elderly acquaintance--one of those pleasant affairs where the focus is on celebrating someone's long, fruitful, achievement-packed life, rather than mourning the tragedy of what is lost. Far from being sad, the festivities (I think it's safe to call them such) filled those of us present with joy and thanksgiving for having known this particular gentleman. People who knew him much better than I did offered touching eulogies and affectionate tales of his many adventures in his 95 years on earth. Turns out, he really got around!

In the midst of all the happy and poignant conversation, it struck me that it would have been nice to be able to speak about this man as more than an acquaintance, but as a friend. Our paths crossed regularly in the past nine years or so that I'd known him, and we exchanged the sort of respectful pleasantries you would expect from dialogue between a twenty-something woman and a ninety-something man. There was always something about him that intrigued me, his gentle manner, his intelligent observation of the world around him, his warmth and kindness. Yet, I found him slightly intimidating at the same time, because of his age and his declining health. Maybe I simply felt afraid to "bother" him, in case he needed his rest, or didn't want to dwell on stories of his youth.

As a lover of history, it always fascinates me to talk with people who lived through events I've only read about. Born in 1915, this man lived through the better part of the 20th century, with a ground-level view of some of the great eras and events of his times. I wish now that I could have found the courage to approach him, to invite him into conversation with me, because I think he would have come along willingly, and maybe I wouldn't have had to work very hard at all. I must admit, I crave contact with that sort of wisdom, and so often it is hard to really imagine that it will be gone sooner rather than later.

Do you have any older adults in your life who you'd like to sit down and have a good chat with? Maybe today is the day to give it a try.

Friday Forum: All Dressed Up

It's a bit hard to believe, but Halloween is just next week. If you love Halloween or plan ahead, you're probably sitting pretty right now, but if you're not, this may be a moment of slight panic.

What are your ideas for getting all dressed up this Halloween? Witch, nurse, your favorite Harry Potter character?

Link Love for 10/21

We can't get enough of our favorite blogs, so it's time for another link love round-up!

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur uses the "7 habits of" premise and runs with it... for healthy eating.

Girl w/Pen takes on what they call the tyranny of skinny fashion in an insightful post.

Global Sisters posted information about the petition to Make Women Count for Peace -- be sure to sign.

Lindsey Pollak has a very helpful post about finding careers you never knew existed.

NYWSE wrote about how women network, and how they "netweave."

One Writeous Chick is trying to learn the important lesson of how to be more selfish.

Woodhull Institute's blog highlighted the 15 minutes of fame education is currently getting.

That's it from us. What have you been reading and writing on the web?

The Nature of Bullying

One summer in my childhood, when my family and I were preparing to visit family in India, a priest who knew my mother called her to ask if she would give his family a cheese wheel from him when she was there. My mother agreed, not knowing it would be almost as large as one of our suitcases. When she saw the cheese wheel for herself, she politely refused to pack it for obvious reasons. The priest was furious with her, and never treated us kindly after that. The problem was that because my mother is so nice, he thought he could tell her what to do and she would oblige, no matter how inconvenient the request. He and many others taught me about the nature of bullying, and the lessons still resonate with me today.

It is generally believed that being nice is equal to weakness, even though most of us would not admit it openly. I was once seen as both too kind and easy to manipulate, and I admit that I was in the past. I realize now that true benevolence comes from strength, not weakness. I was afraid to stand up for myself when I was bullied as a child in school, because I thought I would make things worse if I did. I was awkward in my own skin, a minority in my mostly white Roman Catholic grammar school, and the teachers were also part of the problem.

Bullying has made national news again with the suicide of a college freshman and the actions that probably led to this devastating end. I think about the bullies in my life, and realize that they taught me how not to treat other people and to speak out against the behavior, even when others are not supportive. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself and others who are the targets of bullying, even if I am not seen as a nice person because of it. I know who I am now, and no one’s contradictions can change that.

What are your thoughts on bullying?

Fall Focus & Fresh Start

Sally is feeling under the weather, so there's no post from her today, but this is a chance to promote for TWM founder & CHICKS ROCK! guest blogger Kristina. She will be speaking tonight, so check out the details below.

Spring Cleaning for the Soul: Fall Focus/Fresh Start
October 19th, 2010 | 6:30-8:00pm
Registration is closed. Please contact RMarcus@Woodhull.org

Spring is a time for rebirth, renewal and reawakening. It’s a time when many people dust off their homes and open the windows to let the fresh air in and stale air out – come listen to Kristina Leonardi, founder of The Women’s Mosaic, as she talks about doing the same for your soul! The Fall is also a great time to review where you are at, make adjustments and revise goals, just like you did when the new school year started! Examine what no longer serves a purpose in your life, and what ideas, work, or relationships need to be let go of or revised. Take this time to stop and reflect on who and where you are at this moment and use the energy of the seasons of change to create your best and most fulfilled life now!

Location: Microsoft Corporation, 6th Floor, Room 6042 “Radio City,” 1290 6th Avenue New York City

The Flaw in Films

It's possible that many of you are already familiar with the Bechdel Test for women in films (I've also heard it called the Mo Movie Measure), but I found this video by The Feminist Frequency about a surprising phenomenon occurring in many popular feature films today:



If you watched the video, you might not need to read the rest of my post, but here it goes anyway. The Bechdel Test asks three questions of any movie to determine the true presence of women on the screen:

1. Does the film have more than one woman in it (who has a name)?
2. Do they talk to each other at some point?
3. Do they talk about something other than a man?

The first time I heard of this, I felt sure I could immediately name plenty of movies that pass the test. Turned out, I could name some--not plenty--and they weren't always the movies I expected them to be. And it remains truly shocking to me how many of my favorites fail miserably.

How do your long-time favorites stack up? What about any new releases you've checked out lately? Any surprises?

