Emotional Prisons

When the people I care about go through difficult times, such as dealing with those who want their emotional destruction, I want to help save the day. In other words, I want to inspire them to stand up to their villains and take them down, once and for all. Call it a hero complex without the glory, because I don’t want to be thanked at all; I just want to give strength to those who don’t have it. What I have realized is that my efforts are usually fruitless. True victory for those plagued by others has to come from the ones who are oppressed. It is the only way they can truly be free, once and for all.

There are all kinds of prisons; I know about the ones that cannot be seen. People I know in these situations describe their feelings of fear and isolation so profoundly that it evokes feelings of confinement. I have even visited people in their homes and felt the walls closing in on me; it is like visiting someone in a cell. There are no bars and barbed wire, and they can get out once in a while, but they always go back, because they are not ready and/or don’t have the strength to revolt and break free. The people I know undergoing this plight are those in bad marriages, relationships, and in highly dysfunctional families. A family member of mine is friends with a man who was emotionally terrorized and manipulated by his mother for years: he had a strictly enforced curfew, had his mail opened without his consent, and was told he could never leave home, even though he had thousands of dollars saved in the bank. It took getting married to make him break out of that prison; he was in his early thirties.

I feel for those who are emotionally imprisoned, especially if they desperately want to be free. All I can do is pray and hope they find the courage to stage their own “prison breaks.”

Have you experienced emotional imprisonment in your own lives?

The Unfazed Traveler

I've been trying to plan a vacation for several months now and I've definitely been in need of a break. But instead of some intensive trip like my Europe backpacking experience, all I want is to lounge in the sun, read, and drink cocktails. So when a friend of mine proposed a trip to Las Vegas over Memorial Day weekend a few weeks ago, I quickly said yes. It's got all the things I need and requires very little effort.

The effort, of course, comes in the planning. First there was picking a hotel and checking flight prices obsessively, and now there's the drama of people actually committing. Between the time the idea first came up and now, a mere month away from the trip, the people who say they're going has changed countless times, and I don't actually know right now who will be there or for how long.

But, you know what, I don't really care. Much to my surprise, I'm totally unfazed by all of this.

I know that I have my flight booked and a hotel room ready for me. I know the pool will be open much of the day and have a bunch of eBooks waiting to be read. I know how much I can spend on drinks and have decided I'm staying away from all the gambling. The only thing I really have left to decide is whether or not to watch the Beatles Love show.

And if I have to do all of that with only one friend for a couple of days and then spend the rest of my time alone, I'm fine with it. At the end of the day, I'm still getting what I want out of this trip: rest, relaxation, and a healthy dose of self-indulgence.

I'll be sure to let you all know exactly how all of this works out, but something tells me I'll be fine with whatever happens, and that's got me more excited than anything else. I constantly feel like I need a vacation from my vacation-planning, and for the first time, I'm ready to just enjoy my time away.

Too Tired to Tweet

I find myself experiencing a bit of social networking fatigue lately. I've been active on Facebook for several years and I have a Twitter page, yet I realized recently that it has been about a month since I logged into either account! I often pop in only once a week or so, but now my check-ins seem to have dropped off almost completely. So, what happened? I'm still not exactly sure. It's been a busy couple of months, sure. My computer is old and struggling, true. But I have a smart phone, and I'm genuinely interested in staying connected and finding out what people are up to, my friends and "friends" alike. So why does checking in seem like such an ordeal these days?

I'm worried about my online drought because it feels like things might be passing me by. For instance, Facebook has become a gathering place to let people know about exciting news. On my last few pop-ins (a month ago!) I learned that a good friend had given birth to her first baby, and another had gotten engaged. Changing your status from "in a relationship" to "engaged" is a big deal now, and it seems to be the way a lot of people are making the announcement. If you don't keep up, you don't find out. In all the time that's passed, I'm afraid I've missed similar milestones from others. And I've definitely missed opportunities to keep people updated on good news from my end (positive book reviews and things like that) as well.

I'm hopeful that the tide will turn and I'll soon find myself tweeting up a storm and updating my Facebook status every once in a while, at least. In the meantime, I guess I have to live with the ambiguity of not having seen or read it all. ("Did you see the photos so-and-so posted?" "Oh, I invited you to my party through FB Events.") It's shocking how much our online connections come up in real-life conversation. But instead of making me feel like I'm getting the scoop another way, it just makes me feel more out of the loop.

Are you a frequent social networker? How well do you keep up with all the buzz?

Friday Forum: Stay Green

Today is Earth Day, one of the smaller, forgotten holidays we celebrate each year. But for those of us who pay attention to our energy consumption, recycling habits, and other ways to go green, it's a great time to share ideas and get tips on being more Earth-friendly.

What are some ways you stay green year-round? Do you have any tips to share with others who want to do their part?

Spring Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 4

It's "spring break" at CHICKS ROCK! Instead of our regular posts this week, we're highlighting some of the issues and topics we've covered.

Today, take a look back at our guest bloggers and the stories they've shared with all of us. Don't forget that you can be a guest blogger too -- just read our guidelines and submit a post!

Spring Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 3

It's "spring break" at CHICKS ROCK! Instead of our regular posts this week, we're highlighting some of the issues and topics we've covered.

Today, you might need a reminder that there's more to the world than your immediate surroundings, so take a look at our posts on travel and tell us when and where you're going on your next trip!

Spring Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 2

It's "spring break" at CHICKS ROCK! Instead of our regular posts this week, we're highlighting some of the issues and topics we've covered.

Today, we want you to reflect on the power of getting in touch with yourself by looking back at others' Visioning Workshop experiences. Hopefully they'll inspire you to listen a bit more closely to your inner voice.

Spring Break at CHICKS ROCK! Day 1

It's that time of year again: we're going on a "spring break" of our own here at CHICKS ROCK! We're not leaving you all alone, however, because we want you to take a chance to read up on some of the topics we cover a lot on the blog.

Today, we want you to take a look at issues that affect women, the experiences of women, and events geared towards women. After all, women drive the work of The Women's Mosaic and what we write here on the blog!

Friday Forum: Taxing Activities

Even though your calendar might say today is Tax Day, you've actually got a couple more days -- until the 18th, to be exact -- to get them in.

Have you had your taxes done for months, or do you procrastinate and wait until the last minute to turn them in?

Get Moving to Support Women

One of the great things about TWM is that they are constantly working to support other organizations and non-profits. One way they do that is by participating in the Revlon Run/Walk annually, and this year is no exception. Check out the details below and be sure to join them or donate to the team.

TWM's Team for Revlon Run/Walk for Women's Cancers
Saturday, April 30th 7am - Noon

Looking to make new friends?
Do you want to get in shape?
Would you like to help others?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions then join The Women's Moasic Team for the Revlon Run/Walk! We will be banding together with thousands of people on Saturday, April 30th to walk as one and put an end to women's cancers. Every step we take will bring us one step closer to the cure, with your help we can make this disease a thing of the past.

If you would like meet some great people, have a fun morning out and make a difference in thousands of lives please contact Team Captain Mary Brower at Mugglymoo@yahoo.com to or click on the link below to register directly.

This year's team has special meaning since TWM's longtime friend and board member Melanie McEvoy is a breast cancer survivor after being diagnosed immediately following her very first mammogram just last spring.

REGISTER FOR OR DONATE TO TWM'S TEAM HERE

Natural Talents

We all have talents. A few of us out there achieve levels of genius that can and do make significant impressions on many, while others get by with or neglect what their gifts for a variety of reasons. Mostly I have heard people complain that they cannot make a living at what they are best at, so they choose what is safe and steady, which is hard to come by these days. Many become discouraged due to rejection, and then refuse to go on. The problem is that when one’s talents are suppressed, that does not mean that they just go away. Instead they remain within us, festering under the surface.

