Beauty in the Breakdown

We're happy to share today's post from TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl 

I recently read about a pill being developed that would erase unpleasant memories, kind of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-ish. Of course I was appalled.  It's bad enough the American public is seduced by quick fixes to deal with many physical ailments that a simple change in diet and exercise, a reduction in stress, self-love and a little mind/body/spirit elbow grease would take care of.  Now they want to get rid of negative memories?!?!  We're already a society who over-eats, over-drinks/drugs, over-sexes, over-technologizes, over-works and over-realityshows to avoid what we're feeling!

There's a saying that many athletic coaches and trainers use: No pain, no gain. Yes, that can certainly apply to losing 20 pounds or training for a marathon, but it applies to our inner workouts as well.  As humans we like to avoid pain as much as possible, but pain can be a very useful tool if we let it.  Emotional, mental, physical or spiritual/soul pain shows us where we're out of wack and where attention needs to be paid and adjustments made in order to learn and grow in any area of our life.

To the extent that you are 'asleep' is the proportion in which the Universe is going to use some big 'ole version of its alarm clock to 'wake you up' and give you a big kick in the butt to do something about it.  And a kick in the butt doesn't feel too good, but we all need one now and then to propel us into action. Most of us don't want to endure prolonged suffering, so the pain forces us to take action. In other words, as I mentioned in the Well & Good.com article I was featured in, we often need to have a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough.

And remember that without pain we wouldn't know joy.  When we are experiencing something akin to the 'dark night of the soul,' think of the caterpillar who thought the world was over just before it became a butterfly, and that 'it's always darkest before dawn.'  Sometimes we just need to 'go there' - these are the times that are meant to test our mettle and force us to rise up like the phoenix from the ashes in order to evolve into a better version of ourselves - and who wouldn't want that?

So if you're feeling like you're about to crack, have been sleepwalking a little too long, or need someone to push you off that diving board, just Let Go, jump in, what are you waiting for? Give me a buzz and we'll find the amazing beauty in whatever type of breakdown is occurring in your life.

I Don't Feel Like It

I don't feel like doing any of the things I'm supposed to do today. Work on my novel. Go to the library to do research. Post a new article or interview on my website. Monitor my social networking pages for updates. Tweet links to interesting things. Archive old emails. Revise my speaker brochure. Read a book. Slowly, I go down the list of activities that count as "work" for a children's author, until I end up at the very bottom of the list: Lie around and contemplate things.

Believe it or not, I actually do consider lying around and contemplating things part of my creative work, but there is only so much lying around a person can do before she starts to feel quite lazy.

When I was a kid, my mom occasionally allowed me to stay home from school under the guise of illness when we both knew perfectly well that I was not sick. She called the phenomenon a "mental health day," which I've since come to understand is a fairly common thing. I would stay in my pajamas, put on the television and veg.

I'm not quite sure what health benefit twelve hours of television really provides to a person, if any, but I admit I always found it more manageable to go to school the following day (no easier to get up and out the door in the morning, though) when I had taken a little break from the brain-taxing academic and social activities that filled the school day.

Today, I guess, I'd like to call in with a mental health day! I've been working crazy hours lately, trying to please my crazy boss (yes, that would be myself) and it is time for a bit of rest. Now, if I could only reach the remote control without actually getting out of bed...

Do you ever feel in need of a mental health day?

Friday Forum: Pin It!

Pinterest is all the rage these days. The photo-based site lets you create inspiration boards of images and videos, and share it with your friends.

Have you tried Pinterest? What sort of inspiration boards do/would you have?

Be There For Yourself

There are still spots left for TWM's Visioning Workshop this weekend! Get the details and RSVP today!

Getting In Record Keeping Shape

Do you ever find your record keeping skills sorely lacking? I do at times. Every year when tax season is over, I find myself lapsing into a bit of disarray with my pay stubs and other related documentation. I don’t throw them out; I just keep them in different places. That made it a bit difficult this time around when I filed my taxes for last year. I have learned my lesson and am starting to put together my paperwork for next year, so I will not have too much running around to do the next time around.

I also have a tendency of keeping things I should have thrown out a long time ago. Sometimes, it is for sentimental reasons, or because I believe I will turn my attention to it eventually. Of course I always find myself throwing out most of these items eventually, especially when I have to replace them with new things. It helps make organization easier when I discard things I have not used for a while, and have no plan to use any time in the future. I am grateful that I do not have a hoarding issue, as I know that is a sign of more complex issues.

Record keeping, like anything else important and meaningful in our lives, takes conscious effort and action. My tendency to let things go in that department is something I am working on, so I will not be sorry in the future.

What do you want to keep order and control of in your life?

Taxed

Oh, tax day. How I dread you every year. 

 It seems that no matter how hard I try to make the process as stress-free as possible, I fail miserably. One year, I had an accountant prepare them and while I saved money, he was also unresponsive half the time and took forever to complete them. Another year, I ended up discovering a mistake at my job that affected how much I owed for state taxes. This year, I decided I would take advantage of the free time I had while I was jobless and file early. It turned out that I owed entirely too much money to pay when I had no paycheck coming in, so I never filed and said I'd wait until I had steady income. Fast forward a few months and I finally had enough money to pay what I owe, but because I live like a nomad and kept forgetting to grab my forms when I stopped at home for 5 or 10 minutes at a time, I couldn't file until the last minute. Stress, no matter what.

What makes the process even worse is that, for the life of me, I can't figure out how taxes work. In the years I've been filing, I've never had consistency. I've either switched jobs or moved between counties, and I've never made the same amount. Because of this, I never know how much I should expect to owe. Now add freelance work in there for next year's return, and I don't even know how I'll make it through without a panic attack. For now, I'll just be glad this hump is over and deal with the rest tomorrow.

Longing for Visioning

The TWM Visioning Workshop is coming up this weekend, but sadly, I'm going to be out of town and so I'll miss it. I missed the last one, too, and I'm bummed because I really love going to Visioning. I always get something great out of the workshop, above and beyond the fact that I just enjoy getting together with the group and making my personal collage.

I was feeling nostalgic today, so I went back and looked at some of my previous posts about my Visioning experiences. Apparently I've had a lot to say about it in the past, which only makes me miss it even more:

My favorite Visioning post
My next favorite Visioning post
Another visioning post (you can only have so many favorites)
Yet another...
What others have said about Visioning

Okay....nostalgia time is over. I will now return to my regularly scheduled program of travel and research. Sigh.

I suppose I could try to do a bit of Visioning on my own this weekend, but it just wouldn't be the same! I hope lots of you are going, and will report back about the workshop here at CHICKS ROCK!, so I can live vicariously through you.

Have you signed up for Visioning yet? If not, you're missing out! RSVP HERE

Friday Forum: Just Dreamin'

Whether they have a deeper meaning or not, dreams are fascinating! Sometimes we remember them, sometimes we don't, sometimes they comfort, sometimes they terrify.

Have you ever had a vivid dream you just couldn't shake? What about a recurring dream that kept cropping up?

Link Love for 4/12

Time for another fabulous round-up of great links! Let's dive right in, shall we?

Alexia Vernon is hungry to speak five sentences, and have those wishes fulfilled.

Girl w/Pen takes a look at gender reveal parties and six reasons we should dump 'em.

In Good Company wants you to remember that following up is important -- you're not bugging anybody.

Lindsey Pollak has some tips on landing an internship that are good for job-seekers to keep in mind too.

