Link Love for 12/10

Browsing through the blogosphere lately, we've found enough good pieces to put together a link live post. Enjoy the pieces linked to below and don't forget to add your own.

Girl w/Pen informs us of a group of mothers in Iran who were arrested for organizing against government violence.

Global Sister posted an interview with a campus journalist and activist that is certainly worth checking out.

In Good Company remembers that just because Thanksgiving passed doesn't mean it's too late to give thanks.

Lindsey Pollak's blog examines why it is very important to pay your interns, particularly in this economy.

One Writeous Chick takes a look at the myth of having it all... and Janet Jackson.

Savvy Ladies has a piece for all of you who might be dealing with remarriage, children, and inheritance.

The Unconventional Me

My annual birthday tradition is to take the day off to do whatever I want to do. I personally believe that a birthday should be a personal holiday, but that is just my opinion. With my own special day approaching, I am looking forward to taking on some mountain trails and breathing in fresh mountain air. Previous birthdays involved me skydiving at 14,000 feet, spending a leisurely day at a spa, visiting several art museums in one day, having a family get-together in India, and just wasting time doing nothing. If I am lucky to have more birthdays (you never know how long you have, after all) I would like to try spending them in foreign and domestic locales I have never visited before.

I can never understand why people show up to work on their birthdays, and are content to have people they may or may not like sing “Happy Birthday” to them before blowing out candles on a cake that was bought with company money. As a child it was fun to go to school, armed with cupcakes or other sweet treats for my fellow students, but as an adult I am compelled to avoid being with people who only show interest in me just to get some free food and drinks for their trouble.

I feel the same way about weddings. I never understand why brides and grooms (more the former than the latter, stereotypically) spend more time and money buying flowers, dresses, and organizing the ceremony and reception rather than preparing for the rest of their lives after the party is over. I actually know a couple who are still paying off the expense of their wedding four years and two children later. They are separated now, which makes the situation even sadder, I think. For me, the idea of spending tens of thousands of dollars and more on one day is enough to recommend elopement as a more than ideal arrangement.

What about you? Do have any unconventional ideas you'd like to share?

Gee, Thanks

Something I always hear from people is that I don't know how to take compliments well. Criticism I'm great at because it's usually something I've already considered about myself, but compliments... not so much. I've been thinking a lot about this lately as I look back on the last couple of years and think about what I've accomplished and the work I've done.

Of course, I know that part of the reason I am this way is because this is how I was brought up. I learned to be very critical of myself and the work I did and never settle for anything less than perfection. Of course, perfection is not only subjective, it is also pretty much impossible. But that doesn't really matter in the day-to-day when I am not satisfied with the work I've done on a particular project.

And there's also the fact that, generally speaking, as women we don't know how to take compliments. We can't just say "thank you!" and move on. We have to find somebody else to thank ("oh, I couldn't have done it without so and so") or somebody else to give all the credit to ("thanks, but really it was all so and so's doing"). We think that humility is more attractive than gloating, and it is, but a simple "thank you" and acceptance of the work you've done comes with the territory of doing a good job. You're not gloating, you're merely recognizing that something you did worked out well.

I know all of this on an intellectual level, but it's still hard for me to internalize. But that's what I'll be working on from now on, in fact I think I might make it one of my New Year's resolutions.

So if you catch me brushing off a compliment rather than saying "thank you," please remind me to accept it and take it all in, and I'll do the same for you all.

Holiday Cheer

Christmastime has totally snuck up on me this year. It was mid-fall, then I blinked and it was Thanksgiving. Now, seemingly overnight, the weather has turned, and the season along with it. Holiday windows went up in all the storefronts. My friends have bought Christmas trees and are talking about having finished their gift-buying. (Yikes.) Everyone has booked a plane ticket home. Except me.

This year, so far, I've been rather grinchy; not feeling all that festive. It just hasn't felt like it's time yet, when normally I'm eager for Christmas to come.

Magically, all that has changed in a matter of hours. This morning I volunteered to help pack Christmas Angel gifts, a holiday project at my church. The Angel gifts are bought on behalf of an incarcerated person and are given to his or her children, so they can have a Christmas surprise. I didn't volunteer to buy a gift myself this year; it came and went before I was ready.

I attended the gift packing out of obligation, not excitement, but the group of ladies who were helping out managed to turn me around. They were so into it that I couldn't help be excited. One of them commented, "I really look forward to doing this. Now, I feel like it's okay to have my own Christmas." I loved that she said that, and I discovered a decidedly Christmasy smile on my face for the rest of our morning.

When I stepped outside afterwards, it just got better. A tiny elderly couple was standing waiting for the bus, bundled up in their winter finest. Her long coat was holiday red, and she was grinning. He hugged and kissed her, very sweetly, but rather dramatically, right there on the street. I'm sure he thought no one was looking. My heart melted.

I'm suddenly feeling altogether too Christmasy for words.

Friday Forum: Gift of Holidays Past

All this talk of holidays and giving got us thinking about holiday gifts. What's the best gift you've ever received during the holiday season? What's the best gift you've ever given? Can't wait to hear the responses!

The Season for Giving

A couple of weeks ago, we told you about an opportunity to be a vendor or donor to TWM's 2009 Virtual Holiday Bazaar and Silent Auction. We're happy to announce that the bazaar and silent auction have begun.

Check out the vendors TWM has lined up for your shopping pleasure so far. Want a handmade craft from Zimbabwe? Sterling silver jewelry? An eco-friendly handbag? Shop for that and more through the virtual holiday bazaar.

But if you want a more unique gift, something personalized that is just what somebody needs, be sure to take a look at the items in our auction. The items will change each week in December so you can find the perfect gift for yourself or someone you love. This week there are items for the Christmas loving, somewhat lost, somewhat messy, food-conscious, health-conscious, body-conscious, Feng Shui curious people in your life.

And don't forget there's still time to participate by being a vendor or donating to the silent auction.

Lessons of Addiction Endure

I recently heard news about a family member who drove drunk and crashed his car. Thankfully he (and no one else) was injured, but he is in trouble with the authorities and will probably have his license suspended, at the very least. Initially, I was shocked, but then I realized that this horrific accident was a long time in the making. We all know someone who is an addictive personality, and either they have been exposed through their actions, or it is just a matter of time before they are. When I think back, I always had a feeling that something like this would happen to him, if he didn’t change his ways. We are not close and haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a long time, but from what I understand, he still believes he doesn’t have a problem. While I am very concerned for him and his immediate family, I know that the only thing I can do is pray and hope for the best.

Some may argue that I am being too passive about this troubling situation, but I’m not. In my parents’ culture and many other traditional cultures, one must always respect his or her elders, even if they do not return the sentiment. Addictions like drug and alcohol abuse are still vehemently denied by many people my family and I have known from the cultural, ethnic and religious communities we have associated with, so I am familiar with how addictive behaviors have been too often ignored (or even enabled) since childhood. I’ve seen how strong denial is, so much so that it causes long term and even permanent estrangement. The shame of having an addict in the family is also very powerful, so secrecy is still easier than honesty for many. But living in blissful denial can only last so long.

Even though we live in the twenty-first century, I realize that we will continue to be reminded of the detrimental effects of addiction for the foreseeable future. I know that the lessons are not lost on me.

The Bookworm's Challenge

It's really no secret by this point that I love to read. It's always been one of my favorite hobbies, even though I let it slip for a while during and right after college. Always up for a challenge, I took my mission to read more to a new level. I belong to one "real life" and two online book clubs, each group reading different types of books over a month or two months. I've also been reviewing books each month, which gives me a chance to read new works of fiction and non-fiction. These are all probably very tame, albeit ambitious, ways to increase the number of books I read, but the most fun I'm having is with reading challenges.

When I joined Goodreads a while back, I was excited to have a place to live up to my full bibliophile potential and I discovered that some groups participate in reading challenges. For example, one challenge is to read books mentioned in the t.v. show Lost, another is reading the 1001 Books to Read Before You Die, etc. But my personal favorites are the shelf-a-thon and the seasonal reading challenge.

