The Importance of Being Happy

My trip to India has been a multi-faceted collection of experiences that have been surprising and unexpected, but not at all unwelcome. The most annoying thing to happen was being locked in after spending the night at a small B&B in South Delhi when we were desperately trying to catch a local flight, but crisis soon passed with no problems. Among the many things I have learned so far have to do with the importance of being happy. When I think about the happiest people I know, I see that the most important qualities they all possess are self-confidence, flexibility, and a sense of humor. No matter where I have visited and who I have observed, I find that this ideal is universal. People who live in simpler places and less are superficially-driven cultures tend to fare better in the happiness department than those who are constantly in doubt about themselves, and threatened by others for no, or very reason, at all.

I have encountered a few people in India who exemplify the current generation of highly ambitious people with grand homes and high-pressure jobs that bring in the rupees, but even with all that they have, they are not happy. Those with the ability to love who they are, who they are with, and where they live are the ones I find are the most successful. In my personal observations in India, the United States, and anywhere else I have lived and or visited in the world, the happiest people are not the richest or most affluent people. They are those who give to others freely, and without the expectation the money as their foremost reward. The other important quality the happiest people I have met all share is their ability to be realistic about the world around them, yet at the same time see the beauty and goodness in it too. It is the greatest attribute to have, and I hope to perfect it in myself with time.

Do you consider yourself happy? What do you think you need to achieve real happiness?

At the Movies

The winter means a lot of things to a lot of people. There’s the holidays, the chance for a fresh start, winter break, going back to school after winter break, or... awards season! For me and my sister, the winter is our chance to bond over the music we regularly jam to, the movies we didn’t have the money to watch, and the tv we may or may not have had the time for.

We loyally follow the news and coverage for the Globes, SAG, and, of course, the Oscars, with the Grammys sprinkled in for good measure. We keep up with the buzz that starts late in the year, maybe see a movie or two in December, watch the red carpet, and cheer for our favorites. As I’ve mentioned before, a big part of our ritual is making our predictions for who will win each category. Whoever has the most wins at the end of the season is deemed the coolest (a title which inevitably ends up going to my sister).

It’s fairly easy for us to keep up with the tv and music we need to get through the Globes and Grammys, but one thing we’ve always wanted to do is take a trip to the movies to watch all of the nominated films. Between the various award shows and numerous categories, it’s nearly impossible to watch all of them, but the Best Picture nominees for the Oscars do get more love than the rest. One awesome event is AMC’s Best Picture Showcase in which they feature the nominees, marathon-style. My sister and I have missed it in the past, but I’m determined to make it happen this year. With 10 nominees instead of the usual 5, this is probably a bad year to start, but I don’t care!

Now all I have to do is convince my sister (and hopefully some other movie fans as well) that this is well worth our time and money. Wish me luck!

Olympic Fever

I'm growing slightly obsessed with the Winter Olympics this time around. Normally I'm only interested in the figure skating, but I've spent the weekend watching the skiing, speed skating and luge, as well. The athleticism is truly impressive in its own right, on top of which I get rather choked up at times when they do the sidebar spotlights on certain athletes, and you see how far they have come and how much they have sacrificed to get to the top of their field.

It's pretty inspiring to witness the dedication of these athletes. Sports isn't really my thing, nor is cold, but watching them makes me think about what it means to commit to a goal, and how many different ways there are to measure success.

Sometime I'm envious of the Olympians for the fact that the goal they pursue is so concrete: an Olympic medal. Yet so few people can achieve that, so there must be other triumphs that they experience along the way that have meaning, otherwise why put yourself through the wringer like that? Is it really all about the endgame?

My favorite Olympic story so far is about a 17-year old American ski jumper whose entire family skipped Christmas and pooled their money to send him to compete. The announcers were all busy saying he had "no chance" to medal, and he didn't, but the grin on his face when he landed a personal best jump in Olympic snow has to mean something.

Maybe it's just about walking off the field knowing you put your absolute top effort out there to be measured against the best of the best. Maybe there's joy in the attempt, not just the victory. I hope so, but either way, I'll be watching!

Friday Forum: Valentine's Day

Most people seem to hate Valentine's Day, but we can just look at it as another chance to tell the people around you that you love them. So, whether single, married, cohabiting, or whatever, take the time to love those around you and, of course, yourself!

You already know how we'll be celebrating Valentine's Day in a couple of weeks, now it's your turn to share. What are your plans? What will you do with the people you love and how will you show yourself some love?

Help Your Heart this V-Day

We're not sure if you know, but February is American Heart Month. To get you to focus on your heart health, TWM and David Barton Gym are hosting an awesome event. It's got a bit of everything: good info, a sample class, raffle prizes, refreshments, etc. Check out the details below and RSVP today!

LOVE: What Is It Good For?
Tuesday, February 23rd, 6:30-8:30pm

In honor of American Heart Month come listen to TWM Founder Kristina Leonardi and the team at the new David Barton Gym at Astor Place talk about the ways to keep your heart healthy from the inside out! Learn new techniques and gain unique perspectives for keeping your mind, body, spirit and soul in the best shape so that you don’t become one of the many Americans affected by cardiovascular diseases, the number one cause of death for women in this country.

*Learn unique ways to keep your heart healthy
*Experience a sample class
*Win raffle prizes (including tickets to the award-winning off-Broadway show Love, Loss & What I Wore)
*Enjoy refreshments from Mini-Bar
*Bring home a fun and informative goodie-bag!

Be sure to wear or bring sneakers and comfortable clothing!

COST: FREE for TWM Members; $10 suggested donation for guests
LOCATION: David Barton Gym, 4 Astor Place NYC

BONUS: Anyone who joins or renews with TWM by that day will be eligible for a special membership rate from David Barton, which includes two free personal training sessions!

SPACE IS LIMITED - Be sure to reserve your spot now!
RSVP on Meetup, Facebook, Idealist, or by email to sally@thewomensmosaic.org

Give From the Heart

It’s understandable why most people have forgotten the origins of St. Valentine’s Day. Today, the overwhelming commercialism of the holiday eclipses everything, and the beleaguered public pays the price. I say this because I have witnessed people standing on long lines outside of florist shops and small markets that sell flowers on Valentine’s Day with annoyed or anxious looks on their faces. I remember walking by one of these lines and hearing someone say to the person in front of him that he could not go home to his wife without buying anything for her. The way he expressed himself started me thinking about how important it is to give from your heart. I would not want to receive a gift from someone who felt pressured to buy it. The act of giving should be sincere, and performed with joy; if not then it’s a waste of time.

All relationships require maintenance and sincerity, but those that center on romantic love and intimacy (physical and emotional) need both the most. Why? Because we can live away from family and friends for long periods of time, and keep in touch with them periodically, but that just isn't enough for those in a committed relationship. Couples who live in close proximity of one another often complain about how difficult it is to make time for their relationships, so those living apart need to work much harder to sustain the bonds. And I say that anyone in a serious relationship shouldn't’t wait until Valentine’s Day and their anniversaries to honor and celebrate their relationships; making the time for one another on a daily or weekly basis means so much more than occasional grand gestures-at least it does to me.

So don’t be like the grumbling guy I overheard on that Valentine’s Day of yesteryear! Give from your hearts, as often and as much as you can.

Don't Leave Home Without It

Anybody who knows me knows that I am very much reliant on technology. I love technology! I love that I can use it to stay in touch with people, stay informed on important issues, and even be more productive. There are some around me who think I'm too reliant on technology. I don't think that's the case, but every so often something happens that makes me chuckle at how wrong or right they might be.

During Social Media Week, I was scrambling to get to a workshop I was excited about. In my haste, I realized I left my iPhone behind. Because I didn't realize this until I was well on my way to the train station, I knew that going back would make me late, so I decided to carry on without it. Except that on the train I realized that I didn't list the address in my planner -- all I had was the date, time and title.