NYWSE spotlights She's the First, a campaign that's growing into a whole lot more.

That's what we've got for today. What have you been reading and writing online? Leave links in the comments!

Apartment Hunting Tips

I am thinking of moving from my current apartment to another one at the end of May, although as of right now I have not found anything suitable. It may or may not happen; it all depends on what is available, if it is a right fit for me and my needs, and if the money is right. I was thinking of making a change for more convenience on my part, but if it does not work out, I will not worry about it. I just want to see what is out there, and so far the pickings are slim.

For any of you in the market for a rental property, there are some basic tips to that will make your search easier to navigate, while also narrowing and possibly complicating your choices. They are as follows:

1. Beware of realty/brokers’ fees, unless you can afford it. This fee, which usually equals one month’s rent, is paid to the listing agent at lease signing, in addition to the security deposit (also equal to one month’s rent, or more) and the first month’s rent to the Landlord. If you want to avoid paying realty/brokers’ fees, look for apartments advertised by the owner or by leasing offices in apartment buildings. This will eliminate the need to pay out more than expected if renting through a realtor or broker.
2. If the price is too good to be true, then maybe it is. Renter beware when signing a lease to an apartment, house, condo, or any other property; if rent is extremely low compared to others in the area, it could be because there is a problem with the rental in question. Is it in good shape? Are tenants responsible for all, some, or none of the utilities? How will these affect monthly expenses?
3. Be annoying and ask questions. Before touring an apartment, ask questions you want to know the answers for. Questions about noise pollution from neighbors and other nearby elements are a good place to start.

Do you have apartment hunting stories to share? If so, please share them!

Retail Therapy

It seems that every few months or so, I remember how much I love stores like Old Navy (well... mostly just Old Navy, though I've been known to buy a few things at a good Urban Outfitters sale). Suddenly all the money I've been saving by not shopping is gone in a couple of trips to ON.

This happened to me recently when I found myself feeling a little stressed and a couple of friends suggested we hit the stores for some retail therapy. I'm not sure that it was the best solution to the problem, but I did end up with a couple of flats, several tops, a skirt, and even some accessories. And then a few days later, I went back for more. Oops! I fell off the wagon, and I fell hard!

I returned some of the things I'd bought that I knew I really didn't need or even liked all that much (don't ask why I bought things I didn't even like -- I was in a shopping haze). But I've started to wonder why this even happens in the first place. Most of my friends encourage "retail therapy" and don't feel that bad about spending so much of their hard-earned money on things they probably wouldn't otherwise. They don't ever seem to return anything, and they don't really hesitate to do it again a week or two later.

For me, it was the first time I blindly walked around a store in hopes of forgetting my stress and focusing only on cute clothes. It didn't work, of course, because the amount of money I'd spent just added to my stress, so I can't see why everyone else does it so eagerly.Do you believe in "retail therapy"? What do you get out of it?

Community Easter

I'm still traveling this week, and spent Easter weekend visiting a friend of mine, one of the numerous cool, quirky, fabulous people in my life who happen to be spread around the country and so I only get to see them once in a rare while.

This particular friend and I go way back, back to the days when carefree weekends filled with silly games were par for the course, and both of us miss being surrounded by a community of close friends who we might see and hang out with at length on a daily basis, the way you do when you're young, in high school and college. We lament the fact that out here in the adult world we don't really know our neighbors, rarely interact with them except for the occasional pleasantries. Living in proximity to others no longer implies a shared sense of identity.

To celebrate Easter, my friend decided we should try to bring people together. Her initial idea was to leave treat-filled plastic Easter eggs around the building, for neighbors to find and enjoy. But we figured, in this day and age of terror and skepticism, who is going to eat "unknown" candy? It'd be better, we reasoned, to give a little message, or invite people to DO something. Thus, the Puzzle Project was born.

We placed puzzle pieces inside Easter eggs and left them on doorsteps around the building, inviting residents to come to the common area and help complete the puzzle. We put the edge pieces together to get things started, and let other people take it from there. We left a little sign-in book, in case anyone wanted to share comments or thoughts about the experience. By the end of the day we had received several notes and the puzzle began to come together! People seemed intrigued, and happy to participate in an unusual group activity.

We hope the Puzzle Project might inspire our neighbors to meet new friends, but mostly we hope it made other people feel as good as it made us feel!

Friday Forum: Spring Break

Thanks to Easter and Passover, today starts a week of spring break for some -- and a time for the rest of us to be jealous. What would you do this week if you were on spring break? Or what will you do if you are?

Get in Touch

Don't forget we're always looking to hear from our readers and get them involved on the blog. If you read something you like, disagree with, or want to support, leave a comment. If you have your own story to share or point of view, submit a guest post. And if you have ideas or suggestions for what you want featured or writers you want to hear from, send an email. We're always an email away at chicksrockblog@gmail.com!

My Apologies For This Week's Post

Unfortunately, my computer crashed and I lost this week's post, in addition to many other documents and files. I will be back on track next Wednesday, so I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Easter!

People Problems

I've noticed recently -- well, I just noticed today, actually -- that more and more in these past few weeks, I've either wanted to spend time alone or with a couple of very specific people. Everyone else? Go away. (I say this in the nicest way possible.)

I want to clean the apartment in complete solitude, with only music to accompany me. I want to bake with and for people who appreciate the finished product as much as they do my belting showtunes during the process. I want to watch When Harry Met Sally... over and over and over again without anybody talking over my favorite parts. I want to sort out my finances while spending time with somebody hilarious enough to distract me when I need it.

There are a few problems with this. First of all, it seems that many of the people I'd most like to spend time with at any given moment aren't actually free. Secondly, I have so much going on every day that I hardly have a moment to breathe, let alone do something as silly as watch WHMS. Most of those I have going on, by the way, require me to interact with an awful lot of people. And lastly, I'm celebrating my birthday this week and next, which means I need to be even more social than usual when I have even less energy than usual.

I know that I just took a vacation only a couple of months ago, but I feel like I really need another break from people and commitments. I guess since I can't have that, I'll settle for having WHMS on in the background as I get a few hours of sleep.

Writing Poolside

I'm finding myself grateful for technology these days, as I'm traveling around a bit and always looking for places to quietly sit and write. I find that I can write anywhere, as long as there's a chair and a table, or even just piece of ground I can sit on where I'm not in anyone's way. I take my laptop or a pad of paper and go to town. Thanks to the wonders of wireless, I'm able to sit beside a lovely pool while I post to CHICKS ROCK! and edit my novel. Paradise? Just about.

Working on the road doesn't feel too different from writing at home in some ways. Creatively, there's a particular space I seek to inhabit when I sit down to work, but it's more of a mindset than a physical location. I've never been tied to my desk, or my particular writing routines. In fact, part of my "routine" is to have no routine at all. I actually feel myself inspired by motion, by change, by taking advantage of great opportunities and situations and jotting down random notes at random times. I like the unpredictable, but you wouldn't necessarily know it to look at how I live my life day-to-day when I'm at home.

In fact, lately I am feeling like it is great for me to be out in the world while I do my work, rather than holed up in my tiny space pecking at the keyboard in solitude. It is easier to stay connected to the moment and the material in total silence and isolation at times--but only at times. The rest of the time my creativity feeds on the energy of people around me, strangers who I don't have to interact with, but who are going about their business and living their lives and reminding me why I put pen to paper in the first place.