I just saw my cousin in one of the two lead female roles in her high school production of Guys and Dolls, and it got me thinking about my own natural talents. She is a fantastic singer with great stage presence; her ability to perform has been with her since childhood, when I saw her dance with her friends as part of an Indian classical ensemble. While part of a group of singers in this production, my cousin’s soprano voice stood out among the others, which were all very good in their own right. It was the first time I had ever heard her sing on her own in public, and she did it as if she had been doing it for years. I was so proud of her, and then I thought about my own desire to write. I am definitely not the best writer by any means, but I love doing it. I also notice that my writing improves the more I experiment with it. I use writing in all aspects of my life, including work, but to use it to create stories and write on topics and incidents that interest me are what I want to do more of.

Do you suppress your natural talents, or try to use them as often as possible? Does the fear of mediocrity bother you?

The College Years

I've never been one of those people who wanted college to last forever. While I was there, I was eager to leave and start the next chapter of my life. Even though I love learning and knew I would miss taking classes, the actual experience of going to college wasn't something I needed to prolong. So while my peers constantly look for opportunities to go back and spend more time reminiscing on college days, I ran off and never looked back.

All of this is to make you understand how strange it is for me to suddenly realize how great my college experience truly was.

This past weekend, I spent some time on my old campus. At an annual event that would normally be filled to capacity, the room was practically empty. The dining halls closed early. Walking around campus during a time that used to be buzzing as people got ready for the night's festivities, it was practically silent.

I looked around feeling bad for the students there now and how lonely their college experiences must be. It was the first time I thought about how good I had it.

Even though it was mostly a commuter school and the campus seemed "dead" on the weekends, the truth is that there was almost always something to do and people were usually excited and eager to be there. Events on the weekends would quickly sell out and parties on campus and off had long lines and overflowed with party-goers. It was a great time to make new friends and lasting memories.

I'm still glad college ended when it did and I'm not looking to turn back the clock and wish I was still an undergrad, but I have a new appreciation for my time there. I guess I really did enjoy more than my college courses.

Have you ever reflected on your time in college? Do you sometimes wish you could go back?

Listening Big

I'm not a big radio listener these days, and when I do tune in I typically listen to music. So, I was surprised but excited when I was invited in for a cool interview on NPR last week. I've done radio interviews before, but I must confess that each time the experience takes me a little outside of my comfort zone. I'm used to talking about my books, but I'm used to talking directly to young readers--not into a fancy microphone!

I went on the Michael Eric Dyson Show to talk about my new novel Camo Girl (I managed to mention The Rock and the River a few times, too). The interview was recorded and incorporated into the episode that aired on April 1 in select markets nationwide (woot!). I listened to it when the podcast went up online, and I was pleased to hear that I sounded normal, maybe even intelligent. I had been really nervous going into the interview, so I'm really glad that it turned out well.

To be honest, downloading my own interview was one of the first times I've listened to a podcast. I hear people talking about them, and I've heard of many podcasts that sound intriguing to me, either by subject or concept or host. Yet, it's a form of media that I'm not sure how to access in an ongoing way. I have the technology, but I don't always remember to use it. I'm looking for ways to remind myself to try new things and stretch the boundaries of my experience, to move beyond books and conversations, to other media and ways of connecting. It feels like a wave of the furture, in some ways. I'd better get on board!

Are you a radio listener? What shows/stations do you enjoy? Follow any podcasts?

If you're interested in my Dyson Show interview, you can download the podcast or listen online. (If you don't want to listen to the whole hour, my part starts at 23:00.) Let me know what you think!

Friday Forum: Don't Forget Your Goals

A quarter of the year has already passed us by (we can't really believe it either!). It seems a good time to do a quick personal goal check!

How are you doing with your New Year's resolutions or any other goals you've set for yourself this year? Are you feeling productive as we head into the spring, or do you have your work cut out for you?

Conjuction Junction

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week. Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.

Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously. ~ Mark Twain

I find it curious that the words desperate and disparate sound so similar; and although their meanings are distinct and technically have nothing to do with each other, I think there is a correlation. A well-known strategy used by one group to influence power over another is to 'divide and conquer'; to keep people, things, countries, ideas, religions, and feelings separate and often opposed to one another. This way they’re unable to come together as a unified force and therefore have strength to accomplish their goals and objectives, which dis-empowers them. Regardless of whether the power desired or deserved outcome on either end is good or bad, it is a tactic that is extremely effective.

The most obvious place to observe this happening is in the military and political arenas, but there are more subtle ways that this truth can affect us in our everyday lives - within our families, at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, in the media and entertainment we consume, and often, within ourselves.

Lately I've noticed a lot of folks are feeling disjointed, fragmented and compartmentalized at best; discombobulated or defeated at worst. Everywhere we turn, there seems to be a sledgehammer creating wedges and a myriad distractions coming at us from all sides: us against them, head against heart, black vs. white, profit versus purpose, logic battling intuition, young vs. old; material values vs. spiritual ones, mental health vs. emotional health vs. physical health.

As the saying goes, we can't serve two masters - we must be unified in that which we revere and honor, integrate our disparate parts and connect to who we are, so that we can connect to others for the greater good. Because when we don't, we feel lost and alone, which when not addressed, can lead to feeling desperate. And that is never a good place to be - because decisions made from fear and desperation are never the best choices.

So if you're having a little trouble synthesizing your yin with your yang, make sure you take some quality time with yourself so you can live with yourself, and others, in perfect harmony.

Thoughts On Cursing

Let’s face it: most of us curse. I don’t curse on a daily basis, but sometimes I find expletives escape from my lips at certain times, and when I do I surprise myself. Still, I am glad that every other word out of my mouth is not a “bad one,” because there are so many cleverer ways to make a point.

Just the other day I heard on the radio that three of the top songs on the radio all have a certain four letter word in the title; of course when the songs are played on the air, the word is replaced or covered up. It got me thinking about how acceptable curse words have become in our daily lives and all over the media, even when they are suppressed.

To be honest, it does not matter to me if a song or song title has the “F bomb” or any other curse word in it. Still, if I hear someone constantly cursing when speaking it does make me a little uncomfortable and slightly annoyed. I know it becomes a hard habit to break, so I can easily look past it. When I get the chance, I would like to ask someone why they always resort to cursing when expressing themselves; I hope they won’t call me a b-word, or worse. The possibilities are endless.

While I am not faultless when it comes to cursing, I would like to think that I can express myself effectively without having to use them. What makes these words so attractive are that they are still forbidden, evoke strong feelings, and are easy to use. Yet whenever I have had to verbally defend myself and set someone straight, I used pointed non-expletives that were extremely effective. I think that is why Jane Austen and her novels still resonate with people today; she knew how to give the best verbal assaults!

What are your thoughts on cursing?

Sick Day

After avoiding it for several weeks, Sally finally caught the bug that's been making the rounds in her circle of friends. She's out sick today, but be sure to read up on posts from the past by checking out what she wrote this time last year: A Commute Disrupted, Blogging for Equal Pay Day, and Not Your Mother's Uniform.

I Can See Clearly

I participated in The Women's Mosaic Visioning Workshop again this weekend. I've posted several times before about my participation in this semi-annual workshop, and as usual it was a unique and valuable experience.

When I explored my collage history recently, I observed several trends and common themes that extended from one piece to another, but I also noticed an increase in focus with each finished collage. My early collages were an almost indecipherable collection of images, individually meaningful, but not always adding up to a clear picture of anything on the whole. This result always seemed fitting to me, as my life at each of those moments was muddled in a variety of ways. Who am I? What is my place in the world? I grapple with these questions, and sometimes it seems like there could be more than one answer. Sorting out the mess of my thoughts hasn't always been easy, but I keep on trying.

This weekend's collage painted a more cohesive picture, at least in my mind. I could see my life (at least for the immediate future) stretching before me in a very pleasing way. Surprisingly, too, I could see how far I've come in the few years since I started attending the Visioning Workshop so faithfully. Granted, the workshop itself is merely a tool in self-exploration and discovery, merely one piece of a larger process of my evolving sense of self. But a meaningful one, one that leaves me with a snapshot of my hopes and aspirations so that when I look back in the coming months and years I can remember that one day, for just one moment, everything seemed possible.

Have you ever had a moment like that, when the clouds part and suddenly the sky above seems clear? What was that moment for you?

Friday Forum: Spring Has Sprung

Spring is in the air and all the things that come with it (flowers, love, sunshine, baseball season) are on our minds.

