Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thoughts On Forgiveness

Forgiveness is difficult for most of us; for some it is almost impossible. I am will to forgive anyone who has wronged me if they are sincere. But what do you do when you find yourself forgiving someone many times for the same thing? When does forgiveness end and detachment begin?

When I was recently asked to accept an apology I have heard many times over the years, I was surprised at how calm I was. I was relieved for other person, because he was obviously wracked with guilt and remorse for what he had done. As for myself, I was just glad the whole ordeal was over, but there were no other stronger feelings (negative or positive) that were aroused in me. The only way I can explain how I felt was that I accepted the other person for who he is. He also told me that he will never change, which deepened my acceptance of the situation.

Forgiving and forgetting are two things that should be done together, but I am wary of the latter. I can certainly forgive, but forgetting is an entirely different issue. If the wrong done to me was one-time incident, then I can do both. But I think that both become irrelevant if the transgressor is a repeat offender who continues to do the same thing over and over again; I never want to think of myself as a gullible fool who is constantly taken advantage of by those who think that kindness and forgiveness are acts of weakness. I also find that I cannot forget someone else's transgressions towards me completely, because the lessons learned from the experience would be lost as well.

The trick is to never sink to the other person's level, especially if they play dirty. I would never treat anyone the way I was treated, which makes me feel especially good. I feel like I am breaking the cycle of negativity so I can move on to more positive things in my life.

Can you forgive and forget completely? Why or why not?

1 comment:

Liggy said...

Very thoughts are sometimes people wrong us without realizing that they have. We can be the more mature and better person by not fighting back but by allowing time to show the other person that what they have done. It all depends on the situation, too, because some situations cannot easily be ignored, especially where there is physical harm. Things like that should not be ignored.

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