When I left on this long trip, people kept saying to me, "but how will you get work done?" I wasn't worried, and it turns out I was right not to be. Because work for me is not unpleasant, not a thing I have to force myself to do. It is something that brings me joy and fulfillment, and I'm grateful for that. Believe it or not, there are fewer distractions to me when I'm away from home--no t.v., for instance, and no regularly scheduled programming of the real life variety either. I feel myself being boiled down to the essence of what I love doing: writing and exploring and sitting quietly in new places, taking it all in.

A dip in the pool now and again doesn't hurt, either. The downsides are few, as far as I'm concerned!

Are you a lover of routine, or do you relish shaking things up now and again?

Friday Forum: April Fool's!

What's your favorite April Fool's Day prank -- either something you did to somebody else or that was done to you?

Map Your Vision

TWM's Visioning Workshops have gotten so popular that even now that they're offered more times throughout the year, they still sell out! Get the details here and save your spot today!

VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams
Saturday, April 21st, 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Feeling a little confused with all that's going on with your career and the economy? Not sure what to do next with your life? Maybe your just a bit unsatisfied overall but can't exactly pinpoint what it is...

Our Visioning Workshop can help you sort it all out!

Come to our popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be.

It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop. If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there.

COST: $85 for TWM Members*; $135 for Non-Members
*TWM Members can bring a friend at the member rate!
LOCATION: TRS Professional Suites, 44 East 32nd St, 11th Floor

RSVP by emailing sally@thewomensmosaic.org.

U.S. Healthcare Today

Today is the last day the Supreme Court will hear arguments concerning President Obama’s healthcare plan. After today, the nine justices will determine whether or not the Congress went beyond their constitutional powers by requiring all Americans to obtain health insurance by 2014, or pay penalties. All I know is that something must be done to make insurance more accessible to those who are unemployed or do not have employers who provide health insurance for their part-time or full-time employees. An ideal situation would be that an individual can get their regular check-ups yearly for free, and then if further treatments and medications are needed they can be easily obtained, without causing personal financial ruin.

Doctors and other medical professionals in this country are mostly in league with insurance and pharmaceutical companies, championing allopathic methods and medications all the way; there should be a major overhaul in this complicit, self-serving relationship to include holistic healthcare. In short, the whole concept of healthcare should be about serving patients’ best interests, not just getting rich off of them. I do not begrudge successful medical professionals their fancy cars, nice vacations, and the money spent on all of their other expenses, but I would feel that these perks would be even sweeter when they have been obtained by being advocates for their patients’ preventative care and overall well-being, rather than just helping out after they are sick. I am I idealistic? Perhaps, but I make no apologies about it.

I am not a fan of certain aspects of President Obama’s health care plan. All I do know is that someone has to think about a better alternative and make it happen, because our current system is sorely lacking as well. What I do like about the plan is that it is about all Americans, regardless of their financial status and employment, or lack thereof. I look forward to hearing the Supreme Court’s ruling on the plan, so I will know how to proceed with my healthcare future.

MAD (Wo)MEN

I've recently been watching the television series MAD MEN for the first time. Ever since it debuted, friends have been telling me "Oh, it's so good. You should watch it. You'll enjoy it."

Now, I'm definitely a big t.v. fan--I watch way too much in general. I like dramas, I love history, of course I should be watching MAD MEN. But I never got into it. I caught an episode or two over time, and it always struck me as a lot of work, somehow. Not that the show was difficult to follow, but on a deeper level I found it a little bit hard to watch. From an artistic standpoint, it's a strong show, and one that I actually do want to experience...and yet....

I never gave it much thought, figuring, if I can live without getting hooked on yet another t.v. show, that's all the better for my life. But yesterday I caught an episode of Melissa Harris-Perry on MSNBC in which she brought up the cultural phenomenon of MAD MEN, and she talked about it in a way that finally made my relationship to the show make sense.

She said: MAD MEN romanticizes an era in which women, people of color, Jews, gays, etc. were treated horribly, yet rather than promoting outrage or even opening people's eyes, the show seems to be inspiring nostalgia for "the good old days" when life was so carefree and days were spent drinking and smoking in the office. Sure, she said, it's nice to think about how much has changed since then, but the more important question is why, at this moment in time, when we're all paying so much lipservice to diversity, are Americans wanting to harken back to "the good old days" of rampant sexism, racism, antisemitism and homophobia? Does a show like MAD MEN prove that these -isms still live closer to the surface than we think they do? Are we really comfortable fantasizing about how mean upper and middle class white men used to be to everyone else?

Television is about escapism, at least for me. I feel the same way about books and movies. Sure, non-fiction is great and sometimes I read or watch to be informed and to learn, but my preference is to be swept away into another world, lifted right out of my overly analytical brain and plopped into some fantasy. I can't do that with MAD MEN, because the world it projects is not a fantasy world to me. It's not a place to lose myself, it's a place where I feel guarded and on edge, and maybe that works for some viewers, but I use t.v. to relax and unwind. What scares me about Melissa Harris-Perry's perspective is that maybe others are using this show as escapism, too, and I don't like the feeling that we as a culture may still be fantasizing about this kind of lifestyle.

Now that I know how I feel about MAD MEN and why, I can put the show where it belongs in my own mind, a watch and enjoy it as such. But when I think about some of the political conversations that are going on right now in the real world (how much control should women really be allowed to have over their reproductive rights? is it okay to shoot an unarmed black teenager, no real reason need be given?) I think the question about what kind of society we are pushing toward is pretty valid.

What do you think? Do you watch MAD MEN? What makes it enjoyable for you?

Friday Forum: Spring In Your Step

Spring has officially arrived! What are you most looking forward to this season?

WE.aRe – Women Entrepreneurship Retreat

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes Kelly back as a guest blogger this week:

Kelly launched her growing online/business services company, Owl’s Head Business Services, in 2011. She lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack, and their dog, Pearl.

Several months ago, I was targeted by a Facebook ad for the Women Entrepreneur Retreat in Monterey, CA. I think that’s funny since I ended up speaking at the retreat on online presence, but before I knew that leading a workshop was possible, I had to decide if attending was worth the time, effort, and money.

I’m a veteran of TWM’s Visioning Workshops and I attended February's workshop. Kristina asked us to focus on our blockages. What was stopping me? And stopping me from what?

I focused on what was stopping me from losing weight and wrote down four words: health, garden, roots, and (in all caps) WHERE? For some years now, my family has been planning to move to the west coast, but we haven’t made the leap. That last word that I wrote down – WHERE? – is part of our dilemma. We have different reasons for wanting to live in two or three cities and haven't made a final decision.

Through my collage, it became clear that San Francisco (where I am ostensibly “from”) is where I want to be. The headline, “Discover your natural state” was pasted over a huge picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. This was obvious!

Turning back to my decision about the women’s retreat … I decided to ask some questions. This could be a lot of effort for naught or a way to start expanding my business into the Bay Area. When I explained my work to the woman on the other end of the line, she asked if I'd be willing to lead a workshop. WOW! Yes, absolutely!

I went to the retreat and met a lot of amazing women. When I returned home, I tried to see if there was anything related to the event on my collage. One of the things I had been looking forward to was a bonfire on the beach. Right in the middle of my collage was a hand holding a fire - an image that absolutely HAD to be there, although I didn’t know why.

Sometimes obvious things pop up on my collage; other times there are images that evoke a memory or emotion and it means something to me even if no one else would get it. I think that fire may have been a subconscious motivator for me. In any case, I’m glad I went and I'm looking forward to the next Visioning Workshop!