You see, normally when I'm heading out, I check the address on my calendar... the calendar on my iPhone... the iPhone I had left behind.

A slight wave of panic hit me as I struggled with what to do next. I couldn't check the email confirmation because I didn't have my phone. I couldn't call anybody because I didn't have my phone. And despite having a quarter on me for an emergency such as this, I could not find even one working pay phone.

Luckily, my memory is really good with numbers. I was pretty sure that if I tried hard enough I could remember some of the numbers in the address. So I concentrated a bit and tried to picture what I had put down. Thankfully, it worked! I ended up finding the building, albeit after two wrong tries.

Once I was settled in, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Of course, once the workshop started and I couldn't live tweet it, I decided I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather reap the benefits of relying on technology than make do without them.

Touching Things Past

I'm a little bit of a history geek. I was a history major in college, and I really enjoy historical fiction, historical films and other things along those lines. I love to dive into some other time or place in the world and try to get a handle on what was going on then and there, what people might have thought and felt way back when about one another and their lives and their place in the world. There's something about knowing what has gone before that feels deeply important to me.

Thinking about it recently, I know that there are two sides to my interest in the past--one is intellectual and the other is more personal/emotional. I do have the desire to really know this world--in a sweeping, epic, global sense, where I begin to understand the cause-effect relationships that have led us toward the wonderful and vicious, beautiful and horrible experiences we collectively face day to day, now.

Within that massive base of knowledge, there are individuals. I think about my grandmothers, and the disparate lives they led that somehow, miraculously came together to create me. One of them lived through the majority of the 20th century in America, and while I knew her as a teenager, I never got to know her as an adult, when I could have really asked the questions I now want to, about her life and the things she personally witnessed within the history that I know so well in terms of dates, facts and situations. My other grandmother lived her whole life in West Africa, a place that I am connected to, but know less intimately. There's a wisdom there that is somewhat outside my grasp, but I long for a taste of it.

So, I read lots of books, and look at lots of pictures, and try to imagine what I can about these women, and the many like them whose lives and work set the stage for my own world. I feel that I'm still looking for the truth of those experiences, and I don't know if we today can ever really touch it, but it's nice to believe we might be able to come close.

Friday Forum: And the Award Goes to...

The Oscar nominations were announced earlier this week and, as Kristina mentioned in yesterday's post, the Grammys were this past weekend. This means that the awards season is coming to a close, but we thought it'd be fun to share the ways people enjoy it.

Do you or your friends host an Oscar-watch party? Do you dress up and walk down your own red carpet in your living room? What are the fun things you do during the awards season?

Groundhog Day, The Grammys & Gaga

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.

Join her for Spring Cleaning for the Soul next Tuesday, February 10. You can also check out her series, Thursdays at Three for weekly inspiration.


This week was Groundhog Day, and whether or not a shadow was seen by that furry creature, it marks the midway point of winter - a time to be sure you've planted the seeds of all that you want to bloom come this Spring.

But Groundhog Day really reminds me of the fabulous movie starring Bill Murray, who gets up over and over to the same day with a chance to make things right each time, and ultimately makes the best changes to himself that attract Andie MacDowell and they live happily ever after. It's a good time to reflect on what you are doing everyday that is helping you get closer to or further away from your goals. As Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

So what do The Grammys and Lady Gaga have to do with any of this? One year ago you probably never heard of her, yet on Sunday there she was, the opening act performing with Sir Elton John, on the biggest night in music. Overnight success? Never. From an early age she figured out who she was and what she was supposed to be doing with her life. And with a clear vision, talent and determination took steps every day to get there.

I don't know much about her journey, but one thing I will bet on is that it was INTENTIONAL, as everything about Gaga is. Anyone who was nominated or performed at The Grammys would have that in common, in varying degrees. No matter what you want to do make your life about it, morning, noon and night and you will see results - at any age.

Being Drastic, Being Free

I hear the word “freedom” all the time, and, like many, my first thoughts are events such as the successful Indian independence movement, the Civil Rights Movement, the end of World War II, the destruction of the Berlin Wall, and other well-known events that have happened (and continue to happen) all over the world. I also know that pursuit of freedom manifests itself on a much smaller, personal scale in people’s lives. Examples of these include ending a “terminally ill” relationship, moving out of your childhood home and finally living as an adult, and quitting a dead-end job to start working in a career that you love. My own pursuit of freedom has been a continuous struggle with indecisiveness and frustration, but these dark clouds have been lifting. Why? I have decided to take drastic steps to make my declaration of independence imminent.

Working from my parents’ home is like climbing a slippery slope: I have a list of tasks to accomplish every day, but there are always too many distractions that make completing them impossible. Friends and other family members have complained to me about similar feelings of mental stagnation, making them less productive when they are living, working, or just visiting their childhood homes. Many may not have that problem, but I know myself; to realize my pursuit of personal freedom, I must move out of my current residence as soon as possible.

How will I make it happen? Some family friends have offered their place in New England and a teaching job at a private school as a temporary solution. I also have a few opportunities to teach abroad, which I will consider after I return from India at the end of February. My months of self-imposed exile are coming to an end, thanks to deep introspection and serious conversations with people I love. I may struggle much more than I planned to, but I know that it will be for a short duration if I take a deep breath and jump.

Some Months Lost

Everyone constantly complains that I work too much. I like signing up for new challenges, and I take any opportunity to try something new. The result is a very busy calendar with something work-related to do every day.

Lately, my mother has been lecturing me about needing to take time off to start doing fun things again. Last week, I went to the movies twice and she was so happy and shocked, she rushed me off the phone so I could get there early.

For the next few months, if I have no other outlet for creativity or a work-free zone, I can depend on Tuesday nights. Because today is the season premiere of the last season of my favorite show on television: LOST!

To say that I'm ecstatic is a bit of an understatement. Anybody who watches as faithfully as I do know that this is the definition of a Big Deal (yes, with capital letters). Not only do I watch, but I keep up with the theory blogs, the producers' interviews, I've even been known to watch a mini web episode from time to time. Yes, it's probably safe to say that I'm addicted with this story of people struggling with faith and reason, good and evil, light and dark. The island's mysteries are fun to keep up with too.

With the series finale only a few months away, I have a nice distraction from my ambitious schedule. I'm still trying to find that balance between working hard and overworking, but at least my mother can stop worrying for a bit. Then again, between work and the show, she might not hear from me as often... I guess she can get used to that.

Can It Wait?

I’m an expert procrastinator. This isn’t exactly news, but it’s an ongoing issue. The truth of the matter is, if something can be put off, I will find a way to put it off. I know I’m not alone in this problem, but I’m looking for ways to fight it. Any thoughts?

My work is extremely deadline oriented. Must submit Manuscript X to Editor Y by Date Z. This is a formula that never changes, but it doesn’t always seem to be a formula for success. What I really don’t understand is, when I get something done earlier than absolutely necessary—on the rare occasions when I manage such a superhuman feat—it feels great. It feels so much better than it ever felt to put it off. So why, oh why, can’t I always do that?

Lately, one problem is that I’m procrastinating from things that are important by doing other things that are important. It still feels like procrastination, but is it really more about prioritization? Am I taking on too many commitments? I will admit, though, that often I procrastinate from all the important things at once by looking for something else to do. Something highly counterproductive is best….

Last week I encountered a link to an NPR article about willpower. The thrust of it was that when you give your brain too many things to do, to remember or to deal with, it has a tendency to try to shut down. This kind of overload sends you running to the cupcake store (Crumbs, anyone?) or the chocolate shop (I just discovered Li-Lac), or in my case straight to the sofa where I can watch DVDs all afternoon instead of working. Basically, the brain refuses to cooperate with your “goals” and gives in to its base desires, in protest. It’s the mind’s way of saying, “Too much! Just let me breathe.”

So, how to let it breathe when there’s much work to be done? I, for one, am still trying to figure it out. What about you? Got any great procrastination-busting solutions?