The point of the shelf-a-thon is to read at least one book from all the popular categories and genres listed in Goodreads. This means that during the course of the challenge, which lasts a few months, you need to read historical fiction, books published in 2009, children's lit, erotica... the list goes on and on. The seasonal reading challenge is a bit harder to explain, but the idea is to read a book that fits a specific task. For example, Walt Disney's birthday is in December, so one of the winter tasks is to read a book related to your favorite Disney film.

In starting the new year, I'm participating in these challenges as a way to push myself to keep reading books I wouldn't normally read. There is also a certain level of competitive spirit, but mostly I'm competing with myself. The fun is in completing something I didn't think I could actually accomplish.

One Road, Unfinished

I'm having trouble believing that it is almost December! These past few months have simply flown by for me. It's now clear that I haven't accomplished all (or even most) of the things I've been working toward this fall, which leaves me feeling discouraged.

For one thing, while I attempted NaNoWriMo, I didn't quite make it to the 50,000 word goal. I made a lot of progress, but just couldn't cross that finish line for a variety of reasons, none of which make me feel any better about not getting it done. Today, though, I have no choice but to smile and recognize that there's always next year. Which got me thinking....

With only one month left until the new year arrives, I figure it's time again to start thinking about what I need to do to kick myself into gear. Over the years, I've found that spontaneous New Year's Eve proclamations about what needs to change in my life have a tendency to stay in effect for about... a week.

I'm hoping to hit 2010 with a running start. Which means that now is the time to start planning, and beginning to build the routines that I want to stick to in the new year, and beyond. I've read that it takes at least twenty one consecutive days of repetition before a new behavior becomes a habit. Yikes!

One good byproduct of NaNo, for me, was getting in the habit of writing a certain number of words every day. Clearly, I didn't fully succeed in the endeavor, but every morning that I hopped out of bed and put fingers to keyboard marked another step toward a new great habit. I may not be destined to be a sprint writer, but those were someone else's rules to begin with. I'm not giving up on the marathon. I can't think of my NaNo attempt as a failure. It's just a road I started down, but haven't yet finished walking.

Happy Thanksgiving

We wish a safe, healthy, and happy Thanksgiving to all of our American readers. We'll be on vacation for the long weekend, but we'll be back again on Monday with our regularly-scheduled blogging. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

TWM Book Club: A Retrospective

I am fortunate enough to have been a part of The Women's Mosaic Book Club, which began this past summer. I started attending because I had never been a part of a book club before, and wanted to experience what it was like to discuss a selected book, its themes, characters, plot, and so much more. Christianna, TWM's Program Coordinator Extraordinaire, did a great job organizing the event, which included inviting participants, securing the location, and posing the specific questions in our discussion to ensure that we did not drift too far away from the book itself. I was one of the interested participants who came up with the idea of a theme for each book club meeting, and then choosing a selection that corresponds with it.

Each month this summer, my fellow bibliophiles and I came together to sip beverages and nibble on some Italian cookies and pastries, while discussing books written by women. I have enjoyed every meeting I've attended because my fellow attendees have always been respectful and good-natured with one another; there never was anyone who acted like they were too smart for the room.

When the summer was over and I learned that there would be no meetings until next year, I was curious to see what power (if any) I had to resurrect the book club before the holidays began. After speaking with fellow TWM member Julie at September's TWM Visioning Workshop, I was relieved to see that I was not alone. After discussing the matter with Christianna, Julie agreed to use her apartment on November 18 to discuss Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia by Jean Sasson. In my humble opinion, it was the best book club meeting we ever had, even though the group was smaller than before. The same spirit of freedom to discuss the book’s controversial themes candidly and constructively, combined with our new, intimate setting, contributed to a thoroughly successful, end-of-the-year TWM Book Club Meeting.

I hope to meet more TWM members (and those who are interested) at next year’s meetings.

The Holiday Stress

The holiday season is all about being thankful, giving back, and spending time with the people you love. But it can also be very stressful. Where are you going to go? How are you going to spend your time? What are you going to make for dessert? What are you going to buy your pick for Secret Santa? How much weight will the holiday feasts make you gain this year?

Now, I don't know about you, but between work, family, and my extra-curricular activities, I have more than enough stress as it is!

Lately I've been trying to focus more on my physical and mental health. Going to Europe was a great way to leave my worries behind, but I've felt overwhelmed by them since I got back. One thing that has always worked for me during a time like this is physical activity. There is nothing like a good long run, even in the bitter cold, to clear my head and get focused. So I've been making use of my gym membership and taking the great classes they have to offer or simply using the treadmill.

But what's really been helping me lately are the hot Vinyasa yoga classes I've been taking. Vinyasa yoga is already my all-time favorite workout, but doing it in a 100-degree room just makes it that much more intense. By the end of the class, I feel like I can take on anything I put my mind to.

Of course, the added bonus to doing all of this working out is that I can feel a little less guilty about having an extra slice of pie at dinner. I'll just burn it off with an extra 30 minutes at the gym.

Going Back in Time

This fall, I had the pleasure of participating in an informal reunion with some old friends in a place that was quite dear to me as a child. We spent a fantastic weekend together, catching up and reminiscing, and I left the gathering feeling fuller than when I'd arrived.

All in all, a pretty lucky outcome. Perhaps even an unlikely one.

Returning to a place of childhood memories seems simple enough. But gazing with new eyes upon a place that was once so familiar, well, it's not for the faint of heart. No matter how well you prepare yourself, the air quickly becomes loaded with the substance of those memories. Expectations are always too high.

There was nothing I could do to dim my expectations. I walked into this place, for the first time in over ten years, incredibly excited, but nervous that it was going to let me down. It never had before, but still. Nothing stays the same forever, even our memories evolve, leaving out things we'd prefer to forget, or changing details to make the picture more rosy all around.

In the moment, in that place, my memories won. Big time. It all came rushing back, the good, the bad, the ugly, the unbelievably beautiful, the life-changing. Being surrounded by these friends made it seem as if no time had passed. The world rewound and all that was outside faded away.

Driving home, though, it finally struck me, all the things that had changed. How these friends had all grown up, grown apart. Our coming together was like a snapshot, dug out of an old dusty photo album, then put back away. But could what we once had be so easily dismissed?

Somehow, then, I made peace with something I'd been holding on to for a while. An irrational hope for something long past. A season of our lives that had risen bright then faded, and all we're left with is the memories. We can't get it back, no matter how hard we try. Letting go is right. Moving on is okay. Moving on is good. It's just another season.

Friday Forum: A Novel Idea

You all know how much we love reading and writing here at CHICKS ROCK! and sometimes it's fun to think about life as if it's a novel. Today's question comes from that spirit: what would the title of your life would be, if it were a novel?

Promote Your Work & Do Good

The holiday season is quickly approaching, and we wanted to share with you what TWM has got planned. Instead of doing a traditional bazaar, TWM is hosting an online holiday bazaar and silent auction for the month of December.

We'll post more details on the bazaar and auction itself as we get closer, but for now we wanted to post the information relevant to potential vendors and donors. Check out the info below and get in touch.

If you or someone you know has a product, service or organization you would like to promote, then we'd love for you to be a part of our upcoming TWM 2009 Virtual Holiday Bazaar & Silent Auction happening from December 1-24, 2009.

By participating in the bazaar and/or silent auction you will not only be supporting our work to provide educational, inspirational and motivational opportunities for women to connect to themselves, each other and the world around them, but you can reach a targetted audience of over 5000 for less than $25 per week!

Your vendor investment is a flat fee of just $99 for up to five blasts, so the earlier you submit your registration/payment, the better rate you pay per week! Contact Program Coordinator Christianna at christianna@thewomensmosaic.org for more details on being a vendor.

Silent Auction items donated with a value of $75 or more will be accepted by Sally at sally@thewomensmosaic.org and will receive the same amount of exposure for you, as the link will be included in the minimum five blasts that are sent - this is free advertising!

Please note that we are accepting vendors and donors on a rolling basis, so the earlier you submit your information and payment, the more exposure you will receive.

Feel free to contact us should you have any questions, require further information or are interested in additional sponsorship/advertising opportunities with TWM.