Baking Therapy

Baking has always been therapeutic for me, especially when I feel like I am in a creative rut. Making something delicious out of flour, eggs, sugar (or agave or honey) and other ingredients makes me feel like I have achieved a minor yet tasty victory. I bake cakes when I feel particularly creative; I feel more challenged making these desserts over cookies, cupcakes, or brownies. When my efforts don’t turn out the way I want, I do get discouraged, but the feeling is only fleeting. I never think after an unsuccessful effort that I do not want to bake something else, which will hopefully exceed my previous creations.

I have been avoiding sweets during the Lenten season, but I still manage to bake and share what I have made with family and friends without breaking my ban. I luckily have taste testers to help me out, so I never give out anything that would make me feel ashamed. I will never be Martha Stewart when it comes to baking, but I am proud of some of the recipes I have successfully created from scratch. While some people I know feel constricted by the measurements required to create baked goods, or the waiting it takes until they are finished in the oven, I actually like the parameters given. I enjoy cooking meals and being creative by adding spices and other touches that are unique to me as well, but sometimes having the measurements required for baking fixed and ready to go is a comfort to me.

Even after my sweets ban is over, I am not going to indulge in them as often I have been before. If anything, I am moving more toward healthier alternatives to baking, such as gluten-free and wheat-free cookies, cupcakes, brownies, and cakes. I look forward to the possibilities, as do those who offer to be my taste testers. The compliments I do get on my baking prowess make me want to continue to improve my skills, and never give up. It is the way we should approach most things in our lives.

Finding Friends... Again

Hey everyone! I've made some new friends!

We've written on the blog before about the challenges of making new friends as an adult. The office is a great place to make some connections, but it's hard to keep it up once you've moved on to another job. And if you're a freelancer or have an unconventional job, you may not even interact with people enough to build anything substantial. I myself have complained about it before, but I've come to realize that even though I hit some plateaus here and there, I'm actually quite lucky in the friend department.

My main source of friendship is still work, and I've gotten really good at relying on first impressions to see who I'll get along with. I find a few things we have in common and, bam!, instant friendship! Even now that I've gotten some freelance gigs, I've discovered the beauty of the work date. If you aren't familiar with this, it's basically just meeting up with one or two other freelancers or folks who work from home (whether you work together or not), heading to a coffee shop or some such place, and doing your work together. You inevitably spend most of the time with your head behind your screen, but you also end up talking about whatever comes up throughout the day when you take breaks to check Facebook or Twitter, when you get a random phone call from your crazy mother, or some other happening. It's a great way to be social while still staying focused on your work. Then when you're done with work, you can walk down the block to a bar, share a glass of wine, and get to know each other a little better.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I've finally gotten the hang of the whole making new friends thing, even with my general shyness and somewhat anti-social ways.

How do you make new friends?

Project Unbreakable

We recently celebrated International Women's Day, which in my mind brings forth lots of positive thoughts, about equality and progress, change and growth, and the increasingly celebrated presence of women's voices in the world. Today I am reminded that regardless of how far we've come, there are still miles left to travel.

I stumbled upon an indiegogo campaign for photographer Grace Brown's project Unbreakable, which sheds light on and gives voice to some of the silence associated with sexual assault. The project started when she began photographing survivors of sexual assault holding up signs bearing quotes from their attackers. Some chose to hold the signs in front of their faces, others chose to hold it across their chest, but regardless, it is chilling to watch them display the words of their attackers--words these women will likely never forget. The video about the project (WATCH IT HERE) is visually powerful, sometimes shocking, and very moving.

This is, of course, not exclusively a women's issue--many men experience sexual assault and are survivors too, and in fact there is an even greater silence around those crimes. part of what intrigues me about this project is the specific focus on words of the attackers. It lends a new layer of humanity to discussions of what it means to be a "victim" or a "survivor" and what you really have to carry and what it takes to heal. It makes me simultaneously upset and inspired--proud, too, of people who can take words of shame and turn them into a banner for survival.

Thinking and talking about these issues saddens me deeply, but I am far more saddened by the knowledge that there are hundreds, if not thousands, if not millions of survivors out there who are still afraid to speak. I feel inspired by project Unbreakable, and by the millions of survivors who ARE speaking out and finding healing on the process.

Will you watch the video? What do you think about this project?

Friday Forum: St. Patrick's Day

Tomorrow is St. Paddy's Day! What are your plans and what will you wear that's green?

Ready for a Vacation?

If you've been dreaming of taking a tropical vacation with your partner, friend, sibling, whoever, TWM wants to help you make that happen.

TWM has a great Caribbean vacation up for grabs on ebay: 7 nights at the Palm Island Resort in the Grenadines. Check out all the details and buy it now or make an offer!

Thoughts on Parenthood

My cousin and his wife just welcomed their first child into the world, and my family and I are sending good wishes their way during this happy time. They are a sweet and loving couple, and their new son is a well-deserved blessing in their lives. No matter how bad things can get in the world, a baby’s birth always evokes warm and fuzzy feelings and hopes for the future in me, even if these moments are fleeting. After all, babies do not stay babies for long, and the love between parents and children is tested for a lifetime.

As precious as each baby’s birth is, I know those who should never have children. It sounds severe, but I think everyone knows someone who is completely incapable of being a good parent for a variety of reasons. I know quite a few people who had children because they wanted someone to always love them, or because it was a last ditch effort to hold on to their marriage or relationship, or because it was what they were told was the normal next step in their lives, regardless of their inclinations. I have observed that none of these reasons are the right ones, and these parents tend to pay for their faulty logic later on. Not all of them are villains; they just have to grow up with their children to learn what parenthood is really all about.

To be a positive parent with the right amount of strictness, humor, and ease is an extremely difficult balance to achieve, especially when there can be more bad days then good. Single parents who do it on their own and succeed amaze me; of course I know that having a support system within the family and/or community is the key to raising a functional and productive child no matter what. I also believe that successful parents should be idolized far more than movie stars or famous athletes; they are the everyday heroes who make all the difference in our world.

What are your thoughts on parenthood today?

Lessons in Control

We're two and a half months into 2012, and so far it's been a hell of a ride. There have been shifts in pretty much every area of my life -- some bigger than others, but all significant. Things haven't fully settled and might not for at least another few weeks, but I've been trying to enjoy it all and take it one day at a time, which is no easy thing for me.

Anybody who's read CHICKS ROCK! for a while knows that I've struggled between being an anal planner and trying to be casual and easygoing about things, sometimes even relinquishing all control to other people. While I'm still figuring out what feels the best and keeps me the most sane, I think I'm at least starting to feel better about not having all the answers, not planning everything out, and trusting that things will fall into place in the end.

Well ... kinda ...

Most days, I still want to know that any effort I make will have some sort of reward. Some of this is simple: if I put in more hours at work or on a project, I want to be recognized for that effort in some way. Others are a bit more complicated, like any relationship I place a significant value on. I don't think relationships are about give and take, but I do think that if things aren't balanced somehow, it's harder to feel comfortable letting go of any control.

So I'm still working on all of this, obviously, but I'm thinking 2012 has a lot of these lessons waiting for me.

A Moment for Whimsy

I'm feeling a bit whimsical today, so I have no choice but to blog in that spirit. On my recent trip to Chicago, I found myself getting a little camera-happy. I kept running into things that struck me as interesting. So, let this post be a photo essay of my recent wanderings:

I'm pretty fond of these little stone wolves. Especially the reader! I walked through a small park and spotted these guys just hanging out.