Friday Forum: The Women in Your Life

Yesterday, we reflected on TWM's anniversary and how your support helps women. In a similar vein, we want to know what you do to celebrate the women in your own life.

Whether it's your mother, sister, best friend... in what ways do you celebrate their strengths and accomplishments and in what ways do you help them grow?

Celebrate Women

Earlier this week, The Women's Mosaic turned 9! The very first gathering was a Chinese New Year celebration on January 24, 2001. Since then, TWM has offered over 90 unique activities and events to educate, inspire and motivate women to rise up and rock the world, thanks to the support of TWM Members. Another great TWM program you're all familiar with is this blog, CHICKS ROCK!

Because TWM is a non-profit, receiving monetary support is the best way to sustain our efforts. By becoming a TWM Member, you can contribute to offering women of every background countless opportunities to connect to themselves, each other and the world around them.

In addition to feeling great about helping other women, becoming a TWM Member has benefits of its own. For starters, members receive discounts at TWM events and invites to TWM's Members-Only events. As an added perk, members also receive special offers from partners throughout the year. This past year, offers included discounts at various stores, discounts on gym memberships and trial passes, and tickets to a comedy show.

To join, simply visit TWM's Membership Page.

We truly appreciate your recognition of The Women's Mosaic as a vehicle for you and other women to enrich your world and the world around you. Thank you in advance for your support, as we would not be able to exist without it!

Helping Haiti Through a Friend

Minutes after learning about the earthquake in Haiti, I thought back to a conversation I had with my friend Catherine in December. We were in her work studio in Brooklyn, and I was helping her get ready for a holiday bazaar by preparing price tags made from recycled cereal boxes. As I sat cutting the neatest rectangles I could manage, my friend told me how her desire to start HIMANE, her eco-friendly fashion design company, began in her native Haiti, because there she had access to countless pieces of discarded clothing and other materials. Catherine spoke of making deals with garment factories during her upcoming trip to the country, which she hoped would help stimulate the Haitian economy in her family’s geographical area. I bought a few of her signature bags as presents, and for my own personal use, and I always recommend her collections of "upcycled" accessories and clothing to anyone interested in fashion. Business reasons were not her only motivation to visit Haiti this year; she was also looking forward to seeing her father again after several years. Her anticipation was contagious, in a good way.

Then the earthquake hit and everything changed. Catherine read and watched the news in despair, and then true panic set in. While she found out that her family members were physically unharmed and accounted for, the news of friends who were injured and killed became known to her in the days to follow. Instead of succumbing to grief, Catherine organized a fundraising benefit, People Helping People, for this Thursday evening in Brooklyn to collect funds and supplies for Haitian earthquake relief. She plans to take all donations to the country herself so she can personally distribute them to local hospitals, organizations, and private citizens in late March. I will be one of the enthusiastic participants.

I feel good knowing that I am helping Haiti through my friend Catherine. There is nothing wrong with donating money to bigger organizations involved in the relief effort, but this particular way works best for me. For more information on her fundraising efforts, please visit HIMANE Inc.'s blog.

My Biggest Competition

When I’m with family or friends, we usually play board games to pass the time. I love playing games, but I find that I’m not a particularly competitive person. That is, I’m not competitive with other people, but boy am I competitive with myself!

No matter what I do, it seems I’m always trying to top myself. This has come as a bit of a surprise to me, though I should have seen the signs. In Scrabble, I try to outdo myself with each word; the goal of Solitaire is to win as many times as I can; Beatles Rock Band is all about playing each song better than last time. I don’t worry about how everyone else is doing, just about outdoing myself.

I’m not this way only with games, but in all areas. Usually, it’s a good thing. At work, I find ways to be even more efficient. In hot yoga, I commit to getting through more poses. But I am also in competition with myself in areas where I probably shouldn’t be, like writing. This would be fine, except that, for me, writing is about creativity, catharsis, and tapping into things I hadn’t considered before. These don’t mix with competition.

I made this realization a few weeks ago, when I was thinking about the Legendary Latinas series I wrote last year in honor of Women’s History Month. I remember how much time and energy I put into that and the positive feedback I got. It occurred to me that March is coming up and I convinced myself that I had to do something better this year. Ever since, I’ve been scrambling for ideas and looking for inspiration everywhere I turn. I panicked a couple of days ago when still nothing had come to me, and that’s when I saw how ridiculous I was being. Nobody expects me to top myself, and even if they did, writing is so subjective that it’s impossible for me to “win.”

I still don’t know what I’ll write for March, but my new goal is to keep my competitive spirit in check.

Camaraderie

As an author, most of my work time is spent by myself. I work at home, I stare at the computer screen, and on rainy days like this one, there's very little reason for me to leave my comfy cocoon at all. Nine days out of ten, I consider this to be a truly glorious arrangement.

On the tenth day, though, I have to admit that I sometimes miss the sense of community that I experienced as an office employee, and the sense of camaraderie that you can find--if you're lucky--by working closely with others. When I think back to my pre-writing days, I tend to dwell on the negatives, which helps me to know I've made the right decision for my own life. But, I do think I miss that collective experience at the same time.

Luckily, we lone writers now have ways to connect with each other online, but that never seems to quite do it for me. I am happy to rant into cyberspace about the trials of dealing with publishers, or the impatience that strikes while you're waiting to hear news from your agent or editor, but there's still something special and unique about the "water cooler" experience. The chance to mutter under your breath at the little annoyances that get under your skin, but aren't worthy of a full email or blog post to share the pain. Writers don't get that.

All of this is to say that I feel lucky to have found a small community-within-a community, a little group of "work buddies" who I get to meet in person every week, with whom I can commisserate and celebrate, and who will challenge me to be accountable for the goals I set for myself. After all, there's no real "boss" for any of us to answer to anymore, so it's great to know there's someone looking out for you.

As different as I hoped my solo work environment would be, I'm glad some things can be similar to working at a company, where you gravitate to people you connect with, and bond over shared experience. The people are out there; the "office" is just a little bigger!!

Friday Forum: Trip Down Memory Lane

With stay-cations being the rage, and no major holidays coming up, chances are that many of us are staying put for a bit. But that doesn't mean we can't take a trip down memory lane.

We want to know about the best trip you've ever taken. Where did you go? What did you do? Why is it your favorite?

Link Love for Our Guest Bloggers

As you probably know, 2009 was our first full calendar year of blogging here at CHICKS ROCK! Over the course of the year, we were able to showcase several guest bloggers. We want to thank them again for sharing their words in this space, and highlight some of their posts.

Bridget got several comments with her great post about how traveling impacts the way she views her own American identity.

Stephanie also shared what she learned from her experience traveling, particularly when traveling as a woman.

(In case you didn't notice, we love writing about travel here on CHICKS ROCK!)

Kristina wrote several guest posts, including one that's still very useful about using job loss as an opportunity for personal growth.

Kelly (our very first guest blogger) returned to talk about being a new mother, and the bonds she's formed with other mothers.

Sasha reflected on TWM's health & nutrition panel and how it impacted her as she focuses on becoming a healthier version of herself.

Rita had a post about how she learned to be in the present, rather than focus on the past or future.

Now that you see the range of topics our guest bloggers cover, hopefully you'll be inspired to contribute a post of your own. Take a look at our guest blogger guidelines and submit a piece. This space is meant to be a vehicle all women to share their experiences so that we can connect with each other and learn from each other.

Making Sense Of Tragedy

When the earthquake hit Haiti last week, I was sitting in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City before a mass began. I like churches, especially when they are quiet and I can have a moment to myself. I did not know until later that day what had happened only a three-hour plane ride from where I live. When the tsunami hit in 2004, I was in southern India on a boat at the time. Other parts of the state I was visiting were affected, but what I saw was how beautiful the sky and the water were that day.