Friday Forum: Go(al)-Getter

By now, most people have completely forgotten their 2010 New Year's resolution, and have not yet started thinking about their resolution for next year.

Think about what goals you set for yourself this year and let us know if you've been successful in meeting them. If you have been, what goals will you be focused on through the end of the year? If you haven't succeeded, what will you do to get back on track?

Leap of Faith

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth. Join her at Spring Cleaning for the Soul: Fall Focus, Fresh Start on Tuesday, October 19.


In the year 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue... Whether or not you approve of the outcome of that fateful voyage, we can all learn from Columbus' extreme act of faith and belief in himself when he left to explore a New World despite all odds.

Albert Einstein believed in intuition and inspiration, saying"Imagination is more important than knowledge". The greatest discoveries in the world are often based on hunches, on people with a vision and certain knowingness, and then moving forward with courage, determination and perseverance, they set out to prove it.

People may think you're crazy, want to dissuade you, say your theories are wrong; even those closest to you who have the very best of intentions can only project their version of the truth and what they think is right. But they simply may not understand, and at the end of the day, we must be the captain of our own ship.

Once you embark on that journey, you will always encounter stormy skies, dis-ease, and potential mutiny along the way, whether from external sources and naysayers or internal voices of doubt and despair from your ego trying to take over what your heart and gut knows to be true, without the proof and evidence yet in existence. But we must remain steady as she blows!

We each have an internal compass, our own personal North Star which may very well lead us on a different path from everyone around us or society as a whole. We are unique beings, so only you know what's right for you and ultimately the direction you want to be going in. And if you're wrong or it doesn't work out the way you planned, at least you will have tried, and will learn and grow along the way. You may even find something better than what you originally envisioned...

So if you need a little adjustment of your internal GPS, an experienced cartographer, or just some help handling what Mother Nature throws your way, give me a buzz and I'll be the wind that gives lift to your sails, assists in navigating those uncharted waters and supports you in staying the course!

Each Bite Matters

Cooking from start to finish is something I can do well, if I have the instructions and ingredients handy. I am learning to be creative when it comes to substituting some items for others, such as agave nectar or stevia for sugar, applesauce for oil, and other healthier alternatives. As I experiment, the allure of going out for a meal has lessened considerably; I like knowing what I am putting into my body on a daily basis. Each bite matters more because I put the effort into preparing the food from scratch.

Shopping and food preparation takes time, something most of us don’t have in this fast-moving modern world we live in. When I am tempted to reach for the phone to make place an order for take out, I more often than not convince myself to stop and look into my refrigerator for items I can transform into healthy meals. I love fried foods, but should I be eating them everyday? Absolutely not. Frying is the easiest, tastiest, and least beneficial way to cook anything, so I make time to bake or steam if I can manage it. I am also all about eating raw vegetables with juicing and salads, so I try to choose organic produce whenever possible and prepare for consumption by washing thoroughly with a mixture of water, baking soda, and lemon juice. I learned this handy produce wash recipe from a great book about natural alternatives to store-bought cleaners and remedies, and I only paid five dollars for the knowledge.

I haven’t given up eating out completely. That would be impossible, especially know with a family wedding and other events coming up in the near future. All I do know is that making my own food at home is far less expensive and much healthier for me than relying on strangers who may or may not have their hearts in what they are doing. In addition to taking a few cooking classes at a local restaurant, I am looking forward to making time and challenging myself further in the kitchen. This commitment will pay off.

My TV Fast

Remember when all I was doing was watching tv? I had recaps to write for a handful of shows and watching all that television was exhausting. Kekla's post yesterday about Dancing with the Stars made me realize that for the past month or so, I've been living without a tv and the change is a bit jarring. I feel like I've quit a drug cold turkey.

I welcomed the change at first because I was so wiped out from having to watch all of those shows. I had some newfound free time that I quickly filled in with work, reading, and spending time with my friends.

But then the fall season started and I really began to miss it. I kept hearing about the new shows like My Generation and found myself wanting to watch even awful shows I don't usually care much about like Desperate Housewives. (Don't judge me... I'm too busy judging myself.)

So I caved a bit and started watching a couple of shows online, and I’ve actually found the perfect balance. I no longer watch whatever random show is on just because it’s on, and I don’t have to miss my favorite shows. Plus, I’ve watched at least a couple of episodes of a lot of the new shows without feeling like I have to commit to them. Sadly, Dexter isn’t available online, but I’ll catch up eventually.

Now I have a tv again, but it doesn't have any cable or DVR. Because my schedule is all over the place, I haven't even been there to catch any shows when they're on, so I’ll probably stick to my new habit for a while.

Have you ever gone on a tv fast, either intentionally or unintentionally? Did you enjoy it?

Dancing with Dancing with the Stars

After years of resisting, this season I've finally broken down and started watching ABC's Dancing with the Stars. Friends who know that I'm a former ballroom dancer constantly tell me I've been missing out. ("You'd love this show. You have to watch.") Instead, I studiously avoided it. I couldn't make it through a single episode, because I quickly realized that there's nothing more annoying and painful than watching people do something I enjoy doing when I can't do it myself.

Beginning in college up through my first years living in NYC, I participated in ballroom dancing clubs and classes. I cut out this activity because, after my career transition, it was no longer in my budget. Ballroom dancing lessons are surprisingly expensive! But I haven't stopped thinking about how much I enjoyed a good tango or rumba back in the day. Seeing Dancing with the Stars simply made me sad about it.