You've gotta love a hotel room that comes without a Bible in the top drawer, but with a paperback Oxford English Dictionary on the shelf. A writer's dream.



The height of decadence: red velvet french toast. I am not kidding. It is some sort of madness: slices of red velvet cake, batter-dipped and grilled like french toast. So wrong, but so delicious.





Who knew you could recycle your flag? This cracked me up. Seriously--if you have a flag, why wouldn't you want to keep it? If you don't like it, why do you even have it the first place? And if you've abused your flag to the point it needs to be replaced, are you really going to remember to bring it to the library for proper disposal?



A cocktail called a "treetini." Apparently, for each one of these sold, the restaurant/hotel donates money to plant a tree in some rainforest. I'm all for having a drink for a good cause!



I wasn't sure I could come up with a nice, cohesive way to wrap up this morning's randomness, but how's this: I'm grateful to have taken the time to slow down and pay attention to small details in the world around me. I got a lot of pleasure this week from things I don't always do, like studying public art and reading a whole menu before jumping to my old standby choices.

What small things have you noticed lately?

Friday Forum: Take a Mini-Leap

Last week, we wanted to know what you did with your extra day, and now that Daylight Savings is this weekend, we want to know what you'd do if you had an extra hour. Stay out and party? Watch another movie? Get an extra hour of sleep?

Happy 101st International Women's Day!

To celebrate this day, here's TWM's International Women's Day email:

Our voices, talents and power have lied dormant far too long.  Every woman must search within herself, discover her unique gift, and then share it.  If we cannot do that in this country, how can we expect it of women in the rest of the world?

~ TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi, March 2005

Who are you?

We are ever grateful to all the brave and courageous women, both known and unknown, who have advanced women's rights and equality and continue to do so around the globe.

With March being Women's History Month, TWM wants to encourage everyone out there to reflect on what YOUR history and legacy will be. 

TWM believes that personal transformation is the key to social transformation.  

You don't have to be an Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, or Rosa Parks to leave your mark on the world.  By becoming the best you can be and expressing your true power and potential, others will automatically benefit. Use this day and month to think about how you can improve your life and take one small action in that direction!

The Women's Mosaic® (TWM) is proud to be a part of the women's empowerment movement for over a decade. Since January 2001 we have offered more than 100 unique opportunities for women of every background to connect to themselves, each other and the world around them.  

 
TWM Top 10 Fun Facts & Highlights

Investing In The Future

I have always known that saving for the future is important, but I have only recently started to understand what it takes to do it right. As we slowly move out of the Great Recession, I am aware more than ever than making sound and stable investments are the best way to go. Does anyone really stash cash under their mattresses anymore? More power to those who do, but I would rather not worry about the potential for burglary, fire, or worse. Sure, the world of stocks and trading can be compared to the “Wild West,” but with self-education and the right guides, I have discovered people who have survived and even flourished during the worst of economic times.

I am no gambler. Sure, I would not mind striking it rich someday, but with dizzying highs come incredible lows, so if I ever do, I will want to maintain financial security more than anything else. A hot company now will not necessarily be so in a few years. I am more interested in companies that have proven longevity, and I would also like to believe in their practices and overall business model. I have lost some respect in Apple these days, as I suspect have many others, due to its poor and even scandalous working conditions in China. It may sound unrealistic, but I do not care: I would love to see a number of American companies with significant numbers of American workers with ethical business practices make positive impacts in the global economy, and have many more Americans invest in them. It could happen, and hopefully sooner rather than later.

All I know is that I refuse to shy away from money and remaining financially ignorant any more. I will never be an expert, but I will also not be accused of criticizing a system I know little about. Knowledge is power, and I just want more of it. I look forward to improving my financial education, so I will be more prepared for an uncertain future.

Hating What You Love

Today is the 85th birthday of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The Nobel Prize winner wrote Love in the Time of Cholera and One Hundred Years of Solitude, among other works. He's thought to be one of the great writers of our time, a stellar example of magical realism, and one of the best Latino authors of all time.

And it occurred to me today that I've never read anything he's written. How is that possible?

I love reading and have a particular appreciation for Latino writers, so this realization bugged me. I pondered it for a while and have reached two conclusions:

1) I should change my statement to "a particular appreciation for Latina writers." Taking a look at my bookshelves, the only Latino authors on there -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Junot Diaz -- I've never actually read. But Julia Alvarez, Gloria Anzaldua, Ana Castillo, Isabel Allende, Cristina Garcia, and many others are not at all foreign to me.

2) I am very intimidated to read the works of writers who are thought to be the best in any way, if I haven't already read something by them. There are a lot of classics that I've avoided reading over the years and I've recently noticed that it's because I'm afraid the writing will be too good.

Now, as a reader, finding a book with writing that's "too good" is not a problem. But for somebody who wants to be a writer, even if it isn't a writer of fiction, it can be incredibly intimidating and you end up hating the very thing you love. This has come up a bit with other writer friends of mine and in a writing class I took a few months back, but I am only just fully taking it in now.

"How could I ever be this good?"

It's the question I find myself asking at the end of a great chapter or a particularly delicious sentence. And because I've been reading a lot lately, I'm asking it more and more.

So I've decided that one of the next books I read will be One Hundred Years of Solitude. I've had it for almost 10 years now and have never even opened it. I will push myself past this feeling of intimidation no matter what.

U Boat, Me Boat

I'm currently in Chicago, and I went to visit the Museum of Science and Industry this weekend, which is a great museum overall, but one I haven't been to in many years. I went there with a small boy who is obsessed with one of the exhibits--the U-505 submarine that is on display in a special wing of the museum.

The U-505 was captured from the German navy (Kriegsmarine) in 1944 by the U.S. navy, and is one of only five U-boats from the era that exist in the world today (above water, that is--many were sunk by Allied ships and submarines). It is on display in tact, and you can even take a tour of the inside of it, complete with lights and sound effects that make you feel like you're in a real submarine in wartime. It was pretty cool.

I was personally fascinated by the sub--I'm a sucker for WWII history, and submarine movies in particular are among my faves in the suspense genre. But, the best part was touring the sub with a kid. It was so much fun to watch him growing excited about the exhibit, and to get to play along. As an adult, it seems like you're supposed to nod thoughtfully and stroke your chin and walk steadily, taking in all the sights in a calm grown up fashion, rather than racing through the exhibit making submarine churning noises and acting out dramatic explosions. The kid way is better.

I've learned I can use the excuse of being a children's writer to get away with doing fun, silly things like getting my picture taken with the U-505's anchor. Lots of kids were doing it, but no adults. Some people looked at me strangely when I made my way through the flock of children to get my turn. Well, fine. Be that way. I don't mind being thought of as childlike, and I hope that I can always keep that fun, silly spirit alive in myself. It makes the whole world seems like a better adventure!

Friday Forum: Take a Leap

What did you do with your extra day this year?

We Want YOU!

As much as we love to write, spread around the link love, and ponder over our Friday Forum questions, the thing we love most is hearing from YOU! Whether it's through a comment on one of our posts or a submission to be a guest blogger, this space wouldn't be the same without your participation.

So today, why don't you look through our archive and comment on something that grabs you? And if you're feeling extra motivated, submit a guest post! We can't wait to hear from you!