For me, these moments are reminders of how tenuous life can be. None of us know if or when tragedies like these will happen to us, or people we know. No matter how much knowledge we acquire about the world around us, we always find ourselves in situations that are beyond our scope of understanding. It is the one thing that unites us as human beings, and but we all have different ways of living through it. After years of taking life for granted, I have learned to be humble and grateful for each day I have in my life.

When natural disasters and violence among human beings happen, I manage not to fall into despair by trying to see the good that comes with the bad as a result of these terrible situations. For me, the best thing that has come from the recent earthquake in Haiti is the outpouring of support that people from all over the world are giving to the island country. I just saw a news report about an engaged couple who are donating money, which they set aside for food for their wedding, to Haitian earthquake relief. The happy couple will be dining on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches instead of the typical, high-priced fare, and it was a wonderful reminder to me of how giving we as human beings can be.

Do you try to make sense of tragic events? Why or why not?

Dealing with Disappointment

I’m not exactly an eternal optimist, but I try to stay positive as much as I can. Sometimes it’s harder to do that than usual, and lately I guess it’s been one of those times. It seems that lately, I work hard towards something and then it doesn’t go as expected. Suddenly, I’m wishing I could take back all the hours I spent focusing on that one task. I’m left wondering how I can now find extra hours to work on all the other things I have on my plate moving forward. If only there were more hours in the day so I could finish everything I have going on.

But… this isn’t a lesson in time management. Really, I focus on how I’m managing my time to distract me from what’s really going on here: disappointment.

The fact is that if these things had worked out, I would be proud about all the time I dedicated. Now that they haven’t, I am disappointed. I am constantly working on multiple projects at the same time, and more often than not, they all work out. When you’re a multi-tasking perfectionist, you don’t really have to deal with failure very often. This isn’t to sound cocky, it’s just true.

Normally, when something doesn’t go as expected, I regroup and think about what steps I can take to get things back on track. And normally, that works. But what happens when there’s no way to get it back on track? When there’s nothing you can do about it? I suppose the best thing to do is to forget about it: put it aside and focus on the other things I need to get done. Yet I can’t help but think that I’m not acknowledging my feelings in all of this.

That’s where I’m at now: figuring out how to deal with the actual feeling of disappointment when things are no longer in my control. Moving on to other tasks is easy for me; it’s what I’m good at. Dealing with the emotions involved, however, is unfamiliar territory.

How do you deal with disappointment?

Author Awards = Awesomeness!

Well, it has been an eventful week in my world, and fortunately in very good ways! One piece of great news came in last week, and a second just this morning. I'm so excited that I can't help but wallow in some shameless self-promotion. Please bear with me!!

Last week, I learned that my novel THE ROCK AND THE RIVER was nominated for an NAACP Image Award, in the category of "Outstanding Literary Work for Youth/Teens." As if that wasn't cool enough on its own, apparently this means I will get to go to a fancy awards event in L.A. next month, with live TV coverage and a red carpet and everything! (Well, I'm not sure about the red carpet, but just roll with me...) Awesome. And in the coming weeks, NAACP members will be voting on the winners! Drumroll, please.....

Then this morning, the American Library Association announced their annual youth media awards, which is a really huge deal in the children's literary community. Under the umbrella of the Coretta Scott King Book Awards (for literature by and about African-Americans), I've been honored with the John Steptoe Award for New Talent. Very exciting!!! And how awesome that it's announced on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, too!

For now, I'm happily basking in the warm glow of recognition, but amid all this hoopla, I've also learned something important about myself, at least in relation to my work: I actually feel confident in myself! When I got the news, I felt excited/flattered/thrilled/etc. first, but shortly after that, I thought "Hmm, okay." As in, "Yeah, this is a special opportunity, but you can totally rise to meet it." And I will!

If there had never been any awards, I would be okay, too. But let me not lie: it feels great!

Friday Forum: Motivation

It seems everywhere we look, people are talking about resolution and making changes. Considering how much that success relies on your own motivation, we thought it'd be good to discuss what keeps you motivated, not only for your resolutions but for everything you undertake.

Where do you turn when you need motivation? What steps do you take to make sure you stay on the right track?

Link Love for 1/14

Link love is back today - our first of the new year. Read through these posts and enjoy!

Girl w/Pen features a guest post about balancing a Mormon background with feminist politics.

Global Sister spotlights the Iranian women who are standing up against fundamentalist rule.

Shifting gears a bit towards the professional, In Good Company has a useful discussion about evaluating your business' mission.

Lindsey Pollak has a guest post about with tips for landing your dream job.

NYWSE just announced their Emerging Sustainability Leaders (ESL) program that's definitely worth checking out.

Meanwhile, Savvy Ladies has you covered if you want to check your financial fitness this month.

There's the round-up! Be sure to add links to what you've been reading in the comments.

Preparing For India

After many delays and broken promises, I finally made the decision to return to India, my parents' native country. My flight is booked and paid for, my visa is newly acquired, and I will be visiting the doctor this week to make sure I am protected from any diseases that might come my way. This trip to India is different from previous ones I have had to the country, because this time I will be visiting multiple locations in different states. I have always wanted to attempt something like this, and now my dream to do so is becoming a reality. To say that I am excited is a serious understatement!

At the same time, I am also aware of some problems I may face during my upcoming month in India. First, a month is not long enough to visit all the places I want to see in the country, but the fact that I have this much time to begin with is enough for me. Secondly, I know I may be confronted by family members, who will give me unsolicited advice about my life. My most serious offense is the fact that I am not married yet. I am more than ready to respond to their concerns as kindly and firmly as possible. An unprepared person may get easily upset and defensive; I hope not to fall prey to those emotional traps, but it will be hard at times. Being the better person requires effort, thoughtfulness, and patience, which are qualities that are difficult to maintain. I am also exercising much more regularly in preparation for the trip, but I hope to make this a permanent addition to my daily routine.

When you are looking forward to a major change in your life, how do you prepare for it?

Best of '09: Europe Edition

Recently, a friend asked me to send along travel tips for Europe, and it got me reminiscing about my trip. It occurred to me that I've been so busy with other things, I never really took time to share my experiences. So here are some highlights from each city.

Paris was the first city I visited, and it might just be my favorite. The food was phenomenal, the museums and monuments were great, and just walking around the city was a lot of fun. My favorite moment was enjoying a delicious Nutella crêpe outside the Louvre with my guy on a sunny afternoon.

My next stop was Barcelona, where we spent most of our time hunting down all the Gaudi stuff. A memorable night out started with tapas and wine, continued with salsa music, and ended with a Lauryn Hill sing-a-long through Las Ramblas with other tourists.

My visit to Marseille was short, but nice. Mostly, my sister and I walked around, taking it all in, but the highlight was our trek up to the city’s highest point, Notre Dame de la Garde.

Cinque Terre with my sisters and friends was so great that it has not one but two of my favorite Europe moments. The first came during our walk through some scenic trails where we passed the time by singing songs from our favorite musicals. We attracted a lot of attention, but people loved us. The next day, my sister and I were the only ones up for the challenge of more difficult hikes, but it was my absolute favorite. The blue water and beautiful greenery more than made up for the difficulty breathing and all the cuts and scrapes.

I ended with London, where there was never a dull moment between the markets I visited and musicals I saw. The highlight of that city was spread across two days with the Beatles walking tours I went on. I'm a huge Beatles fan, so I had a blast.

It's only been a few months since I went to Europe, but I'm already thinking of when I can take my next trip. Who wants to come along?

On Again. Off Again. On Again?

I'm currently in possession of a lovely, warm, hand-knit scarf, which I...err...borrowed from my parents' closet while I was at home over the holidays. Every time I've wrapped it on since then, I think about taking up knitting again.

I do know how to knit--the basics, at least. I have a backpack full of yarn wasting away in the corner of my apartment, leftover from the last couple of times I've gotten enthused about this idea. There's a lot I like about knitting: it's simple and soothing, and it gives me something productive to do while watching TV or listening to music. (I never quite got the hang of knitting on the go.)