I'm not sure what caused me to give the show a second chance this fall. I'm even less sure why I'm not still hating it. I can't quite say I enjoy watching, but something new is going on for me. Perhaps some inner strand of optimism has risen to the surface. Because I've discovered that rather than being something to pine over, the show can be a way to savor something. The memory of my dancing days, plus the hope that I can begin again sometime soon. Better than memory or hope, even, is the potential that the show itself will inspire me to seek new ways of satisfying my desire to dance. Maybe I can locate an inexpensive ballroom class or even find a place to cha-cha my little heart out for free. Because, after having loved and missed something so much for so long, maybe it's time to open the door to opportunities again.

Is there a hobby or activity you've given up that you'd like to bring back into your life?

Friday Forum: Autumn Abroad?

Summer is when we typically hear of people taking trips abroad, but a nice fall excursion to another country can be a great break from your routine.

Whether you couldn't take time off in the summer, didn't want to deal with tourist season, or find better bargains in the fall, are you traveling abroad this autumn? Where are you going and what are your plans?

Link Love for our Guest Bloggers

We love guest bloggers here on CHICKS ROCK! even more than we love link love, so we want to do another link love round-up featuring our guest bloggers!

As part of TWM's World of Wellness, we featured a number of health- and wellness-themed posts including Faith's post about embracing natural beauty, Sasha's post on making the time to focus on health, and Robin's post about finding the foods that are best for you.

Recently, Vicki Salemi wrote about the great experiences she's had since manifesting them on her vision board.

Former TWM intern Bridget reflected on her time in New Orleans and the spirit of that community.

Lastly, Kristina urged all of us to tell our stories in our own words, no matter what.

Now that you've seen all of the variety we feature in our guest posts, be sure to take some time to reflect on your own story and then send us your guest posts. We can't wait to hear from you!

A Day in the Palisades

After the rainy, stormy days in the New York Tri-State area, I was so pleased to do some hiking in Palisades Interstate Park which is less ten miles from where I live. My friend planned this outdoor adventure several weeks ago, and various people were invited, but I wasn’t surprised that the group shrunk to two determined people. After all, on weekends many people want to sleep in rather than wake up early and venture out into nature. I, on the other hand, was looking forward to it.

I have always loved the outdoors, and hiking in the woods and mountains is one of my favorite things to do. I feel regenerated when I go out and challenge myself on rocky paths or crossing through small streams over stones, and leaning against trees that are over one hundred years old. While on our hike, my friend and I met two other enthusiastic hikers who told us that it was the perfect time to go hiking; apparently the woods look best the day after a rain storm, and I agree. Even having lunch by the Hudson River looking into Westchester was soothing and just what I needed after being shut up indoors for several days.

I appreciate Palisades Interstate Park even more after learning how it was created. In 1900, the governors of New York and New Jersey partnered together to create a commission that built and managed the park, after the area was devastated by quarry operations. I was surprised to learn that even back then, there were those who realized how important preserving nature was, and how future generations would reap the benefits of their efforts. As I admired the waterfall we passed on our hike, and watched two hawks and an eagle circle over our heads as we looked out over the water after it was over, I felt thankful to those who passed away years ago who made it possible for me and everyone else present that day in the park to see it at its best. I will be a regular visitor from now on.

A Delayed Homecoming

This coming weekend is Homecoming at my college and a good friend of mine has been trying her hardest to get a bunch of us to go. I'm still not completely sure I can make it, but I'm trying to sort through my schedule. I don't want to go so much for the event itself, but because I'd like to see everyone again. 

Deciding whether or not to attend Homecoming as an alum might seem like a normal thing to most, but I realized something a few weeks ago that makes all of this funny to me: in my four years as an undergrad, I never once went to Homecoming. 

I was active in college, first in the residence hall organizations and later in my sorority, so I helped make floats, costumes, etc. But as far as actually being part of the parades and other festivities, or even going as a spectator, it just never happened.

In retrospect, I don't even know how I managed to never attend Homecoming. Did I get in trouble for not going? Did I have legitimate reasons for sitting it out? I can't remember. 

But maybe this year, after all this time, I'll actually gather up some school spirit and have fun at Homecoming. It's never too late to celebrate, right?

Have you ever gone back to school for Homecoming? Did you participate as an undergrad, or rebel by missing it each year?

Chair Bliss

I bought a new desk chair this week. Hum-drum as that may sound, it was actually very exciting. I spend most of my days holed up at the computer, and recently realized that my choice of chair should be second only to my choice of laptop. When I’m eighty, my lower back will surely thank me for having switched to something ergonomic now.

As the picture shows, this meshy, contoured throne is a significant upgrade from the straight-bottomed, straight-backed dining room chair I’ve been using. (A photo of me in the chair rather obscures it, so London Bear is my model. He’s reading an advance copy of Camo Girl, my novel due out in January.)

I decided to buy a chair several months ago, but it took me a while to find one I was happy with. I resisted the impulse to just get it over with and buy online, based on price and features. No, it was important to try the chair before buying. I finally found a Staples storeroom in Manhattan and went there several times and sat in all the chairs, until I was sure which one I wanted. The long-awaited credit card swipe felt great!

The box was huge, and since the point of the purchase was to begin taking better care of my body, I smiled at the box boy and over-tipped my cabbie so they’d carry it for me as far as was appropriate. As soon as I got it home, I cranked up my iTunes, busted out the allen wrenches and whipped that sucker together. Then I sat in it for several hours just because I could. Yeah, baby.

So, to sum up what I’ve learned:
 Seemingly small changes can make a big difference.
 Shopping around until you find the perfect item is really worth the time and energy.
 No matter how much it makes other people roll their eyes, I still truly enjoy putting together furniture from a box.

Have you made any big or small changes lately?

Friday Forum: Self-Promotion

We're often asking you to submit your guest blog posts and leave links in the link love round-ups. But today, instead of sharing just one post of yours, why don't you share your whole blog?

If you have your own blog or write for a blog, leave a link with a short description of what you write about. We'd love to check it out!

Link Love for 9/30

It's been over a month since our last round-up, and we've been reading a couple of new blogs since then, so let's get right to it.