Leap Day Past and Present

Today is Leap Day, which only comes once every four years as everyone knows. I always saw it as a day I was glad not to be born in, since Leapers have to choose either February 28th or March 1st as their birthdays on non-Leap Years. I do not personally know anyone who was born on a Leap Day, so I am not sure if the common feeling shared by them is one of annoyance, pride, or both. It is probably amusing at times to claim to be younger than they are because of their actual birthdays being celebrated once every four years. It must also be a nuisance dealing with government agencies when Leapers use their true birth dates. I would not relish that.

I just found out that in Irish history, Leap Day was designated as the day that women could propose to men, and if a proposal made on this day was rejected, compensation was made to the scorned. I actually believe that this was a very good idea at the time, especially since women were expected to wait for proposals from potential suitors, or have their parents arrange marriages on their behalf. Rejection of these proposals did not leave any of these women empty-handed either, which must have helped to soften the blow. The common penalties were multiple pairs of gloves, gowns, or just money. I think that if I lived during those times and made a proposal to someone who rejected me on Leap Day, I would have been able to move on well enough.

Leap Days in the modern age should be days when we continue to do things we would usually never do. If I lived near Disney World or Disney Land, I would be there all day because the amusement parks are open for 24 hours today. Perhaps leaping off a building, armed with a parachute? Well, I won’t be doing that this Leap Year, but perhaps I will do something unexpected in honor of the day. Why not?

On Big Birthdays

My birthday seems forever away to me, yet all of my friends have been asking me for weeks what my plans are. At first, I brushed it off with a simple "dude, that's months from now!" Birthdays aren't a big deal to me but they seem to be super important to everyone else I know. Then the more I got asked, and the more weeks that passed, the more anxious I got. What AM I doing for my birthday?

So far, my plans consist of the Mets' opening weekend at CitiField and a performance of the hip hop improv group I'm obsessed with, Freestyle Love Supreme. In reality, I would've gone to both of these things anyway but since they just so happen to fall on the weekend of my birthday, it was easy to say "hey, birthday weekend extravaganza!" My extravaganza is falling a little short, though, since I've yet to figure out any sort of party or gathering which might also happen that weekend. Karaoke? Bar-hopping? Dancing? I have no idea.

Normally, I wouldn't even care, but the pressure everyone around me puts on having a great birthday is starting to make me antsy. As more and more of my friends either near, turn, or pass 30, it seems they all want everyone to do it up "while we still can" -- as if birthdays suddenly suck after you hit a certain age. Who knows, maybe they do, but I simply can't imagine that. Why, then, can't a few simple gatherings with people you care about be enough?

At the end of the day, I doubt it'll make much of a difference when my birthday actually arrives. Last year, the pressure was definitely on but I got sick and simply decided not to reschedule any attempt at a big outing. People were disappointed, but I didn't care. It is my birthday after all!

Do you feel pressure to have a big birthday bash? How do you normally celebrate?

Rubbing Elbows

I recently returned from the NAACP Image Awards out in Los Angeles, where my second novel, CAMO GIRL was nominated for Outstanding Literary Work for Youth/Teens. It's pretty exciting to be nominated for anything, but especially when I get to go to an award show peppered with celebrities where I can see them up close and personal.

I'm not too big a follower of celebrity gossip. I usually hear the major stories, and I do okay in pop culture conversations, but I'm by no means an expert. I rarely read movie star magazines, I don't always know who is dating whom, and who is starring in her own new reality show, or whose marriage is on the rocks. I'm a casual observer at best.

But, put me in a room packed with television, film and recording stars, and suddenly I'm asking myself how close is too close to pass by Samuel L. Jackson in the crowd without looking like I'm doing it on purpose to try and catch some skin? (Don't worry, I didn't get nearly close enough. Nor would I actually randomly touch a celebrity. Really. Not unless the crowd was jostling just so....)

Ahem. The point of this is that, while I was momentarily starstruck by being in the same room with folks like Viola Davis, L.L. Cool J, Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte and Sandra Oh, it's also a surprisingly humanizing thing to see people in person and realize they're not truly larger than life, they simply look like it on t.v.

I've never aspired to the kind of fame that movie stars draw. My definition of success is almost entirely internal--when I feel successful it has more to do with what I've accomplished than how many people are looking when I accomplish it. So I wouldn't expect to fit in in a room of screen actors, but I did fit there, because I realized that I have more in common with them on a human level than it would appear at first glance. We are all just making art, and hoping people like it. We all occasionally wobble in our high heels, or read a wrong word off the teleprompter. We all have to squint at our ticket stub in the dim lighting to find our way to our seat. We all bring a friend or partner along with us, because it's awkward to go it alone in such a weird social setting.

It's less intimidating to be among the stars once they start to seem like people. It's easier to walk up to them and say "I enjoy your work" when I think about how nice it is when other people say that to me. The little glow of their stardom doesn't fade with this realization, but it makes the world seem wider open, as if all the seemingly unattainable things might be closer at hand than we realize.

Friday Forum: Childish Dreams

When we're young children, our dreams are sometimes ignored or laughed off by adults. Most of us get discouraged from pursuing them, only to think of them years later. Maybe you wanted to be in a band and can now take singing lessons. Or perhaps you dreamed of being a writer and can now start a blog.

Do you have any childhood dreams you've tried to act on lately? Can you think of anything that you'd want to take on?

Link Love for 2/23

Time for another fabulous round-up of what we've been reading online. If you know of any blogs we should have on our blogroll, please link to them in the comments and we might include them in our next link love post.

Alexia Vernon inspires a dose of self-love and moxie.

Downtown Dharma provides a few lessons from a helpful nutritionist.

Girl w/Pen has their own great round-up of motherhood and feminism links.

In Good Company shares some resources to help entrepreneurs with blogging.

Lindsey Pollak wants you to be the Jeremy Lin of your workplace.

Let us know what you've been writing and reading online!

Sweets Ban For Lent

Now that the Lenten season has begun, I have decided to give up sweets for the next forty days. That means ice cream, pastries, cake, candy and more. It is going to be hard, but I am determined to see it through. It is so easy to get a carbohydrate fix with all the readily available donut shops (a particular chain comes to mind, and one of those locations are near my apartment) but I am looking forward to resist the temptation. It will be good for me and probably help me change some dietary habits in the long run.

In the past, I have given up television, going to restaurants and getting take out, using cell phones and the Internet after 10 PM, shopping for non-essentials, and more. I have not given up anything for Lent in the last few years, but decided to resurrect the tradition this year to get ready for the rest of the year. I think I also just want to refresh my daily routine, and this is a good way to do it. I know that observing Lent in this way is considered religious practice, but for me it is more to do with my overall well-being.

Lent is similar to a spring cleaning of the soul, or at least I think so. It does feel like spring this winter anyway, but I will be glad when the weather has really warmed up so I do not have to wear a coat or jacket anymore.

Are any of you giving up anything for Lent?

Oscar Weekend!

The end of February is near, which means that most people are excited about being just a bit closer to spring. But what I'm excited about is Oscar weekend!

For the third year in a row, my sister and I are going to AMC's Best Picture Showcase. This means that for 24 hours this weekend, we'll be holed up at the AMC in Times Square, enjoying some of the best performances of 2011. The weekend will likely lack in comfort and convenience -- there's only so many popcorn refills you can handle in a 24-hour period and those theater seats don't even recline -- but I'm so excited about watching the films, talking to other movie-lovers, spending the weekend with my sis, and having an excuse to eat whoppers at 2am.