The problem is, I don't really have the patience or the passion for knitting. At least, not for the long haul of a truly cool project, like an afghan or a fluffy sweater. I can make it through a hat or a scarf all right, but beyond that, I tend to stall early. My yarn backpack is littered with old projects still resting on their needles, stuck in the beginning stages of whatever ambitious thing I set my sights on...and promptly forgot about.

I'm not sure there's any harm in trying again, though. I already have the supplies, so I'm not making a huge investment in something that may or may not pay off. Maybe knitting is somewhat like writing: sometimes you have to put your head down and power through, while other times it's okay to sit back and wait for the right mood or inspiration to strike in order to make any progress. Today I'm feeling a little bit inspired!

Do you have any on-again, off-again projects or habits?

Friday Forum: A Look Back

It's the first Friday Forum of the new year! Looking back on last year, what have you learned about yourself? Are there any major lessons you are going to keep in mind for the new year?

Don't Believe the Hype!

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.

Contact her at kleonardi@mindspring.com by January 15th for a special discount on her one-on-one consultation services so she can help get you on the right track.


Happy New Year! How ya doin' with those resolutions so far? There is so much hype and pressure around making huge life changes and setting goals starting January 1st that it's easy to feel utterly defeated when we don't succeed that first week, and therefore just give up. Yes, it’s the beginning of a new calendar year, so the world likes to make this time far more momentous than I believe it deserves. After an intense holiday period of excess and socialization, it is unrealistic for you to turn on a dime and start things completely fresh, especially if they are habits that you've had for 20 or 30 years! Change and growth do not happen overnight.

As we go through our lives, there are various cycles that affect us, with many opportunities for new beginnings that occur in more authentic ways, and are further in line with where we are at in life at any given moment. January is a particularly good time, though, to review the past year and to think about and understand the changes you want to make going forward - get reflective and go inward to see what’s out of balance, what direction you want to go in and what small adjustments you want to make in your daily life to be more fulfilled. True change can only happen after you've made an internal shift and the inner work that you do is just as valuable as the external results you desire.

The important thing to remember is that life is a process. Be true to who you are and take one day at a time knowing what is best for you and your goals - and don't beat yourself up if you don't make this first week or month the picture of perfection you envisioned on Dec. 31st. Setting a timeline and internal clock that is in harmony with YOU will be much more effective - and that will be something to celebrate at any time of the year!

A Better Decade?

Sure, a new year has just begun. But this stands out because it is also the beginning of a new decade, which was the prevalent thought in my mind as the minutes and seconds went by on New Year’s Eve. When the 2000s began, I already felt a sense of dread because of the election of the most recent former U.S. President, yet I had no idea what changes the decade would bring into all of our lives. I know I am no psychic, but I like to think that my instincts are pretty good. Will the second decade of the second millennia be a good one? I guess it all depends on your definition of good is, in this case.

From a global perspective, I certainly hope that the new decade will be known for more responsible leadership. We are all human of course, so there will be many mistakes, but I think the shame alone of being charged with corruption and/or personal indiscretions may decrease the number of scandals in the future. Maybe it won’t, but I refuse to believe that no lessons have been learned so far. I would like to think that future economic recessions will not be as severe as the one we are currently recovering from, but it was far worse during the Great Depression of the 1930s, so I think we are getting smarter in general when it comes to money. I am hopefully optimistic about this; it is not a case of wishful thinking on my part.

Will this decade mark the defeat of terrorism and global warming? I see no easy answers, but I am convinced that we will achieve control of these and other difficult situations in the years to come. I just have to believe that better days are ahead for all of us. Yes, it could very likely to wishful thinking after all.

Do you agree that we will “get it together” in 2010 and beyond?

Grading Your Year

A new year has begun! This is generally the time when everyone starts asking "so, what's your new year's resolution?" and I squirm in my seat trying to come up with one on the spot.

Last year, I resolved to trust my gut. I wanted to start following my instincts and that little voice inside me that tried to tell me which way to go. Looking back on the year as a whole, I would give myself a C; there were some times I really ignored what everyone else told me and trusted myself, but mostly I forgot I even made the resolution. That doesn't mean I had an unproductive year. Throughout the year, I made smaller resolutions (though I didn't call them that at the time). I wanted to read more, write more, manage my time better, take more initiative in different areas of my life, spend more time with friends, etc. I'm happy to say I was successful in sticking to these mini-resolutions and would give myself a B+ for those.

So I think I'm going for a new approach. Instead of one big vague resolution just for the sake of having a resolution, I am going to break the year up and focus on smaller, more specific resolutions. For the first three months of 2010, I want to focus on physical fitness. By the end of 2009, I was going to the gym (semi) regularly and doing hot yoga at least once a week. I want to continue on that path, working out at least 5 days a week and training for a half-marathon.

I still haven't decided what resolutions I'll make for the rest of the year, but I think this might be the year to make some changes to a number of areas in my life. This time next year, I want to be able to look back and give my resolution efforts an A+.

What grade would you give yourself for last year?

Going Home Again

I've been enjoying vacation these past weeks in my hometown in Indiana. I will say, though, that the longer I've lived away from home, the more striking it is to return. There are lovely things, like spending quality time with family and friends; poignant things, like visiting favorite childhood places; and familiar-yet-surprising things, like noticing more than ever how often I end up being the only person of color in a shop or restaurant.

I wasn't always aware of the homogeny of my surroundings. As a kid, it was pretty much all I knew, and I didn't give it a second thought. I never felt as severely "different" in public as I must have appeared. Now that I'm seeing the place through new eyes, I can't help but wonder what kind of effect growing up there actually had on me.

When I'm visiting home, people often ask if I like New York, which is an easy "Yes." But sometimes they ask more specifically what I like about New York. No offense to the die hard New Yorkers among us, but I've never quite been able to put my finger on it. I usually mumble something about "diversity" and "opportunities," knowing that somewhere in there is the actual truth.

I can give or take most things about my new hometown, NYC, but I like looking around and seeing all shades of brown faces. I never wanted it to be that simple, but I think that's what it comes down to for me. Not feeling so alone in a crowd, or like a sore thumb sticking out, trying not to bump anything. Small things in small moments that add up to something bigger.

I used to think the saying “you can’t go home again” meant that something about your home changed while you weren’t looking. Once you step outside of a place, your relationship to it is different. Forever. Home may not have changed, but I have.

Friday Forum: New Year, New You

Welcome to a brand new year - and a brand new decade! Now's a great time to figure out your New Year's resolutions!

Have you made any resolutions yet for this year? If so, what are they, and if not, what are you thinking about? Or, do you avoid making resolutions altogether?

Happy New Year!

All of us at The Women's Mosaic and CHICKS ROCK! wish you a very Happy New Year! Let's celebrate 2009 and look forward to 2010!

Relief Through Ayurvedic Massage*

The following was originally posted on Oct. 14, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


I don’t have the luxury of going to the spa very often. In the past, I considered myself lucky if I went three times a year. Now that I don’t receive regular massages as I did when I was abroad, I make sure to go spas that are highly recommended. If the service exceeds my expectations, I am more than happy to return to the place, and pass on recommendations to people I know.

My recent trip to an Ayurvedic spa is perhaps the best I have ever had. I first learned of the facility at a TWM event this past spring. At the Health & Nutrition: Perspectives from Around the World Panel Discussion, the panelists and some audience members made the evening a pleasant and informative one. Dr. Priyatarssini Balamurugen was one of the six panelists who particularly caught my attention, because she spoke specifically about the Ayurvedic approach to health, nutrition, and life as a whole. I have been interested in this particular branch of alternative medicine, because it focuses on multi-faceted treatments for a variety of problems: Yoga, massage, and herbs are just a few of these. When we received our “swag bags” at the close of the event, I noticed a coupon for the Santhigram Kerala Ayurvedic Health Spa and knew I had to visit the New Jersey location before the offer expired at the end of the year.