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur talks about the different feelings that simple question "so, what do you do?" can bring up.

Girl w/Pen offers some ideas about balancing gender inequality, with a look at exactly who they help and hurt.

Global Sisters delves into innovative solutions for young women's empowerment, as discussed at the World Youth Conference.

In Good Company brings up the frustrations of needing the one thing you regularly give other people.

Lindsey Pollak wants to help overcome the image of entitlement that people seem to have of 20-somethings.

NYWSE highlights Prosperity Candle L3C in their series on market-based solutions for community development.

One Writeous Chick admits that, contrary to what everyone says, sometimes the goal in life isn't balance.

Savvy Ladies shares some tips on how to financially prepare for pregnancy and your postpartum life.

The Woodhull Blog discusses the societal expectation for women to be mothers in order to be considered completely successful.

Be sure to leave links in the comments to things you've been reading and writing online lately. Happy reading!

The Power of No Words

I was walking through crowds of slow-moving tourists in Manhattan this weekend and made eye contact with someone promoting double decker bus tours. I never did this before, but that day I was wondering if my two companions who were visiting from California would be interested in the tour. I walked right by the man, but he followed me a few steps to the corner and presented his brochure and made a fervent sales pitch, which I politely declined. I knew he would try to approach me from that brief moment we had.

It just reminds me how potent our non-verbal communication skills are, and to trust our instincts. I am always surprised at how much I reveal without saying a word, and how I can usually tell how someone feels or what they might say or do, even if I never speak to that person.

Other examples of this behavior dropped like anvils throughout the day. One incident occurred on the subway, when I was having a muted conversation with one of my companions. I noticed a woman sitting near us reacting to what we were saying without speaking. Her body language and facial expressions were subtle, but I could tell she disapproved. Instead of turning her head or moving to a seat further away from us, she kept looking in our direction. It amused me how I could tell how much she wanted to chime in but wouldn’t, and how her dislike of what we were saying grew with every word. Later that day, we wanted to find a subway station and I approached an angry looking traffic cop to ask for directions. My friends were put off by his disagreeable demeanor, which was evident when he turned his back to us as we walked towards him; I asked him for information, which he tersely gave. Somehow, I knew his standoffish behavior would not prevent him from giving us the right directions, and thankfully I was right.

How much do you rely on your ability to communicate or read others non-verbally?

"Is He Financially Attractive?"

Last night, I made my way to WAM!NYC's event on financial literacy with personal finance expert Manisha Thakor, and I'm really glad I went because I learned a lot. (I'll probably share some of the highlights with you as I start putting these things into practice.) Manisha was friendly, funny, and talked to us like she was our friend, which all made the information she was giving us much more accessible. Seriously, I can't think of anybody else who has made me feel that comfortable when talking about money.

But of all the things she spoke about, one of the things that resonated with me the most was about finances in relationships. She kept telling us that we needed to talk money with our honey, and stressed that it's particularly important because financial opposites attract.

She gave the example of a saver going on a date with a spender, who marvels at his offer to buy popcorn and soda at the movies. We all laughed when she gave the reaction I know I've had, "you mean you EAT at the MOVIES?!?!" Meanwhile, the spender sees the saver load up on water at a fountain past the security checkpoint at an airport and is equally impressed.

The difference in habits is part of what attracts us at first, but it also comes back to cause some of the biggest problems later. As she explained, when people ask you about getting serious with your partner, they ask if you're physically, mentally, and spiritually attracted to them, but nobody asks you if you're financially compatible.

To which I say, Manisha, where the heck were you five years ago?!

Her big take-away wasn’t that you should be afraid to be with the spender if you’re the saver or vice versa, or that you should try to change their ways (because you won’t), but rather that you should know and acknowledge this from the start so you can negotiate your spending and saving habits throughout your relationship.

I know I’ll be applying her wisdom in my own life – it’s never too late to start!

Knitting Pretty

I saw an early episode of 30 ROCK in which Alec Baldwin's character guesses (correctly) of Tina Fey's character: "Every three years you take up knitting for...two weeks." I laugh every time I think of that line. Sounds just like me!

I spent time with a pair of knitter friends this weekend, and after watching them work, now I'm raring to go whip out the needles and begin work on The Great American Sweater. Except I know myself well enough to realize that I'm likely to achieve little more than The Mediocre American Neckline. so is it worth expending my burst of knitting energy now, when I fear I'll end up with nothing but a half-finished, mostly-knotted ball of yarn in the back of my closet a month from now?

This is not to say I've never finished a knitting project. I've made several scarves, a hat and some baby blanket patches for charity. But a girl can only use so many scarves. I'm dying to create a cool sweater, afghan or skirt that I can wear and use and be proud of. I just don't seem to have the dedication for a long-term project.

Dilemma: I don't want to set myself up for failure, or to be the sort of person who gives up easily. But who knows, maybe this is the moment when I'll find my knitting "stride" and be able to go the distance, so I hate to deny myself the chance.

Decision: I've failed at knitting in the past, but I've always attempted it solo. Being with friends has reminded me that maybe the best way to learn, progress and have fun is by bringing others into it. So I've chosen a new, more advanced project, something still small and achievable (a purse, not a sweater!), and sometime in the next few weeks my friend is going to help me find good yarn and get started!

Friday Forum: Movie Magic

Summer's known for movie blockbusters, but the fall often has Oscar contenders and other great films, especially around the holidays. This year is no different with highly-anticipated movies like Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (which comes out this weekend) and part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

What are some of the movies you're looking forward to this season?

Your Story to Tell

All this talk of writing lately, and we're still hoping to read some of your great words!

Send us your posts about the good, bad, and ugly in your life. We can all learn from each other and connect better to each other by reaching a common ground in our stories. Everyone has a story to tell, you just have to find yours.