Having learned a bit from the last 2 years, I've already got a comfortable outfit picked out with plenty of layers (yoga pants, a tank, t-shirt, AND hoodie), a list of snacks to buy (peanuts M&Ms and granola bars), and my naptime movies picked out (the two I've already seen: Midnight in Paris and The Help).

The movie marathon ends around 11am on Sunday, giving us enough time to head home, shower, nap, and make some snacks to keep us going through the Oscars Sunday night. To make things even more fun this year, I'll probably be taking part in some live-tweeting or live-blogging on Oscar night, covering everything from the red carpet fashion to the tears, jeers, and cheers of the awards show.

Women and Children First

As a children's writer, I find myself contending with a lot of different social issues in my work. My personal background and my interests lead me toward topics that can be seen as controversial, especially when these writings are directed at young people.

I often write about race, and about characters with diverse racial backgrounds, and about the history of race relations in America. I sometimes write about sexuality, and teen characters experiencing first romances, dealing with attraction and coming to understand their sexual orientation. I write both boy and girl characters, and sometimes I face questions about what it means to be a woman and write from a boy's perspective.

All of these issues--race, sexuality, gender--fall under the larger umbrella of "identity," which is what a lot of literature (especially young adult literature) deals with. Thus, I spend most of my time thinking about how these issues are portrayed through my characters, within the life of my novels. I spend much less time thinking about how they affect me as a writer.

To be more specific, perhaps I should say that I spend less time thinking about how they affect me professionally. Of course I think about race and gender and sexuality in my own life as a human person, but I've never been the type to consider myself at a disadvantage because of where I stand in the world based on my gender or the color of my skin.

Last week I published an article online with VIDA: Women in Literary Arts about gender and children's literature, in which I took time to reflect upon the social significance of being a woman who writes for children. Here is the article. I came out of the experience of writing the piece feeling great about what I do, but not so great about the place children's literature currently holds in the world. Most children's writers are women, and I think that plays a role in why this culture looks at children's literature as simple and not worthy of much respect. So much of women's work--essential work, like raising and educating children--is looked down upon and disrespected, and that really needs to change. The sooner the better.

Have you ever stopped to think about how gender impacts you in your job or profession? Or, is it obvious? Do you feel the impact every day?

Friday Forum: President Faves

The not-actually-a-holiday Presidents' Day is coming up but instead of debating that holiday, we decided to turn up the nerdiness dial a bit.

Who are your favorite Presidents, past or present?

Personal QT

Don't forget to RSVP for this Saturday's Visioning Workshop! There's nothing quite like devoting a day to only yourself and you're sure to enjoy it!

Get all the details for TWM's Visioning Workshop here and spend some QT (quality time) with yourself.

Looking Back At High School

I just received notification from the high school I graduated from regarding an alumni publication, requesting information and photos of me to include in it. I usually ignore most mail I get from the school, but I actually thought of calling the phone number provided and telling them to remove any mention of me. Why? Because my high school experience was not a good one, and it did not help that my parents paid good money for me to attend the institution. My elementary and middle school experiences were far worse than those I had in high school, but I did expect more from the latter, especially since my tuition increased every year while the quality of my education decreased. Most of my teachers were mediocre at best, with the exception of one who made me look forward to college.

The harsh treatment of the school administration towards my class during our senior year was what made me decide to never have anything to do with the school after graduation. The principal at the time decided to punish us for the bad behavior of the previous senior class, which led to deep resentments; it was as if a black cloud loomed over us until we graduated. I even remember that many people did not go to prom that year, and I was one of them.

Because my academic experiences before my undergraduate education were sorely lacking, I appreciate good teachers and school administrators even more, whether they are found in public and private schools. I started loving education when I went to college, because I met more educators who knew how to teach, and took classes that were both difficult and interesting at the same time. I really felt like a butterfly that had been a caterpillar for far too long before then.

I may just ignore the notification from my former high school in protest of the bad education I received from them. Perhaps that is best.

Tricky Timing

One of the strangest things about life is timing. It's strange how everything seems to fall apart at the same time, but then also comes together at the same time.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was stressing out about going on my tropical vacay to Antigua without having a job. Even though the vacation was booked way before I was jobless, it seemed like a waste of time (not to mention, the opposite of relaxing) to spend an entire week abroad, with limited internet access when there were jobs to apply to and interviews to go on.

So it was pretty much the best news ever to finally land a gig just as I was off to my vacation! Then while away, I learned that I got into the grad program in Paris I had applied to a mere week before!

Of course the timing of everything was kinda crazy to me. I was happy to learn that I can petition for a deferment to enter the grad program in the spring or fall of 2013 instead of this fall (and now hoping it's accepted), but it's still a lot going on in a very short period of time. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, just realizing how quickly things can fall apart and then how quickly they can all gel back together again.

Now I'm back from paradise, hating the cold, but excited about figuring out the next steps in my life -- starting with my first day at work tomorrow morning!

Thoughtful Touches

Most people who know me know that I am a very big ice cream eater. There is nothing more delightful to me than a waffle cone with a double scoop. Except possibly a waffle cone with a triple scoop.

This is not a passing enjoyment. This is a passion. When I see giant ice cream cones out in the world (you'd be surprised how many there are) I always have my picture taken with them. I once ate twelve scoops of ice cream in one day (for charity). I've gotten into arguments with people about ice cream. My preferred flavor is vanilla, which some people find boring. I have an ongoing debate with one friend about whether vanilla is even a flavor--he says "vanilla" is the same as "plain," but I say it's utterly essential because it's part of the base to every other flavor. And so on.

My all-time favorite ice cream flavor is SUPERMAN, which I used to have all the time as a kid, but never could find as an adult. Turns out, it's not a widely known flavor because it's produced by a regional ice cream company called Hudsonville, based in western Michigan. I learned this during an author visit to Grand Rapids, because after my talk, the librarians came bustling up to me with cheshire smiles and said "Come on, we have a surprise for you."

They proceeded to take me to an ice cream stand that served SUPERMAN. When I saw it on the menu, I was beside myself. I'm sure I squealed it: "How did you know?"

They told me they had read an online interview in which I had lamented that I hadn't had SUPERMAN ice cream in many years. I couldn't even remember offhand which interview it was--I later found it, but it was really obscure. I couldn't believe they had not only read it, but were thoughtful enough to make it a part of my visit to their city. I had a huge double scoop of SUPERMAN that day, and I will never forget it.

The point of all of this is that ice cream is a thing that I love. The flavor, the chill, the crunch of a cone. It brings me joy. And nothing is more meaningful than when people notice a thing about you that brings you joy, and go out of their way to help you experience that joy again.

Friday Forum: Valentine Faves

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we're thinking a lot about love and friendships. What have been some of your favorite Valentine's Days -- whether with a partner, your best friend, or even a family member?

Link Love for 2/10

While we're waiting out the rest of winter, let's perk it up with a few links we love.

Alexia Vernon thinks you have something to learn from watching how people place orders at restaurants.

Girl w/Pen celebrated 39 years of Roe v. Wade in a post that seems even more timely now, a few weeks later.

In Good Company posted 5 difficult questions to ask yourself if you're an entrepreneur -- that are also important to ask in life.

Lindsey Pollak lists 15 important resume tips for those of us just starting off or needing a brush-up.

What have you all been reading and writing online in the last few weeks? Be sure to leave links in the comments.