Colorblind Love

I am not a big fan of Hollywood films today; I’m usually the last one to know what the top box-office hits are in the movie theaters at any given time. Still, when I saw the trailer for The Blind Side, which opens this Friday, I was truly moved. The film is based on the life of Michael Oher, a young African American man who rose from homelessness and abuse with the support of a well-to-do family, and how their love, encouragement, and his determination led him to the NFL. It is one of the movies I will see in a theater, and I’m hoping it will be worth the money.

When I read some online reactions to the trailer and Oher’s story, I was floored. The fact is that he was taken in and adopted by a white family, and this really angers many people. I just don’t get the racial negativity; with all my heart, I believe that love can be colorblind, especially when it comes to parents and children. I hope to adopt in the future, and no one is going to stop me from adopting a child because of race.

Even though attitudes about race and adoption have changed, there are those who still believe that adopted children are loved less than biological ones. Many people are also dubious when discussing how celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Madonna have popularized international adoptions, which I can understand to a certain extent. There are many American children in the foster care system who need homes, but they have familial and emotional baggage (depending on their ages and circumstances) that many can't (or won't) handle. Those who do adopt want an infant or small child; older children are usually overlooked. With these prevailing attitudes, it’s hard for many to comprehend how Oher’s adoptive family could have considered including an older African American teenager in their lives, especially one with a troubled family history. I am not one of those people.

What are your thoughts on interracial adoption?

Where Are You From?

Living in the U.S., particularly New York, it's very common to hear the question "where are you from?" This, of course, can mean anything: What state or city do you live in? Where did you grow up? What country were you or your parents born in? It's up to us to decipher which one they might mean and hope the answer satisfies them, but in my experience they usually mean, what is your cultural background?

A lot of people don't bother to ask me "where are you from?," they assume they already know. Even though I'm very open with people about my cultural background, I've found that whenever somebody doesn't know me, they can't seem to figure out where I'm from. This makes for some interesting scenarios, like the time I went to a deli and the man behind the counter started speaking to me in Urdu. When I stared blankly at him and simply asked how much my items came to, he was shocked -- "You are not from Pakistan?!" I smiled politely and said no, but he insisted "You look like you're from Pakistan!"

Things like this seem to happen to me all the time, just with different languages and different countries. Off the top of my head, I can recount being identified as being from: Pakistan, Mexico, India, Ecuador, Puerto Rico, Bangladesh, etc.

I know people who get upset when their ethnicity is incorrectly assumed. They're suddenly filled with a cultural pride and insist that, no, they are most certainly NOT from whatever country you think they're from. I react rather differently, and instead of expressing anger or discomfort, I simply laugh it off and think about how arbitrary it all is. We attach such value to physical characteristics and personality traits that a Dominican with brown skin, dark eyes, dark hair, and a quiet demeanor can be mistaken as being from half a dozen different countries.

I think from now on when people ask "where are you from?" I'll just smile and tell them to guess. Let's see what they come up with!

Mood Music

My iPod is among my best purchases ever. Four years ago, it seemed such a drastic, expensive, indulgent item, but my excitement over it still holds up. Yet, as I reached for my little friend this weekend, and found its headphones all tangled up around it in the bottom of my purse, I realized I haven't been using it much lately.

For over a year, I listened to it daily during my commute--an hour each way. When I started working at home, I still used it. I'd bring it to the library or the coffeehouse, to help me tune out surroundings while I worked. Any time I took the subway, in went the earbuds. Long distance travel? You'd never find me without it. Its music, organized into my own mixes, helped me cultivate certain moods. On the way to work, a buck-up: You can do this. One day at a time. On the way home, calming: You did your best, time to rest. If I was on edge, there was a mix to match or soothe the mood. If I was sad, I could allow myself to wallow, or draw myself back up with the push of a few buttons. Music for every mood.

I still love my iPod, but I just don't need it the way I once did. Like books or TV, I've always treated music as a form of escape, something to lose myself in for a while. I don't know exactly when it happened, but my relationship with music has changed. I no longer rely on my iPod for comfort because I wake up knowing that I get to spend the day in my own space doing what I love.

Sure, I still listen to the occasional ballad if I'm feeling melodramatic, or angry chick music when I'm in a funk, or indie pop when I feel the need to just bop around, but it's not as automatic. It's not about fixing something that's wrong. I enjoy it more. The iPod will always have a place in my heart, and a place in my purse, but finally she's taking a backseat!

Friday Forum: Regrettable

Today we want to talk about something everyone asks themselves at least a few times in their lives.

Looking back on your life so far, is there anything you regret? If so, do you regret something you did or is it a regret of not having done something?

Your Words

We really want to thank everyone who's been commenting on the blog lately. We love hearing from you and we want you to keep it coming! This space is for all of us to learn from and interact with each other, and we certainly can't do it without your participation.

But this space is also for you all to really make your voice heard. The best way to do that is to shift from reader to writer from time to time by being one of our guest bloggers. What are you passionate about? Have you recently learned something new about yourself or the world around you? Got a great story to tell? We'd love to hear from you!

Check out our guest blogger guidelines and posts from our previous guest bloggers. Maybe next Thursday it'll be your words on the screen!

More or Less Gun Control?

Last week’s back-to-back shootings in Fort Hood, Texas and Orlando, Florida left me shocked, saddened, and angry. The reasons why the perpetrators went on their respective rampages may be very different, but the way they committed their attacks is the same: they used guns on unsuspecting, innocent people. I know the news media is concentrating on the killers’ motivations, but I can’t help thinking about how they both had unrestricted access to firearms and were able to use them with devastating results.

I know the Second Amendment has been a point of contention for Americans in all fifty states, and I know that the right to bear arms will not be taken away any time soon. But I also know that something has to change with the gun control laws in this country. For example, when I saw a news report about people going to gun shows in certain states and buying a variety of firearms without background checks, I was horrified. If I was ever compelled to buy a gun, I would expect to go through an extensive security check and be monitored periodically as long as I had one in my possession. Since we are often monitored by the police for speeding and parking violations, I believe we should have stronger checks on us as gun owners. I personally don’t see any other way to curtail the violence; banning the use of firearms will probably not work, just like it didn’t when alcohol was made illegal during Prohibition. But with these rights should come great responsibility, maturity, and sanity, and there are people who are in possession of weapons they wish to use for negative reasons. I don’t think this statement is unrealistic or far-fetched in nature.

Do you think we should have stricter gun control laws? Why or why not?

Making Friends

One thing my friends and I have noticed in the past couple of years is that it's really hard to make new friends. High school is all about making friends and socializing, so it's really easy to do it there. College becomes a bit more challenging, but you've got roommates and joining a club or organization helps. But once you're out of college, the opportunities to meet new people become scarce. You can make some friends at work, but that's not always a sure thing -- co-workers might not be in the same age group, or you might not have much in common.

I've kept in touch with my sorority sisters and some of my friends from college, but it's been hard to make new friends. I was fortunate enough to become friends with one of my co-workers and we've gotten close over the past few months. As I've written before, blogging has also given me the opportunity to interact with like-minded people and develop relationships with some of them. What starts over a series of blog posts and comments, continues through Twitter and Tumblr, and then we meet and a friendship is solidified. (I can't wait until the next conference so we can all spend more time hanging out together.)

Hmm... I guess when I write it all out like that, I've actually been pretty lucky so far.

But still, it makes me curious to learn how other people make and maintain friendships once they've left school. Do you also find that it's hard to do?

Of course, I can't really complain too much. I have a lot of people I can turn to for anything I need, whether it's good conversation, a night out, or a way to waste a few hours online. I guess more friends would really just be icing on the cake at this point.

Women's Words

I consider myself a feminist, but honestly, gender discrimination isn't something I think deeply about on a daily basis. I'm not so naïve as to believe it's a non-issue, just one that I'm not confronted with too overtly anymore. Turns out, I may need to rethink my position.

I was one of many people upset by Publishers Weekly's recent announcement of their "Top Ten Books of 2009." A list that included no female authors.

Knowing nothing beyond that, my initial reaction was lukewarm. All things being equal, the odds are strongly against an all male list occurring by coincidence, but... it could happen. And they didn't completely ignore women--there were 29 included in their "Top 100." Still, a low total. As I considered it, the less lukewarm I became. A little steamed. A lot steamed. Hot.