Don't be afraid to speak up or think your story's not worth telling. If you need inspiration, just check out our guest bloggers of the past and see what they had to say. And don't forget to see our guest blogger guidelines for help getting started.

Welcome Diversity To The Neighborhood

Earlier this month, a new Indian restaurant opened just minutes from where I live. There never was anything like it in our neighborhood before, and its arrival is a pleasant surprise to me. Having an Indian restaurant nearby means more than just the food of course; it means more diversity and choices in our area, and that is a very good thing. The owner of the establishment told us that an Indian grocery store will be opening next door, which lifted my spirits. I don’t always have to drive more than a half hour to other parts of New Jersey or take the bus into New York City to get a good mango lassi or buy amla oil. Soon, both will be available in my neighborhood, and it is both reassuring and convenient on so many levels.

Sure, we have President Obama and the Civil Rights’ Movement is decades old, but I never forget that there are elements of racism and ignorance all around me. Once, my family was the only one of color on our side of town; there was another Indian family who lived on the other side. Now, there are numerous Indian families living on every block. I also see more orthodox Muslims moving into the area, and they go about their lives wearing their traditional dress without being bothered by anyone. Large communities of Hasidic Jews, Hispanics, and African Americans all live in a nearby town, and it makes me feel good being around everyone in the local park. I know that perfection doesn’t exist, and there are simmering resentments felt by people that I don’t know about, but I believe that those generations who went before us and wanted what we have now would be glad to know how far we have come.

So while most people think of the Indian restaurant as another place to eat, I see it as a good omen. Is it a stretch to think so? Maybe, but I think the future looks brighter with its arrival in the neighborhood.

The Write Stuff

In the last couple of months, I've been doing quite a bit of writing. Whether it's a regular blog post, something for work, a review, or a tv recap, there's a lot of writing to be done. It's not surprising if in a week, I write for 5 or 6 hours. It may not seem like a lot, but it's quite the increase after barely writing a few hours a month.

As you can imagine, I've been doing a lot of complaining lately. (Not any serious complaining, just the "oh I finally got that done but darn now I have another one!" kind.) But with every complaint comes the satisfaction of knowing that it feels right. It feels great to be constantly writing, and, believe it or not, it just makes me want to write more.

I’ve been waking up really early for the past couple of weeks, giving myself time to make my own coffee at home and have some toast with Nutella, aka, the breakfast of champions. I’m starting to wonder if I should get up a bit earlier so that I can do those things while also writing. Writing what, I’m not sure, but writing. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time now, but have never really made a part of my daily routine.

Could it be that I’m finally getting used to the idea that I want to be a writer? A big fat duh, to be sure, but I’m marking it as an accomplishment.

When did you realize you knew what you wanted to be “when you grow up”? How did you start taking steps toward that goal?

A Women's Table

Last week I went to the Brooklyn Museum to see The Dinner Party, created by Judy Chicago (and hundreds of volunteers), a landmark piece of feminist art from the late 1970's. Surprisingly, I had never heard of this piece, which is now on permanent exhibition as the centerpiece of the museum's Elizabeth Sackler Center for Feminist Art.

The Dinner Party is a large triangular table with dinner place settings for 39 women (real and mythical) who over the course of history have impacted feminism, women's rights, and/or the perception of women in the world. Each featured woman represents a cadre of women who made related contributions, and 999 additional names are scrawled on floor tiles in the center. Some represented include The Fertile Goddess, Hatshepsut, Sappho, Elizabeth I, Sojourner Truth, Virginia Woolf and Georgia O'Keefe.

Each place setting contains a unique plate and table runner styled to represent the individual woman's contribution, plus an identical fork, knife and goblet to represent the unity among them. The ceramic plates feature stylized butterfly/flower/vulva forms, and the intricately stitched table runners and ceramic work alike spotlight centuries of “unsigned” women’s art—the quilts, clothing, dishes and more that women have sewn, painted and created over time.

As with any piece of (woman-centered) art of this scale and attention, The Dinner Party was controversially received. Developed between 1974-1979, and debuted in San Francisco, it then existed without a permanent home for over two decades. Is this so surprising, given that women’s work and art has traditionally been pushed to the margins? Let alone a piece of women’s art designed to highlight that very history…

Personally, I found the piece impressive, intriguing and inspiring, but most of all--it begs a conversation. After all, what else is a dinner party for?

Friday Forum: Fall Fun

Of all the seasons, summer usually gets all the attention, what with the beach trips, vacations abroad, barbecues, amusement parks, etc. But fall has a lot going for it too: harvest festivals, apple pie, greenmarkets, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and more.

What are some of the things you're most looking forward to this fall? Is there anything you do with family and friends every year that you've got planned?

Helping My Neighbor

Most of us have the desire to help those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Giving donations to charities that assist people in developing countries is what many of us have and would be willing to do, but what about those living in our neighborhoods? After all, those who need real help of all kinds live everywhere. My neighbor is one these people, and I am wondering how I can best help her.

At first, I was wary of her. Several months ago, I heard my new neighbor ranting in our common hallway for no apparent reason, which really put me off. When I met her for the first time, I realized that her mental and physical ailments impair her behavior. She talks incessantly about her disappointing relatives, her overwhelming health issues, and her cat, who she has a love/hate relationship with. I was shocked to hear that her family never visits her, especially since some of them live nearby.

As the daughter of Indian immigrants, I was raised with the understanding that the young take care of their elderly family members when they cannot do so themselves. Surprisingly, part of me understands why my neighbor’s family members are not interested in having a relationship with her; her erratic behavior is overwhelming at times, and while she has always been kind to me, I have heard her have frightening verbal arguments with others. Dealing with someone who is unstable and has mounting health care bills could be too much for those who have their own financial and personal issues to deal with. Still, I could never completely abandon a relative of mine in such dire circumstances.