What do you look forward to every spring? Is there a particular holiday you enjoy or outdoor activity you start participating in?

Link Love for 3/31

You probably can't tell by the weather, but spring is here and it's already time to say goodbye to March. Let's close out the month with some link love!

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur shares a few things that Wonder Woman can teach us about leadership.

Downtown Dharma has a post from our very own Kristina urging you to stop the tsunami in your life. (Speaking of which, there are still some spots left in the Visioning Workshop, so get in while you still can.)

Girl w/Pen takes a look at hooking up and the charged takes on sexuality.

Lindsey Pollak has tips and advice on being your own publicist in order to jumpstart your career.

Savvy Ladies explores the rise of the "sugar mamma" and why it's better than you think.

Woodhull Institute's blog celebrated Women's History Month with "Woman of the Day."

That's what we've got for you today. What have you been reading and writing online?

Retreat From Technology

At an event in New York City last week, a friend and I got into a conversation with someone about the ongoing obsession with all things pertaining to technology. We are unable to get away from our computers, iPods, iPads, and anything else that allows us to communicate, view, and share information instantly to anyone. While the three of us agreed that we cannot go without our cell phones and Internet access, especially when living in a world that is constantly changing and demands us to change with it, we also expressed our desire to not be dependent on technology like a drug. I thought about it carefully, and decided to take some action.

I would hate to be a slave to anything, and technology is high on the list of things I refuse to be enslaved by. After careful consideration, I decided to designate most of every Sunday as my technology–free retreat day. I realize I can easily keep my phone turned off and abstain from my computer for most of the day once a week, and Sunday is my day to do it. I know that many of us cannot fathom the idea of doing this, but I look forward to a time when I can just get away from all screens big and small to see the world for myself.

Call me old fashioned; I don’t care. I am nostalgic for the days when children went outside to play, rather than stay indoors to become sedentary. When I taught English in Indonesia to children from wealthy backgrounds, I asked if any of them go outside to play after school or on weekends; they looked at me as if I was an alien from another planet. I helped arrange outdoor activities near the end of my tenure at the school, which was a revelation to them and to me. Getting them away from their cell phones, video games, and other technological accoutrements did not disable them from having fun, which pleasantly surprised them.

Could you take part in a technology-free retreat once a week?

Life Lessons at a Media Conference

This past weekend was a great one for media-making and activist women as it was the WAM! It Yourself mini-conference in select cities around the world. Here in New York, it was a fun-filled weekend with a happy hour Friday night, a conference Saturday, and a brunch on Sunday. For the second year in a row, I spoke on a panel for the Saturday conference and it was great to be back in a space with women (and a few men) committed to learning from each other and helping each other out.

The panels were about writing, media, and activism, but there were a few lessons that came out of the day and that still echo in my mind days later.

The first lesson came up a few times on the social media and activism panel I was on, and was repeated by several others (who weren't even at that workshop): use your authentic voice. Whether it's in the way you use social media or in your writing, being yourself and being authentic makes it easier to stand up for your feelings and beliefs when they're challenged, as they inevitably will be, and puts your real truth out there. It's harder to back up what you don't believe in, so why bother?

Another lesson is in the power of social media. As Deanna Zandt said in her closing keynote "technology will not solve our problems, we will solve our problems but we can use technology to do that." People are using social media every day to spark movements, stand up for their rights and the rights of others, and make people's lives just a bit better.

And the last lesson is that we can all be leaders and change-makers. In many ways, a lot of us are doing it already, we just don't give ourselves the credit.

Okay, so the lessons are not new, but it doesn't make them any less meaningful.

What lessons have you learned or been reminded of recently?

The Beat Goes On

It's never been a goal of mine to spark a literary or cultural movement, to live in the eternal cosmos as a person who made a world-shaking, indelible mark....but I guess the idea of achieving that sort of legendary status dances at the edge of any artist's mind. And it certainly never hurts to draw inspiration from the minds and lives and letters of the legendary among us.

All of this is to say that I recently had the pleasure of visiting the North Beach neighborhood of San Francisco, home of Hotel Boheme and City Lights bookstore, places frequented by Allen Ginsburg, Jack Kerouac, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and friends in their Beat Generation heyday of the 1950's. I've actually never felt a strong connection to these particular writers, but it's still inspiring to walk in their shadows, to browse the shelves that first held their now-famous words, to dwell and dream among their ghosts that seem to linger in the air--at least in the form of memory.

Until now, the Beats existed for me as vague shadows, a vanguard of sorts, but one whose contribution hasn't touched the sphere in which I live. I may have been wrong about that. I read about the Beat poets and the ways they pressed the boundaries of what was considered appropriate and proper by speaking things that were difficult and true. It wasn't an easy road. Ginsburg's published poem HOWL, which sparked the movement, faced (and defeated) obscenity charges on trial in a U.S. court. It seems that, thanks in part to the Beats, the edges of the written word opened wider. It's nice to look back and realize that I am, in some small way, a beneficiary of that effort.

What legends do you look to for inspiration?

Friday Forum: Just Another Holiday

The beginning of the year seems full of holidays: New Year's, MLK Day, President's Day, St. Patty's Day, and more. For many people it comes down to their personal celebration of the holiday, or whether or not it means being off from work.

Do you take the time to reflect on the various holidays on the calendar? Or do you look at them as being the same as any other day?

Translating Patience

CHICKS ROCK! wants you to welcome Bridget back as a guest blogger this week:

Bridget is a graduate of Vassar College, where she studied Political Science and Women's Studies, and former TWM intern. She loves watching movies with her younger brother and playing rugby.

"Could you please talk slower?" It’s a phrase I’ve said countless times now, trying to integrate into a foreign country.

It was at TWM’s Visioning Workshop two years ago that I realized how important my passion for German culture is. Covered in images of travel, my poster board inspired me to study abroad in Berlin that summer. I then applied for (and was awarded) a scholarship to study and work in northern Germany for a year.

So here I am, immersed in German society, living with German roommates, fulfilling my dream of working at the Ministry of Justice, Equality, and Integration. Every day, I join my neighbors on bike paths, pass bakeries and sausage stands, and head to work. In the Equal Opportunities in Work Life department, I’m learning the German perspectives on issues like equal pay and the underrepresentation of women in leadership positions. Seeing firsthand how federal policy develops has been the most valuable experience. It involves a lot of debate, which means I always have my dictionary! Though it’s frustrating to only grasp general notions of sentences, it’s an achievement when the hazy fog lifts, leaving clarity and comprehension.

The biggest lessons have been humility and patience. I've had to accept that many times I don't know what’s going on, but the only way to get better is to not give up. Sure, sometimes I need a break and ache for something familiar, so I go to McDonald's for my fill of Americana. But I’m inspired by the compassion of my new friends and coworkers. Without a doubt, my experience has been largely shaped by their kindness, patience, and generosity. There’s a stereotype of Germans as cold, unfriendly, and negative; I’ve found that simply trying to communicate in German goes a long way in earning their respect. It doesn’t matter that I make mistakes, as long as my meaning comes across. Using goofy hand gestures and theatrical body language to express myself is just a part of my life now. And it’s totally worth it for the opportunity to be exposed to people of different cultures, to challenge my own beliefs, and to constantly change and adapt to a new place.

I like the juxtaposition I have here: feeling at home and foreign at the same time. It makes me feel awake and alive, but maybe that's just the cold northern wind!

Have you ever had difficulty expressing yourself? How did you overcome this?

Travel Philosophy

Each time I come back from somewhere else, I surprise myself a little at how I slip back into my daily life. I guess the surprise comes from the experiences I have away from home, such as getting more visual proof at how beautiful, big, and interconnected our world is. It makes me want to go away more, or to live a semi-nomadic existence. Perhaps it is not an ideal existence for some people, but it appeals to me.

I am also reminded that a week is usually not enough time to do another country justice. My recent trip to Ireland reminded me of this fact. The country may be small enough to drive from coast to coast in a few hours, but there is so much history and pastoral beauty to explore there that driving through it and not stopping every hour to take everything in means visitors miss something. That is how I felt while taking trips to Northern Island and its West Coast. In the back of my mind, I knew I should return to some of the villages and towns I spent fleeting moments in to do them more justice; then I thought about all of the countries I have not seen yet, and the thoughts overwhelmed me a little.