I spent several days in dialogue with other women writers, collectively bent on responding. After all, who else was going to spotlight this oversight? As articles were written, and the conversation unfolded online, the range of public opinion stretched far and wide. From the overtly sexist ("Women just can't write as well as men."), to the inane ("It was a bad year for women writers."), to the delusional ("We're in a post-gender America. Quality trumps quotas."), arguments abounded. Few people seemed willing to accept our critique and move on.

All in all, I observed more anger directed at the women who were protesting the PW list, than at the list itself. Many people seem to believe that PW should be allowed to have their opinion about the best books of the year, without anyone second-guessing them, yet women writers aren't allowed to disagree without being pegged as reverse-sexist, or worse, a special-interest minority group vying for an unearned piece of the recognition pie.

In the end, does any of it matter? The PW editors and their sexism--whether intentional or subconscious--matter very little in the long run. It is just one list, one moment, one group's opinion. The true value of this experience, for me, was watching women writers come together to say something important. It's unfortunate to realize that we still have reason to unite in protest, but it's good to know that we still can.

Friday Forum: Challenge Yourself

Thinking of NaNoWriMo and things like the Julie & Julia Project and 50 Jobs in 50 States made us wonder, what's one thing you would challenge yourself to accomplish in a certain period of time?

Whether it's based on a hobby or something you've always been curious about but never tried, what would you want to do and why?

Link Love for 11/5

Not much time has passed since our last link love post, but there can never be enough, right?! Here's another round of links for your reading pleasure.

Girl w/Pen takes a look at the current debate about paid sick days and reminds us why it's important to have all the facts.

In Good Company wants us to see the benefit of sharing our ideas with others, and gives us tips on how to do it.

Lindsey Pollak explains the value of building a career pyramid, and breaks down just what that means.

Work + Life Fit stresses that the battle for work/life balance is not unique to women.

Those are the links for today, but please share some more in the comments. Link to what you've been reading and writing on the web lately.

There's Reason to Stay Informed

When I learned the details of the recent gang rape of a high school student in Richmond, California, I felt nauseous. The victim is only 15 years old, the attack happened on school property, she knew some of her attackers, and people actually watched it happen but did nothing to help. The feelings of anger I feel help me make sense of senseless acts human beings inflict on one another. This particular case also re-affirms my belief that women and young girls must be more vigilant about their protection. Here are some things I’ve done, and will continue to do, to protect myself and others as much as possible.

• In the past when my instincts told me that the place I was in or the people I was with were not right, I immediately took action. If you feel uncomfortable, don’t suffer in silence. Who cares if others think you are being uptight? We as women have to stop being nice all the time in favor of our personal safety.

• Watching out for friends, especially when their judgment is impaired, is an absolute must. I’m proud of the fact that I have prevented certain people (they know who they are) from being in situations where they were unprotected. I wasn’t popular during these incidents, but I have no regrets.

• There is still so much ignorance when it comes to rape and rape prevention, particularly with younger women and girls. Without becoming excessively paranoid, we should discuss these issues with family and friends more often. I was horrified to hear that some students at Richmond High School actually blame the victim for the attack. This tells me that more must be done to dispel these negative and untrue beliefs, and I have done so with my younger relatives as tactfully as possible.

Do you have any further thoughts to share about this extremely important issue?

Election Days of Yore

Today is Election Day here in the U.S. and it's got me thinking about Election Days of years past. I think Election Day should be a holiday that everyone has off from work, so in lieu of that, I celebrate it by reflecting.

When I became a U.S. citizen a few years ago, the privilege I was most excited about was voting. The first time I voted, the elections were local, but I was no less excited. I knew that local elections are probably the most important because it is the local officials who have power over our daily quality of life. I researched each candidate, waited in line for hours, cast my vote, and picked up my bright green "I Voted" sticker.

Fast forward to the election we all remember well, Nov. 4, 2008. The anticipation leading up to that date was incredible, and the electricity in the air for those 24 hours was even more amazing. I got up early to cast my vote, I checked the polls all day, and waited at home with wine and snacks until it was official and Obama made his speech. It's hard to imagine that it's only been a year since that day -- a year of some becoming more active, while others, like me, took a mental break from politics.

But Election Day is here, and my brain is sparked all over again.

The atmosphere this year is nowhere near the level it was at last year -- I've already gotten a lot of "oh, it's Election Day?!" reactions. There are still some races to look out for. Many are pointing to elections in New Jersey and Virginia as ones to watch. And, of course, my own home state of New York is attracting a lot of attention.

So there's much to keep political junkies busy for the day, but what will you be doing? Will you get out there and vote? I sure hope so!

(Need some help at the polls? Check out last year's voting guide.)

NaNoWriMo

A few years ago, I discovered an online literary phenomenon called National Novel Writing Month, uniquely abbreviated NaNoWriMo. Each November, people all over the country (all over the world, really) sit down to write a 50,000-word novel, from scratch, over the course of 30 days. This probably sounds impossible to the average person, and it's definitely not easy, yet tens of thousands of people line up to try. Many of them succeed.

I've never participated in NaNoWriMo, but I always thought it sounded like a fun adventure. Since I'm a novelist, though, it never seemed like something I should try to get in on. It would almost be unfair, because I know I can write 50,000 words in a month. I do it regularly, though all those words never go into one single novel.

Yes, there's the rub. Can I write a whole novel in a month? It takes me much longer than that to draft anything, let alone something good. NaNoWriMo's goal isn't to make anything good. They're out to get words down on paper, fast and frantic, and see what emerges. This inspires me. I'm giving it a try. One blank document. Thirty days. No plotting, prodding, structuring. No use of "delete." Two days into the task, I know I have my work cut out for me. But maybe there's something to this frenzied style, some way of cutting to the heart of things.

The best part is, I'm not doing it alone. One challenge of writing is that it's simultaneously about solitude and communication, being alone with your thoughts and connecting your ideas with others. After all, why tell a story if there's no one around to hear it?

I suspect most people get into NaNoWriMo for the fun and festivity of it. Or maybe to indulge secret longings that don't get played out in their everyday lives. So they can stand up in triumph, having written a novel. One less dream left un-pursued. For me, it's more about the chance to write in concert with others, and to approach my work from a new angle. It's already making me more excited to get started in the morning.

Bring it on, NaNoWriMo! 29 days and counting...

Friday Forum: A Little Magic

It's time to let the cobwebs hang and the broomsticks fly! We can all use a little bit of magic in our lives from time to time.

What are your plans for Halloween this year? Do you usually dress up and go to parties with your friends? Do you take the children in your life trick or treating? Or is this a regular weekend for you?

Read Along this Fall

It's been a few months since the last book club selection of TWM's summer book club, but now the fun is continuing this fall. Check out the details below and be sure to pick up a copy of the next book club selection. Hope you can make it to the meet-up!

TWM's FABULOUS FALL BOOK CLUB!
Wednesday, November 18th 6:30pm-8pm

Our Sizzling Summer Book Club was such a success that we decided to keep it going with one book in the Fall and one for the Spring. So for this month enjoy reading our most recent selection and then join TWM Members and guests to discuss it over in the intimate setting in the home of one of TWM's Members!

COST: $20; $15 for TWM Members
LOCATION: Lower East Side address available upon RSVP
Includes refreshments, hospitality and great conversation!