My neighbor should not be living alone. I know there are many services for the sick, disabled, and elderly on public assistance, but I have no idea how good they are or if she is willing. In the meantime, I will continue to check in on her, even though I know it isn’t enough. I just hope I will never be in a similar situation when I get older. It is a frightening thought.

We Turned Two & Need Help From You

Time moves so quickly that we almost can't believe it, but it's been two years since TWM launched CHICKS ROCK!

We wanted to create a space that was personal, inviting, and gave our bloggers, guest bloggers, and readers the chance to be open and honest. We wanted to touch on broad themes such as personal growth, finding your voice, etc., while also writing about topics like career, family, and travel, just to name a few. No matter what it is, the posts have a personal voice that allows readers to connect with the writer.

We're very proud of the work we've already done here on CHICKS ROCK!, but we're always looking for ways to get better. Our calls for participation sometimes get swallowed up by cyberspace, but we hope this is the one that gets through and sends back some responses.

We'd love to hear from you about how we're doing and what direction you want us to go in. It'd be great to know if you read the blog regularly or sporadically, what topics you'd like to see covered, perhaps even a list of other blogs you like to read, or any questions you might have about advertising on the blog. Send an email to chicksrockblog@gmail.com with your answers to these questions, and any other tips, advice and insight you'd like to share. What we do here at CHICKS ROCK! is for you, so we want to make sure that you're constantly using the space and learning a bit more about others and yourself.

We can't wait to hear from you and continue making CHICKS ROCK! the best it can be!

Shedding Pounds

If there’s one thing that bothers me… actually, a lot of things bother me, but one of them is waste. I wouldn’t say I’m as vigilant about it as I could or should be, but I like to live by the three Rs: reduce, reuse, recycle.

With that outlook, I refused to throw away the bags and bags of clothes, linens and shoes I’ve been accumulating over the years, knowing that textiles can be recycled, if not donated. I’ve had some of these piles for two years now, and they’ve just grown with time. It was starting to become that deep secret you keep locked in the closet. No, literally, I had stuffed all of these things throughout the closets in my apartment (it didn’t all fit in any one closet), and lived my life as if they weren’t there.

Except they were.

This year, I slowly but surely started to chip away at the pile (probably more slowly than surely). But I’m happy to say that after this weekend, I am finally rid of it! I gave some of it away to my friend who then helped me lug the containers and duffel bags over to the textile recycling Wearable Collections had set up. The best thing about their program is that the clothing is sorted, so anything that can be reused will be and if it can’t, it’s recycled.

It’s amazing how much lighter I feel now that I’ve finally done this. It’s as if I was subconsciously wearing the pounds and pounds of clothes I had stuffed in those closets. Of course, now that there’s actually room in the closets again, there’s no longer any excuse for the complete mess in there. I guess getting those spic and span is my next task, but for now, I’m just happy I got this done.

Do you have any clutter and chaos that’s weighing you down? What’s your plan of action for getting rid of it?

Revealing A New Vision

I attended The Women's Mosaic Visioning Workshop this weekend. Even though I've participated in this semi-annual event perhaps a dozen times, creating a new collage is always a unique and meaningful experience.

We had a very full room of women participating, which meant lots of collective energy and lots of different visions coming to life. It was exciting to have a majority of first timers, too! When we gathered at the end to share our posters with each other, I found myself puzzling less over my own collage than usual, and feeling more engaged with what other people had chosen to focus on in their pieces.

From my perspective, our vision board revelations--no matter how varied--tend to fall into two categories: I'll call them "external" and "internal." Sometimes, parts of the collage speak to our external needs and desires--job/career, lifestyle, home, travel, appearance and image, health, relationships, friendships, family. Things that change tangibly, that you can touch or aspire toward. Other parts of the collage speak to our internal evolution--affirmation, self-acceptance, self-nurture, vulnerabilites, emotional growth and all sorts of intangible realizations that help us understand and embrace ourselves as individuals.

No matter what my own collage has to say each year, it always reminds me to keep thinking about who I am and where I fit in the world. It reminds me to touch base with the deeper parts of myself that sometimes get shut down in favor of practicality and problems and day-to-day life distractions that eat up time and energy. It reminds me to keep dreaming and to keep breathing and to continue becoming myself in every way possible.

Any visioners out there with collage stories to share?

Friday Forum: Don't Fall This Fall

With TWM's Visioning Workshop taking place this weekend and a new season starting, now seems a good time to check in with ourselves.

What are some of the areas in your life you'd like to get clarity on? Are there any roadblocks you're currently facing? Let's support each other to make sure we don't stumble and fall.

Write or Die

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


I recently attended a workshop with Erica Jong, who implored us to write the story we absolutely had to tell or we would die. She also taught us to write something that unlocks who we are, encouraged us to be ourselves, to discover and write in our own voice. But how do you know what your voice is if you never use it? (Sorry, but tweets and texts barely count, if at all!)

You don't need to be an aspiring blogger, poet, or novelist to heed these wise words. I always recommend that folks write as much as they can in order to get in touch with their inner selves - a journal is a place where you can be the most free in expressing you are and what you need to say. When connected to that internal, emotional voice honestly and often enough you will begin to reveal who you are and what is important to you, whether in career, relationships or life in general. We write what we need to read.

It's a place to clarify your feelings, share your ideas and experiences, release the past and make plans for the future, all without judgment. Your journal is your best friend. At the very least it is a to-do list, for items big and small. The act of writing something down makes it real and tangible and helps crystallize the hurricane of thoughts and emotions we often have swirling around inside of us.

After the process of putting it all on the page, it can make us more effective in communicating what it is we need or want from others, or from ourselves, and actually make sense doing so! I also suggest using a pen and paper whenever possible - it's more organic and raw when you take out the technological middle man.