I met a German woman who confessed that she has visited fifty-five countries, which made me slightly envious. At the same time, I wondered how much quality time she spends in these many places. After my brief interaction with her, I was left with the impression that she uses travel to escape from her life. I have known people like this who use travel to escape from their families, social circles, cultural and/or religious pressures, and so much more. Escape is tempting, but we cannot escape who we are permanently.

For me, I constantly want to learn, and travelling is the ultimate and best way for me to do this. Rather than escaping from myself, I want to face who I am when moving from place to place.

How do you view travel?

Taking My Body Back

This past weekend, I attended Endangered Species, an international summit on body image organized by the Women's Therapy Centre Institute. There were panels and presentations on airbrushing in ads & magazines, men and body image, the medicalization of the body, and more. On the whole, it was not only informative, but also empowering. And it came at a really great time for me.

When I started working out and eating better months back, I did it to feel better and be just a bit healthier. I didn't give up the things I enjoy eating (I've had ice cream for dinner more than a couple of times in the last 6 months...), and I never went on a diet or got hung up on calorie-counting. I didn't restrict myself, I merely paid more attention and made better decisions using the "everything in moderation" credo. Between that and hot yoga, running, and ballet, I was feeling great, but I also lost about 15 pounds. That's where the trouble started...

Everyone noticed the changed and told me I looked great. Most people asked me what my secret was and how much more weight I was going to lose. With everyone buzzing around me, putting my body and weight front and center, I started to care much more than I have in years. You see, I had finally gotten comfortable not caring about how thin or fit my body looked but rather how good my body felt. Suddenly, here I was again preoccupied with the extra 5 pounds I gained in the last couple of months and not liking what I saw in the mirror.

Which is why I'm so happy I went to this event. It served as a reminder of why I changed my habits in the first place: to feel better. I do miss going to hot yoga and running to de-stress, but I'm going to start doing it again because it makes me feel great and not because I gained some weight back (which only I noticed). From now on, if somebody starts talking about my body, I will take it as an opportunity to reaffirm that we're all beautiful and should be much more concerned about how we feel about ourselves than how we look.

Two Roads Diverged

Riding on the bus, this week and looking out the window at the wide world going by, I found myself thinking about the Robert Frost poem that ends with a stanza about roads diverging in a wood. Travel makes me meditative anyway, and I started thinking about times in the past when I’ve had to choose a path—and what might have happened if I’d gone a different route.

Everyone faces forks in the road, in big and small ways, over and over in life. It’s inevitable. We could talk about it on the level of major life decisions (law school or art school?), minor life decisions (pizza or Thai?), or even the day-to-day minutia of functioning in the world (speed through the yellow light or stop?). Today I find myself looking back and wondering…what if?

I think often in my own experience I’ve chosen the less traveled path, as Frost does in his poem. I’m both happy about and proud of that, but sometimes it leaves me curious—what if I had done the expected thing? What if I had followed the path that seemed easiest, or most clear? Would I be less than I am today? Would I be fabulously successful? Would I be miserable? Would I be happy?

I’m not living a life of regrets, or anything. I don’t particularly long for do-overs in any major aspect of my past. That’s not the purpose of my pondering, but simply to wonder…what if?

What are the big “what ifs” in your life?

Friday Forum: Wasting Time

Last week was all about saving time, but we all know how much time is wasted as well. Whether it's a healthy dose of procrastination or activities you find yourself constantly avoiding (like spring cleaning, yuck!), what are some things you do to waste a bit of time and avoid doing what needs to get done?

Are online games your weakness, or perhaps too much time on Facebook? Or do you go out for coffee with friends or an afternoon of shopping?

Putting Pep in Your Step

We know you're ready to put some pep in your step now that spring has officially arrived and luckily for you, it's already time for the next Visioning Workshop from The Women's Mosaic! Make sure you RSVP to claim your spot before it sells out.

VISIONING WORKSHOP: Using Your Creativity and Intuition to Gain Clarity, Find Focus and Manifest Your Dreams
Saturday, April 2nd, 11:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Feeling a little confused with all that's going on with your career and the economy? Not sure what to do next with your life? Maybe your just a bit unsatisfied overall but can't exactly pinpoint what it is...

Our Visioning Workshop can help you sort it all out!

Come to our popular and powerful semi-annual workshop for a creative, transformative afternoon where you will make a collage to manifest your heart's desire - and you may be surprised as to what that turns out to be.

It's not unusual for participants to start new businesses, relationships, families or career paths as quickly as weeks or months after the workshop. If you are looking for both answers and results to help figure out where you are right now in your life and where you want to go next, this could be thing exact thing you need to push you forward and take you there.

COST: $85 for TWM Members; $130 for Non-Members
LOCATION: TRS Professional Suites, 44 East 32nd St, 11th Floor

RSVP on Facebook or by emailing sally@thewomensmosaic.org
CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

The Downside Of Giving

Have you ever lent money to people you thought you knew, only to be shocked when they don't return your phone calls or even acknowledge that the transaction took place? Even if money or other services (free baby-sitting, housework, crying on your shoulder, etc.) are given without the expectation of receiving anything back, givers usually believe they have their recipients’ respect and esteem, at the very least. I think we all know that this is not always the case.

I come back to this dilemma quite often, even though I stopped being an insatiable giver a few years ago. I have family and friends who constantly find themselves shortchanged by those they give to; some of them are moving past this, while others still fall prey to it. Family members I barely know in India expect my parents, uncles, and aunts in the United States to support them and their families for as long as they live. A glaring example of this is an unemployed, yet perfectly capable cousin with three young children who refuses to work; his wife worked until she became pregnant with their third child last year. When she found out, she quit her job and stayed home for the duration of the pregnancy. Another cousin and an uncle of mine support them financially, but they show little or no gratitude for this arrangement, which is beyond my understanding.

Whether it is financial or emotional expectations, givers have to realize that the act of giving can become enabling. The recipient may see the generosity as a symptom of gullibility, and if they manipulate the situation, the giver can be left out in the cold. Before I give my time to someone, I think about any expectations I may have from the aftermath, and who the recipient is. Do I want something in return? Am I prepared for the possibility of this person becoming distant afterward? I find that if I have low or no expectations, I am pleasantly surprised when gratitude and a genuine reciprocity of feelings are expressed.

Can you give without expectations?

Carving Out Some "Me" Time

I don't know about you, but sometimes I think the universe and the scheduling gods are laughing at me. After months and months of non-stop plans (happy hours, birthday parties, dates, work and more work, etc.), I decided this past weekend that I was going to make a conscious effort to not make plans for the next couple of weeks. With my birthday coming up, I knew things would get hectic again in the beginning of April, so I wanted some time off.

That was a great decision for me to make, and a hard one at that, except that when I looked at my calendar, I noticed I already have plans for all four remaining weekend days in March, and for several weekdays between now and the 31st. I'm on two workshop panels, I'm covering an event on body image, I'm celebrating at least one birthday (details are being finalized for another), and I've got two concerts and a musical to attend. Then there are all the people I've tentatively made plans with, who I might try to push until my birthday so I can see them all at once.

People keep telling me to stop complaining and to enjoy the fact that I'm young and so active, but it's hard to do that when all I really want is a few days to myself. What would I do on these days, you ask? Well, I could catch up on my writing, go for a run, take a hot yoga class, and maybe bake a batch of brownies or something. Just some good old "me" time, you know?

Hopefully I'll be able to take the time to do just that in a few weeks. Until then, I'm going to figure out how to squeeze more hours into the day...

Simple. Beautiful.

With everything that’s complicated and intricate in the world today, it continually surprises me when something simple strikes me. A glimpse of a spring bird in winter. A memory that rises from within an unexpected scent. A joyful thought with no foundation. Tiny things that seem to pop out of the blue.