RSVP on Meetup, Facebook, or by email to christianna@thewomensmosaic.org

FALL'S BOOK SELECTION:

Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia by Jean Sasson
Publisher: Windsor-Brooke Books
ISBN-13: 978-0967673745

Sultana is a Saudi Arabian princess, a woman born to fabulous, uncountable wealth. She has four mansions on three continents, her own private jet, glittering jewels, designer dresses galore. But in reality she lives in a gilded cage. She has no freedom, no vote, no control over her own life, no value but as a bearer of sons. Hidden behind her black floor-length veil, she is a prisoner, jailed by her father, her husband, her sons, and her country. Sultana is a member of the Saudi royal family, closely related to the king. For the sake of her daughters, she has decided to take the risk of speaking out about the life of women in her country, regardless of their rank. She must hide her identity for fear that the religious leaders in her country would call for her death to punish her honesty. Only a woman in her position could possibly hope to escape from being revealed and punished, despite her cloak of anonymity. She tells of her own life, from her turbulent childhood to her arranged marriage - a happy one until her husband decided to displace her by taking a second wife - and of the lives of her sisters, her friends, and her servants. Although they share affection, confidences and an easy camaraderie within the confines of the women's quarters, they also share a history of appalling oppressions, everyday occurrences that in any other culture would be seen as shocking human rights violations: thirteen-year-old girls forced to marry men five times their age, young women killed by drowning, stoning, or isolation in the "woman's room," a padded, windowless cell where women are confined with neither light nor conversation until death claims them. Servants are forced into sexual servitude and severely beaten if they attempt escape. By speaking out, Sultana risks bringing the wrath of the Saudi establishment upon her head and the heads of her children. In the barren, hopeless wasteland that is the life of Saudi women today, free speech is punishable by death.

Halloween Musings

As Halloween approaches, I recall wonderful memories of childhood: my costumes, trick-or-treating in my old neighborhood with my siblings, fun houses and decorations that were more silly than scary, and watching the classic It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown every year. As an adult, I enjoy the weeks before the holiday when apples and pumpkins are in season, and I can visit local farms to buy them. It’s easy to find places where you can pick apples from the trees themselves, but surprisingly cutting a pumpkin of your choosing while it is still growing from the ground is not so common. There is something unsettling to me when I visit a harvested field of pumpkins, with all the vines and other greenery removed. I would rather go to a farmer’s market and choose my pumpkin there. I am very particular about the ones I choose, because I want the best ones for carving. A homemade jack-o'-lantern containing a lit candle never fails to evoke warm and fuzzy feelings for me about the season and my inner child.

I think the reasons I prefer the weeks preceding Halloween to any other time of the year are many. It begins with the transition from summer to fall, and the glorious colors the leaves in the trees turn into before they fall from the branches. In my opinion, this is also the most scenic time for road trips of all kinds in the Northeastern United States. I also think the whimsy of the holiday also appeals to me; I enjoy the lack of seriousness and the sense of escapism that Halloween evokes. I have observed many people becoming tense or nervous on or before Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. The reasons may be due to unresolved family conflicts, strenuous holiday preparations, and/or the general inability to relax; the image of being in a pressure cooker comes to mind. Halloween, on the other hand, is just a breezy day with no pressure to speak of.

Which holiday is your favorite, and why?

Lessons from Abroad

Now that I'm back from my trip and fully adjusted back to my life in NYC, I have some time to reflect on my trek through Europe. I took two weeks off from work and went to Paris, Barcelona, Marseille, Cinque Terre, and London. I had an incredible time and did not want to come back home -- a sentiment not shared by some of my travel companions. I'm sure I'll have other posts about specific moments and memories I have from each city I went to, but I wanted to put into words some of the general things I've been thinking about since I got back.

In no particular order, some valuable lessons I learned:

People are as nice to you as you are to them. (Most of the time anyway.) The stereotype is that people in Europe are arrogant and rude to tourists, but I didn't encounter that at all. I was polite and friendly, ate their food, tried to speak their language, and got nothing but friendliness in return.

Packing is a science. I didn't need half the shirts I brought. Could've done with a few more socks. Hiking shoes were my best purchase ever. Plastic bags, ziploc bags and duct tape became my best travel companions. Speaking of packing...

Always bring a bathing suit. Because the weather forecast is as unpredictable in Europe as it is back home. The forecast said partly cloudy and 60 degrees Fahrenheit, but I found myself sweating profusely in the blazing sun and wanting nothing more than to work on my tan at the rocky beach near the hostel.

It's always possible to have fun on a budget. As long as I stayed flexible and figured out what mattered to me, I was fine. Suddenly the nutella sandwich meant to be a snack was the entire meal, but who cares because then I could buy awesome Beatles souvenirs instead!

I could probably keep going, but I'll leave it at that for now. What are some travel lessons you've got to share?

The Lonely Holiday

Halloween is the loneliest holiday for me. I feel weird even putting that sentence in writing, because it sounds utterly absurd to me, but it's true. I know I'm very lucky to have always been surrounded by family and friends on the "big" holidays, which for me are Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. In my head, that's all that should matter. So, why do I always get myself bent out of shape about Halloween?

My childhood memories of Halloween are warm, but not earth shattering. My brother and I dressed up to trick-or-treat, but my mom never let us knock on strangers' doors, so the night was short and mostly spent at home. We often went to Halloween at the Zoo, which was awesome, but I know I can't hope to recapture that magic in adulthood. So, what am I looking for?

The thing is, it's not that hard to find stuff to do on Halloween in New York. People dress up and go out partying, but that's not exactly what I'm after. I went to the Greenwich Village parade alone one year, which was about the most depressing possible thing to do. I went another year with one friend, but we just stood on the sidelines and watched all the revelry. I always end up home early and inexplicably sad.

Last year I was lucky enough to be invited to a real Halloween party, costumes and everything, plus a screening of The Twilight Zone. People really came dressed up, and I finally felt like I was doing something to honor the holiday. I want to do that every year! I find, though, that I don't know how to plan a Halloween event, which is the obvious, proactive solution. Some element of shyness comes out in me, and I find it hard to go after what I want....which is just to dress up, eat candy and hang out with friends. Why is that so hard?

I don't know what the deal is with me and October 31, but I want to get in on it!

Any insights?

Friday Forum: T.V. Junkies

With October comes the new t.v. programming for the fall season. We must have at least a few t.v. junkies in our readership!

What are some new shows you've discovered this season? What are your old favorites that are back this fall?

Link Love for 10/22

It's time to share some link love with everyone. Check out the posts below and don't forget to add your own links in the comments.

Girl w/Pen writes about a cool online show called Smart Girls at the Party that really celebrates girls. We can't wait to catch up on the episodes.

In Good Company has a great post about the simple idea of thinking big, but starting small -- something so many of us often forget.

One Writeous Chick shares the inspiration she got from a water bottle, and the life lessons we can all take away from it.

Lindsey Pollak worked on a series of posts to make us realize that we have more experience than we think. Be sure to read the full series: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Career Conversations

It had been several months since I first met with Kristina and the other Thursdays at Three attendees, but not much had changed for me. Sure, another soul-crushing job came and went, but it was the same nonsense I’ve encountered these last two years. When I heard myself speak about my life goals for the future at last week’s meeting, I had a déjà-vu moment. Oh yes, I sat at that same table in April, and spouted similar sentiments. Perhaps the only difference between then and now is that I am determined to follow through with my plans for a career transition.

Mulling over my past, present, and future situations is mostly a solitary affair, but I wouldn’t say it's because I’m too sensitive. It has more to do with me drowning out other people’s well-meaning (and sometimes not so well-meaning) opinions, which can inadvertently affect me in negative ways. When I do receive unsolicited advice, I keep an open mind and listen. If what someone is saying is unproductive and insulting, I try to emerge from the encounter as unscathed as possible, and with the proper perspective. When I decided to re-join the Thursdays at Three meetings, I was surprised to discover I didn’t have reservations about expressing what I want in my life and career. I know the advice I receive from Kristina and the other attendees is as objective and as helpful as possible. I also hope that my limited input has been perceived as fair, honest, and constructive.

Every week the attendees are given assignments which are geared towards helping us realize our dreams and goals for the future. My homework addresses my desire to become more successful as a writer and to work overseas again in a humanitarian capacity, using my previous experiences as a foundation. While I am slightly intimidated by the tasks I’ve been given, I know I’m ready to take them on. The time is right for me.

Are you in a life and/or career transition? What are you doing to move yourself forward?

Fall Back... to School

Ahhh, the fall. Leaves turn beautiful shades of color you only see for a short time each year. The air is nice and cool, finally rid of summer's oppressive humidity. Apples and pumpkins in season give you an excuse to make apple- and pumpkin-flavored everything... Oh, is that just me?