If you access your authentic voice in writing then, as Erica said, "being an author makes you an authority." You don't have to be the next Maya Angelou, JD Salinger or Danielle Steele to be the author of your own life and truth. Have a little writer's block or need a ghostwriter to help give you context or an outline of how to even begin? Just give me a buzz and I'll have you on your own personal best-seller list before you can say Pulitzer Prize.

P.S. - If you're looking for a place to start getting your voice out there, we're always looking for guest bloggers on CHICKS ROCK!

Ignorance Still Prevails

It still amazes me how many Americans still look at the world through an “us versus them” lens. Aren’t we supposed to emphasize our personal freedoms? When I read recently that a sizable percentage of Americans believe that President Obama is a Muslim, I was shocked. I wonder sometimes if these people realize that we live in the 21st century. With opposition of the building of a mosque near the Ground Zero and news about a Christian pastor in Florida hosting the “International Burn a Koran Day” on September 11, 2010 polluting the news media, I am even more annoyed than ever. I personally like the division of church and state, and I will continue support it, even if fewer people around me do. Sure, the U.S. Constitution protects our right to protest, but can’t we be civil about it all?

I know there is a considerable percentage of us who know that extremist behavior and attitudes from any side usually leads to trouble, but there are also many who don’t know or don’t care about these consequences. Before coming up with the “International Burn a Koran Day,” the Floridian pastor was an unknown and obscure leader of a very small, non-denominational congregation. Now he is internationally infamous for concocting this upcoming publicity stunt. I really wish I never knew anything about this person or his extremist tactics. He seems to want more violence and conflict, and the sad thing is there are many people who agree with him.

I grew up believing that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” and I will continue to hold on to it. I remember knowing that there would be growing anti-Islamic sentiment after the 9/11 attacks happened, but I thought that as a nation we would have worked through some of these feelings and put the tragic events in a proper perspective by now. In retrospect, I realize I was naive to think that way. The years go by, but the scar remains; we will need more time and patience before more progress is made.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

I know this is a given for most, but it's always amazing to me how some things just work out on their own. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was switching gears to get back on track for my goals this year. Even though one of them had been to coordinate my travel plans, I had to put that on the backburner so that I could focus on more important things like my health and finances.

No sooner had I decided to do this than trips were suddenly popping up all over the place. Within a couple of weeks, I had a trip scheduled for a conference in Seattle and another one in the works for Mississippi, both for work. Now there's also a possibility of Disney World (AKA, my favorite place in the world) before the year is out.

In Mississippi, I spent time with other writers and got to take a look at a state I would never really think to travel to on my own. And because I flew into Memphis, it was yet another state I could cross off my list to visit. Not only did I have great food down there, but I also met really friendly people.

Seattle, meanwhile, has been on my list of places to visit for a long time. I had to spend most of my time working or at the conference, so I didn't get to explore as much as I would've liked, but it was still nice being there. To top it off, the weather was actually quite nice while I was there and it only rained a bit on one of the days. I like to think the weather held up just for my visit.

I still can't believe how easily it all fell into place after deciding NOT to focus my attention on travel. Maybe next I'll stop thinking about the gym and become a fitness fiend.

Have you recently had something come together after you put it out of your mind?

Labor of Love

In honor of Labor Day, it feels like a good time to share news of a project I've been working on that has finally come to fruition. Today the Fall issue of Hunger Mountain, an online arts journal, goes live!

For a little over a year, I've served as Co-Editor of Young Adult and Children's Literature for Hunger Mountain. Each quarterly issue consists of about fifteen articles and fiction pieces, all of which I help solicit, edit and prep for publication. To call it a labor of love is a bit of a stretch--it's been more a labor of, well, labor. My co-editor Bethany Hegedus and I have a great time building each issue, but it's a lot of work. Seeing the magazine come together in the end always leaves me feeling a combination of relief, excitement, and pride.

Our section's theme for this issue is "Exploring Options, Stretching Boundaries...", and that link will take you to our letter/table of contents. We've gathered various authors' thoughts on how to transform personal pain into powerful prose. This topic strikes a chord because, for many of us, what we write is at least partly about processing our own experiences, and we create our best work when we try to tackle those things that are hardest to talk about--our mistakes, our fears, our unanswered questions, our wounds. For those of you who are writers, whether or not you write for kids like we do, you'll almost certainly find some articles of interest there.

The unifying message of these articles is pretty important for non-writers, too, I think. The idea that your personal experiences--the great, the awkward and the terrible--can become points of connection with others, if you can find a way to share them. It's also what we strive to achieve here at CHICKS ROCK!

Happy Labor Day! May the fruits of your labor bring you joy, fulfilment and success now and always.

Friday Forum: Summer Memories

Labor Day is usually seen as the end of summer, so this is a good time to look back on our summers.

What were the highlights of your summer months? Did you take any trips, read any great books, or meet any new people?

Need the Right Answer? Trust Your Gut, Literally

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to welcome Alexia as a guest blogger this week.

Alexia Vernon is a career and leadership speaker, certified coach, and author of the forthcoming book Awaken Your CAREERpreneur: A Holistic Road Map to Climb from Your Calling to Your Career. She'll be leading The Audacity to Speak, a weekend public speaking bootcamp for women in NYC, September 24-25, 2010.


Whenever I look back on important choices I’ve made in my life, I recognize that each one was motivated by a message my body sent me. I just needed to be on the lookout for it.

The clearest example of this was making the choice to leave New York City. This month marks one year since I relocated to Las Vegas. When the idea popped up, I pretty instantly knew based on the messages I was receiving from my body that it was the right thing to do. If I had relied on logic I would have told myself "you'll never get a book published if you leave Manhattan" or "your business will stagnate if you move to the city with the nation’s highest unemployment rate." Fortunately, my gut knew better!