My Relationship With Dickens

Charles Dickens’s 200th birthday was celebrated worldwide on Tuesday, February 07, 2012, and I suspect there will be celebrations for the rest of the week too. I listened to two BBC radio specials about the author, his work, and Indian views about both. I did not know there is such a strong affinity for the 19th century English writer in my mother’s birth country, but now that I do I am not surprised. Themes of social discord, money, poverty, child labor and abuse Dickens explored in his work resonate with many modern-day Indians. I believe (as do many others, I suspect) that novels such as David Copperfield, Great Expectations, A Christmas Carol, and Oliver Twist continue to attract readers today from all over the world because of the author’s ability to weave a variety of characters and their experiences together seamlessly.

I have a slightly odd relationship with Dickens’s novel, Great Expectations. I first read it in high school, and was confused by the two endings; the original one still depresses me, while the revised one is a bit too fairytale-like for my tastes. I would re-read the novel over the years, always with the false hope that the main character would avoid getting sucked in by his cold hearted childhood acquaintance as an adult, but alas, he never does. I continue to marvel at the writer’s prose, yet I am saddened by the characters’ journeys and ultimate ends. For reasons I cannot explain, Dickens’s depiction of the main character’s rise and fall in Great Expectations affects me in a visceral way. I think this is why it remains my personal favorite of his publications.

I always light up when I see Dickens’s novels in bookstores and in my shelves at home, no matter how dark they are. I look forward to revisiting more of his work in the near future. Dickens’s work reminds me that no matter how hard my life can get, the trials of his characters in the 19th century make my own slight in comparison.

Truth No. 2

Sally is not available this week, so enjoy today's post by TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi:

Tell me what's wrong with having a little faith in what you're feelin' in your heart. - The Dixie Chicks (via Patty Griffin)

I try not to think as much as possible. This serves me well for many reasons. First of all, I am somewhat dyslexic, so the more I stay out of my head, the clearer things are for me. And forget about speaking; whenever I do my seminars what I say has to come from my heart and gut otherwise I would get super-confused and choke from stage fright and the fear of sounding stupid.

I have learned to operate this way more and more; it reduces stress by keeping me connected to myself and in the flow of life, in harmony with who I am and what I need or want at any given moment. It is the best source of motivation, decision-making and communications tool I possess because I have harnessed and developed it as such.

In the movie Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise confronts Cuba Gooding, Jr. about why he hasn't been offered a ten million dollar contract yet, citing that how he is off the field is how he needed to be on the field. "Right now you play with your head....in your personal life: heart....Play the game Rod, play it from your heart and you know what, I will show you the kwan. That's the truth, can you handle it?" Jerry knew that if Rod did what he loved with love, then, and only then, would he be able to show him the money.

And that doesn't just hold true in the movies. Steve Tisch, proud co-owner of the NY Giants declared that the key to their big victory this past weekend was that they "...played with heart, with passion, with love for each other and for the game of football."

Does that negate, replace or even diminish all the hard work, training, strategy, talent and skill necessary to achieve such great heights? No, of course not. But it's the thing that will make the difference between a good team and a great team, a good life and a great one.

Most of us are taught to live by our heads, logic and ego, not by our hearts and guts. But only when we listen to our hearts and put love into everything are we our most authentic selves, which means living our truth. And when we are living our truth, we can then more easily speak our truth, and stand in our truth. And that is the best way to guarantee peace and prosperity in our lives, no matter what the circumstances may be.

Million dollar contract, Lombardi Trophy or not, we are all players the Superbowl Game of Life - so are you playing with your head or your heart? Give me a buzz and I'll make sure that unlike Tom Cruise's confrontation with Jack Nicholson, you can indeed handle the truth and start living in alignment with who you are and what you want to make happen both on the field and off!

P..S Find out what's in YOUR heart at TWM's upcoming Visioning Workshop on 2/18/12!

Madame's Legacy

Last week I went to visit the Madame Alexander doll factory, which I was excited to learn is located in NYC's own Harlem neighborhood. I know someone who collects dolls, so I thought it would be fun to take her there. Not only is it a doll factory where the prototype dolls are handmade, it is also a doll hospital where people can send "injured" dolls for repair, and a Heritage Gallery displaying hundreds of classic collectible dolls from the Madame Alexander line.

I don't know much about dolls (that is to say, not any more than I knew back when I was six) but regardless, it's always fun to see something behind the scenes. My favorite thing was learning more about Madame Alexander, the company's founder, who was a pioneering business woman of the 1920s. She founded her doll company in her kitchen in 1923, and over the following decades nurtured it into an internationally respected business.

It turns out, she also developed a lot of the features I took for granted in my own childhood dolls. Madame Alexander was the first doll maker to license literary and film characters for look-alike dolls (like Rhett and Scarlett from Gone with the Wind). She created "sleep" eyes, which are eyelids that close when the doll is lying down. She manufactured the first line of hard plastic dolls in the 1940s. Madame Alexander's Cissy dolls were the first to be modeled after an adult woman's body as opposed to a baby or young girl. (Yes, this was several years pre-Barbie, and Cissy is more properly-proportioned!)

Bottom line: the dolls are really cute! And for me, they become more so when I realize they represent the legacy of a woman who must have faced every challenge the early 20th century posed to talented ambitious women, and still rose to the top doing what she loved. That's inspiring.


Images from madamealexander.com

Friday Forum: Collectibles

These days, collecting records seems to be all the rage. It's not quite dolls, baseball cards, or stamps, but it's a cool hobby.

Is there anything you used to collect as a kid or have started collecting as an adult?

Manifest Your Dreams

TWM's Visioning Workshops have gotten so popular that even now that they're offered more times throughout the year, they still sell out! Get the details here and save your spot today!

VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams
Saturday, February 18th, 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Feeling a little confused with all that's going on with your career and the economy? Not sure what to do next with your life? Maybe your just a bit unsatisfied overall but can't exactly pinpoint what it is...

Our Visioning Workshop can help you sort it all out!

Come to our popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be.

It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop. If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there.

COST: $85 for TWM Members*; $135 for Non-Members
*TWM Members can bring a friend at the member rate!
LOCATION: TRS Professional Suites, 44 East 32nd St, 11th Floor

RSVP on Facebook or by emailing sally@thewomensmosaic.org.

Hatred Where I Live

I know hate exists, but I will never cease to be shocked but its ferocity at times. When I heard of the recent firebombing of two synagogues in New Jersey, I was disturbed even further to learn that the suspect is from the town I currently live in, and that the synagogues are located in two nearby towns I know quite well. The close proximity of these attacks to where I live, and the hatred that fueled them reminds me that I don’t have to look overseas or in other areas of my country to discover people who are full of rage; they can be my neighbors.

When I saw pictures of the suspect, I was also struck at how non-descript he looks. He looks bored as he stands chained in an orange prison jumpsuit, and much older than his nineteen years. I have two cousins who are the same age, and they look and act nothing like the suspect to these heinous crimes. I sometimes wonder what factors led to someone stepping out of the law to indulge in violence that takes lives, or threatens to do so. Were they born with mental issues that lead them toward anti-social and then criminal behaviors, or did their environments influence their decisions to do ill? I tend to think that both create lone wolves or groups who revel in violence and hate speech. I shudder to think of gatherings of people united by hatred and expressing these feelings by words and actions, living near me and those I care about. I wish I could ignore their existence, but I cannot.

I will not let paranoia take over my life, but I am definitely more aware of people around me. Like millions of others who move in and out of New York City on a regular basis, I learned to be more alert after 9/11. This recent case of anti-Semitic violence reminds me of this even more, especially since it hit so much closer to home.