Well anyway, for so many people, the fall also means the start of the new school year. Probably more so than any other time of year, the fall makes me miss being in school. Buying text books and school supplies was the highlight of my end-of-summer days. By the time October rolled around, I was already well in the swing of things: having intense conversations with classmates, getting to know professors and delving deeper into their academic interests, and starting to think about what classes to take in the spring.

You can certainly say that I enjoyed being a student. I suppose that's why for so long I wanted to be a professor, which to me was basically the equivalent of getting paid to be a student. My career path has now veered off a bit from that, though I haven't completely written it off. Yet every fall, without fail, I start wondering again if and when I'll ever go back to school.

For the past few days, I've thought about taking some classes to fill this void I keep having. I won't go so far as to take graduate-level courses with no goal in mind, but I'm thinking that taking a writing class of some sort might be a good start. Since I've wanted to focus on my writing anyway, I think this might be a good way to fulfill both desires. Just a thought for now, but I'll let you know if it goes anywhere.

Do any of you get the same nostalgia about your school days in the fall?

Are Random Thoughts Allowed?

So, sometimes very random thoughts pass into my mind, with no place to go but right on through. I'm talking about questions with no possible solution, little nagging wonderings, and all kinds of creative fireworks that are probably meaningless to anyone but me. Heck, sometimes they're meaningless even to me!

I assume this sort of thing happens to everyone because I've discovered that when you get to be friends with people, they start saying these little things out loud. That's one of the best and funniest parts of friendship, I might add.

All of this is to say that I don't have a theme for my post today, beyond randomness. I suppose blogging, in some sense, offers a place to float one's random thoughts, so here are a few that have come to me recently:

• Sometimes I look at M.C. Escher drawings and think that he probably would have understood my life.
• I don't understand what the phrase "The Great American Novel" is supposed to signify, so I get annoyed when people use it in conversation.
• I hate it when people talk in the movie theater. It makes me want to throw things. At them. So why, especially lately, am I always seated by the noisiest, talkiest people in the whole place? Grr.
• Why do museum exhibits always have to have those little plaque things that tell you what the art is about, where it comes from and how it's supposed to be received? Do the collections have more, or less, meaning without the deconstruction? Can't art just be art?
• Celebrities I'd like (or would have liked) to have dinner with: Muhammad Ali, Audre Lorde, Amelia Earhart, Robert F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Elizabeth Blackwell, Whoopi Goldberg, and Wangari Maathai to name a (very) few.
• The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The shortest distance between two people is an open-hearted conversation. Or a sharing of random thoughts.

Friday Forum: Fear Factor

Halloween is coming up soon, and it's got us thinking about fears - both real and imagined.

What are some things you're afraid of? The dark? Ghost stories? Failure? Losing the people you love? What is your own personal fear factor?

The Power of Words, The Promise of Peace

CHICKS ROCK! is happy to have Kristina back as a guest blogger this week:

Kristina Leonardi is the founder of The Women’s Mosaic. She is a career/life path consultant, speaker, seminar leader and expert in the areas of women, diversity and personal growth.


When I was in high school my dream was to work for the United Nations – I excelled at foreign languages and loved learning about other cultures. I studied International Relations and worked extensively with the international student population of my university. I met people from around the globe and was fascinated by the ways we choose to speak, clothe and govern ourselves, the music we develop and myriad of ways we prepare food, how varied the physical geography we inhabit... But under the diversity, it was clear to me that we enjoy the same basic wants, needs and wishes for ourselves and those we love.

I knew I wanted to do work that took advantage of my passion for and understanding of this concept. The UN, in theory, seemed to be the place for me, but the reality was quite different, and so I ended up forming The Women’s Mosaic instead. However, I do live near the UN’s missions and delegates, have been invited to numerous events over the years, and am thrilled to be part of it in my own way.

Every September during the General Assembly, my neighborhood goes into lock-down and this year was no different, except for one extraordinary event. In a speech given by President Obama, the United States, for the first time in decades, actually expressed its commitment to the institution at its core: its ideals and what it represents. The vision of the UN is what we must aspire to and it cannot succeed without everyone's participation, especially a country as powerful as the U.S. I could not have been more proud that day and felt a sigh of relief that things were finally back on the right track.

They were "only words," but they caused a cosmic shift in the perception of who we are and what the UN is capable of. Words are powerful. They are the bridge between thought and action. They are a vital part of any great movement and are often transforming in and of themselves. For these and many more of his words, there is no doubt in my mind that President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Words manifest change, internally and externally. And both kinds have value, as they are inexorably intertwined.

Relief Through Ayurvedic Massage

I don’t have the luxury of going to the spa very often. In the past, I considered myself lucky if I went three times a year. Now that I don’t receive regular massages as I did when I was abroad, I make sure to go spas that are highly recommended. If the service exceeds my expectations, I am more than happy to return to the place, and pass on recommendations to people I know.

My recent trip to an Ayurvedic spa is perhaps the best I have ever had. I first learned of the facility at a TWM event this past spring. At the Health & Nutrition: Perspectives from Around the World Panel Discussion, the panelists and some audience members made the evening a pleasant and informative one. Dr. Priyatarssini Balamurugen was one of the six panelists who particularly caught my attention, because she spoke specifically about the Ayurvedic approach to health, nutrition, and life as a whole. I have been interested in this particular branch of alternative medicine, because it focuses on multi-faceted treatments for a variety of problems: Yoga, massage, and herbs are just a few of these. When we received our “swag bags” at the close of the event, I noticed a coupon for the Santhigram Kerala Ayurvedic Health Spa and knew I had to visit the New Jersey location before the offer expired at the end of the year.

During the massage and steam bath, I felt the pressures of everyday life slip away. For a person who finds it difficult to meditate because of mental restlessness, I felt surprisingly free during the session. Ayurveda is centuries old, so I am not surprised at how effective it was for me during the hour and fifteen minutes I was there. I think my transcendental experience also had to do with the desire to purify myself, both inside and out. This, coupled with the expert hands and herbal oils used during the session, made me feel relaxed and relieved for the rest of the day.

Have any of you tried Ayurvedic massage or similar treatments? What was your experience?

A Case of Over-Preparedness

I must say that simply planning this trip to Europe has been quite the learning experience. As I've mentioned before, I'll be going with my sisters, but will also at some point or another be in the company of my guy and a few friends.

Planning the trip has made us all communicate with each other in ways we never needed to before. Suddenly, we all need to rely on each other for some bit of information here and there, whether it be tips on where to buy a certain supply or ideas on how to spend a night in a certain city.

In doing all of this, I've come to realize that some people are planners, and some just aren't. I am definitely a planner. I want to know that I have thought of everything before we ever step foot onto an airplane or train. I realize that we can't actually think of everything, and that some things will just happen and we'll have to deal with them. But it brings me an incredible amount of comfort to know that there is some sort of plan.

An itinerary is drafted, city guides and maps are in hand, phrasebooks have been bought - check, check, check. Emergency contact numbers, duct tape, extra first aid supplies in every nook and cranny - check, check, check.

And that's when I hear the reactions that I am, perhaps, too prepared. But is there really such a thing? I've heard this from several people now and I look at them in amazement with crinkled nose and all. How can somebody be too prepared? I've never thought such a thing was possible.

Okay, perhaps I could have saved some space for souvenirs by packing a few less plastic bags and ziploc baggies, but too prepared? Surely not...

So what say you? Have you ever been accused of being over-prepared? Or maybe you're one of these folks I can't understand who are always under-prepared?

Yes, I want to be. So what?

Lately people have been asking me about relationships a lot. Am I looking for one? What do I want out of one? Can they set me up? Would I get up to speed with the internet matching thing already? What am I waiting for? Who am I interested in that they might know?

Sheesh.

I did not used to get into this dialogue so much, and it leads me to wonder if something has changed about my demeanor or behavior that makes people think I'm suddenly "on the market." To be honest, I'm not sure if I am or not. My standard answer is that I'm not specifically looking for a relationship, but I'm open to it if it happens. I think that's pretty true.

People often say that single women are single because they want to be, but it's usually said in a tone of voice that suggests this is a character flaw, or a deep subconscious sabotaging of your chance at happiness. This frustrates me, especially when I feel myself falling into the same traps, thinking about the future in terms of "when I find someone..."