These small things are what I cling to when things around me seem shaky—and at times such tiny moments actually arise when things are shakiest. I guess “shaky” is an apt metaphor, given the recent earthquake disaster in Japan. I ache for those for whom all simple, everyday things must now seem so distant.

A friend said to me recently (in a discussion of the quake), “I don’t know how we’re sitting here, going about the day to day.” In light of the suffering going on across the world, she meant. Not that we have to look as far as Japan to find suffering in our midst.

Her comment made me wonder for a long moment, about what the correct response to global tragedies really is, in the short and long term. We can give money, send prayers, raise awareness—generous acts of deep human kindness that, in time, bring healing to those who hurt. Yes. Good. We can watch the news coverage and cry, show we care, that we feel something for the unimaginable. Yes. Good. But there always comes a day when we turn off the TV and we try to forget. Maybe we succeed.

Whether we are near to a disaster or far from it, there has to be meaning in our will to go on living. Is it apathy? Sometimes. We can own that and still move on. Because, in the end, what are we really giving by wallowing indefinitely in pain for the sake of empathy?

There’s such wonder in our midst—at times it’s large and tragic, sometimes small and hopeful. Tiny gifts that all the complexity in the world can’t account for. Grace in the curve of a flower petal. Hope that rises from ashes, the hands to repair broken things. It reminds me to smile, sometimes through the tears.

What helps you heal in the face of tragedy?

Friday Forum: Saving Time

We hope nobody's forgotten that this weekend is Daylight Savings Time! As you spring the hour hand on your clock forward, think about the ways you could be saving time every day.

How do you keep yourself organized and focused on "saving" time throughout the year?

(Wo)Man Up

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth. Join her March 21st at Staying Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.



This week marked the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so in honor of this occasion I'd like to give a special shout-out to all the men out there and encourage you to celebrate all the ways in which women make your lives better, acknowledge what you can learn from us, and inspire you to get in touch with your feminine side with unabashed pride.

Dan Abrams just came out with a book called Man Down, a tome that provides extensive research proving how women are pretty much better at everything. Whether you believed that or not, the key is to remember that we are not in a Battle of the Sexes, but that everyone needs to demonstrate the best characteristics of both worlds.

The reality is that most men have a problem expressing emotion, long considered a girly trait. The amazing irony is that as I am literally in the midst of writing this post, I flip the channel to see the end of Charlie Rose interviewing David Brooks about his new book, The Social Animal. Charlie, who is clearly an exception to this rule, admits how important it is for people to have the "power to express yourself and have emotional intelligence." David comments how he, and most men, struggle with this and how he admires Bruce Springsteen as someone who is a 'manly working class guy who can be emotional in a respectable way.' (Thanks fellas for validating my post right as I type it!)

Most men will never know what it feels like for a girl, so since this year the day also fell on Mardi Gras, what better excuse is there than to 'dress' in drag metaphorically and try your woman-like alter ego on for size. I don't mean a full-on Tootsie or Mrs. Doubtfire, but more like the guys in I Love You, Man or The Boss in all his glory; allow yourself to be just a little more sensitive, intuitive, creative, and expressive of what it is you're feeling.

Giving It Up For Lent

I was born and raised Roman Catholic, but I no longer practice the religion. I identify myself as a Christian nonetheless, with certain Catholic tendencies. These flare up considerably just before and during the season of Lent; I have a tendency to want to give something up in preparation for Easter. I fail more than I succeed, but every year I still hope to successfully abstain from something I do often but don’t need to do for forty days.

In the past, I have given up sweets (although to be honest I rarely eat them), all animal products, and eating take out; this year, I am giving up watching all television. Even though I don’t own a television, I find myself watching television programs online or renting television program series from the library or my local Blockbuster.

I don’t think my need to abstain from a guilty pleasure is due to Catholic guilt; instead, I think more people should do something similar to this regardless of their religious and/or spiritual affiliations because it helps in all sorts of life transitions. Personally, I feel that it helps with my transition from a particularly harsh winter, where I found myself sequestered indoors, to the spring and summer seasons, where I hope to be outside more often than not. Television is an indoor activity that has the tendency to isolate people from one another if done too much, and even a non-addict like me can see its negative effects in my own life.

So now that the season of Lent has begun, and I look forward to forty days without television and more books, I feel good knowing that I am doing it because I want to. It is a far cry from my Catholic school days, when I was forced to abstain from something to please the priests and religious educators who gave me little understanding or insight into Christianity as a whole. Because of this, the Lenten season means much more to me now than it ever did before.

Will you be giving up something for Lent?

100 Years of Honoring Women

It's not a very big deal in the United States so you may not know this, but today is International Women's Day. Not only that, but it's the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so I couldn't very well let the day pass without writing about it.

Originally called International Working Women's Day, it started as a Socialist event and had political motivations in several countries. Since then, it has grown into something much more than that, marking a day around the world where women are celebrated. Events are held to honor women, discuss gender issues, reflect on women's achievements, and prioritize for the future.

These days, the United Nations chooses a theme for International Women's Day, and this year's theme is equal access to education, training, and science and technology. In previous years, themes have included violence against women, women and HIV/AIDS, women and peace, and so forth. Individual countries and localities, as well as other organizations, can also choose themes based on their own needs and the issues they want to highlight.

What I really love about this day is that it offers an opportunity for women to come together globally. There aren't too many international holidays, and there certainly aren't many other days that bring women together the way this one does. I suppose that's why I think it's a shame that it isn't celebrated as much in the U.S., though I think people have become more aware of it in the past few years thanks to feminist and political blogs and the reach of women's organizations. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years we'll all have events lined up for this day and won't need to be reminded that it's here. A great way to start might be to simply remind the women in your life how much they mean to you and how proud you are of their accomplishments.

Do you celebrate International Women's Day in any way? If you could choose a theme for this year, what would it be?

Books Galore...No More

After many years of hemming and hawing on the issue, I've finally decided to take the bull by the horns and pare down my book collection. As a writer, avid reader, and generally insane bibliophile, this is extremely difficult and time-consuming proposition.

As I've posted about before, several times, I am very attached to my books. Whittling them down to a volume that fits comfortably on my bookshelves is no easy task, but I've decided that the books I own fall into several general categories: old favorites, life-changers, classics/meaningful-to-own volumes, research material, authors I know personally, yet-to-be-read, and miscellaneous. (Truthfully, there's another category that takes up a ton of space itself--copies of my own books! Nothing to be done about that one, so I'm focusing on what I can work with.)

Currently I'm concentrating on the stacks of "yet-to-be-read" and "miscellaneous." Apparently, one of my vices in the last decade has been to purchase books on a whim, and never get around to reading them. I stopped my reckless bookstore visits over a year ago, just to save money, but it's been hard for me to admit that there are books I've owned for years that I will probably never really read. I keep thinking, "Someday...." Yet in many cases that day never seems to come around.

I want my bookshelves to be a reflection of who I am as a person; I want their contents to hold significance to me, and to represent what I care about and value. (Which is why there will always be a swath of partially-read black history volumes around, among other things...) But to have a bunch of books hanging around, entirely unread, doesn't fit in that picture. Especially when a large part of why I hold onto them is simply the regret that I spent money on them that now feels like it has gone to waste, and I need to make up for that "someday."

My decision: Let go of my attachment to each book's intrinsic value, and adhere only to it's emotional value to me. If I don't really care, it must go!

How do you deal with parting with beloved personal artifacts, when the time has come to let go?

Friday Forum: Life's a Carnival

A major Christian holiday, Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent, is right around the corner, but you don't have to be religious to take part in the various carnivals and other celebrations around the world.

Whether it's Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street or Carnaval in Brazil, have you ever been to one of these festivities? If not, do you think you'd ever go?

Link Love for 3/3

It's about that time again, when we check out what others have been posting and highlight some of our favorites.

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur reminds us that having a successful career means loving what you do.

Girl w/Pen ended an interesting series about feminism with a look at how our choices are shaped by generations before us.

Lindsey Pollak has a guest post on networking effectively and getting what you want.

NYWSE advocates for socially responsible investing and introduces us to an investment advisory firm doing just that.