During the massage and steam bath, I felt the pressures of everyday life slip away. For a person who finds it difficult to meditate because of mental restlessness, I felt surprisingly free during the session. Ayurveda is centuries old, so I am not surprised at how effective it was for me during the hour and fifteen minutes I was there. I think my transcendental experience also had to do with the desire to purify myself, both inside and out. This, coupled with the expert hands and herbal oils used during the session, made me feel relaxed and relieved for the rest of the day.

Have any of you tried Ayurvedic massage or similar treatments? What was your experience?

A Personal Responsibility*

The following was originally posted on May 26, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


When I think about the responsibilities we have to each other and to ourselves, I start to think a lot about what is more important. Selfishness is something frowned upon in our society, and yet we are often described as a very selfish culture. We want what we want, when we want it, and regardless of how it might affect others.

Perhaps this is why my friends and I get such a positive reaction from people when we say we work for non-profit organizations. We seem to have a higher purpose and goal, and we are commended for taking home a smaller paycheck in return. In reality, I think a lot of young non-profit professionals get frustrated about different aspects of non-profit work. I see a lot of my peers and colleagues become disgruntled and complain about the limitations of the work and the pay.

But even still, there is certainly a commitment to serve that I don't see in many people outside of the non-profit world. Despite the frustrations, everyone has at least one cause they are passionate about and put above almost everything else -- including themselves. Most of the activists I know work so hard that they often neglect their own health and well-being, myself included. By putting the work, the cause, the justice ahead of our own needs, are we doing more harm than good? Most activists would say of course not! We do what we need to do, when we need to do it, regardless of how it might affect us.

I'm coming to realize, however, that this just can't be an option anymore. A few other activists have been expressing similar sentiments for a while now, and I have no choice anymore but to agree with them. If the good we do for others is harming us, it is our responsibility to ourselves to step back, and hope that somebody else takes the wheel. If they do, we can be back in action when they need to step back. If they don't, then at least we'll be re-energized and ready to work even harder.

The Little Leaps*

The following was originally posted on Sep. 21, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


I stumbled upon a magazine feature in which celebrities responded to questions about faith. They each offered sound bites about a spiritual experience, or moment when faith came alive for them. I was intrigued by this conversation, as it’s something that’s often on my mind. I hear many practitioners of religion say that faith is about trusting in something that cannot be seen or proven. Yet, somehow that unproveable, intangible thing must be felt, right? Otherwise, how do we, as people, keep throwing ourselves toward beliefs that can’t be proven, and what is it that makes us feel that we’re believing in the right direction?

This quote from Faith Adiele, author of Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun, struck a chord with me. “Every time I act without knowing the outcome, with the risk of failure looming before me, I try to see that as a spiritual moment. Every time I transcend my limitations or touch something larger than myself: one step closer.”

I never articulated it this way, but lately I’m making such acts all the time. Leaving a steady job to pursue writing, sticking with it despite the bleak economy, writing what I care about over what will earn the most. I recently commented to a friend that I feel validated in this pursuit when the world answers me in small ways, whether it be a good review, or a letter from a reader, or an invitation to speak. Sometimes I need those small tokens of approval to know I’m on the right track. But my friend seemed distressed by this, saying that I shouldn’t need to be validated by the outside world, as long as I know in my heart that I’m doing what I love. Conceptually, that sounded right to me, and I worried about it. Do I not have enough faith in myself?

In reality, though, every time I take one of these little leaps I am putting faith in myself, but also in God or the universe or the world around me, to catch me before I fall.

Friday Forum on Thursday: Year in Review

There won't be any post tomorrow because we'll be off for Christmas, so we wanted to post this Friday Forum question today.

As everyone gets ready to say goodbye to 2009, we're looking back at the things we've learned and done this year.

What are some of your favorite moments from 2009? What are some lessons you've learned about yourself?

Of Fashion, Fairness, and Friendship*

The following was originally posted on Jul. 29, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


It is a gift when people can hold it together in stressful situations and be pleasant to people around them at the same time. My friend Catherine reminded me of this as she prepared for a fashion show she designed for last week, in honor of Bastille Day.

When I visited Catherine backstage as she got ready for the Planete Chic & Naturally Couture Fashion Show, she, her models, hair and makeup stylists, and her assistant were decidedly calm and composed. I was impressed by the professionalism and civility they had towards one another. I mostly observed and stayed out of everyone’s way as the tension slowly began to mount. Even when some of models had not arrived yet, and their walking order on the runway had to be changed because of these delays, Catherine and her assistant never broke a sweat as they kept re-arranging their plans. In spite of all of this, she maintained her composure, which was a good influence on everyone else in her team.

In Catherine’s case, I think it has to do with her self-confidence. Like many small business owners, she has been affected financially and emotionally by the recession. At the same time, she loves what she does and is really good at it. We met at the CHICKS ROCK! Launch Party last September, where she first impressed me with her intelligence and kindness. Our friendship really began when she told me how she uses recyclable items (such as discarded umbrellas and other fabrics from clothes and furniture) to create bags and clothes. While things haven’t been easy for Catherine and Himane Inc., she has always demonstrated admirable leadership skills. As a friend and advisor, I hope to learn more from her in the future.

Is there a friend/colleague/family member you admire, especially during these difficult times?

Friends & Family*

The following was originally posted on Sept. 29, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


A while back, a group of friends started talking about how great it would be to road trip across the country in the next year. As our excitement grew, we realized that in order to make this happen, we would need to do actual planning. We started with the most obvious question: who was going on this trip? I don't remember what names were thrown around, but I do remember what somebody said: "this is just for friends, so don't bring your sisters."

It's not that I felt they were picking on me, or that I was insulted at the idea that they wouldn't want my sisters there... it's the way the sentence itself was structured. Apparently "just friends" means "no sisters," but why?

My sisters are my friends. They are not just people I talk to from time to time and see on holidays. We know our personalities better than anybody else and we know how to give each other support when nobody else can. We talk about family, friends, relationships, careers, sex, etc. I don't know about you, but that seems like the definition of a great friendship to me.

Perhaps I'm bothered by this because my sisters and I haven't always been friends. For the better part of our lives, we were not close at all. I might even go so far as to say that we didn't really like one another all that much. Sure, we enjoyed spending time together and we certainly loved each other. But we did not confide in each other, nor did we spend hours upon hours talking about everything and nothing at all. It wasn't until fairly recently that the three of us really started to develop a friendship to go along with our sisterhood.

So I don't know if my sisters will end up going on this trip (or if the trip is even happening), but I'm happy I realized that my sisters are my best friends. It took a while to get here, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Reflecting My Vision*

The following was originally posted on Mar. 30, 2009. It is being re-posted as part of our CHICKS ROCK! Holiday series.


On Saturday, I attended The Women’s Mosaic’s spring Visioning Workshop. Visioning is an intensive personal collage-making process that inspires people to use creativity and intuition to tap into their subconscious dreams and desires. The goal is to capture images – abstract or literal – that represent the life you want; by interpreting and embracing those images, you empower yourself to make the choices that will lead you there.

I’ve participated in quite a few visioning workshops over the past five years, and each time, the collage process seems to have something different to offer. Sometimes it manages to invigorate or refresh me. Other times, it leaves me feeling reflective. Or inspired. Or challenged by the thoughts that surface when I really give myself time to be alone with what I feel.

The magic of visioning, for me, lies partly in its familiarity, but just as much in the fact that you never can know exactly what to expect. The point, of course, is to reach inside yourself and grapple with questions like “What do I want?” and “How do I get it?” without allowing yourself to pre-judge or discredit the answers based on so-called logic or practicality. When I’m able to enter the visioning space with a truly open mind, I never cease to be surprised by what emerges. At times it can almost be as powerful as seeing yourself through new eyes.