I know people are just trying to be friendly and helpful, but who says I have to be "looking?" Isn't it okay not to? Pauline thinks so. Taking a long term view, yeah, I hope it's out there for me. But in the meantime, I don't want to conduct myself as if I'm waiting indefinitely. I have things to do, dreams to pursue and to accomplish. So, I'm going for it! It's just me, and that's okay.

Friday Forum: Mentors Matter

It's been a while since we talked about mentors on the blog, but we'd like to hear about your personal experiences.

Who have been your most important professional and/or personal mentors? What did they help you accomplish? What did they help you learn about yourself?

Sharing Stories

In the year since we launched the blog, we've gotten to hear from several guest bloggers. They've written about sports, makeovers, job loss, health, and much more. We love featuring guest bloggers because we value the diversity of their experiences and love giving them the chance to share their voices with others.

So why not have that next voice be yours?!

Take a look at our guest blogger guidelines and try putting something together. Tell us a story about your childhood friends, recent travels, dating adventures... whatever you'd like to share.

Can't wait to hear more of your stories!

Transitioning With The Seasons

When the summer season begins its transition into autumn, I feel a little sad. I start to feel the negative effects at this particular time of the year before the end of Daylight Saving Time. I find that I must do more during the transition between summer and autumn to help me better adjust to changes. I don’t know what it is, but every year I get a little more sensitive about the Spring Forward and Fall Back adjustments in time, which occurs twice a year in most of the U.S. The latter gets to me, perhaps because of knowledge that the winter season is just around the corner.

Here are some old and new things I am doing to better cope with the seasonal transition this year and maintain my health:

Exercising every day is not only important for my overall health, but it also makes the end of Daylight Saving Time easier to cope with. I also try to get myself outside before the sun sets so I can enjoy some of the day, but it really lightens my spirits.

This might sound gross to some of you, but I try not to drink ice cold drinks any time of the year. I learned years ago that it is important to drink more fluids that are at least room temperature to match with our body temperature. While I am not a stickler to this rule, I am so used to asking for beverages without ice now that it is like second nature to me.

At a TWM event about health and wellness earlier this year, one of the panelists spoke about the importance of eating seasonal produce. For example, there is no need to be eating mangoes in the dead of winter if they are not season in your area. It is working well for me, so I think it’s worth sharing this information with everyone.

How do you handle seasonal transitions?

Social Experiment

While getting ready for my trip to Europe, I started to realize just how much we rely on technology to get through the day. I don't just mean using the computer throughout the day or making phone calls here and there. For my friends and I, we are attached to the devices we use.

Even during our downtime, we are always on.

When the bus is running late in the morning, we take the chance to check our email on our phones -- computers on the go. We each have a daily ritual for updating our social networking pages so that others don't have to go very long without hearing from us in one way or another. Five minutes here? Update Twitter. Ten minutes there? Outline a blog post. Can't sleep? Clear out your inbox.

No matter what the problem, using the internet or computer is the solution.

In Europe, we won't have these distractions. We bought cheap phones we could use in case of emergency and to make the occasional homesick call home. We have to pay for internet and because it's by the hour (or sometimes by the minute), we need to know exactly what we're getting online to do.

It will be liberating, to be sure. But...

What will we do with all this free time we have? Will we find that we don't really need those early morning email checks? Or will we realize that these things are such a part of our routine, that it's almost impossible to let them go?

Only time will tell, I suppose! When it's all said and done, I will let you all know how our experiment of circumstance went and whether being disconnected meant we appreciated each other's company more... or made us realize just how much we can't stand each other.

Greek Adventures

I recently traveled to Greece with a friend from college. We spent a few days in Athens, on the mainland, and then took a ferry to the island of Santorini. Athens was a fascinating city, full of history and dynamic architecture that spans the centuries. On Santorini, the island and ocean landscape was beautiful, of course. The weather and the water was perfect for swimming and relaxing on the beach!

In addition to several fun new adventures -- such as climbing a volcano, swimming in warm sulphur springs, and riding a donkey up the island hillside -- the best part of the journey was getting to spend time with an old friend. I was amazed by the fact that we had hung out exactly once in the last seven or so years since graduation, yet we were able to pick up as if no time at all had passed between seeing one another.

We ate fabulous meals, overlooking the gorgeous scenery, and chatted about life, the universe, and everything. How could I ask for anything better? Yet, before we'd departed for Greece, my friend had to work hard to talk me into even going on this trip. "I'm busy; it's expensive," I argued. I tried to convince her that it'd be fine if she went alone, and I'm sure it would have been, but in the end, I'm really glad I took the trip with her. It's definitely a very different experience to travel with others!


These pictures, respectively, are of me in Athens overlooking the Acropolis and the modern cityscape, atop the active volcano at Santorini, and riding a tour boat in the sea in front of the island. It was a really fun week

Has anyone else been to Greece, or had other great travels lately?

Friday Forum: Creatures of Habit

Because New Year's isn't the only time to reflect and try to make changes, let's take a look at some things we all want to improve about ourselves.

What are some bad habits you're trying to break? Smoking, drinking, procrastinating?

And what are some good habits or routines you're trying to instill in yourself?

Let's offer each other support and hold each other accountable for the changes we want to see in ourselves.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

CHICKS ROCK! welcomes back our very first guest blogger, Kelly:

Kelly lives in Brooklyn with her boyfriend, baby Jack and their dog, Pearl. Between feeding Jack and walking the dog, she is working with members of her community to start a food co-op.


If you read my previous post, then you know I am a relatively new mom. My son is now 15 months old and toddling around our apartment and just about anywhere else we let him out of his stroller.

Making the transition from single career girl to pregnant working woman to (mostly) stay-at-home mom has been tough. I grew up with huge career ambitions and wanted nothing more than to be successful at any and every job I took. I wasn't going to be a mere housewife - watching the kids, cleaning the house, making dinner - as if! I was far too bright and shiny for that type of mundane lifestyle!

Little did I know that motherhood would be far and away the most challenging - and rewarding - job I have ever taken on.

I have found that my mommy group is the best support network. Our conversations jump from the latest politics, to what an awful poopy diaper we have on our hands (sometimes literally), to preservatives in food, to what we can do to help out another mommy having a rough time with her second pregnancy, to whether or not we will make it to yoga next Thursday. Our backgrounds are as diverse as our conversations: we have full-time working moms and part-time freelancers, moms who plan to breastfeed until their children stop naturally and others who have been using bottles and formula since day one.

Despite our differences, we have forged friendships and trust each other with the intimate details of our lives. Without these women, I'm sure I would have lost my mind as I tried to recreate a semblance of normalcy in my life after living with a newborn for several months. As we go forward, I expect to help and be helped by these marvelous women I call my mommy group. It may sound like a petty distinction, but they have become an invaluable part of my life. This only child finally has a sense of what it must be like to have sisters. Here's to you, ladies!

Women and Trust

It has been hard to escape recent news reports of women who have been attacked, kidnapped, and/or killed by someone they knew and may have trusted. Like most people, I often feel removed from these stories, because we take for granted that such dastardly crimes could ever happen to us or those in our immediate circle. While we shouldn’t live in fear and paranoia all the time, we should always be aware of our surroundings and the people around us.

I try to follow my instincts when walking and driving through dangerous and isolated places, and if possible I avoid these areas all together. It is bad enough when I hear about women being followed and attacked by strangers as they wait for buses, or walk into their homes, offices, and parking lots, but when I hear about anyone who is killed by those they know, I am always shocked and saddened. In my mind, stories like these all lead to something many of us gives away too freely, and that is trust. Women tend to give their trust to those who haven’t earned it, which I truly believe is a serious flaw with my gender.

Traditionally, women have been taught to give more than they get, to put others’ needs ahead of their own, and to mistrust their instincts, even if it means putting themselves in detrimental situations. When I hear about women who are attacked by people they know, I wonder if they were aware that something was wrong before the worst happened. Did they ignore their instincts because they convinced themselves they were over-reacting?