It’s taken a bit of practice to learn how to decode what my body's telling me, but I now recognize that my “gut response” truly resides in my gut. My stomach hurts, I get a little nauseous, etc. For a long time, I interpreted these responses as a sign that I was on the wrong track and did whatever I could to avoid them. As I’ve learned through the years, however, when my gut doesn’t get activated in a big decision it means I’m not asking myself to step outside of my comfort zone and into the unknown. It means I’m considering making a choice to play my life safe and small. And when I do this, I create a glass ceiling to my success and happiness.

So now, each time I’m on the precipice of a major change or weighing whether or not to launch a new service or product, I give myself some time to hang out with my tummy and listen to what she has to say. We scarf down some cupcakes, drink a pot of ginger tea and meditate with some lavender essential oil. And above all else, I remind myself that the less I force her to give me an answer and let her do her thing, the better I hear when she’s ready to speak.

The Best Woman

My sister is getting married at the end of this year, and she made me her best woman. She told me point blank that she does not like the maid of honor title, because in the dictionary maid refers to a woman’s single status in antiquated terms, or a woman’s position of servitude. I personally love the unconventional title, and I hope to live up to it on my sister’s wedding day.

No one in my immediate family really likes weddings. We don’t mind being invited to them, and our good wishes for those happy couples are always sincere; it is the excessive use of money and all of the pressures that come from putting together a wedding that really puts us off. A marriage is so much more than just a wedding and a honeymoon. When I hear reports of people who spend tens of thousands of dollars on their nuptials only to be separated, divorced, and/or in serious debt for years afterwards, it really perplexes me. Premarital counseling should be required for all engaged couples before they go ahead with marriage, but this is just my opinion. After all, we have to go through driver’s education before pursuing our drivers’ licenses; why can’t obtaining a marriage license require the same?

I have seen how much my sister and her fiancé have prepared for their life together as husband and wife. Premarital counseling and just being open with each other have made their decision to marry a completely logical and understandable next step. As my sister’s best woman, I will have some responsibilities, but the role will not overwhelm me, especially since I may move out of the area very soon. I just know that on the day of the wedding, I will be there to give a toast and help make sure the day in question runs as smoothly as possible, but the fact that it is a destination wedding alleviates so much pressure; a smaller guest turnout will help make the day easier and more enjoyable. Yes, I am very glad to be the best woman.

Pulling the Plug

I've noticed over the years that while I really love TV, I don't watch it nearly as often as other people seem to. There are a few shows that I simply can't miss, but it's usually because I'm recapping it and not so much because it's just that crucial. In fact, I've had entire seasons of my favorite shows pass me by. Last year, for example, I barely watched True Blood or Burn Notice, so I had to catch up before I started my recaps and roundtables for this season.

Because of this, I have seriously considered getting rid of cable. It's incredible how expensive it is, especially living in NYC where so many other expenses add up just as quickly. With Hulu and various network websites offering this content for free, it does seem a bit of a waste. Not to mention that I don't spend much time at home anyway, so I'm always missing the shows when they air. Thank goodness for DVR... which, by the way, makes it even pricier.

I know other people who don't even have televisions, and they seem okay.

Well, except when they have to come over to my place to take advantage of my cable and DVR. Those are the only moments when I realize how great it is to have it, the moments when it becomes more about spending time together watching something we love rather than simply watching something for the sake of watching it. In fact, my weekly date night with a friend is planned around what shows she needs to catch up on. We cook a yummy dinner, break out a couple of bottles of wine, and sit in front of the tube to enjoy.

As you can see, this is something I go back and forth with quite a bit. It's possible that I'll get fed up one day and just do it already. But probably not while I'm still writing recaps all over or hosting weekly dinner dates.

Do you own a TV? Have you taken the plunge and gotten rid of cable?

Old School

I caught a bunch of articles over the weekend (here's one) about the controversy at Nettleton Middle School, in Mississippi--a public school where some Jim Crow-era segregation rules still remain on the books and active. Specifically, the school has issued written guidelines outlining which student government positions students of different races can run for. President: Whites only. Secretary/Reporter: Blacks only. (Oh, you're of mixed race? Sorry. Try again in high school...)

To be fair, I should say these rules remained active, up until this past week, when the national media caught on to the story. School officials say the rule was kept in place to ensure diverse representation on the student council. Okaaaaay.... But to set up a hierarchy where white students are always on top runs counter to the very ideas of integration and inclusion. It baffles me that any group of educators in this day and age--the day and age of our first black president, after all--would think that any form of segregation is a good way to promote diversity.

It also saddens me that I'm not surprised to learn of these situations. I know there are still schools where there's a black prom and a white one. I know that drama teachers in the south may be told not to cast interracial couples in student plays for fear of community reprisal. I know that in the nighttime corners of such places the Klan still rallies, spewing hate from underneath their hoods.

I want to give the school district the benefit of the doubt, but to do so makes me wonder about all the mistakes we make in trying to overcome prejudice. How many more will we uncover as time goes on? On the other hand, I'm suspicious of a group that--practically overnight--reverses a policy decision they claim to have believed in, just because a lot of people suddenly took notice. Did they really not know what they were doing?

What else can we do, collectively, to bring these situations to public attention, so that they can be corrected?

Friday Forum: TV Faves

In the next few weeks, the fall t.v. season will begin. This spring, we had the series finales for LOST, 24, Law & Order, Ugly Betty and several other cancellations. Some of these shows became part of the cultural landscape - even if you didn't watch them, you probably heard the buzz at some point.

If you watched any of these shows, how did you feel about their endings? If you didn't watch, what are some other shows you stuck through until the end? The Sopranos? Battlestar Galactica? Friends? What have your favorites been?