One Writeous Chick reminds us that when we struggle to stay hopeful and focused, we need to dig deeper and reach out to those who believe in us.

Savvy Ladies wants us to communicate with our partners about finances in a meaningful and effective way.

That's what we've got for you this time around. Let us know what you've been reading and writing online by dropping a link (or several) in the comments.

Genealogical Mysteries

Recently, I have become interested in a show called “Who Do You Think You Are,” which traces the genealogy of famous people. It fascinates me because I have always wondered about my roots, and I am envious at how easy it is for many on the show to trace them through paper trails. It is almost impossible for me to discover more about my mother’s and father’s families because of the lack of consistent records in Southern India. My family is also not very interested in our ancestors and how far back we could trace our roots.

What I do know about the four sets of great grandparents is that they all could not generate and sustain proper incomes to support their families. One of my great grandfathers on my father’s side lost two wives (one to illness, another to a poisonous snake bite) and had no financial stability, and this forced my twelve year old grandfather to leave home to support his younger brothers and sisters. According to family reports, my grandfather worked in factories and moved from place to place in India until he joined the British Army during World War II. He never saw action; instead, he learned how to edit films for soldiers who were so far away from their homes. My grandfather was never formerly trained, but through his interactions with other Englishmen involved in film during that time, he learned to edit film so well that he became an award-winning film editor in Kerala. He even won a national award for film editing in the 1960s.

What interests me about these stories from my family history is that I sometimes wonder if there are some characteristics that were passed through the generations to me, my siblings, and/or my cousins. We will never know the whole truth, but that is fine with me. What I know is that my genetic, cultural history is complex, and that my story isn’t so different than many others.

Do you know or care to learn more about your family genealogy?

Understanding the Book-Phobic

I recently found out that Dr. Seuss' birthday is March 2nd, so between that, my reading The Hunger Games series, and the Borders bankruptcy, I've been thinking a lot about books and reading lately. It's no mystery to everyone who reads this blog that, along with my fellow bloggers, I love reading even more than I love writing. I always took for granted that many of my friends growing up also liked to read. Lately, though, I've been meeting more and more people who don't like to read, and I just don't get it!

The usual explanation I hear from people is that they prefer to read non-fiction or academic books because it teaches them something and they can't be bothered to read fiction. Fiction, as they see it, is a major waste of time. I read enough books on politics, feminist theory, history, etc. to know the satisfaction that comes from learning something new and digging deeper into a subject you're passionate about. But I also see the undertones and subtexts in fiction and know that there's a lot to learn from that too. And, at the end of the day, it's incredibly entertaining and a more stimulating alternative than some of the dreck on tv. I also sincerely believe that there is a book or a series out there for everybody, they just need a nudge to actually read it.

Then there are those who say they don't have enough time or patience to read, or that just plain don't like it. These are the people who don't read anything at all, except for maybe some blogs and the occasional newspaper or magazine. It's a mystery to me how these people and I are able to get along.

I guess reading is such a huge part of my life, that I can't imagine life without it. I mean, what's better than grabbing your favorite blanket and curling up with a good book with a mug of hot chocolate next to you? Nothing, that's what, so that is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my nights this week.

Being Your Own Boss

I get a lot of questions about how I stay motivated as an independent worker, being self-employed. My friends who are traditionally-employed often lament their "chains" but at the same time, many of them seem slightly in awe of the discipline, self-motivation and initiative it takes to succeed outside of the corporate rat race.

"I don't know how you do it. I would never get anything done." I hear this all the time, and I always smile to myself. Partly because, yes, it's nice to be perceived as having some secret, or a special skill that eludes the general population. Mostly because I know there is no secret, no skill involved that isn't also involved in working for someone else. At least that's true for me.

Oh, you still want my work-from-home secrets?

1. Do something you love. Most days that is all the motivation I need. I love writing and I would be doing it anyway, even if it couldn't be my job.

2. You don't exist in a void. I still have deadlines and colleagues and professional commitments that I need to uphold. It helps add structure to my working schedule.

3. You still have to make money. Never underestimate the power of economic reality. On the days when I don't want to put my butt in the chair, I simply remind myself that work=money in a much more direct and explicit way than it ever did when I was a salaried employee. How much work I do matters day to day, not just month to month or over the course of a year.

4. Reward yourself. I am my own boss, which means no one is looking over my shoulder to criticize, but no one is there to praise the good work, either. I celebrate significant accomplishments and met goals with small treats. Cupcakes. A movie. Dinner out. Something to show that I appreciate me!

How do you stay motivated at work, whether you're in a home office, or someone else's?

Friday Forum: When Stars Come Out

Oscar weekend is upon us and it's hard to go anywhere without hearing or reading about it: who's nominated, who will win, who's wearing what? This is only a couple of weeks after the Grammys and several weeks after the Golden Globes.

Do you follow the awards season or do you find yourself completely uninterested?

Just Go With It

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week.

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


While walking down the street after a bizarre week of odd 'coincidences' and uncanny timings, I happened to look up and notice the announcement board of a synagogue with this quote by Robin Morgan, "Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible."

One definition of the word absurd is "inconsistent with reason or logic or common sense," which means that any decisions or actions deemed as such perhaps come from a place we can't always understand, but know is from somewhere deep within us.

The presidents whose holiday we celebrated recently had a bit of that going on... George Washington's advisers questioned his determination to cross the frozen Delaware, and he intuitively knew how to present himself as a leader of this new country; Abraham Lincoln's life is filled with examples of going against conventional wisdom and popular opinion. Both defied the odds by listening to their inner voice, and because of that became the great men we honor today.

Part of maturing is learning to trust your own gut despite outside influences. While it’s helpful to get advice, when we are honest with ourselves, we are usually our own best counsel. Others might not know who we really are or may not have our best interests at heart. I'm sure we all remember times when we've dealt with the consequences of not heeding the wisdom of our gut.

My guess is that Adam Sandler trusts his intuition about what is funny regardless of what the Hollywood suits say, and from his start back in the SNL days, he expressed a unique humor that had yet to be considered commercially viable. Well, we all know how that turned out!

When I meet with clients, often I am validating and confirming what they already know themselves but were too embarrassed, in denial, doubtful or repressed about to admit. If a complete stranger identifies that the 'crazy' idea you have, that thing you always wanted to do, the life you always dreamed of, is exactly the direction you should be going in, just go with it - it's the green light you've been waiting for to produce that box office hit starring none other than YOU!

For The Love Of Tea

I attended the first day of the 6th Annual Coffee & Tea Festival in New York City this weekend. To be honest, I did not realize there were five previous festivals in the past five years, and I knew nothing about them until this year. I love tea of all kinds, and I had a free afternoon, so I went. I told several friends about the event, but they were unable to attend for various reasons. I was not deterred; nothing was going to stop me from attending a celebration of coffee, tea, and everything that goes with it.

It turned out to be a good thing that I went alone, because the venue was packed. It was so easy to lose people in the crowds that surrounded the many booths giving away information and samples of so many different types of tea, coffee, chocolate, cheese, and other goodies. I had no expectations, but I should have known that there would be many people clamoring to attend the Coffee & Tea Festival in New York City, of all places. I was also intrigued by the lectures and demonstrations about coffee and tea that ran throughout the day. How to serve the proper afternoon tea in the British and European styles, how to properly brew coffee, and why herbal tea really is not tea were just a few of the many discussions held by the experts, and the people who attended the lectures with me were all enraptured. While there were a few coffee and tea growers in the audiences, most of my fellow attendees were novices just like me. We just love the magic that turns coffee beans and tea leaves into our favorite hot and cold beverages.

What I love about events like the 6th Annual Coffee & Tea Festival is that they make me think about something I can take for granted. I drink herbal and green teas daily, so learning about them is weekend made me feel good, especially since they have health benefits.

Are you a coffee or tea devotee?

A Bummed Bookworm

Bookworms out there already know this, but maybe the rest of you aren't yet aware that Borders is bankrupt. This might not seem like such a big deal to most, after all, it's just another corporation struggling financially and trying to work it all out. But, to me, it was really bad news.