I have been guilty of giving my trust away too easily to people who didn’t do anything to deserve it, but thankfully the consequences I suffered were only minor. I have learned from my mistakes, and now I make sure not to trust anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable, even if others around me don’t feel the same way.

Do you agree that women tend to be too trusting?

Friends & Family

A while back, a group of friends started talking about how great it would be to road trip across the country in the next year. As our excitement grew, we realized that in order to make this happen, we would need to do actual planning. We started with the most obvious question: who was going on this trip? I don't remember what names were thrown around, but I do remember what somebody said: "this is just for friends, so don't bring your sisters."

It's not that I felt they were picking on me, or that I was insulted at the idea that they wouldn't want my sisters there... it's the way the sentence itself was structured. Apparently "just friends" means "no sisters," but why?

My sisters are my friends. They are not just people I talk to from time to time and see on holidays. We know our personalities better than anybody else and we know how to give each other support when nobody else can. We talk about family, friends, relationships, careers, sex, etc. I don't know about you, but that seems like the definition of a great friendship to me.

Perhaps I'm bothered by this because my sisters and I haven't always been friends. For the better part of our lives, we were not close at all. I might even go so far as to say that we didn't really like one another all that much. Sure, we enjoyed spending time together and we certainly loved each other. But we did not confide in each other, nor did we spend hours upon hours talking about everything and nothing at all. It wasn't until fairly recently that the three of us really started to develop a friendship to go along with our sisterhood.

So I don't know if my sisters will end up going on this trip (or if the trip is even happening), but I'm happy I realized that my sisters are my best friends. It took a while to get here, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

What a Girl Wants....Love Me

This summer I've been contributing to a series of blog conversations with other women writers on diversity in teen literature. The topic we wrote on last week had to do with socioeconomic diversity. I posted about this series once before, so I'm not going to belabor it, but any writers (or readers) interested in diversity would do well to pop in and take a gander at this dynamic discussion.

Last week's topic was inspired by a photo essay entitled LOVE ME by award-winning photojournalist Maisie Crow. I want to call your attention to that today. These images, and the story they tell, are disturbing and soulful and screaming pretty loud from their stillness. They are well worth the time it takes to flip through, if you can stand to have your heart broken.

I can't look at these pictures without feeling the weight of everything that's wrong in the world. The worst bit isn't the poverty, either. It's the air of despair, of defeat, hanging over it all. I don't know if what's missing for this girl is education, or access, or self-esteem, or simply the chance to look in a mirror and see something other than closed doors all around. I wish I could hand her something better than hopelessness.

I count myself lucky to be far removed from the sorts of experiences that are playing out in the life of this girl, Autumn. I spend a lot of time in an intellectual and creative space, secure in the love of my family, my strength and independence, and all the possibilities of the future. It aches my heart that this can't be true of every young woman. Everyone has problems, yeah, but somehow images like this put a lot into perspective for me. It makes me want to reach out. It makes me want to try harder to change the world in the miniscule ways I might be able to. It makes me want to write more and live better and dream harder, on behalf of those who don't have the freedom to.

What do you feel, after seeing Autumn's story?

[Above photo copyright Maisie Crow]

Friday Forum: Comfort Zone

Last week, we asked you how you celebrate accomplishments or milestones in your life.

This week, we want to know what you do to comfort yourself when things get rough. Are there certain people, places, or activities you gravitate towards during hard times? What is it that makes those important to you?

Link Love for 9/24

Let's round out the last Thursday this month with more link love! Be sure to leave links in the comments.

In Good Company wants you to consider, who would be on your board if you had one?

One Writeous Chick is thinking about healing through our creativity, telling everyone to be a bruise.

Savvy Ladies lets us know about some big money-wasters we all have creeping in our finances.

Small Strokes takes a look at seeing blogging as a social act vs. social good; a great read for writers and activists alike.

What do you have to share? What have you all been reading and writing?

Rediscovering My Personal Vision

After waiting for almost an hour for my bus on a Saturday morning in Manhattan, I finally made it to my first TWM Visioning Workshop. The moment I sat down, I immediately felt at ease; the chaos I just went through earlier lost its significance. After Kristina greeted us and shared her personal experiences, we began working on our collages by clearing our minds through meditation. It is hard for me to clear my thoughts and relax, but I felt the anxiety and stress of the day slowly melt away.

I haven’t even attempted to do something like a collage since my days as an eighth grader in a rundown, overpriced Catholic school. I was eager to reconnect with the pre-teen in me who loved using my glue, scissors, and pencils to create something. None of us spoke when we were working on the different steps to create our collages, which we later wrote about it in our journals. Each of us remained focused and worked quietly to create visual expressions of ourselves, our dreams, and hopes for the future.

While I used a combination of images and words in my collage, others relied on one or the other to reveal themselves in a variety of ways, like Kekla who only used pictures to create her collage. My final product may not be the most visually stunning of the bunch, but it accurately reflects my past and current inspirations, my confusion about life, and my optimism about the future. When I shared my collage with the group, I realized that it turned out exactly right.

Without the meditation, breathing, and journal writing, the collage would have just been a half-hearted art project. With all of these elements together, it made for a meaningful experience that I hope to repeat in the future. Many of the participants I met have attended past TWM Visioning Workshops, and now I know why.

Couplings

In the years that my guy and I have been together, we've started to notice an annoying trend: being treated as one unit. I suppose this is one of those things that a lot of people like -- being a "we" instead of a "me" and that whole "you complete me" thing. But I'm not that way. At all. And, thankfully, my guy isn't that way either.

So for us, it's irritating when people assume we do everything together or need approval from each other or don't have an identity separate from one another.

This is particularly the case for people who have known us primarily since we've been together. People probably met us as a couple or got to know us while we were hanging out together rather than separately. I guess that, for them, it's hard to single one person out from the other if most of their interactions are with us together. I find this to be a bit lazy as far as social interactions go, but I suppose I can at least understand it.

What's even more annoying is when it comes from people who should know better. These are the people who knew us before we were in a relationship. They were able to interact with us as individuals long before there was somebody else to get to know. Yet they expect us to agree on everything and express shock and dismay when we make plans independently of one another.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that we never do anything together or that we don't confide in each other. But we don't seem to meet people's expectations about being in a long-term relationship.

I'm not sure where this stems from in our society. Is the expectation really that two individuals will suddenly meld to become one person if they are in a relationship? Am I missing something?

The Little Leaps

I stumbled upon a magazine feature in which celebrities responded to questions about faith. They each offered sound bites about a spiritual experience, or moment when faith came alive for them. I was intrigued by this conversation, as it’s something that’s often on my mind. I hear many practitioners of religion say that faith is about trusting in something that cannot be seen or proven. Yet, somehow that unproveable, intangible thing must be felt, right? Otherwise, how do we, as people, keep throwing ourselves toward beliefs that can’t be proven, and what is it that makes us feel that we’re believing in the right direction?

This quote from Faith Adiele, author of Meeting Faith: The Forest Journals of a Black Buddhist Nun, struck a chord with me. “Every time I act without knowing the outcome, with the risk of failure looming before me, I try to see that as a spiritual moment. Every time I transcend my limitations or touch something larger than myself: one step closer.”

I never articulated it this way, but lately I’m making such acts all the time. Leaving a steady job to pursue writing, sticking with it despite the bleak economy, writing what I care about over what will earn the most. I recently commented to a friend that I feel validated in this pursuit when the world answers me in small ways, whether it be a good review, or a letter from a reader, or an invitation to speak. Sometimes I need those small tokens of approval to know I’m on the right track. But my friend seemed distressed by this, saying that I shouldn’t need to be validated by the outside world, as long as I know in my heart that I’m doing what I love. Conceptually, that sounded right to me, and I worried about it. Do I not have enough faith in myself?

In reality, though, every time I take one of these little leaps I am putting faith in myself, but also in God or the universe or the world around me, to catch me before I fall.

Friday Forum: Celebrate Good Times

As you all know, CHICKS ROCK! had its first blogiversary this week. This has got us thinking a bit about celebrations.

How do you celebrate milestones? Whether it's a birthday, holiday, and anniversary, or accomplishing a goal -- what is your favorite way to celebrate?