When I look at my latest collage, I see spaces of beauty. I see strangeness, and passion, and promise. I see adventure – not the reckless kind, but the kind that unfolds slowly and fills you with richness. I see myself at a moment in time where there are many possibilities, but many uncertainties. Where there’s a delicate balance between things hoped for and things earned, between embracing the things that truly define me and recognizing the things I allow to represent me that are merely shadows.

It seems these images are telling me to get out in the world and just be me.

Do you have a Visioning Workshop story? Even if you haven’t done the workshop, what do you see when you picture the future?

Happy Holidays

From everyone here at The Women's Mosaic and CHICKS ROCK!, we wish you a happy and safe holiday season. Stay warm and enjoy the time with your friends and family.

CHICKS ROCK Holiday

Just like we did last year, we'll be giving the bloggers here at CHICKS ROCK! some time off to spend time with their family and friends. We've chosen some of our favorite posts from the past year to re-post.

We hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane!

In the meantime, be sure to check out TWM's online auction. Some great items ending tomorrow and a few more ending on Tuesday.

End Of The Year Realizations

I know I am not the only one who becomes reflective this time of year. It isn’t the holiday season; it has more to do with the end of the year and thinking back at what I have done and what has happened to me. There are many people who judge themselves (and others) too harshly by having regrets. I say they are a waste of time. Can we get in a time machine and go back to reverse our previous choices? Of course not! When others I know start ruminating about the past, I encourage them to focus on the present and future instead. It’s what I tell myself, and it works for me.

This becomes difficult when someone you love is mired in regrets and disappointments about themselves and others. I think we all know at least one person who falls into that category, and in my case it is an individual who I am currently estranged from. I used to get upset when this person shared his uninformed opinions about my life with me, but I have slowly come to the realization that these negative criticisms actually come from a good place. I also know that he is harder on himself than anyone could ever be on him, so I pity his “black and white only” views on life.

Honestly, I can’t worry about what the naysayers have to say: I used to want to save those in my life who fell into this category, but I have given up on this thankless quest after realizing that they were resistant or unable to change for the better. I also know that I definitely don’t have all the answers, and I am focusing more on my own life than ever before. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and it has helped me in my writing and in other volunteer projects I consider to be worthy of my time.

Do you have any realizations to share as we approach the end of the decade?

The Countdown Is On

I woke up this morning, anxious to get the day started because I have tons of work to get done. I open up my email and find 5 are from the same place: Gifts.com. My first thought was "uh oh, did something happen to their server? Why so many emails?" But then I opened them and saw they were all reminders to get gifts for each of my family members because Christmas is only 10 days away! Eek!

Of course, that made me panic. So far I've only gotten one person their gift (thanks to TWM's silent auction), so I have at least another 4 to buy and no clue what to get anybody. Suddenly all that mocking I did of people who were done with their holiday shopping before Thanksgiving has come back around to me.

Shopping for gifts wouldn't be all that stressful except I really hate giving people generic gifts. I like their gifts to mean something to them, and make it something they'll remember. But I also don't like spending very much money on gifts. As it turns out, these two very simple rules are not so simple when they are put together. I always end up finding either very inexpensive stuff that nobody will actually want or need, or gifts that would be perfect but are completely out of my price range.

So it seems that now I have to spend the entire day trying to brainstorm gift ideas on top of everything else I need to do. It's moments like these that it's easy to forget why we do this in the first place. And while the cynic in me does think that the holiday season is driven by major companies who want us to spend every penny we have, I do love giving people gifts. I love seeing their reactions and realizing I've gotten them something great. It's the one thing I like about Christmas.

Well, that, and Christmas music. I LOVE Christmas music!

Peeking into the Baby Life

A friend of mine had a baby about a year ago. She’s stayed home with him, and I go out to their place to visit them about every month or so. He’s a super cute little guy, and I’m hard pressed to think of any other baby who I’ve gotten to watch grow up this closely.

It’s not like I’m part of his life everyday, but he seems to recognize me, and he knows I like books, because when I visit he sometimes brings me books from his shelf and we read them. Ah, how my little heart melts….

I listen to my friend talk about the struggles that they go through, and the progress that he makes. I get excited about his new teeth, and his words. I feel like a part of his extended family, somehow.

It’s been really meaningful to me to be a support system for my friend as she wades the uncharted waters of parenthood. We’re also lucky in that it’s brought us closer instead of tearing us apart, or making it too hard to relate to one another. Sure, I can’t relate to 3 a.m. feedings, and she rolls her eyes if I complain about not getting enough sleep, but on a deeper level, we’re closer friends than we were a year ago.

It’s so easy to fall out of touch when people have kids, especially here in the city, where single life, couple life, and family life are totally separate spheres that barely intersect. It’s happened to me several times, growing apart from people after they have kids. I can see that parenthood can be quite isolating.

To be honest, I don’t always make the effort. I don’t truly know why I decided to work harder this time, but I’m definitely glad I didn’t let this friendship slip away. I hope I can do as well the next time a friend makes the leap to a new sphere of life!

Shop til You Drop

If you've been looking for a way to get all your holiday shopping done at once and from the comfort of your own home, look no further than TWM's 2009 Virtual Holiday Bazaar and Silent Auction! This online shopping event is creating such a buzz that we wanted to share it all with you.

The vendors TWM lined up offer a great variety of products. Browse through their sites and start shopping.

Eco Africa Social Ventures sells products produced by artisans and other artists and craftspeople of Zimbabwe.

Terry Ross Jewelry has handcrafted jewelry made with semiprecious stones and wire.

Ardyss International lets you drop 2 or 3 sizes in 10 minutes. Check them out!

Passion for Silver gives you the chance to shop the globe with jewelry from Italy, Mexico, Thailand, China, Bali and Indonesia.

Himane turns trash into treasures by using discarded clothing to make unique handbags, dresses and jackets.

Wendy Mink Jewelry is a great place to shop for handmade quality costume jewelry made in NYC.

Center for Skin Care and Wellness lets you take the spa home for a natural alternative anti-aging solution.

Rogue Confections has tasty treats - handmade Belgian chocolates inspired by vintage designs.

BONUS: New York Racquet & Health Club is offering TWM members at the $100-level or higher a 1-year membership for only $71 a month, with NO activation fee! This offer is only available for a limited time, so be sure you join TWM today and sign up for NYHRC.


In addition to these vendors, don't forget to stop by TWM's online auction. Here are the items currently up for grabs:

One hour of general office cleaning services

A $50 Gift Card to Eve's Addiction.

Your choice of a Swedish Massage OR Mineral Green Facial.

A set of three 'COLORME' black & white prints.

Two nutrition products from Ardyss International.

A nutritional counseling session.

A career counseling session & follow-up.

One hour of full body therapy.

A one-hour holistic health counseling session.

A one-hour deep tissue massage.

A comprehensive technology evaluation for your home or office.

A handmade designer necklace.

And the services of a children's party planner.

More auction items will be added on Tuesday, so be sure to check it out again then.

Link Love for 12/10

Browsing through the blogosphere lately, we've found enough good pieces to put together a link live post. Enjoy the pieces linked to below and don't forget to add your own.

Girl w/Pen informs us of a group of mothers in Iran who were arrested for organizing against government violence.

Global Sister posted an interview with a campus journalist and activist that is certainly worth checking out.

In Good Company remembers that just because Thanksgiving passed doesn't mean it's too late to give thanks.

Lindsey Pollak's blog examines why it is very important to pay your interns, particularly in this economy.

One Writeous Chick takes a look at the myth of having it all... and Janet Jackson.

Savvy Ladies has a piece for all of you who might be dealing with remarriage, children, and inheritance.