Borders is one of the few brands I’m fiercely loyal to. I go practically anywhere to shop for clothes; I get coffee from Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, or the shop down the street; I eat wherever as long as it's good... I usually prioritize convenience over any sense of loyalty or comfort. But not with Borders. If I even walk into a Barnes & Noble, I feel like I'm cheating. In fact, I got $60 in Barnes & Noble gift cards a few months ago and finally gave them to my best friend, knowing that I would likely never use them.

I just love Borders! Their customer service, their discounts, their rewards program. And, more than anything, I really love their stores. In fact, the saddest thing is that two of my favorite locations had to close. I find that other bookstores are too crowded or full of snippy salespeople. I often feel like I'm being rushed out or avoiding death glares from people who want to take my seat. At my favorite Borders stores, I could sit and read for hours completely undisturbed. I knew exactly where to go to find a book I needed and which employees to ask for help if I couldn't. It was like having another home, and now it's gone.

In a city that's constantly changing, you'd think things like this would leave me unfazed, and yet I can't help but be bummed. My greatest comfort is that they haven’t yet gone out of business, because that may just be too much for me to handle.

Were you sad about the Borders news? Do you have any brands or stores you’re particularly loyal to?

A Bit of a Break

We're off for the holiday and we hope you are too! Enjoy the free time and be sure to spend some time outside.

Happy Presidents' Day!

Friday Forum: Black History Month

We didn't want February to end without taking some time to reflect on Black History Month.

Are there any Black leaders you've looked up to -- whether it be historical figures like Martin Luther King, Jr. or your own relatives? What impact do you think they had on your life?

The Strength of "Patient" Egyptians

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes TWM intern, Agnes, as a guest blogger this week:

Agnes is a junior at the Macaulay Honors College at CUNY Queens, where she is studying Urban Studies, Religious Studies, and Mathematics. She's a TWM intern and she's in love with New York City.


I knew I wanted to study abroad, and I thought I wanted to go to India. It took a good deal of researching before I finally chose the program. It was going to involve living in five different Indian cities, with an emphasis on modernization. But when the time came to do all the registering and paperwork, I found myself applying to the program in Cairo. Something called me to Egypt this winter break and I didn't fight it.

One driving force was the rest of the world’s growing interest in Arabic and the Middle East. The region was becoming ever more important and I wanted to take part in it. (I didn't know just how true this statement would become.) While I'm an ethnic Egyptian, I was born in New York and felt like my knowledge was lacking. Studying in Egypt seemed like an adequate cure for my ignorance.

A big part of the classes I took was a discussion on how the Egyptian regime sustains itself. Dr. Dina Shehata of Al Ahram Center for Political and Strategic Studies told us that, "not alienating anyone fully is a mechanism for regime survival." That is, the regime allows for limited political pluralism. Some other theories had to do with the Egyptian people. Dr. Riham Bahi, a professor at Cairo University, explained to us that Egyptians are "patient with their government."

This idea of "patient Egyptians" was a repeated sentiment. It seemed that passivity and submission were adequate descriptions of the way the Egyptian people participated in their political process. But the events of the last three weeks have proved just the opposite. These statements have been so tangibly invalidated, and I've never been so happy to hear that something I've learned was wrong. While this revolution has rendered a good deal of what we learned in our political science class about Egypt useless, I think it's a good trade-off. Eighteen days of protest is far from passive. And overthrowing your regime through as peaceful a means as one can hope for in revolution is certainly something to be proud of.

To quote my cousin, who has lived in Cairo all her life and just witnessed her country change forever: LONG LIVE THE YOUTH POWER. LONG LIVE EGYPT.

Daily Thanks

What I try to do every day is to give thanks for what I have and what I have been given. Every morning when I wake up, I am thankful for another day of life. Before praying and wishing for things I want, I always start off saying how grateful I am for what I already have. I do this because I know that being needy and unsatisfied constantly is a selfish way to live. As any other creature on the planet, I am also aware that my days on this planet are limited; none of us know how long we have in this life. Being thankful humbles me and makes me appreciate even the smallest details that make my life what is.

At the same time, I also look forward to whatever future I will have, and hopefully more success and personal fulfillment. I may not be the most ambitious person in the world, but I have goals that I have for myself. Being thankful for what I do have does not make me complacent and unwilling to change; after all change is an unalterable fact of life.

This may seem unrealistic to many people who feel that if they stay still for a moment to be thankful for what they have and have had is not possible. I see this restlessness in strangers and the people closest to me who are unsatisfied and unhappy for a variety of reasons. It is so easy to see the glass half empty, but to see it half full is a challenge. I do the latter because when I see those who have had more to suffer in life than I have, yet still forge through life with positivity and grace, I feel grounded. When I hear about those who go through unimaginable tragedies, it reminds me that I am no different than them; anything can happen at any time.

Being thankful is an essential component of my daily life. It gives me strength to face challenges of all kinds, even when I am less grateful on some days rather than others.

Sacrificing Sleep & Restoring Sanity

Last spring, I was struggling to keep myself organized given all of my social and work commitments. These past few months, I've been able to stay on top of my hectic schedule and my Google calendar has basically become my best friend. My main problem now? Being busier than ever.

There have been stretches of time over the last few years when I found myself busier than usual, but never like this! Unless I'm sick, there is never a day when I don't have something scheduled. When I say this to my friends, they thing I'm exaggerating, until I show them my calendar and they get exhausted just looking at it. I have to admit that there have been a couple of times when the mere thought of having to open my calendar had me completely overwhelmed. But the thing is that I haven't really had a chance to take a break.

Between work and work-related events, dating, spending time with best friends, catching up with old friends, etc., there just isn't a day with nothing to do. I keep saying that I'll give myself a break, but something always comes up: a friend who moved is back in town, a co-worker's birthday, and on and on. It never ends!

But I have to say that even though I know I need a break, it feels great to meet new people and deepen my bond with existing friends. These days, I find myself constantly reminded of how lucky I am to know the people I know and to have them in my life. If I lose some hours of sleep in the meantime, at least that time was spent with the people who keep me sane.

Women Count

I suppose it's true in every industry that there is still some sort of glass ceiling, some limitation on women's contributions, or unequal pay for equal work. Among writers, this can be hard to gauge. As independent workers, we exist outside of many of the structures that would allow us to study and know about these discrepancies, plus the quality of our work is highly subjective, so it's often hard to compare ourselves to others--men or women.

I was saddened recently to learn that there are many powerful people in publishing who seem to believe--consciously or subconsciously--that women's writing is inherently weaker than men's. To the point where women writers have been excluded from some very important exposure opportunities. A non-profit called VIDA: Women in the Literary Arts has been studying women's representation in major literary venues, like The Atlantic, The New Yorker, Harper's, and The New Republic. VIDA volunteers counted how many women were included in the 2010 issues of these publications, either as contributors, reviewers or review subjects. Literally, counted.

The statistics The Count generated might surprise you. They surprised me. In the majority of these publications, women's representation was down around 25%- 30%. REALLY? Sure, we've known anecdotally for some time that women get published less frequently than men, and that we get less attention for our work than do men. But having the facts and figures to back it up really makes the knowledge hit home. Hopefully, it also means we can begin taking steps toward greater equality of representation. Starting now.

To learn more about VIDA's Count, view all the pie charts, and participate in the discussion, debate and even dissention it has generated, check out:

The Count at VIDAweb.org

Do you think women are well-represented in print media? Any favorite publications you know that have a better ratio of representation?

Friday Forum: Valentine's Day

Earlier this week, Sally reminded us that Valentine's Day is coming up. It's a holiday some people love and other people dread, so where do you stand?

Do you like celebrating Valentine's Day? If you don't, why not? And if you do, what are your plans this year?

Get to Writing!

The year has been flying by (who else woke up on Feb. 1st & thought "it's already February?!"), but sometimes you need to take some time to reflect and check in with yourself. What better way to do that than putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and sharing what you're going through with others?

Want to share your New Year's resolutions? Looking for advice and feedback on a problem you're having? Want to brag about a recent accomplishment? You can do any of these things by submitting a guest blogger post to CHICKS ROCK!

All you'll need to do is read the guest blogger guidelines we've created for you and send your post over to us. If you're looking for some direction or examples of the wide range of topics you can write about, be sure to look through the posts of other guest bloggers to get an idea of what they shared. Once you've done that, then get to writing!

Culinary Confessions

I am not an avid fan of television anymore, especially since I don’t own a TV, but I do manage to enjoy watching two cooking channels whenever I have the chance. I love old episodes of Iron Chef Japan, which I believe is the best cooking competition show ever; all those series that have followed in its footsteps (including its American equivalent) will never be as good as the elaborate original. Even though I don’t eat meat or poultry, which the show constantly used in all of its dishes, but the culinary artistry and skill used to create these and other ingredients into something visually and tastefully appealing was and is something I admire.

Cooking is something I enjoy doing, even if I don’t have time every day to make all the elaborate dishes I want to make. It is something I never thought I couldn’t do; I always had an affinity for baking, stir-frying and more. I will never understand those who “can’t boil water” or won’t even attempt making a salad or sandwich, at the very least; it is beyond me. There is something wonderful about making a meal that you and/or others will consume, because you know exactly what goes into it and what it takes to create it.

One of the many things I want to do starting this year is to take cooking classes from cultures around the world, and this week I start with Thailand. A local restaurant hosts a class once a month, and I am looking forward to starting with Thai spices and other food staples to create something that I can hopefully re-create later on at home. Ultimately I would love to go to France or Italy to do one of those “culinary vacations,” surrounded by gorgeous landscapes and working with fresh and delicious ingredients. I want to do it for myself most of all; if people I know and love want to taste the fruits of my labor and they enjoy them, then that is an added bonus.

Does anyone else have any culinary confessions to share?

The Single Valentine

Valentine's Day, like most holidays really, has never been a big deal to me. It's a nice day to do something extra special with somebody you love, so the idea of it is cute, but I just never cared much. This year, however, I find myself unable to ignore it, probably because it's my first single Valentine's Day in 6 years.

I contemplated spending the day watching movies on my laptop and eating pints of ice cream, but then I realized this was the perfect excuse to have a ladies' night. I have three incredible friends, also single, who I've been able to lean on these past few months, and yet we've never all spent time together -- in fact, two of them have never even met! It's weird to think that these people who are so important in my life don't know each other as well, so what a better time to remedy that than on Valentine's Day?

We still haven't decided exactly what we'll do... Should we have dinner at a cheap restaurant, get drinks at a swanky lounge, watch a sappy movie, some combination of those things, or something else altogether? My only request was that we dress to impress and make the most of being each other's dates for the night. Other than that, I'm not worried because whatever we decide to do, I'm sure it'll be great.

Who knows what Valentine's Day might mean to me in the future, but for now I'm just enjoying that I'm lucky enough to have three smart, talented, beautiful Valentines.

The Will of the Mind

I've been thinking a lot about blank pages lately. How it feels as a writer to open a new document and stare at the vast expanse of whiteness, expecting something to flow. Some days it comes, some days it doesn't. On the days it doesn't it seems easier and more practical to just throw in the towel and go back to bed. But there are pesky things like deadlines to keep, and editors waiting for my work to cross their desks. I have a living to make, and this is how I've chosen to make it. So I stare at the blinking cursor and wait.

When I was in high school marching band, our band director often used the following quote to inspire us to do just one more run through of our drill: "Commitment is the will of the mind to finish what the heart has started, long after the mood in which the promise was made has faded."

Back then, I thought he was getting it all wrong--I was convinced that the heart itself was what had to carry us through. Because that was how excited and passionate I felt about marching band, the friends I'd made, the camaraderie and the music. As an adult and a novelist, I now recognize what he meant, how the heart so easily causes that first leap, the first creative burst of "Yes, I have this story to tell," without regard for all the effort, all the hard work that lies ahead.

Whether it is keeping the commitment of blogging every week, or facing the challenge of finishing a novel manuscript, sometimes in my creative life I find myself staring at a blank page and having little, if anything, to say. It is nothing but the will of the mind that keeps me sitting at the keyboard. What is amazing, though, is that when I find that will, somehow the heart kicks in.

We are constantly creating, painting our lives, writing our stories day in and day out. It is helpful to think about that, to realize that I am not trying to make something out of nothing, but that I draw from my life, my improvised, creative existence to do my creative work. Maybe my teenage self wasn't all wrong: The will of the mind is required, but it is the will of the heart that gets the job done in the end.

What leaps is your heart driving you to take? Do you have the will to follow it through?

Friday Forum: Great News, Groundhog

On Groundhog Day this week, the groundhog didn't see his shadow, which means we're due for an early spring. With snow and ice covering the landscape, we certainly can't wait.

What are you looking forward to this spring?

Link Love for 2/3

We've been having so much fun putting these round-ups together, we actually missed posting them. Hopefully you have as much fun reading the links, because we've got a great set today.

Awaken Your CAREERpreneur talks about goal-setting for the new year and focuses on three as the magic number.

Girl w/Pen takes a closer look at how we measure success for our children when comparing education in China and the U.S.

In Good Company introduces a new approach for dealing with sticky situations: the most respectful interpretation.

Lindsey Pollak has advice for getting through the winter blues by getting organized and advancing your career goals.

One Writeous Chick wants us to strive to make the new year not the best ever, but one of valuable experiences.

Woodhull Institute's blog examines the princess culture we've created for young girls and the myths behind it.

What have you been writing and reading online? Be sure to leave a link in the comments.

Singing Karaoke's Praises

I recently discovered that I like to sing. While I am no singer, my voice does not necessarily shatter glass either. Thanks to karaoke in private rooms with family and friends, I have learned to love the microphone, and sing along to songs that will entertain. I find that it relieves stress, injects humor into everyone involved. Karaoke with people you care about is a good thing, and I am glad I figured this out for myself.

I first realized how fun karaoke was when I went out for my sister’s bachelorette party in December in Manhattan’s Koreatown. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that instead of singing in front of strangers, our party had its own room, as did other groups. It was liberating to belt out along to songs from the 80s, 90s and 2000s with complete freedom and jump around if the feeling struck me. While I cannot sing high enough or mess up the words at times singing along to my favorite (and not so favorite) songs, I feel free and safe enough to keep singing until I am satisfied.

When I went out again in January with my cousins and siblings to celebrate three birthdays, I realized how excited we were to sing songs we didn’t have an opinion of or may not have even liked. While my brother sang along to a Phil Collins ballad (a song I think we all liked) the rest of my family and I waved our hands back and forth in the air along with the music. Why did we do this? We wanted to support him by setting the mood; it was a very plaintive and moving song. We felt so energized after singing our hearts out in karaoke that night that we didn’t seem to mind the cold so much as we walked to Port Authority, which is about a 12-20 minute about going one way. This is one of the reasons I see myself performing karaoke in the near future in the same manner.

Do you love or hate karaoke?

A New Friendship Hurdle

We've written before about how hard it can be to make new friends once you're out of college. Sometimes it's hard to open up to people at work, friends of friends aren't always your cup of tea, and it's challenging to stay in touch. In the last few months, I've been able to make a few good friends, but now I've uncovered a new hurdle -- at least for myself.

I've always considered myself an honest person and I'm don't usually have a problem with privacy. Because of that, I find myself easily telling people intimate details about myself and my relationships, so long as the privacy of the other people involved is protected. But one thing I've noticed is that there's usually a point in which that stops. I'm starting to find that instead of holding back in the beginning and then easily letting go later on, I'm an open book at first and then it's harder to pry me open.

Now that I'm spending more time hanging out with people and making new friends, this is starting to become much more noticeable. At the moment, there's one person I'm becoming good friends with, and I recently reached the point where I wasn't sure just how much I was willing to share. Despite the fact that we know each other fairly well by now and that I had no problem disclosing all sorts of information about myself before, I was suddenly stuck.

This has now happened with a couple of people, and I'm happy to say I've been able to push through it each time (though some more easily than others). I'm still not entirely sure how to not feel that way, but I'm adding it to the growing list of things I'm trying to explore with myself in the new year.

Is there anything you've learned about yourself recently that you're trying to work on?