The Unconventional Me

My annual birthday tradition is to take the day off to do whatever I want to do. I personally believe that a birthday should be a personal holiday, but that is just my opinion. With my own special day approaching, I am looking forward to taking on some mountain trails and breathing in fresh mountain air. Previous birthdays involved me skydiving at 14,000 feet, spending a leisurely day at a spa, visiting several art museums in one day, having a family get-together in India, and just wasting time doing nothing. If I am lucky to have more birthdays (you never know how long you have, after all) I would like to try spending them in foreign and domestic locales I have never visited before.

I can never understand why people show up to work on their birthdays, and are content to have people they may or may not like sing “Happy Birthday” to them before blowing out candles on a cake that was bought with company money. As a child it was fun to go to school, armed with cupcakes or other sweet treats for my fellow students, but as an adult I am compelled to avoid being with people who only show interest in me just to get some free food and drinks for their trouble.

I feel the same way about weddings. I never understand why brides and grooms (more the former than the latter, stereotypically) spend more time and money buying flowers, dresses, and organizing the ceremony and reception rather than preparing for the rest of their lives after the party is over. I actually know a couple who are still paying off the expense of their wedding four years and two children later. They are separated now, which makes the situation even sadder, I think. For me, the idea of spending tens of thousands of dollars and more on one day is enough to recommend elopement as a more than ideal arrangement.

What about you? Do have any unconventional ideas you'd like to share?

Gee, Thanks

Something I always hear from people is that I don't know how to take compliments well. Criticism I'm great at because it's usually something I've already considered about myself, but compliments... not so much. I've been thinking a lot about this lately as I look back on the last couple of years and think about what I've accomplished and the work I've done.

Of course, I know that part of the reason I am this way is because this is how I was brought up. I learned to be very critical of myself and the work I did and never settle for anything less than perfection. Of course, perfection is not only subjective, it is also pretty much impossible. But that doesn't really matter in the day-to-day when I am not satisfied with the work I've done on a particular project.

And there's also the fact that, generally speaking, as women we don't know how to take compliments. We can't just say "thank you!" and move on. We have to find somebody else to thank ("oh, I couldn't have done it without so and so") or somebody else to give all the credit to ("thanks, but really it was all so and so's doing"). We think that humility is more attractive than gloating, and it is, but a simple "thank you" and acceptance of the work you've done comes with the territory of doing a good job. You're not gloating, you're merely recognizing that something you did worked out well.

I know all of this on an intellectual level, but it's still hard for me to internalize. But that's what I'll be working on from now on, in fact I think I might make it one of my New Year's resolutions.

So if you catch me brushing off a compliment rather than saying "thank you," please remind me to accept it and take it all in, and I'll do the same for you all.

Holiday Cheer

Christmastime has totally snuck up on me this year. It was mid-fall, then I blinked and it was Thanksgiving. Now, seemingly overnight, the weather has turned, and the season along with it. Holiday windows went up in all the storefronts. My friends have bought Christmas trees and are talking about having finished their gift-buying. (Yikes.) Everyone has booked a plane ticket home. Except me.

This year, so far, I've been rather grinchy; not feeling all that festive. It just hasn't felt like it's time yet, when normally I'm eager for Christmas to come.

Magically, all that has changed in a matter of hours. This morning I volunteered to help pack Christmas Angel gifts, a holiday project at my church. The Angel gifts are bought on behalf of an incarcerated person and are given to his or her children, so they can have a Christmas surprise. I didn't volunteer to buy a gift myself this year; it came and went before I was ready.

I attended the gift packing out of obligation, not excitement, but the group of ladies who were helping out managed to turn me around. They were so into it that I couldn't help be excited. One of them commented, "I really look forward to doing this. Now, I feel like it's okay to have my own Christmas." I loved that she said that, and I discovered a decidedly Christmasy smile on my face for the rest of our morning.

When I stepped outside afterwards, it just got better. A tiny elderly couple was standing waiting for the bus, bundled up in their winter finest. Her long coat was holiday red, and she was grinning. He hugged and kissed her, very sweetly, but rather dramatically, right there on the street. I'm sure he thought no one was looking. My heart melted.

I'm suddenly feeling altogether too Christmasy for words.

Friday Forum: Gift of Holidays Past

All this talk of holidays and giving got us thinking about holiday gifts. What's the best gift you've ever received during the holiday season? What's the best gift you've ever given? Can't wait to hear the responses!

The Season for Giving

A couple of weeks ago, we told you about an opportunity to be a vendor or donor to TWM's 2009 Virtual Holiday Bazaar and Silent Auction. We're happy to announce that the bazaar and silent auction have begun.

Check out the vendors TWM has lined up for your shopping pleasure so far. Want a handmade craft from Zimbabwe? Sterling silver jewelry? An eco-friendly handbag? Shop for that and more through the virtual holiday bazaar.

But if you want a more unique gift, something personalized that is just what somebody needs, be sure to take a look at the items in our auction. The items will change each week in December so you can find the perfect gift for yourself or someone you love. This week there are items for the Christmas loving, somewhat lost, somewhat messy, food-conscious, health-conscious, body-conscious, Feng Shui curious people in your life.

And don't forget there's still time to participate by being a vendor or donating to the silent auction.

Lessons of Addiction Endure

I recently heard news about a family member who drove drunk and crashed his car. Thankfully he (and no one else) was injured, but he is in trouble with the authorities and will probably have his license suspended, at the very least. Initially, I was shocked, but then I realized that this horrific accident was a long time in the making. We all know someone who is an addictive personality, and either they have been exposed through their actions, or it is just a matter of time before they are. When I think back, I always had a feeling that something like this would happen to him, if he didn’t change his ways. We are not close and haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a long time, but from what I understand, he still believes he doesn’t have a problem. While I am very concerned for him and his immediate family, I know that the only thing I can do is pray and hope for the best.

Some may argue that I am being too passive about this troubling situation, but I’m not. In my parents’ culture and many other traditional cultures, one must always respect his or her elders, even if they do not return the sentiment. Addictions like drug and alcohol abuse are still vehemently denied by many people my family and I have known from the cultural, ethnic and religious communities we have associated with, so I am familiar with how addictive behaviors have been too often ignored (or even enabled) since childhood. I’ve seen how strong denial is, so much so that it causes long term and even permanent estrangement. The shame of having an addict in the family is also very powerful, so secrecy is still easier than honesty for many. But living in blissful denial can only last so long.

Even though we live in the twenty-first century, I realize that we will continue to be reminded of the detrimental effects of addiction for the foreseeable future. I know that the lessons are not lost on me.

The Bookworm's Challenge

It's really no secret by this point that I love to read. It's always been one of my favorite hobbies, even though I let it slip for a while during and right after college. Always up for a challenge, I took my mission to read more to a new level. I belong to one "real life" and two online book clubs, each group reading different types of books over a month or two months. I've also been reviewing books each month, which gives me a chance to read new works of fiction and non-fiction. These are all probably very tame, albeit ambitious, ways to increase the number of books I read, but the most fun I'm having is with reading challenges.

When I joined Goodreads a while back, I was excited to have a place to live up to my full bibliophile potential and I discovered that some groups participate in reading challenges. For example, one challenge is to read books mentioned in the t.v. show Lost, another is reading the 1001 Books to Read Before You Die, etc. But my personal favorites are the shelf-a-thon and the seasonal reading challenge.

The point of the shelf-a-thon is to read at least one book from all the popular categories and genres listed in Goodreads. This means that during the course of the challenge, which lasts a few months, you need to read historical fiction, books published in 2009, children's lit, erotica... the list goes on and on. The seasonal reading challenge is a bit harder to explain, but the idea is to read a book that fits a specific task. For example, Walt Disney's birthday is in December, so one of the winter tasks is to read a book related to your favorite Disney film.

In starting the new year, I'm participating in these challenges as a way to push myself to keep reading books I wouldn't normally read. There is also a certain level of competitive spirit, but mostly I'm competing with myself. The fun is in completing something I didn't think I could actually accomplish.